Kai
I've tried to find at least some sense of peace in my life but... No matter what I do, it just makes me feel more of a burden to everyone around me.
My name is Kai and... To tell you the truth, I never thought things would turn out like this after I lost Talia.
She was the reason I was able to get out of a really bad situation that could've killed me years ago, when I was a senior in high school. For two years, we were happy... I even remember the night when I proposed to her. She looked so happy, tearing up under her cute glasses when she said yes. It was a memory I couldn't forget.
Everything went well until Talia was murdered five months after our proposal. Next thing I know, officers came to my house and took me in for questioning. They thought I was behind it because people were stating that I was the last person Talia saw before she died... That night, all I did was walk Talia home. She kissed me... That was the last time I ever saw her alive.
The pain of losing Talia haunted me. Not just that, the fact that people immediately accused me of murder even though there was no proof... It made me lose faith in people.
The trial dragged on for four months. Four months of people staring at me like I was a monster, whispering behind my back, crossing the street when they saw me coming. Even Talia's own parents turned on me, people who I thought I could trust. That hurt worse than anything the prosecution threw at me.
Eventually, they had to let me go. No evidence, no case. But the damage was done. My life was destroyed, my job gone, my friends scattered. The real killer was never found, and I was left with nothing but questions and a hollow ache in my chest that never went away.
Now, three years later, I'm still living with my family in the suburbs of town.
The only friends I have now are Ren, Yumie and Frankie. Because of them, I was able to get myself into an underwood fighting club. Not only do they give a lot of cash, the salary goes higher the more circuits you win.
So far, I've won 34 matches in 6 circuits.
The underground fighting scene became my escape. Every punch I threw, every hit I took - it was a way to feel something other than the emptiness. The pain was real, tangible, unlike the ghost of Talia that haunted my thoughts.
Ren was the one who introduced me to the circuit. He'd been fighting for years, knew all the promoters and fixers. Yumie handled all wounded fighters, using her medical skills to patch up and aid the injured contestants.
The fights were my way of forgetting, but the memories always found me. Every match, every scar - it was a reminder of what I lost. All the scars on my body from every fight, I had to cover up. Even when my Aunt Maliza was starting to notice me sneaking out at night, I did everything I could to hide it.
One time, as I was getting ready for another fight, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. The bruises from my last fight were still visible, even under the thick layer of foundation I'd applied. My Aunt's voice echoed in my head from earlier that day, "You seem so tired, Kai. Is everything all right?"
But I couldn't tell her. She'd worry, and I'd already caused enough trouble for my family. I couldn't burden them more with my self-destructive behavior. Yet, after I tucked the last of my fighting gear into my bag, I realized I didn't care anymore.
At this point, I stopped caring about living... About money and winning. I just wanted my suffering to end... To be with Talia again. But obviously, dying is harder than it looks.
Last night, the match was so intense I got a lot of new cuts and bruises.
The lights of the makeshift arena were blinding as I stepped into the center. My opponent was a giant of a man, scars crisscrossing his bald head like a map of past battles. The crowd was deafening, their cheers and jeers blending into a chaotic symphony of bloodlust.
The bell rang, and I charged forward without hesitation. No strategy, no defense, just raw, unbridled aggression. I didn't care if I won or lost, didn't care if I lived or died. Every punch I threw was fueled by rage and pain, a desperate attempt to numb the hurt inside.
The giant blocked my attacks with ease, countering with a powerful uppercut that sent me flying across the ring. The taste of blood filled my mouth as I hit the ground, but I didn't stay down. I got up, spitting out a tooth, and charged again.
By the end of the match, I was barely conscious. My vision was blurry, my body a mass of pain. But I'd won. Another circuit victory, another stack of cash that meant nothing to me.
Here… here is where my story starts.
12 Hours Ago
"Kai?... Kai? Are you awake?" The sound of a woman's voice filled my ears when I slowly started to gain consciousness. "Talia?... Talia, is that you?" I asked, my voice groggy.
"Talia? Kai, it's me. Yumie..." When my vision finally cleared, I saw Yumie, wearing nothing but an oversized punk-rock shirt.
I blinked a few times, trying to process where I was. The room was dimly lit, unfamiliar. My body ached everywhere, a dull throb that reminded me of last night's fight. Yumie sat on the edge of the bed, her dark hair messy, concern etched across her face.
