I shift out of my coach's seat, pulling aside a curtain to get a better view. We're entering yet another town along the main road to the capital. We've got soldiers already there waiting for us, what can be reliably and safely spared ready to go. And among the crowds, both worried and cheering.
You can see the men and boys slip out, sneaking into the army without even a weapon on hand.
The spirit is appreciated, very much so and while typical circumstances might make them troublesome... We need all we can gather. I can trust my officers to keep the weakest among us in final reserve. Second-to-last, so there are sturdier hearted men right behind them to trap them into their duties. Newfound or old as proper oaths and ceremony.
We will need them all, and I know what to do with them when the time comes. I will not be able to lead them to much extent, I will be needed on the front lines. Kill as many osibindah as possible, wound many more. All to make my way towards that vile monster... The earth shaman, as Nin calls it.
I rise to my feet, opening the coach's rear-end, and heading up to the next floor. Picking up a wine glass and then a bottle, I fill it out. The curtains and glass only do so much to hide my worries, worries I was not able to leave behind. Worries that grew and grew with each jump of the coach's wheels and the stomp of hooves at the head.
They're with me now, and I must smother them before I show myself fully again. I need to be seen just enough so the kingdom knows I am fighting for them. But hidden enough to make sure they cannot see me tremor. The men at least have the choice of beating it out into the roads with every motion of the growing march.
I don't have that luxury, ironic as it is to even consider as I laze about on a coach while they march. Especially when I am the one full of magic and they're the ones constantly subjected to having theirs drained. Never to get it back apart from brief moments of healing by our noble doctors. The few men gifted to even keep their magic by my arbitrary decree.
It's not enough, though. They're not spellcasters, not at all. Even I'm not much of one and I'm the single most powerful woman in this kingdom. Formerly the most powerful person were it not for Nin coming my way... Daddy and his witches above if they ever come to my aid and when they visit in more peaceable times.
It's only me and them, though. Me and the soldiers I left the capital with, those we are gathering now. There are more soldiers here than ever before, and yet, oddly, it still feels like it isn't enough. I barely know a thing about osibindah, and their behaviour has already caused more terror than anything else I know of. The reports of villages burning yet no bodies, the tales of not a single slain yet...
Even the reports I'm still getting by our efforts to contain them aren't managing well. They're contained more so by their own limitations than our victories. Skirmishes are not in our favour and I can only be sure of so much. Maybe formations of troops will do better. Or, maybe I alone will be the deciding factor? I can only hope that is not the case.
Gods and goddesses above, I hope it is not the case, I do not know how I would handle an army on my own. I might have one-hundred and fifty blades at my disposal when I'm showing off. But that's just it, it's showing off! I never use that many blades in anything at all and...
Armoured fingers pinch my nose, and I squeeze tight, to the point of pain. I keep it up even as it continues to get worst. Only the latest bump in the road knocks me out of the process. And my hand almost slaps onto the top of my wineglass. Dragging only a deadly ting from the thin crystal.
A sigh parts my lips and I step before a window more clearly, drawing the curtain further. Forcing some calm into me will do me some good for the moment. Letting my people see me will at least make me put on a façade. A mask that is almost choking in its oppressive help.
Helpful, at the very least, it's helpful. I feel better already. A little bit. Marginally.
"Oh, I'm not lying and convincing anyone about it." I sigh, taking another sip of perhaps the worst thing to be drinking at this moment. No, too much and it will be bad. A drink or two for the moment will keep my nerves dull, and be out of me by the time the battle comes. It's not like we can afford anything other than a morning battle.
Perhaps I should send someone who can be trusted to manually affect the mountain's lighting...? No, we have a safe area to set up camp in. We have the depth of soldiers to keep my rest about. Horrible as it is to think and consider. Sacrificing my own people for the sake of saving the kingdom. But, at the same time...
That's the point of soldiers, to make the most of the few, train and arm them and give their lives for the sake of the majority.
It's not quite the case in my kingdom, but I know enough of the surface and its wars to know how it works. The Valkinvar have had claims over my family's land throughout the ages because of it. It's part of why Daddy is so powerful yet so worn out at times. Balancing himself and our family's future against two different empires and their competing interests and claims.
