Chapter 31: "The Intern, the Drone, and the Smoked Parsley"
In which Mara's parents discover the battlefield formerly known as their backyard, and I get demoted to intern.
Mara wasn't the kind of girl who bought into mystery mentors, glowing amulets, or vague explanations like:
"It might glow when danger is nearby... or not."
But here she was, in her room, sitting cross-legged on her beanbag chair, studying a user manual that looked like it had been photocopied from Ghostbusters Monthly and annotated by an ancient cultivator with insomnia.
The manual, much like her life lately, made absolutely no sense.
Page 9: If the pendant produces a strong pulse, don't panic. It has probably detected abnormal spiritual energy. Probably.
That wasn't comforting.
Still, Mara had read the whole thing.
Twice.
Highlighted sections.
Taken notes.
Even folded page corners, which she never did unless something was serious.
She still half-expected to find a prank from Evan in the back like:
HA! YOU'VE BEEN MERCER'D!
written in invisible ink.
But no such luck.
Everything in the book tracked with what they'd seen—
Evan growing stronger.
Toby actually developing muscles.
And herself...
well, not hating early-morning workouts for once.
Something was definitely changing.
The only logical conclusion?
"We're in a Power Rangers situation," she muttered, adjusting her black nail polish. "Which means transformations are due any day now."
The necklace Evan had given her was currently hanging from a lamp, catching the soft light of her room.
It looked simple.
A thin silver chain.
A dark pendant that shimmered faintly with silver-blue light.
The kind of thing you'd find at a spooky Etsy shop...
except this one had been made by Evan's mysterious cultivator mentor and probably contained enough formations to make an engineer cry.
She reached over, holding it gently between her fingers.
Mara wasn't sentimental.
But this was the first real gift Evan had given her without sarcasm, banter, or some ridiculous excuse attached.
Just:
"Here. I wanted you to have this."
Cue emotional flutter she would never admit out loud.
And that's when it pulsed.
Just once.
A soft rhythmic—
THUMP.
Like a heartbeat.
Mara's eyes widened.
"Nope."
Another pulse.
"Nope nope nope—"
She yanked the necklace away like it had just started whispering ancient curses and came this close to throwing it across the room.
Then she stopped.
Because despite the cold spike of fear in her chest, another feeling followed immediately.
Trust.
Evan had given this to her.
Evan, who used to trip over his own feet and now somehow walked into supernatural disasters on purpose.
Evan, who had stood beside her when things got dangerous.
Evan, who had looked completely serious when he handed her this necklace.
"It should react if something dangerous and supernatural gets close."
So maybe the pulse meant something.
Maybe it had actually detected something.
Or maybe the suspiciously green avocado toast she'd eaten for lunch was finally getting revenge.
Either way...
Mara slowly slipped the necklace back around her neck.
Outside her window, the sky had darkened.
A low wind stirred the trees.
Mara walked toward the glass, one hand subconsciously resting over the pulsing pendant.
Whatever was coming...
she wasn't afraid.
Well.
Maybe a little.
But if this really was the Power Rangers plotline?
She was absolutely calling dibs on the Black Ranger aesthetic.
Okay, first things first.
When your girlfriend calls you late at night and says:
"Hey, my necklace just pulsed and I almost threw it out the window,"
there are only two acceptable responses.
One:
"Wow, that's creepy. Wanna talk about it over pizza?"
Two:
"Hold on. I'm coming."
Naturally, I picked option two.
Because I'm a responsible boyfriend.
And because I've watched way too many horror movies where somebody says:
"I'm sure it's nothing."
Then—
BAM.
Demonic possession.
Haunted dishwasher.
Spirit that only attacks people who ignore jewelry-based warnings.
So yeah.
Not taking chances.
The second I grabbed my phone, Asterion's voice came through my head.
"Take the armor your parents gave you."
I stopped.
"Also bring two rifles."
I stared toward the basement.
"One for Mara. Give Toby the prototype drone."
"Wait."
I grabbed my jacket.
"Why?"
"It's time they began learning to operate proper equipment."
That sounded ominous.
"Time for what?"
Asterion paused.
"For the three of you to stop approaching supernatural incidents like enthusiastic amateurs."
Rude.
Fair.
I didn't argue.
I suited up.
And let me tell you—
the Mercer armor was ridiculously cool.
White plating.
Green trim.
HUD inside the helmet.
Enough straps, locks, and reinforced pieces to make Batman nod approvingly.
It still couldn't fly.
A tragedy I continued to mourn daily.
But I could run.
Jump.
Take hits.
Use actual supernatural weapons.
And most importantly...
my shoulders looked fantastic.
I slung two Ghost Rifles across my back.
Non-lethal settings only.
Because Mara did not need access to Mom's "remove hostile spirit from local reality" mode on her first night.
Then I headed for Toby's house.
First stop.
I didn't even use the front door.
I rolled up, knocked on his bedroom window, and waited.
Toby pulled the curtain aside.
Blink.
Blink.
He stared at me in full armor.
"Bro."
A pause.
"Are we finally LARPing?"
"No."
I held up the drone controller.
"This is real."
His face lit up.
