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Chapter 35 - Chapter no.35 Naruto vs Ebisu

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The History of the Uzumaki Clan.

Just reading the title made his chest feel tight, his breath going shallow in a way he did not fully control.

A clan? A legacy? A family?

The book slipped from his hands and hit the floor with a dull thud. He just sat there looking at it, the words on the cover doing something to him.

All his life he had fought for scraps. For a glance of acknowledgment. For someone to look at him long enough to register that he was a person rather than a problem. He had worked to exist in a village that had spent twelve years wishing he didn't. He had learned to be loud because loud was the only version of present that the village could not completely ignore.

And the entire time, this had been sitting somewhere. A clan. A history. A name that meant something before it meant him.

A sharp burning pain opened in his chest. His fists clenched until his nails broke the skin of his palms. His vision blurred and then everything came out at once.

Tears ran down his face.

The anger followed immediately. His fist hit the floor hard enough to punch through the boards, the wood splitting under the impact.

"WHY?!"

He sat with the hole in his floor for a moment. Then he got up, went to the bathroom and washed his face with cold water.

Splash.

Splash.

Splash.

Fine, Naruto thought, looking at his own reflection. Fine. I will play the game. I will keep quiet. I will read every page and memorize every line and carve the truth out of this village with my own two hands if that is what it takes.

But this... this secret friend... this guardian, had not earned a single thing from him. A few careful words and a book were not trust. If they thought otherwise they were as deluded as the villagers who looked at him and saw the Nine-Tails wearing a child's face.

Oscar's voice moved through his mind: Precept the Tenth. Trust in yourself, your weapon, and your code. For yourself, and for those you protect.

Naruto let out a slow breath and splashed his face one more time.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

"Boss!" Konohamaru's voice came through the wall. "I heard a noise. Are you okay?"

Naruto stood at the sink and closed his eyes.

The concern in those words was the only reason he didn't immediately walk to the door and hit the child. He set a pot of water to boil and cracked an egg into the pan. Naruto was trying to focus on the immediate and manageable problem of hunger rather than the immediate and unmanageable problem of everything else.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

"Boss!"

Naruto's patience ran out between one breath and the next. He put the pan down, walked to the door, and pulled it open hard enough to rattle the hinges.

"WHAT?"

"Train me!"

Naruto slammed the door shut.

"Not in the mood to commit crimes against a six year old," he muttered to himself, turning back toward the kitchen.

The smell hit him immediately.

His egg was a black disc.

Naruto scraped it into the trash without speaking. He stood at the counter for a moment looking at the empty pan.

"Alright," he said quietly. "Now I am in the mood to hit a child."

He went back to the door and opened it.

Konohamaru's face lit up with the brightness of a child.

"You want to train?"

"YES. Please, boss, please—"

"Great," Naruto said, cracking his knuckles. "Dodge."

"Wait wha—"

The punch connected before the sentence did. Not hard enough to cause any real damage. Konohamaru hit the ground and stayed there, out cold.

Naruto stood over him and shook out his hand.

"That felt good."

The satisfaction lasted approximately ten seconds before his eyes started moving up and down the empty street. He looked at Konohamaru. He looked at the street. He looked back at Konohamaru.

What if I put him near the dumpster at the end of the block?

The memory arrived before the plan could fully form. Boss. I heard a noise. Are you okay?

Naruto stood there for a moment longer.

"I cannot believe I am doing this," he said, and picked the kid up.

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An hour later, Naruto stood stirring the ramen he'd finally managed to cook. He cracked an egg into the steaming broth and gently whisked it in, watching as the ribbons of yellow swirled through the soup.

At the counter, Konohamaru sat on a stool. His legs swung back and forth as he watched Naruto work.

"See, the trick is to add the egg while the broth's still hot," the squire said, trying to sound sage-like. "The heat cooks it just right, makes it all fluffy, and gives the soup more richness. It's simple, but this is sacred ramen knowledge."

Konohamaru nodded solemnly, as if Naruto had just handed him the meaning of life.

