The Raikage finished signing a document and let out an aggrieved sigh, wistfully thinking of Darui. If only his right-hand man weren't killed. He usually thre-, uh, delegated these boring, mundane duties to him as 'training'. But since the Stoner had killed him, A was thrust into the world of bureaucratic suffering. Every. Single. Day!
A let out a groan to lower the building pressure of anger steadily rising inside of him with each pen stroke on paper. At least, he still had Mabui. He didn't know what he would have done without the woman. Somehow, she knew him better than he did himself. She knew exactly when his temper was becoming unmanageable.
A small hint of a smile appeared on A's face. She knew exactly when he needed her to come in, strip, and bend over a table so he could work out some of his aggression through sex. Sage, bless that woman. She was a treasure.
Not to mention all the paperwork that was usually mostly finished every time he was done with taking her from behind. The woman was his secretary for a reason.
Unfortunately, he couldn't make her his right-hand woman because, well, she was a woman. She was good for paperwork and sex. But a right-hand man needed to do more. Darui was perfect for that. Even his father realized it and took him as his apprentice. The boy was supposed to succeed him as the Fifth Raikage eventually.
A small sneer appeared on A's face. It was a massive blow to his ego when the medics told him he was infertile. As the only child of his father, that meant the family line ended with him. It was one of his biggest regrets. Thankfully, his father fathered many illegitimate children.
Such as his brother, Killer Bee. All possible Hachibi hosts were his father's illegitimate children. It had to be that way. But Bee? He was special even among them. He took after the man the most. He had his father's best traits, while his worst traits were swapped for being an annoying little, rap-obsessed shit. And somehow, that was still the better outcome, no matter how irritating it could be.
Most of the Third Raikage's children didn't take very much after him. Like that girl, Samui or her brother. They both took more after their mother.
Their mother was his father's spoils of war. She was a kunoichi from Suna that they had captured during the Second War. His father thoroughly used her and then, after Samui was born, she was thrown into one of the more obscure programs aimed at making emotionless super assassins for Kumo out of children.
Of course, her mother protested and begged, but his father always said that the opinion of a slave is irrelevant before he back-handed her into a sobbing, shackled mess.
Samui's brother evaded a similar fate because he was too young when the Third Raikage died in the Third War, and A, as the new Fourth Raikage, didn't have the heart to throw his orphaned half-brother to the wolves.
For that, Samui was loyal to him as her love for her kid brother and her loyalty to her village were the only emotions not beaten or abused out of her in said program.
She would have been the perfect wife for Darui, too. She was obedient. She was good-looking. She was enjoyable to fuck. And she had the blood of the Third Raikage in her veins. Something that Darui distinctly lacked. With her, the Sixth Raikage would once again be somebody with their family's blood. It was a perfect plan!
If only it weren't for that thrice-damned Stoner! A could feel a rumble of growl reverberate in his throat. That bastard had taken both a successor and a very usable half-sister from him!
Granted, A didn't feel much affection for Samui beyond her use for his future plans, but it was the principle of the matter. For that, the Stoner had to die. People had to be shown that Kumo could not be easily messed with. Not without fatal consequences.
"B should ambush him any day now." A mumbled under his nose with a grim expectation. He couldn't wait for the good news.
Starting to see double from working too hard on paperwork, A let out another sigh and slightly shook his head. He needed a break. He was about to shout for Mabui to get her perky ass into his office, but as he took in the air, opened his mouth, and raised his head while aiming his eyes toward the door, he froze as his eyes fell on a stranger silently sitting in the chair for visitors in front of his desk.
"Hello there!" Resounded a squeaky voice from behind an ANBU mask that was, for some reason, painted in the most aggravating shade of orange A had ever seen. The man wore a black cloak with red clouds made out of paper duct-taped to it. It looked absurd. Like something made by a particularly unskilled kindergartener.
But worse, the sheer ridiculousness of the sight worked to give A a pause. And the intruder, exuding an air of childish excitement mixed with a healthy dose of ADHD, used that brief pause to add another comment with a snicker, "Did anybody ever tell you that you make very interesting expressions while working?"
