After a heartbreaking revelation about Ziggy's real reason for ghosting me, I found myself in front of one of the historical churches built during the Spanish Colonial Era: St. Joseph Cathedral. This church is not far from the marina. I just dropped by to contemplate and to lament. Maybe I just want to ask God why. Do I deserve all this heartbreak?
Yes, I know, and it's already proven right: loving a best friend could hurt you excessively. I lost not just one important person in my life. I lost three of them. I lost my best friend, my hero, and true love.
I look up as I feel the specks of water on my skin. It drizzles, and as shady as my heart feels, the sky is darkening with the fatal cloud impending to bring a downpour. The climate is trying to be sensitive and joins my mood. I get inside the church; everything looks golden, ignited by the yellow lights of the chandeliers. With a few parishioners scattered, seated in the neatly arranged pews, the ambiance inside feels so solemn and tranquilizing in contrast to the foreboding cloudburst outside.
I tried to sit comfortably at the rearmost pew, nearest to the door. In a few seconds of staring at the altar, my knees bent unthinkingly, as if I was invited to talk to him. I closed my eyes and let go of all my heavy emotions, talking to God in my thoughts, barely aware that my tears were falling hard, soaking my hanky entirely together with some obvious sobbing.
I'm suddenly conscious and slightly abashed after I noticed someone beside me. I sit back, wiping my tears, and try to control my sobs.
I decided to stand up and about to go out when someone, a man, holds my wrist and say, "Are you okay?"
I abruptly turned back to look at him, and it was Bree. "It's pouring outside; why don't you just stay for a while and take shelter until the rain starts to abate."
"I will be fine; besides, the boat will go in an hour, and I don't want to be late."
"Did you forget, I'm one of the crew? And I'm still here. FYI, the trip was canceled until further notice; there's a super typhoon coming up, probably tonight."
"What? How come? It's so hot this morning, and a typhoon during summer?"
"It's rare, but it happens, or maybe the weather is joining you?" He sounds hesitant to mention such words, but he says it, making me flush with embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be nosy, but do you have someplace to stay for tonight?"
I shake my head without saying a word; I haven't gotten over being embarrassed.
"You can stay at my place if you want to."
"No, I don't want to bother you; I can find someplace nearby. "Although the truth is, hotels are too expensive for me to stay in, and I don't know any affordable places here, maybe I'll just have to stay inside this church.
"Maybe you're just scared of me." He mumbles, with his sympathetic and lopsided smile.
" I can hear you," I reply with a warning. I don't know him, yes. But my feelings towards him are light; I don't know if I can depend on my judgment because, based on experience, it has failed several times, but do I have a choice? Besides, sleeping in the church? What if it's true that most of the dead's spirits stay in the church rather than in the cemetery, and the prior is scarier than the latter? It will gonna be a spooky night then, not to mention, I'm going to be alone in the storm.
I take a deep breath before saying,I certainly don't want to bother you, but since you offered, then, thank you, and I will go with you."
His face beams brightly, showing his white teeth.
*****
I didn't expect it, but he got his own motorbike. He borrows an extra helmet from one of his crewmates. It's tricky since it's rainy and a soaking wet ride to his abode, and it's an hour away from the marina; it is a simple wooden two-story house, surrounded by a vegetable garden. A young girl around 13 years old meets us.
She excitedly takes my hand after Bree's and brushes it to her head. I just smiled and said, " Bless you, in response to her hospitality and respect.
"This is my sister Bella, my only family since both of our parents died." Bree introduced his sister with his arms around her shoulders. We smiled and greeted each other with a quick, girly, nice-to-meet-you cheek-to-cheek smack.
We changed our wet clothes, and I was using Bella's room. I went out of the room and found Bella busy at the table. I approached her and helped her, at the same time having few chit-chat about how I met her brother.
"Kuya, I prepared a hot soup for dinner, since it's cold outside!" Bella called out to him while busy preparing the table. Bree came out, ready for dinner.
I sleep with Bella in her room when the storm starts to get wild and disturbs my slumber, with the clanging and banging sounds of the roof that's about to be taken off by the strong wind. I look at Bella, who's deeply asleep, before I go out of her room. I found Bree busy tying the roof to the beam to lessen the damage. The floor in the sala is all damp, as is Bree, with the sprinkles that unforgivably penetrated inside.
"Bree, can I help?"
He didn't notice me until then. "No, it's fine, I'm almost done."
"You're all wet and shivering. Do you want me to prepare something hot?
"That will do, and thank you."
We rested at the table with some coffee after Bree had changed. I can't help but look over his semblance and bring Ziggy to my mind. I can see Ziggy in him, a responsible and caring brother and thoughtful friend. My eyes start to get cloudy unconsciously, and I'm about to drop a tear when Bree notices it.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks.
I don't have any reason not to talk, since sharing might lessen my emotional burden. So I narrated everything to Bree- my reason why I traveled to that island and the reasons for my tears, and all he says is...
"He wasted a gem when he did that; you are a special girl. Even though I didn't know you that much, I can sense how strong you are to face your problems. He is so careless to lose a love like yours." He brushes his thumb on my cheek to dry my tears, and it startles me, making me conscious and flushing, even more when he says, "I hope you will heal fast."
My brow furrowed with it. "Why?"
"So you can give yourself another chance to love."
I can feel the conversation is getting more uncomfortable and awkward, so I stand up with a yawn, feign sleepiness, and say. "It's very late; I think we should take a rest now." And he nodded.
Back in bed beside Bella, I lay down and closed my eyes, trying to take some zzzs, but my mind is so busy. Too much happened, and there was too much to process in just a day. Asking myself why I could feel Ziggy in Bree's personality. I can sometimes forget that it's not him, because Ziggy hurt me without even considering our friendship. Why did he wish to be more than a friend if all that he just wanted was to be with another girl? Why did he need to let me love him this way if I can love him as a friend, anyway? Why did he need to hurt me? I lay on my side, facing my back to Bella after I discerned that another set of tears was falling from my eyes.