As I drove away from Alex's apartment, listening to NF's "Got You on My Mind" I almost cried at how accurate it felt in the moment. I wish I could have told her how I feel, but every time I have the courage, there's someone else on her mind, and my desire to see her happy takes over. I hear my phone start to ring and connect my Bluetooth earpiece at a quiet stop sign.
"Hey Sam, what's up?"
"I just wanted to see how the date went."
"It wasn't a date."
"WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HER, DOOFUS!?"
"HEY! DON'T YELL! I HAVE YOU ON BLUETOOTH!"
"Sorry, not sorry. You need to tell her how you feel."
"I know, it's just not the right time."
"You love her more than life itself. There is no time better than the present."
"She's into someone right now, and he asked her out on a date. I'm too late."
"He hasn't proposed. It isn't too late."
I arrived at my apartment complex and kept my phone connected to Bluetooth as I took the stairs up to the third floor. "I just don't know how to tell her that I've been in love with her forever and just couldn't say anything. She'll be pissed that I've been keeping such a life-changing secret from her the whole time."
"Then the sooner you tell her, the better. If you tell her now, she'll be kissing you in three months. If you wait three months, she'll be marrying the other guy, and you'll be stuck as a front row wedding guest getting glares from the bridesmaids who would all know it should be you up at the altar with her instead."
"Sam, you're so dramatic."
"You know it." She said this with a flourish, and I knew she was smirking on the other end.
"Hey, how was your date the other day?"
"It was great. If you tell Alex how you feel, I might give you details."
"Not fair!"
"A deal is a deal. That's just the way it goes. I'll call you tomorrow for an update."
"Okay, okay. Take care, goodnight."
"Goodnight."
I commenced my nightly shower and brushed my teeth. I lay awake for some time thinking about the events of the day and how wary I am of this Austin guy. I knew he wasn't a good fit for Lex, but she wouldn't listen to me if I told her that. I also knew that if I told her the real reason I don't want her to go out with other guys, she'd kill me. I knew that telling her how I feel would ruin our friendship, but I wanted to ruin it. I wanted to be more than her friend.
Eventually I gave up on sleep and started watching a classic movie. I smiled sadly at the realization that Alex would approve of my choice and relaxed into the pillows as the beginning credits started to roll.
I woke suddenly when I heard a text ping on my phone. I was running late, and I hurried to get ready without looking at the screen. I drove over to Alex's place and called her to tell her I was outside. When she hung up, I finally looked at the text, dismayed that it was from my mother.
[Text - Mother]: I haven't heard from you in a while. I'm in town. We should have dinner together tonight. Feel free to bring a friend. ;)
Just what I need: another person trying to pry into my dating life.
We got to Austin's apartment, and I was pleased to find that he was dressed this time. Austin had to leave for another photoshoot, but he left us the keys so that we could leave if we needed anything for the kitchenette/dining room. We decided to use a round table to replace the rectangular table that didn't quite fit in the small room. We used one of the little plants we had bought yesterday for a centerpiece.
We then brought a trunk into the bedroom and added a shelf above the bed. Alex began working her magic with little knick-knacks and a few books, making the room look much more inviting and cozy than the stark white walls and cold black bedframe. I loved watching her work like this. It was one of the few times I had seen her genuinely happy in a long time.
Tomorrow we will finish the job with the bathroom. Alex says the storage situation in there is atrocious, whatever that means. I eventually gained the courage to ask her if she would accompany me tonight. "Hey… so my mom texted me this morning."
"Oh no. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, but she asked me to have dinner tonight."
"She's in town?"
"Yep."
"Yikes. If I were you, I wouldn't go, but she's your mother, so I wouldn't be surprised if you did it anyway."
"I was planning on it, but it would help if I didn't have to go alone…. I was wondering…"
"Of course I'll go with you. You know I would never force you to go to dinner with that witch on your own if you didn't want to."
"She's not a witch."
"I was trying to be nice, but if you want me to say what I wanted to—"
"Yeah, yeah, I get the point. Thanks for the support. I'll let her know." She wasn't wrong; my mother can be a bit of a bitch some days, though I'd never openly admit it. I'm glad Alex practically volunteered.
[Text - Zack]: Alex and I will meet you for dinner. When and where?
[Text - Mother]: Alex? Since when was my son gay?! Why didn't you tell me?!
[Text - Zack]: No, Mom. Alexandra. You remember her, right? She's been my best friend forever.
[Text - Mother]: Wait, so you're gay and hanging out with girls?
[Text - Zack]: I'M NOT GAY, MOTHER!
[Text - Mother]: Then why aren't you bringing your girlfriend to dinner?
[Text - Zack]: Because I don't have one.
A few minutes later, I got another text:
[Text - Mother]: Cracker Barrel at 7:30
[Text - Zack]: We'll be there.
"Cracker Barrel okay with you? She said 7:30" I asked Alex.
"Yeah. Seems a little late, but she's known for sleeping in late, so it kinda makes sense."
"Yeah. I just hope it all goes well. She's nagging me about not bringing a girlfriend, and thought I was gay when I mentioned you by 'Alex' instead of your full name."
"She can shove off if she's not happy with who you are. Wait, you're not gay, right? 'Cause I would definitely be the first to know that sort of thing."