A's muscles tightened, and his eyes narrowed into an unamused glare as he gritted out, "Who are you?"
The intruder seemed to brighten up at that and loudly exclaimed, "Tobi is a good boy-!"
Getting that information, A used the moment of distraction to strike, and just as lightning chakra engulfed his body, his fist was already on its way through the foolish intruder's head...
Only to realize there was no resistance and he stumbled forward from his own momentum, barely managing to regain his balance as it carried him through half of his office. Finding his footing, A abruptly turned on his heel, his vigilance rising, as he hurriedly tracked the intruder with his wary eyes.
But the intruder just stayed casually sitting in the Sage-damned chair for the visitors, and A got the aggravating impression that he was blinking at him with the same condescension a parent gives their child when said child does something particularly stupid.
The crackling of the lightning chakra around him intensified.
Still, A was no greenhorn. He realized the intruder had some sort of intangibility technique, and another reckless charge would not help here. His surprise attack failed. So, A flexed his chakra in a particular pattern, calling all Kumo ANBU and Jonin in the vicinity to his aid. Hopefully, one of them would have a way to deal with-
"Now, that was rude. Rai-chan is a bad boy! A bully!" The intruder, Tobi, spoke with an audible pout in his voice just as Mabui rushed into the office through the door, holding a kunai and prepared for a fight.
Her body tensed, and she was about to attack, but A outstretched his arm, signaling her to stop. She was one of the rare few with an understanding of space-time techniques in Kumo. She was going to be needed to figure out the man's weakness. Letting her charge to her death would be stupid.
"I don't know what your goal is here, but don't think you are leaving this office alive, intruder." A threatened gruffly as was proper. Kumo's dignity had to be preserved even in a situation like this.
"Raikage-sama!" Several high-ranking ninjas appeared in the room, warily surrounding the intruder.
"Ehehe." Yet, he gave them only a silly bashful giggle in return as if they were not a problem. One particular ninja lost his temper, and then, various elemental techniques, but predominantly lightning-based ones, started flying through the room.
A only got a moment to flash to his desk and back as he snatched the most important document, before his whole desk was set aflame, doused in water, smashed by earth jutsu, and then set aflame again by a lightning technique, only to be doused in water again as this sequence of events repeated itself several times in the next two to three seconds.
Not even his fabled lightning chakra armor could save the paperwork he spent four hours working on today, and A died a little inside when he saw it, realizing he would have to start all over again.
He powered through the emotional pain and subtly turned toward Mabui, "Do you have an idea how to deal with that?" He gruffly whispered.
"Maybe we could s-" She started with a small frown as she witnessed no jutsu having any effect, but was interrupted when Tobi suddenly loudly exclaimed, his voice full of tantrum-throwing indignation.
"You are all mean!"
That stopped the ninjas in the room from bombarding him with techniques as their wariness increased. And a second later, a metalic ball of some kind somehow rolled out of the man's pants.
The ninjas looked at it with incredulous looks. Tobi glanced at it, exuding his own brand of disbelieving incredulity.
"Oops!" Tobi apologetically said with a sheepish energy. He even rubbed the back of his head.
But before A could comprehend what he meant by that, the ball released a pulse of chakra that flashed through the room faster than even A's enhanced perception could catch.
The next thing A knew, he was on the ground, moaning and groaning from pure ecstasy surging in his nerves, so much that it started to be pleasantly painful.
He distractedly noted with the small, still guarded part of his mind that managed to save itself from being blown from a sudden overload of pleasure, that all his ninja and kunoichi were also writhing on the ground, experiencing their own new orgasmic heights in an utterly humiliating show of Kumogakure's prowess.
He tried to power through it. To push it back. But his mind and nerves just sent another wave of ecstasy through him that drowned him, making him feel like a fish flailing outside of the water.
He was prepared for pain. But pleasure was something he did not expect. Gritting his teeth, A's face scrunched even as another shameful moan tore out of his throat. He wanted to die from shame as he tried to glare unholy murder at the intruder, whose shoulders slumped.