"…Got it, Boss."

Naruto smirked as he poured the finished ramen into two bowls. He slid one toward Konohamaru, handing him a spoon. "Alright, kid, dig in."

Konohamaru scooped up a bite and stuffing it into his mouth. "This is amazing, Boss! First, you tested my speed. And now you're teaching me the secret art of ramen-making!"

Naruto chuckled, sitting with his own bowl. He didn't get called awesome often. It felt nice. As the boy took another eager bite, Naruto asked, "So, why'd you want to learn from me?"

Konohamaru's face grew serious, and he stared down at the swirling broth. "Well… you're the first person who's ever treated me like me."

"What do you mean?"

Konohamaru set his spoon down, his small hands clenching into fists. "My grandpa gave me the name Konohamaru... after the village. Everyone knows my name, but all they see is the Hokage's grandson. No one ever sees me. They bow and smile, but it's all fake. I'm sick of it! That's why I want to be Hokage, so they'll see me for who I really am."

That hit a little too close to home. Naruto knew what it was like to want people to see him, not some version of him they made up in their heads.

The squire opened his mouth to say something, but his front door slammed open.

"YOUNG MASTER!" Ebisu stormed in, his glasses slightly askew. "I've been looking for you for hours! The entire Sarutobi clan is worried sick!"

"Uh, ever heard of knocking?"

"Don't interrupt me!" Ebisu snapped, adjusting his glasses as he turned his sharp glare on Konohamaru. "Honorable grandson, let's go. You've wasted enough time here. Stop this foolishness and return to the clan."

"No! I'm not going back until I'm strong enough to defeat Grandpa and become Hokage! And Boss is teaching me how!"

"Honorable grandson—"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Konohamaru shouted. "I'm not just 'honorable grandson.' I'm Konohamaru!"

Placing a hand on Konohamaru's shoulder, Naruto gave him a reassuring squeeze. "Hey, let me handle this," he said softly.

Ebisu scoffed, his nose wrinkling as he regarded Naruto with disdain. "And what are you going to do, deadlast? You're nothing but a fool playing ninja. I'm far more skilled than the likes of you."

Who does this guy think he is? But instead of getting mad, Naruto let out a slow breath. He took a step forward, his expression unreadable.

"Oh, ho, you're approaching me?"

"I can't kick your ass unless I come closer," Naruto replied, taking another step.

Ebisu's smirk widened. "You're welcome to try, demon brat. But don't think for a second you stand a chance."

"Teach him, Boss!"

"Teach me? Teach me what?"

"Lesson one: Don't underestimate your enemy."

The light of the force miracle glowed white-hot around Naruto's palm. The prayer finished inside his heart. Before ebisu could even react the shockwave struck him square in the chest.

Ebisu was launched clear out the door, his body hurtling through the air like a ragdoll.

"W-Whoa… Boss!"

Outside, Ebisu groaned staggering to his feet. His usually neat appearance was now completely disheveled. He clutched his stomach, wobbling as he tried to steady himself. Naruto wasn't about to give him the chance. In an instant, he equipped his armor and disappeared in a flicker of speed. His knee slammed into Ebisu's jaw with bone-crunching force.

The shinobi's body flew backward, slamming into the metal railings outside with a deafening clang. The railings bent under the force, creaking ominously as his body toppled over the edge.

"Don't worry," Naruto said casually. "There's a dumpster down there. It'll break his fall."

A dull thud echoed up a second later.

"Or… the concrete."

"That. Was. AWESOME!"

"Alright, Konohamaru, lesson two: never let a jerk like that boss you around. Got it?"

"Got it, Boss!"

The boy practically bounced as he followed Naruto into the living room. "You were awesome, Boss! Can you teach me how to do that? That white explosion jutsu was insane!"

"You're not ready for that yet, kid. Why don't we focus on getting you home first? It's way past your bedtime."

Konohamaru opened his mouth to argue, then seemed to remember something. "Yeah, let's go."