"You passed out after the match," she said softly, reaching over to check the bandages on my ribs. "Ren and I had to drag you out of there. You were bleeding pretty bad."
I tried to sit up, but pain shot through my side, forcing me back down with a grunt. The room spun slightly. "Where am I?"
"My apartment. You couldn't go home like that...your aunt would've freaked." She stood up, walking over to a small table where medical supplies were scattered. "Kai, you need to stop this. Last night... you weren't even trying to defend yourself. It's like you wanted him to kill you."
Her words hung in the air.
"Kai... What were you thinking last night? Going up against someone like that. He could've killed you..." I stared at the ceiling, avoiding her gaze when she spoke. The question hung in the air between us, heavy and uncomfortable.
"I think I handled it pretty good last night. Tore that bastard a new one…" Hearing my words, Yumie turned back to face me, her expression hardening. She crossed her arms, the oversized shirt sliding off one shoulder.
"Handled it? Kai, you had three broken ribs, a concussion, and you were coughing up blood. That's not handling it, that's suicide with extra steps." She moved closer, her voice dropping lower but gaining intensity. "I've patched you up after every fight for the past year, and I've watched you get worse. You're not even trying to defend yourself anymore. Last night, you just stood there and let him hit you. Multiple times."
Her eyes searched mine, looking for something. An explanation, a sign that I still cared about living. "Ren noticed it too. We're worried about you. This isn't about the money anymore, is it?"
I didn't say anything. I just stared at her for a moment before finally giving a straight answer. "So what if it wasn't?"
Yumie's jaw tightened. She looked away, running a hand through her messy hair before letting out a frustrated breath. "So what? Kai, you're throwing your life away in that ring. Every night you go in there, you're hoping someone finishes what you're too scared to do yourself."
She grabbed a bottle of painkillers from the table and tossed it onto the bed beside me, harder than necessary.
"Talia's gone. I know that hurts, I know it's killing you. But she wouldn't want this. She wouldn't want you destroying yourself because you can't let go."
Her voice cracked slightly, betraying the emotion she was trying to keep contained.
"You really think it's that easy? Letting go?" I frowned, "My life is gone, Yumie. I have nothing left... And yet here you are, trying so hard to keep me alive like your life depends on it."
I paused, taking the bottle of painkillers and holding it in my palm. "I didn't ask to be here... I just... I just wanted it to be over with. I just want my suffering to end. Then maybe... Maybe I won't be a burden to them anymore. My own family…"
Yumie's expression changed, from frustration to something deeper, more raw. She suddenly lunged forward, knocking the bottle of painkillers out of my hand. They scattered across the floor with a clatter.
"You think you're a burden?" Her eyes welled up with tears, and for a moment, she just stared at me, breathing heavily. "You have no idea, do you? No idea how much you mean to me. To all of us."
She dropped to her knees beside the bed, grabbing my hand tightly.
"I've been in love with you since high school, Kai. But I never said anything because you were with Talia. And then when she... When she died, I thought it was my chance to finally tell you. But you pushed everyone away. You threw yourself into those fights, like you wanted to disappear."
A tear rolled down her cheek. "I don't want you to go. I can't lose you too."
Seeing how emotional she was when she told me how she felt, it made me feel sorry for her. I already knew she had feelings for me all these years, even when she tried so hard to hide it like Vera did.
Years ago, Vera was always lashing out at other people, mostly she couldn't cope with the trauma of what happened to her but I was the only one she tolerated because of her feelings. Yumie was different, she was always helping people, even when things seemed complicated. I knew she had feelings from the first day Ren introduced us but I didn't think after all these years, she still had them.
"Yumie... I-Agh!" I groaned, holding onto my side as I tried sitting up right.
Yumie immediately moved closer, her hands hovering over my shoulders, torn between helping me and letting me struggle through it.
"Don't move so fast, you idiot," she said, her voice still thick with emotion. She gently guided me back against the headboard, adjusting the pillows behind me.
Once I was settled, she sat on the edge of the bed again, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. The vulnerability from moments ago was still there, raw and exposed.
"I shouldn't have said all that. Not now, not like this." She looked down at her hands, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. "But I'm tired of pretending I don't care. I'm tired of watching you kill yourself slowly."
She finally met my eyes again.