"I am sorry! I didn't mean to drop the aphrodisiac I bought for Uncle Pain! My bad!" Tobi said with a visible cringe, but something in his tone betrayed that he was secretly laughing his ass off at their plight.
"Kill... you...!" His chakra cloak was long gone from the disruption of his focus, and A attempted to stand up, while trying to ignore the wet sensation in his pants, but his weakened legs wobbled and he slipped, falling on his knees and hands while panting in an absolute indignity that devastated his pride like nothing else in his life.
"Would you look at the time?" Tobi loudly mumbled and pretended to look at his wrist, which did not hold a watch. "I gotta go! I still have unfinished homework at home!"
For a moment, Tobi stopped fidgeting and tilted his head as if thinking about something. "But Auntie Deidara always said I should go out with a bang." Then he nodded to himself, "Oh! I know! Here." He took out a heart-shaped, pink paper after a second of rummaging through his pockets, and hopped to A, smacking it on his forehead, "Have a lovely sticker!"
A tried to swipe at him, only for Tobi to hop back and out of his reach. With one last giggle, the air swirled around him, and he disappeared.
Grunting in monumental effort, A once again rose to his feet, swaying left and right as his nerves were firing with overwhelming pleasure with every twitch of his muscles. He shuffled toward Mabui, who was closest to him.
"A-," He gasped, "Are. Y-you. Oookay?" Barely managing, A asked somewhat coherently.
Mabui looked at him with half-lidded eyes, and her stare quickly turned into horror as she slurred. "E-e-expl- t-tag!"
A's eyes widened as he understood. The sticker.
The sense of crisis flooded him, and he knew he had had it on his forehead for too long. It could go off any second now! A surge of unfocused lightning chakra flooded A's body, causing him to mentally howl in pain.
But it at least balanced the ecstasy his body was still feeling, and he managed to hurl himself through the window as he reinforced his body as much as he could in his state.
His sense of impending doom turned out to be true, as the sticker went off not a second later. But instead of a fiery explosion, A was engulfed in a thin pink smoke that left the air sparkling pink behind him as he fell through the air. His hair and mustache turned bright pink.
He almost crashed onto the ground, but he managed to flip himself around and landed in a crouch on his feet with a resounding thud as the ground beneath him cracked.
Straightening with a groan, A raised his head, only to see hundreds of people from the streets of Kumo staring at him. They tried to appear polite, and many even gave him a bow, but he was a ninja, and he could easily see that many barely restrained themselves from laughing.
Unbeknownst to him, where the sticker previously was in the middle of his forehead, he now sported a brand new drawing of dick. Colored and all.
Before A's rage could reignite, he suddenly realized that the document he had saved from his desk was no longer in his hands, and his face went white.
Some foreign merchants could no longer handle it and started laughing.
But A had more pressing problems. He flickered back into his office through the window, idly noting that his best ninjas were just now starting to regain their wits, many still moaning and shivering. Frantically, he looked over the place where he previously stood, not finding the scroll he was looking for.
His stomach sank as he realized it was stolen. The plans for Kumo's offensive during the likely upcoming war that he spent the last month perfecting were gone. They were compromised. And that meant they could not be used.
Before A even realized it, he snarled and hurled his ruined office desk through the remaining glass in the window as the laughter from the outside reached his ears and made his inner shame burn that much brighter.
"Go. Sweep the village. Find him!" He shouted an order, his voice seething in anger, even as he knew that the intruder was most likely long gone.
Nobody had ever humiliated him like this in his entire life!
Right then, he heard an exploding sound coming from the outside and looked out in alarm, only to see the Cloud-reaching Peak, the pride of his village, in much the same way that Konoha prided itself on its Hokage Monument, the place where his family lived, was now painted in the most disgusting shade of brown, looking like a giant turd from distance for all to see.
His ninjas decided it would be better for their safety to go and obey his previous order, quickly scurrying from his office just as a sharp intake of breath came from A, and his anger reached such a point that even his skin turned white.
His sound of absolute fury resounded throughout the entirety of Kumo, making it very, very quiet all of a sudden.