Naruto followed him, stealing quick sideways glances at the kid every few steps. The ramen bowls were now completely empty.

"..."

"I needed something to eat while you fought," Konohamaru giggled nervously, letting out a tiny burp.

Naruto's eye twitched. "This kid… I think…" he began, reaching for his inventory, "you need to run."

"Run?"

The massive blade materializing in his hands. The room almost seemed to darken under its size and presence as Naruto pointed the blade at Konohamaru.

"Run!"

"I'm sorry, Boss!" Konohamaru spun on his heel and bolting out the door.

"Come back! I just want to talk!"

"I said I'm sorry!" Konohamaru's voice trailed off as he sprinted away, his little feet slapping against the cobblestone streets

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Author's Note: Q&A Time.

Q: How are you going to handle powerscaling?

I want to address this properly because I keep seeing variations of it in the comments.

The short version is: I'm not powerscaling.

The long version requires some explanation.

The concern I keep hearing is that Dark Souls is a weak verse compared to Naruto. And that I'm somehow nerfing Naruto or underselling what he's capable of. I see comments about his stats not reflecting his Uzumaki genes. Or about Naruto having difficulty with the Asylum Demon despite being able create hundreds of shadow clones. Because if you've played the game, the Asylum Demon isn't actually that difficult. A hundred Narutos armed with broken straight swords could have put it down without much trouble. But that doesn't serve as an entertaining chapter. And even if it did, it's not the story I want to tell.

About the scale of these verses.

Naruto as a verse operates at a genuinely absurd scale. Lightspeed reactions. Continental destruction. Characters who split the moon in half. Dark Souls, by comparison, exists in a space where the power ceiling is deliberately obscured and difficult to define.

And that obscurity is actually the first problem with trying to powerscale Dark Souls at all.

The lore is intentionally vague. That's a design choice by FromSoftware. The game hands you fragments, implications and contradictions. It asks you to build a picture that was never meant to be fully assembled. So when powerscalers try to establish a Dark Souls tier list they immediately hit the wall of interpretation. How strong is Sif relative to Ornstein? Is Sif building level or higher? How does the Asylum Demon compare to the Bell Gargoyles? Is Gwyn at full power stronger than Gwyn as a Cinder? Is Gwyn planetary? Is Priscilla planetary?

The game doesn't answer these questions. Any answer you give is built on assumptions that someone else can reasonably dispute with equal confidence. That's the nature of the source material.

Then you get into the cross-verse comparison problem. How do you convert Dark Souls enemy strength into Naruto terms? What's the exchange rate between a hollowed knight and a chunin? Between a Dark Souls boss and a kage? Nobody has that answer because the question genuinely doesn't have one. It's apples to oranges.

But here's what I kept coming back to when I really sat with this.

I'm not writing a powerscaling YouTube video ( Naruto vs Dark Souls isn't a close type shit lol ) and I'm not interested in pretending it is.

I'm writing a story.

In a story the question is never how strong is this enemy on an absolute scale relative to this character. The question is what does this enemy represent as a challenge for this character at this specific point in their journey. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. What does overcoming it cost them? What does it force them to confront? What does it reveal about who they are and who they're becoming?

So if the narrative requires a Dark Souls boss to function as a kage-level threat, it's a kage-level threat. If it needs to function as something a fresh genin can barely survive, that's what it is. The story determines the parameters.

The legend Stan Lee put it simply: the writer chooses who wins.

That's not fully applicable to powerscaling debates in a technical sense and I know that. But it is completely applicable to what I'm actually doing here, which is trying to write something worth reading. The moment I start subordinating narrative decisions to powerscaling logic is the moment the story stops being a story.

So if you came here for a Naruto versus Dark Souls powerscale, I genuinely can't help you. If you want to believe that canon Naruto would blitz all of Dark Souls using shadow clones and a broken straight sword, more power to you.

But if you came here for a crossover story about Naruto going to darksouls and how that changes the canon timeline by a metric amount, then we're exactly where we need to be.

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