"...Even better."
I handed him the sleek tablet.
Two joysticks.
Several control buttons.
And one very large red button labeled:
DO NOT PRESS.
Toby immediately pressed it.
A mechanical voice said:
WEAPON SYSTEM SAFETY LOCK ENGAGED.
I stared at him.
He stared at me.
"What?"
"You lasted three seconds."
"It was red!"
"You'll figure it out."
Toby clutched the controller to his chest.
"I was born for this."
We headed to Mara's house.
When we arrived, she was already waiting on the front porch.
Black jeans.
Purple top.
Heavy boots.
Full goth battle mode.
And the pendant around her neck was glowing like a supernatural traffic light.
She crossed her arms.
"Took you long enough."
"You called."
I removed one rifle.
"I came."
Then handed it over.
"With weapons."
Mara took it.
Looked it over.
Then checked the controls with suspicious ease.
Yeah.
She'd definitely been waiting for this moment her entire life.
"Alright."
She looked toward the side of the house.
"Let's find out what made my necklace pulse like a haunted Fitbit."
We didn't know what we were walking into.
But something about that moment felt different.
Me in armor.
Mara holding a rifle.
Toby standing beside a prototype combat drone that I already deeply regretted giving him.
Three weird teenagers who had spent weeks stumbling through increasingly bizarre supernatural problems.
Maybe this was the point where we stopped just reacting.
And actually became a team.
No name yet.
Toby would absolutely suggest something terrible.
We'd deal with that later.
Right then?
Under the moonlight, with Mara's pendant glowing and the drone hovering beside Toby...
I felt like we were exactly where we were supposed to be.
So.
Funny story.
You know how ghosts are usually all creepy moaning, floating through walls, and possibly attempting to consume your immortal soul?
Yeah.
That's what I expected when Mara's necklace started glowing like it had a tiny rave inside it.
What I did not expect...
was angry garden gnomes.
And I mean angry.
Like:
We have suffered beneath humanity's boot for too long. Tonight, we rise.
angry.
We entered Mara's backyard.
Everything looked normal.
For approximately four seconds.
Then the ground shook.
Very slightly.
Like a stampede.
A stampede consisting of extremely tiny boots.
"Please don't let it be possessed squirrels," I muttered.
Spoiler alert:
It was worse.
Dozens—
no.
Hundreds—
of garden gnomes surged from the bushes like a plastic tsunami.
They weren't cute.
They weren't funny.
They had tiny pitchforks.
Shovels.
Garden tools.
And one of them was dual-wielding steak knives.
They screamed in tiny voices that sounded like chipmunks possessed by demonic rage.
Mara stared.
"Okay."
She raised the rifle.
"What is this?"
"Possessed garden gnomes?"
"I KNEW IT!" Toby yelled.
He launched the drone.
"I'VE BEEN WARNING PEOPLE FOR YEARS!"
I looked at him.
"You have never once warned us about gnomes."
"THE SIGNS WERE THERE!"
Apparently, after several seconds of shouting between Mara and the tiny supernatural army, we discovered the problem.
Mara's father had apparently been using several of the old garden gnomes for BB-gun target practice.
Mara shrugged.
"They were sitting in the shed."
She looked genuinely confused.
"What was he supposed to do? Not shoot them?"
The gnomes screamed louder.
Apparently they had opinions.
One launched itself at my knee.
CLANG.
Its tiny shovel bounced off the armor.
I stared down.
The gnome stared up.
"Did you just try to kneecap me?"
It screamed.
"Rude."
I kicked it into a bush.
Mara opened fire.
PEW!
A green-white blast sailed directly over the gnome army.
Hit the fence.
The fence smoked.
Mara froze.
"...I meant to do that."
"No, you didn't."
"Shut up."
Another group charged.
Mara fired again.
This time she hit one.
It exploded into ectoplasmic smoke and plastic fragments.
Her eyes widened.
"Oh."
Then she smiled.
"Oh, I like this."
And suddenly Mara was blasting from the porch like she had been waiting for an excuse to star in an eighties action movie.
Her aim?
Improving.
Rapidly.
The fence?
Less fortunate.
Meanwhile Toby had completely lost his mind.
He pointed toward the drone.
"I name you..."
I immediately felt dread.
"MECHA FLOOF!"
"No."
"Too late!"
Mecha Floof dove.
Its weapons remained on low-output supernatural suppression mode, which did absolutely nothing to reduce Toby's enthusiasm.
The drone spun between gnome squads, firing controlled pulses and knocking possessed lawn ornaments into the bushes.
"DIE, LAWN DEMONS!"
"Toby!"
"TACTICAL RETREAT, LAWN DEMONS!"
Better.
Slightly.
I fought my way toward the garden hose and ripped it free.
Crowd-control time.
The first blast of water hit a group of gnomes.
They shrieked.
Spiritual energy around them flickered.
Interesting.
"Water works!"
Mara ducked behind the porch railing to reload.
"Why?"
"No idea!"
I swept the hose across another group.
"ASK THEM!"
The gnomes responded with tiny obscenities.
"THEY'RE NOT INTERESTED!"
Mara fired.