"What do you want me to do, Kai? Just... let you go? Watch you die in that ring and pretend it doesn't destroy me?"
I hesitated for a moment before responding, "Yumie... I…"
The words got caught in my throat as she leaned in, her eyes searching mine with a desperate intensity. The space between us shrank, her warm breath grazing my skin. The apartment was silent except for the faint hum of traffic outside.
"Please," she whispered, her fingers entwining with mine. "Give me something. Anything. I don't need you to love me back, not yet. Just... promise me you'll stop this. Stop trying to end it all."
Her other hand reached up to tenderly touch my cheek, tracing the fresh bruises from last night's fight.
"Yumie..." I started again, but this time the words didn't get stuck. I took a deep breath, wincing at the pain in my ribs, but forcing myself to continue. "I can't promise to stop fighting just yet. But... I'll try…"
Relief washed over Yumie's face at my words, but it was quickly replaced by a hint of caution. Her hand lingered on my cheek for a moment longer before she sat back slightly.
"Try isn't good enough," she said firmly, yet her voice was softening. "You have to promise me that the next time you step into that ring, it'll be with the intention of winning, of protecting yourself. Not... whatever it is you've been doing." She stood up and walked over to where the painkillers had fallen, gathering them up.
"I can't keep patching you up like this, Kai. It's getting harder each time." She returned to the bed and placed a glass of water on the nightstand, along with two pills. "Take these. They'll help with the pain."
As I reached for the pills, our fingers brushed, and for that fleeting moment, the world outside of this room seemed to fade away.
A knock on the apartment door shattered the charged quiet. Yumie started, quickly standing up. "That must be Ren," she muttered, straightening her shirt. "He was going to pick up some food."
She hurried to the door, opening it to find Ren standing there with takeout bags in both hands. His eyes immediately landed on me, lying in the bed with fresh bandages visible through my torn shirt.
"Damn, Kai. You look like you were dragged through hell and back," he said, stepping inside and setting the bags on the small kitchen counter. "What the hell were you thinking last night?"
Yumie closed the door behind him, shooting Ren a warning glance that clearly said 'not now.' But Ren ignored her, walking over to the bed. "Well, are you okay at least? Does it still hurt?"
"Yeah... But I'll live." I said, slowly sitting up from the bed. With the pills, I placed them in my mouth and drank down the glass of water until the cup was empty. Ren let out a relieved sigh, pulling up a chair next to the bed. Yumie started unpacking the takeout containers, the delicious smell of Chinese food filling the room.
"You better live, man," Ren said, clapping my good shoulder a bit too firmly. "We've got plans, remember? I'm supposed to introduce you to that big-time promoter next week. This could be our shot at something bigger than these underground matches."
Yumie's hands halted as she placed the cartons on the coffee table. "Ren, not now," she repeated, a touch of annoyance in her voice.
Ren looked between the two of us, then understanding dawned on him. "Oh. Right. Yeah, we can talk about that later." He cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck."So... uh, how about we have some food? It's your favorite - Kung Pao chicken."
The atmosphere in the room was thick with unsaid words and tense emotions, yet the smell of the food was making my empty stomach rumble.
"Heh, good thing I didn't eat during that match, I properly would've puked all over the place. " I smiled softly, "Thanks Ren." Ren's face lit up at my response, and he started dishing out the food onto plates. Yumie brought over a small table and placed it across my lap, arranging the dishes neatly.
"No problem, man," Ren said, taking a seat on the floor next to the bed. "You know I got your back. Always have, always will."
Yumie sat on the edge of the bed again, carefully avoiding looking at me directly. "Just... try not to chew too hard, okay? You might still have some loose teeth from that uppercut."
Despite the pain and the weight of everything that had been said, there was a sense of familiarity in this moment. The three of us, sharing a meal in Yumie's tiny apartment, just like old times. But something was different now. The air was charged with a new tension, a secret that had finally been revealed.
As I picked up my chopsticks, I caught Yumie stealing a glance at me, her eyes full of a mixture of worry and hope. "So..." she began, then paused, clearly unsure of what to say next.
"So what?" I smirked at her. "You gonna tell Ren about how much you love me?" I teased.
Ren nearly choked on his food, sputtering and coughing as he stared at us with wide eyes. Yumie's face turned a deep shade of red, and she shot me a fierce glare that could've melted steel.
