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Chapter 888 - Incline 25: Earth Shaman Alxxcron

"Royal Soldier, come." I call out to my best warrior, lingering on the path as the rest of the hive remnant prepares themselves. He joins me at my side, and we get going. My robe of crushed helms and staff rattle and thud, metal so eager to break. Little about them affecting the tunnel that is otherwise drowning in the sound of the hive. My remnant hive.

A frown settles across my face, shifting carapace and moving exposed muscle. The sounds of the hive are not what they once worse. They won't be for a while, possibly never again. Strange as it might be for any mortal to hear me say... I am uncertain of my purpose.

I can only keep on moving, keep the future in mind and work with what I can. However, what will I do? An earth shaman without a hive is not something I've ever learned of. Our queen is gone, and I never minded much to ask such a question. Yet, there was also no need to ever ask. My job was to keep the hive safe. There was never a need to consider losing the hive.

Strange. How strange. The human memories I inherited upon my birth have meaning, they finally have meaning where they didn't have any before. It's just how life is, as the saying goes. It's just life.

"Strange phrase. Annoying phrase..." I chitter, minding the cave as I send out a pulse of faint power. Nothing, no one, the tunnels are still empty both ways. I don't need to send out a pulse, but I can't stop this feeling. This constant paranoia.

I never used to think like this, it never occurred before. Not even when the hive lost its place in this world before. Only now. Only after the Pestilence walked the earth and erased our hive again. Every day, every night from that point and I'm doubting the very purpose of which I exist...

Humility? Have I learned humility? No. No. I could never learn that, I'm not a man. I'm osibindah. I can only learn and take so much from my stolen mortal life.

Fear, fear is what I can learn from the world. The fear of losing my hive. Losing my purpose. Yet, never of losing my life. My life for the hive has always been a part of me. A part I gladly accept and long for if it comes along. Instinct will preserve me, but I am here for the hive alone. Not myself.

I come to a stop, not signalling for the royal soldier to stop or mind me at all. He keeps on going, his prior orders dictating everything to him. I'm not like him, nothing like him in the confines of my skull. I am alone.

"Without my hive, what am I? I need a hive. I exist solely for my hive. And there may be no chance for them to exist without me." I repeat for what must be the thousandth time as I tap my staff again. Another wave of magic crosses the tunnel, checking everything. Any dangers, any risks, anything.

Nothing.

I linger in my thoughts, chittering away out of conscious habit than actual behaviour. I turn towards one side of the tunnel and then the other side. One will keep us out of any danger and let us fade away into nothing in the shadows of the world. I will fail my duty, not keep to my responsibilities at all. 

Or I can reach the hole, reach the source of salvation. There's risk to it all, the chance I will fail in action. But, that is it, that is all there is to it all. Salvation at a chance. Everything else is just nothing, nothing at all. The chance is all I need to go for and accomplish.

"Keep going. Keep going to my instincts- Revenge." I go, interrupting myself as it comes up again. That sensation, that feeling. That presence.

Even without the hive, I have purpose. He is there, the one who got away, the one who did not turn properly. My great failure, the royal soldier that never was-

"HALT!" I roar, halting the last of the hive's greatest warriors. He stays as still as the mountain rock, waiting with but twitches and chitters. I arrive and stand by him, gesturing for true silence across the hive remnant in its entirety. The last of the echoes go away, and all I can hear is a rare drop of water from the growing stalagmites. 

This is what it will be for me, come my failure. No hive, not even their signals in my brain. It's strange to acknowledge the loss of what I have now. Once upon a time, losing parts of the hive was but need as the time came and went. Now, to lose even a drone is an irreplaceable horror.

Horror... An osibindah considering the world something filled with horror. For the mortals on the surface and the underground, we are the horror. And now, we are the ones facing the horror.

A strange irony, if that is even how the word is used... So many concepts I'm not used to meaning something now. I'm lost. I doubt myself.

"I'm uncertain of my hive's place in this world... Even in the shadows..." I let out, chittering quietly as I force my way out of my thoughts. I rescind my prior order, bringing sound back to the tunnels. With it, so very oddly, comes comfort. A reminder that there is something to fight for, to continue listening to my instincts for. Strange, so very strange.

I hope... I hope for my hive's survival.

"Our hope lies within the mountain... As does my revenge. Either I find the hive's salvation, or I find only something for myself." I say, feeling nothing but disgust for myself at the concept.

Now, we must go for it. Our hive's future might come, but that is the chance I must take. A chance to live is better than no chance at all. Yes... Yes.

"Royal Soldier, come." I order, gesturing for him to follow.

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