Toby yelled something about starting a "Gnome Defeat Counter."
I was hosing supernatural lawn ornaments like the world's least dignified firefighter.
And somehow?
We were winning.
After about fifteen minutes of chaos—
drones.
Wild shots.
Water.
Plastic shrapnel.
Tiny screams.
And one incident involving a rake that I refuse to discuss—
it ended.
Silence fell.
Mara's backyard looked like a war zone.
The birdbath was smoking.
Half the lawn was churned into mud.
One possessed gnome had exploded directly into her mother's herb garden.
Mara looked around.
Breathing hard.
"So."
She lowered the rifle.
"This is our life now?"
"Yep."
I held a broken rake like a battle trophy.
"And this was supposed to be a quiet Saturday."
I really wish I had prepared a cool action pose for the moment Mara's parents stepped into the yard.
Instead?
I was standing knee-deep in shattered gnome pieces.
My armor had half a plastic hat wedged into one shoulder plate.
I had a rifle in one hand.
And a melted garden gnome in the other.
Basically:
the world's most confused knight of the Round Patio Table.
Mecha Floof was still circling overhead, covered in ectoplasmic residue and making a noise suspiciously similar to a chainsaw with allergies.
Mara had it worse.
She was standing beside the crater formerly known as her mother's herb garden.
Rifle still raised.
Hair messy.
Pendant glowing innocently against her chest.
Then came the gasp.
"MARA!"
Mara froze.
"Oh no."
She looked at me.
"That tone."
Her father appeared behind her mother.
Both parents stared at the yard.
Then at Mara.
Then Toby.
Then me.
Then the smoking remains of what had once been a tasteful marble birdbath.
Her mother spoke very slowly.
"What."
Pause.
"Happened."
Mara cleared her throat.
"Ghosts."
Silence.
"Gnome ones."
Longer silence.
"A lot of them."
Her father's eyes moved toward the shattered plastic army.
"Garden gnomes."
"Possessed garden gnomes."
I raised one finger helpfully.
"They were very aggressive."
Mara's mother looked at the rifle.
Then at Mara.
Then at me.
"They tried to attack the house," I added.
Toby raised his tablet.
"I have drone footage."
Nobody reacted.
"...High-definition drone footage."
Still nothing.
And then Mara's parents did something I genuinely hadn't expected.
They panicked.
Not about the landscaping.
About her.
"Sweetheart, what if you'd been hurt?!" her mother demanded, rushing toward her. "What were you thinking, going outside when something supernatural was happening?"
Mara blinked.
"I had a warning."
She pointed at the necklace.
"And a rifle."
"That is not better!"
Her father gestured wildly toward the destroyed yard.
"You should have told us!"
"What exactly were you going to do?"
"Call professionals!"
He pointed toward me.
"Like Evan's parents!"
I smiled.
Finally.
Recognition.
Respect.
Then Mara's mother looked directly at me.
"Not..."
She gestured vaguely toward my armored body.
"...the intern."
My smile disappeared.
"The what now?"
"The intern."
She said it with the confidence of someone identifying my official job title.
Mara covered her mouth.
Toby didn't even try.
He immediately saluted.
"Intern Mercer reporting for supernatural duty, ma'am!"
"Toby."
He pretended to hold a notepad.
"Would anyone like coffee? Tea? Emergency ectoplasmic containment?"
I stared at him.
"I will destroy your drone."
He immediately hugged the controller.
"You wouldn't."
"Try me."
Mara's shoulders were shaking now.
Traitor.
She eventually managed to compose herself.
"Mom, Dad."
She held up the pendant.
"Evan gave me this. It warned us something was here."
Her mother looked at it suspiciously.
"And Toby's drone took out half of them."
Toby proudly pointed upward.
"Mecha Floof."
Her father blinked.
"You named it what?"
"Not important," Mara said quickly.
Then she looked at me.
"And Evan brought the equipment."
Her parents turned toward me again.
Still deeply unconvinced.
Her mother pointed at the pendant.
"He gave you supernatural jewelry?"
"It's a protection amulet."
"It pulsed."
"That's what it's supposed to do."
"It glows."
"Also intentional."
"This sounds dangerous."
"It has a barrier!"
I threw up my hands.
"It's probably one of the safest things in this backyard right now!"
We all looked around.
At the crater.
The smoking birdbath.
The broken fence.
Fair point.
Eventually, after Toby showed them portions of the footage and Mara explained what had happened, her parents calmed down.
Somewhat.
They were still extremely unhappy about the destruction.
But they were considerably less unhappy about their daughter not being stabbed by an army of possessed lawn decorations.
Her father sighed.
"Next time, please let the adults deal with supernatural infestations."
"Right," I muttered.
"Because the adults were doing such a great job detecting cursed lawn ornaments."
Mara elbowed me.
"Interns don't talk back."
I stared at her.
"You too?"
She smirked.
As we walked away from the backyard, boots covered in mud and plastic glitter, I leaned toward her.
"So I'm officially an intern now?"
"Unpaid intern."
"That's worse."
"No parking pass either."
"Do I get benefits?"
"Free smoothies."
I considered it.
"...Fair enough."