"Kai!" she hissed, reaching over to smack my arm - not too hard, but enough to sting. "I... I mean–"
Ren finally managed to catch his breath, looking between Yumie and me with an expression of shock and disbelief. "Wait... seriously? Yumie, you love Kai? Since when?"
Yumie buried her face in her hands, clearly mortified. "I... it's not important. It's... just forget I said anything, okay?" I couldn't help but chuckle at her reaction, despite the pain it caused in my ribs. The tension in the room had suddenly taken a comical turn.
"Relax, Yumie. I'm just messing with you. Mostly," I added with a wink.
Ren shook his head, a slow smile spreading across his face. "Well, this explains a lot. All those times you got so worried about him after the fights…"
Yumie glared at him, her face still blushing. "Ren, don't you dare."
Ren quickly lifted his hands in surrender, though his grin remained mischievous. "Alright, alright! I'll stop. But seriously, you two... you should talk about this. For real."
He stood up, collecting his empty plate. "I'm going to go get some more napkins from the kitchen. You know, give you two some... private space."
As he walked away, Yumie let out a long, exasperated sigh. "Kai, why did you have to tell him like that?" she murmured, avoiding my gaze. "Now he's going to be unbearable about it."
She picked at her food with her chopsticks, clearly uncomfortable. "I didn't mean for any of this to come out. Not like this. I just... I was so scared last night. Seeing you like that... it made me realize I couldn't keep pretending anymore."
The sound of Ren rummaging around in the kitchen cabinets echoed through the small apartment, giving us a false sense of privacy.
"I know." I murmured. "I was only teasing, Yumie. Besides, I missed seeing you blush like that…" Yumie's blush deepened even further at my words, and she finally looked up at me, a blend of shyness and confusion in her eyes.
"You... you noticed?" she whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. The vulnerability in her expression was almost overwhelming.
Ren's voice came from the kitchen, loud enough for us to hear. "Don't mind me! Just looking for those napkins! Take your time talking about your feelings!"
Yumie rolled her eyes, but a tiny smile played on her lips. "That idiot. He's enjoying this way too much." She shifted a bit closer, her knees almost touching mine. "Kai... I know you're not ready for... for anything serious. And that's okay. But please, at least promise me you'll think about what I said. About the fighting."
Her hand reached out tentatively, brushing against my arm. "I can't lose you. I really can't." The kitchen noises stopped abruptly, and we both knew Ren was likely eavesdropping now.
I didn't want to admit it but seeing Yumie hopeful again made me feel relieved. Obviously, teasing, flirting and flattery was the only thing keeping her from falling apart. "You're not gonna lose me... Because I don't plan on losing or dying anytime soon."
A radiant smile spread across Yumie's face at my words, so bright it seemed to illuminate the entire room. She grasped my hand tightly, her fingers intertwining with mine.
"Good," she said firmly, blinking away the tears that were forming in her eyes. "Because I won't allow you to." Ren chose that exact moment to reappear, napkins in hand and a self-satisfied expression on his face. "So! Have you two lovebirds sorted everything out? Can I stop pretending I wasn't listening?"
Yumie threw a napkin at him, which he adeptly dodged with a laugh. "Ren, if you don't quit..."
He held up his hands again, chuckling. "Okay, okay! But seriously, Kai, if you hurt her, I'll have to kick your butt. And I know all your weak spots now."
The atmosphere in the room had transformed from tense to almost... comfortable. There was still so much left unsaid, so many emotions swirling beneath the surface. But for now, this felt like a start.
"Heh, you know I have a soft spot when it comes to compassionate women so you don't have to worry about kicking my ass." I said with a small smile.
Yumie's eyes widened a touch at my words, and she squeezed my hand gently. Ren let out an exaggerated groan. "Ugh, now you're just being cheesy. And here I thought you were this tough, brooding fighter." He sat back down on the floor, starting to refill his plate.
Yumie's free hand reached up to caress my cheek again, her touch soft and tender. "Well, I like this side of you too," she whispered, her voice just for me. "The one that's not afraid to show he cares."
The sound of the city outside the apartment seemed to fade away as we sat there, lost in the moment. The pain in my ribs was still there, but it felt distant, overshadowed by the warmth of Yumie's hand in mine and the hope in her eyes. Ren cleared his throat loudly. "Alright, guys. Enough with the mushy stuff. Let's finish eating before this food gets cold." But there was a teasing note in his voice, and I could tell he was genuinely happy to see us like this.
