So here's an another letter for you baccha...this time digital😂 and of course it's not a love letter this time rather unlove letter😁. Reason is...bahot kuch bolna Baki h na..
And it's unfair , it's very unfair na baccha..
Jab I got to know all this , I deadly wanted to hug you , irrespective of future Mai hum saath honge ki nahi...tabhi lockdown ne cheating ki ab chance h to you are busy or maybe don't want to meet..I don't know what?
You know what, there's something really wrong with my kismat , ha I understand ki kisiki bhi life easy nahi hoti but Meri??
Story time(bor ho Raha h to skip it)
Choti thi na , to mom dad ne padhayi k siva kuch sikhaya nahi , pata hi hoga..topper hu apne time ki😁😁But you know I was fat , and mujhme na vo ek tha inferiority complex thing. Matlab kaisa na ki confidence type thing nahi thi. Mai accha padhti thi na , to aas pass log bhi utne ki kaam se rehte h , samjha?and mere school time se hi sab itne advance ho gaye the, I was lacking in maturity maybe? Baki to literal ignorance Mila hai,ye samjha? isse zyada nahi samjha sakti! so school ka dekhenge to I don't have any good memories 😅
You don't know may be , I was molested(badly touched) at the age of 12 or 13 maybe...it is an another bad memory🙄
Uk the best days of my life were with you..I mean the best. Maine na Jo bhi experience kiya , it felt andar se happy☺️ Everything was supper smooth..first drop year Mai bhi kuch issue nahi hua...
Uk phone le liya tha, but I was chilled you know. Coz 2nd list lagna baaki tha and it was obvious seat milna tha. I missed you , but holded on. Thodasa patience aur sab sahi hoga. Maine mom dad k kehne par again studies start ki thi after first list itself , but mil Jana chahiye tha na😅
fir Kya 2nd list laga , nahi Mila , fir final list lagi, raatko 12.31 ko 545 pe close ho gaya , Mera ek marks se reh gaya! Babu😭 I was done for! vo pura night I didn't slept. I was like agle din ma baap ko kaise ye baat bataungi? understanding? and the foremost , I felt that Meri life reverse direction me jarri h..I was so broken, I broke everyone's trust on me, Mai vo chiz , jiske liye ek pura saal Diya, I couldn't achieve it, I failed and the most was , I failed you, you trusted me on that , you had full confidence in me and I failed you... seriously saying, I was not willing to face you after that.. I felt ashamed of myself..
Agle din bataya mom dad ko they said padh vapas aur Kya...u know what the fucking part is, they didn't even asked ki mujhe ye vapas krna h ki nahi🙄 and u know ek month k baad , I told them ki ye mujhse nahi ho raha! Aur Kya hi karti, you can call me weak now, but it was unbearable, we had been together for 2 years and achanak se ye distance Mere se digest hi nahi ho Raha tha. I missed you so much..every (wait I m crying damn😭) now and then I begged God ki sahi Karo sab please, and at the same time lagta tha, ki you should leave me.
But then I asked for time and you said you will wait..jaan I love you the most! I love you! I am all yours. When I was messed up , you explained ki baccha when we love , we have to give exams , bhagwan test lete h...I choose to pass everything. We were distant , muje nahi accha lagta tha, I swear. But jaise taise uss phase se nikalna tha. Bahot darr lagta tha ki vapas nahi hua to Kya hoga.
But then we met August, Oct(this is when you told me ki lonavala gaya tha) , Nov , Dec(2019) , Jan me ek ek baar in a month mere gharpe. (sab yaad rehta h mujhe---august Wala met was best you know, I remembered everything of it, you kept on saying that you miss me and I 😳....detail me nahi jaungi)
Then March se Maine full portion test Dena chalu Kar Diya tha , may me exam , I was like thodasa aur , fir sab thik hoga! with each day passing, I have loved you more , wanted you more, begged from God for you more..ek hi sawaal rehta tha ..aisa humare saath ku ho Raha h...
Then lockdown!😭 Kya hi bolu ab me..huh
kismat is bekaar hai..
but atleast we were in contact , we talked to each other....you were suffering losses, and Mera dimaag kharab ho Raha tha, I was like I can't be with you in your worst time, then what's the point of you having me...
Mera exam bhi postpone pe postpone ho Raha tha..and vo dard Wala phase ja hi nahi Raha tha. And apne se zyada , I felt guilty that because of me , we didn't met for one whole year...
Contact me to AA gaye but you didn't give me time( ye sab batane ki zaroorat nahi h na?pata hi hoga) Hike bhi uninstall maar Diya tha? sachme say? ditch karna tha na?😂 Birthday k time excuse, hike band hota h , hota nahi aap khud krte the...pata Chala abhi sab...
See the point is , we became distant, dur hone lage, pehle bhi u were irresponsible, but I'll tell you , pehle ek baat thi ki , you use to say that "Babu meko pareshan Kar, aur kar" and abhi recently me you were like "future mai thik hoga".I don't know how to explain the little changes I felt. I noticed the changes, but I accepted those. Ab Socha time ko thoda dete hai , sab thik hoga..
Babu ye galat h na but, 4-4, 5-5, 6-6,7-7 , ek-ek hafta, message nahi, kaha ho , kaise ho , kuch pata nahi...and I waited so patiently , ye sochke , that he will khud hi contact me, coz he must be equally missing me. But responsibilities comes first to Mai pareshan nahi karungi....cheating hua h mere saath..
Weeks Tak ignore kiya, shadi me Gaye the gav mai pics maangi vo nahi Diya, mandir me jaate time bichme haath chod Diya, baccha har choti chiz was hurting le, but then I blamed myself ki mere bewakoofi k vajah se hum door hue
Sachme, kasamse saying ki not telling you all this to make you feel guilty but i felt that you should know my side of story. Abhi I m directionless , Kya karu Mai...
having you or not having you gives equal pain. I trusted you so much and...😔😔
Itne din ho Gaye , but I have not healed a bit, thodusa bhi nahi...I don't know may be able 4 saal aur lagenge. Kya babu, thik ho sakta h Kya sab? And usse bhi pehle, thik karna chahate ho Kya sab?
Actually na mujhe pata tha that I am too much into you but itna ...I mean this is toxic😣
Uk shraddha ma'am ko aapke piche Maine aapke baare me bhi kuch galat chize boli h..galat in the sense , kuch aisa Jo bolke mujhe hi guilty feel ho Raha tha...
like she was telling ki usne Maine books diye to jagda ki to I said ki Mai le lungi books vapas and I even called you a coward somewhere...huh...
Mai bhi Kam nahi hu..
and you know by not giving closure na, you are again doing wrong...
I am trying to do good , but ek point of time , sab good memories ek saath eyes k saamne AA jati h, dimaag me 'tu banja Gali banaras ki , Mai shyaam talak bhatku tujhme bajta h' aur sab khatam!
I don't know I am going to send this to you or no, aur kab bhejungi vo bhi nahi pata. Bhejungi to aap pura read karoge bhi kya vo bhi nahi pata...aur shayad bhejne k baad block kardu, Mera bharosa nahi h..maybe will wait for your one reply and then out... actually itna sab saamne batana tha but thik h, you are not giving a chance...🙂🙂
I love you and probably good bye
I love you a lot!
disclaimer:ye pura two shot me type kiya h and pura time Rona aaya h!
and disclaimer start me likhte h, firse galti kardi😐
You ex(lo maan liya humne, hai pyaar nahi tumko)
Love uhh le!
Will try not to bother you in future!
and ofcourse, be a great person with a great personality! Baki career me you will rock ❤️
Ab Kya karna chahiye seriously samaj nahi Raha...