"No, I'm not gay, and yes, you would be the first to know."
"Good!" She laughed at the look on my face. I'm glad she was still able to lighten my mood a bit. My mother was difficult on her best days, but after my dad passed away, she seemed to completely lose her grounding.
I stopped by her apartment so she could change clothes, and then we headed over to mine so I could do the same. We'd spent the afternoon painting a few more walls, and I knew my mother wouldn't approve unless we dressed up a bit—even if it was just Cracker Barrel. We got there at 7:15 and decided to look around. Martha tends to show up right on time—never early, though occasionally late if something unexpected happens.
She walks up to us at 7:32. "Sorry, traffic was a little slower than I expected."
"It's okay, Mom."
"Let's find a hostess, shall we?"
We were seated in the middle section, two tables from the fireplace, but I could still feel some of the heat coming from the small fire. It was starting to warm up during this early spring, but someone must not have gotten the memo. "Would you like the breakfast menu?"
"Yes, please." Alex was, of course, in the mood for the Grandma's Sampler—a little bit of everything. I noticed my mother's disapproving look and chose to ignore it.
"Can I get you folks anything to drink?"
"Sweet tea with lemon," Martha responds.
"Water with a lemon, please"
"Fat-free milk, please"
"No problem. I'll be back in a bit with those and take your order if you're ready." With that, the server leaves, and Martha returns her attention to me.
"Who orders milk at dinner?"
"Someone who's planning on having pancakes, eggs, and sausage." She always keeps a cool head.
"For dinner?!"
"Mother, you're the one who chose Cracker Barrel. Please don't cause a scene just because Alex isn't ordering what you would consider a traditional dinner."
"Well, don't come complaining to me, dear, if you can't get a boyfriend. People who eat breakfast for dinner are childish and never get anywhere in life."
"Would you shut up and decide what you want to eat? My ability to get a boyfriend or not is none of your damn business. So, stay out of it."
Martha looked shocked, and I couldn't help but chuckle.
"What she means," I said, stepping in, "is that you shouldn't put your nose where it doesn't belong. Her love life, or even mine for that matter, should be of no concern to you. Regarding our earlier text conversation, I'm really getting tired of you meddling in my life and always wanting to know things that you really don't care about. If you cared about me, you'd ask about how I'm doing or how things are at CCPD, not whether I have a girlfriend or not."
It felt good to stand up to her for once. Telling her off gave me a sudden surge of confidence. The waitress came back with our drinks and took our dinner order, breaking up the tension at the table.
"Here you go. Can I take your orders, or do y'all need a minute?"
"I think we're all ready to order," Alex said, looking at me to make sure. I nodded. Thank goodness she had decided ahead of time, because she had hardly looked at the menu.
My mother ordered a steak dinner, and I ordered the Mama's Pancake Breakfast with strawberries on my pancakes. The waitress then turned to Alex.
"Grandma's Sampler, please. Eggs scrambled, country ham, and fried apples. Can I also get a side of the hash brown casserole for a bit extra?"
"Of course. I'll just make a note right here."
"Thanks so much." As the waitress left, Alex received another nasty glare from Martha.
"I'm paying for mine myself. Chill," Alex said, thinking that was what my mother was upset about.
I chuckled to myself—she's always been able to tell my mother off with ease.
"Why did you order breakfast too?" my mother asked me.
"Because I wanted to, Mom. Stop asking stupid questions."
She finally shut up for once. Alex poured her milk from the carton into the chilled glass as our food arrived.
"Be careful, folks, the plates may be hot. Enjoy your meal."
"Thank you!"
I noticed that Alex was always really nice to waitstaff. She's been there, so she knows customers can be rude or completely unaware of how their actions affect others.
She always tries to bring a smile to their face, even on the worst of days.
"Fine. Since you don't want to talk to me about your nonexistent love life, how has work been?"
"Not too exciting, which is a good thing for us," I said. "Getting to help Alex with her interior design jobs is the only excitement I need." I turned to smile at her, letting her know I meant it. She tried to smile back as politely as she could through a mouthful of pancakes.
"Alexandra, are you seriously still chasing that silly dream of being a freelance designer?" my mother scoffed. "I thought you would have grown up by now."
"Mother! Why do you always have to be so rude to my friends?"
"It's okay, Zack. I can stand up for myself," Alex stated confidently, giving me a reassuring look. "Also, it's not a dream. I'm damn good at what I do, and I happen to get quite a few high-paying clients. I have slow months from time to time, but so does everyone in the business. I can hold my own. Plus, I'd rather do it all myself than have some no-talent company manager steal all my ideas. Don't insult my business. Especially when you know next to nothing about it."
We finished our dinner, and Martha left shortly after. Alex and I explored the gift shop for a few moments, and I bought a bag of sanded cherry drops for the ride back to her apartment, because I knew she liked them, but never actually bought them for herself.
As I started driving, I asked her a prying question. "So, you still have that date with Austin?"
"Why did you say his name like that?"
"Like what?" I was only a little offended that she would point this out.
"Like you used to say 'Brandon Cooper'."
Brandon was a guy she dated in high school for three months, and I couldn't stand him.