Perhaps that is why he cannot be here for me? For this moment in time, I am that acceptable few that can be lost. The family comes first, and the family is beyond me. After all, with how much effort he put into stress-testing this mountain, he could be setting it aside. I can only assume when the mountain is built to lock me in, in the event of catastrophe. The idea of it needing to be escaped is a hindsighted curse.
An animal is most vicious when it is cornered... And its predators are most delighted when that happens. Yet, with the cruel delight of sadism comes the cockiness and short-sightedness of arrogance. A perfect chance to strike. Some animals actually developed around the idea, and I've had them brought here for royal hunts and other affairs.
A king is at their best with perspectives, and perspectives can be found in all walks of life. It's not just other artists that can inspire me, not just the farmers and others. Even a simple animal can let you in on secrets you might miss otherwise. And I suppose these osibindah have much to teach, themselves.
I doubt I'm going to be hearing perspectives on art, but I can see other things come of it. Might as a curious thought at the back of my mind might want it, I will not keep them to learn about them. They will be gutted and stuffed. Reworked into ceremonial armour if they can be polished and preserved well enough.
Nin's venomous words were specific about what osibindah are. Monsters. Monsters have no place in fields or in streets. They belong only in past memories, trauma for the wounded and nightmares for the children.
I will see them wiped out, so that no more towns or villages will burn. I will see myself coming back through this street, battered and worn if I must be... I will come back through to cheers and go to my bed for rest. A long, long and plentiful rest.
However long it might be, I will have it and then I will wait for Daddy. The Crack in the Sky will be patched up, and any adjustments we need will be made. After that, I don't know. Nin will be gone by that point, and not much else will be happening outside of the norm.
"I... Don't want the norm to come back, though." I sigh, breathing in the fresh air of what having someone like Nin around brings. He's only been here for a few weeks, but, seeing him so many times makes it seem like he's been here longer. All those booms and all those messes he's made won't be missed...
But having someone to open up to about my art, however out of place it is. It's comforting. Very much so. Though, I have to wonder why it feels so comfortable to talk to him about the subject. It's not even his strange familiarity with the subject. A confidence I can't quite describe, that confidence only the experienced have.
I suppose I will have to ask him when the problems are gone away with. Spend a night and dinner with him with the art in the background. My work in contrast to everything I've made in the past, everything everyone else made in the past. Maybe he'll see and understand my points then or maybe we will get lost talking about who knows how many nuances.
It will be a good night, I know that much about it while knowing absolutely nothing!
A smile comes to my lips, "I guess there's something to look forward to regardless of how well we win."
I double-check my words, shaking my head with a frown. The smile comes back, and I set my worries aside, leaving them a few turns of the wheel behind me. My focus goes out to the streets, which are all the more active. I guess my people can see me smile and while they don't understand why, they understand enough.
"When I come back through this street, everyone will be smiling. I want all of you to be smiling." I say, finishing off my drink and setting the glass down. Heading back down a level, I carry on through the coach's borderline apartment-sized room and join the driver. He's surprised to see me, but he doesn't let it show. Much.
I join him as well as I can in the nearest seat, my armour not exactly designed for a chair like this. Most of my cloth and more is going over him like a blanket, even. It doesn't stop him from doing his job, however. A standard I expect of all of the men gathered here today. Knights, conscripts, men-at-arms, squires, doctors and so much more.
Everyone here will pull the weight they can and then as much as is required of them afterwards. The reports might be speaking of the bugs taking prisoners for the moment. But I doubt that will remain the case as proper battle comes to the forefront. Not unless they overpower us to such a degree that they can safely do it without any concern whatsoever?
I can only wish that they won't be able to accomplish that at all... While a good night of prayer might be good for me, I will not be praying to any real god or goddess. I'll pray with my people, to their fake god. The Lord, as I've had them take to, Daddy in reality... Daddy and all of his workers.
I will pray with my people, be there for them in a service that will define our lives from this point onwards.
"How far do you think we will make it before moonrise?" I ask my driver, hoping he has a better idea as to how long our journey will take.
"Tis difficult to say. We always ride forth with a valiant complement, Your Majesty, but nothing quite this grandiose. A pair of towns would be my fairest guess with how many more we are taking on," he explains, getting a silent nod from me as I take in the details.
"That will do just fine." I tell him, though, anything that leads to us being closer to the battle is good. The core of my chest might not agree, it doesn't agree at all. But it's the right thing to do. Keep on marching, all the way to the kingdom-saving battle.