An Hour Later
After we got done eating, Yumie started washing up the dishes while Ren helped me out of bed so I could get dressed. "Hey, man. Are you sure you wanna go home looking like this? I mean, what if your aunt finds out?" Ren asked, obviously concerned.
I reassured him, "I'll be fine, Ren. My jacket is big enough to cover me... Besides, my aunt is probably looking for me now so I have to get home soon."
Ren nodded slowly, still appearing worried. "Well, at least let me drive you. I don't want you walking around alone in this state."
Yumie turned off the water, drying her hands on a towel as she came into the living room. "I'll come with you guys," she said firmly. "I want to make sure you get home safely."
Ren gave her a knowing look. "You just want to keep an eye on him," he teased, but there was no malice in his voice.
Yumie stuck out her tongue at him. "So what if I do? Someone has to."
She came over and helped me slip on my jacket, carefully adjusting it to hide the bandages. "Okay, let's go. And Kai, if you start feeling sick on the way, you better tell us right away."
The three of us made our way out of the apartment, the early morning sunlight streaming through the windows of the hallway. As we walked, I couldn't help but notice how Yumie kept close to my side, her hand lightly brushing against mine with each step.
In a way, I was glad that Yumie was okay now after she literally patched me up to the point where my torso and arms were bandaged up like a mummy.
When we finally made it to the car, I was placed in the back seat with Yumie.
She settled in beside me, her posture attentive as if prepared to catch me if I faltered. Ren started the engine, and the familiar sound of classic rock filled the car.
"So, Kai," Ren said as he pulled out of the parking lot, "Are you really going to go through with this meeting next week? I mean, after last night..."
Yumie's body tensed up next to me, and her hand landed on my leg. "Please don't," she whispered, her grip tightening slightly. "Just... think about it, okay? For me."
The city scenery passed by the windows - neon signs still flickering from the night before, early morning joggers on the sidewalks. I could feel Yumie's worry radiating from her, and Ren's anticipation through the rearview mirror.
"I said I'd think about it," I replied, covering Yumie's hand with my own. "And I meant it." Ren let out a sigh, but he didn't push further. Yumie relaxed a bit, leaning her head against my shoulder. "Thank you," she murmured, her breath warm against my neck.
The car ride was relatively quiet, save for the soft hum of the engine and the occasional song on the radio. Yumie's head stayed on my shoulder, and I could feel the gentle rhythm of her breathing. It was oddly comforting, despite the circumstances.
Ren turned down a familiar street, and my home building came into view. I could already picture my aunt Maliza waiting inside, probably pacing the floors and worrying herself sick.
Yumie lifted her head as we pulled up to the curb. "Do you want us to come in with you?" she asked, her eyes full of concern. "I can help explain things to your aunt."
Ren looked at me in the rearview mirror. "Yeah, man. It might be easier if there are two of us to back you up." The idea of facing my aunt alone was daunting, especially in my current state. But at the same time, I didn't want to involve Yumie and Ren in my family drama any more than I already had.
"No, guys. It's alright, I'll be fine." I reassured them.
Yumie pouted a little but didn't argue. Ren put the car in park, turning around to face me. "Alright, but if you need anything, anything at all, you better call us right away, got it?" His tone was serious, all traces of teasing gone. Yumie leaned in and kissed my cheek softly.
"Please be careful," she whispered, her lips lingering against my skin. "And remember what you promised." Ren rolled his eyes playfully. "Yeah, yeah. No more getting beaten to a pulp. We've got a future to build, remember?" The morning sun cast long shadows across the sidewalk as I opened the car door. My body protested as I stepped out, but I forced myself to stand up straight.
"Thanks, guys. For everything," I said, closing the door behind me. The sound of the engine revving up again filled the air as they waited until I reached the building entrance before driving off. I took a deep breath, bracing myself for whatever awaited me inside.
When I opened the door and walked inside, I heard Maliza rushing down the stairs. "Oh, there you are," she said when she saw me. "I was wondering where you went."
Closing the door behind me, I tried to walk past her but she then placed a hand on my chest. The pain that was still in my body almost made me wince but I tried my best to hold myself together. "Wait, where were you last night?"
Even though I was trying to tough myself out, the pain in my body was too much. "What's it to you? I took a stroll through town." I lied.
"All night? Kai, you know how dangerous it is at night. You can't just go out whenever you please, okay?" Seeing her treat me like I was still a kid, I scoffed, raising a brow at her. "Is this the part where you start lecturing me?"
"What? No, I–" Before she could talk, I took her hand off my chest. "I can take care of myself, thanks. So I don't need you to lecture about what I can or can't do." As cold as I was, I knew I had to get something to heal my wounds before Maliza noticed but just as I tried to walk past her, she noticed the bruise on my hand. "Kai, your hand… What happened?" She asked, taking my hand and examining it. Not wanting to see the bandages under my jacket sleeve, I quickly removed my hand from hers. "I'm fine, I just had an accident on the way here."
"Kai, wait." Maliza stopped me as I tried walking past her. "Please…just talk to me. Where were you last night and what happened to your hand?"
I wanted to tell her about the fight clubs and everything but… I couldn't. As much as I wanted to, I didn't want to burden her. Especially not my dad. He'd probably see me as a bigger disappointment if he found out about what I was doing to myself. "I'm fine," I lied again, "I just… I had an accident, nothing serious. Can I go now?"
Maliza looked like she wanted to protest at first but just let out a soft sigh. "Okay, fine. You can go." With her admitting defeat, I walked past her and walked up the stairs to the second floor.
Making my way to the bathroom, I closed the door behind me and opened the mirror cabinet. Reaching in, I took out a pill bottle which had the label 'Senzu Beans' written on it. My mother had always kept them around, even before she died all those years ago. Maliza still grows them, for some reason and keeps them in the mirror cabinet in case of emergencies.
Opening the bottle, I took one bean out and ate it.
As soon as the senzu bean touched my tongue, I felt an almost immediate surge of energy. The pain in my ribs subsided, and the cuts on my arms and hands began to itch as they rapidly healed. I could feel the bruises fading away under my skin, and the weariness from the long night lifted like a heavy fog.
"Fuck, thank god. Now I can take these bandages off..." I sighed in relief as I closed the bottle and put it back. Leaving the bathroom, I went straight to my room to take off the bandages on my body.
As I closed the door behind me and locked it, I took off my jacket. Honestly, I had never felt this lighter in weeks as my bones started cracking from the stiffness I felt in my arms and my back.
The bandages fell away easily, revealing newly-healed skin where just moments ago there had been raw wounds and deep bruises. I stretched my arms above my head, relishing the sensation of movement without pain. The familiar cracks and pops as my stiff joints loosened were like music to my ears. "Heh, all that's left now is just scars." I muttered to myself.
I started unwinding the bandages from my torso, the strips of white cloth piling up on the floor. The scars left behind were faint lines, a roadmap of the battles I'd fought. Some were from old fights, faded reminders of my past. But others were fresh, raw reminders of last night's brutality.
A knock came at the door, and Maliza's voice filtered through. "Kai? Are you okay there? I heard some noises."
I quickly grabbed a clean shirt from my closet, pulling it on just in time. "Yeah, I'm fine," I called back, running a hand through my hair. "Just... dealing with some stuff."
"Oh, okay. Well, I'll leave you to it then." I waited until I heard her footsteps retreat down the hall before moving to the window. The city outside my window was waking up - cars honking, people hurrying to work. I thought about Yumie and Ren, probably already talking about the promoters. I should have been there with them, training and planning for the next fight.
But after last night, after seeing the fear in Yumie's eyes... I wasn't so sure anymore. The senzu bean had healed my body, but the memory of her tears still stung. A sudden thought crossed my mind - what if I didn't have a bean the next time? What if I took one hit too many? I leaned against the windowsill, looking out at the city skyline.
"What am I doing? I mean, first I'm thinking about death and now I'm stuck," I thought to myself, "I know I'm just a ghost in my own town but... Now I'm thinking about what would have happened if I did die in that arena."
The words resonated in my head, a strange mix of clarity and confusion. For so long, I'd been adrift, seeking purpose in the thrill of the fight clubs. But Yumie's fear and Ren's concern had forced me to confront something I'd been avoiding. If I died, who was gonna look out for them? Yumie would be heartbroken, Ren and Frankie would be nervous wrecks.
"Fuck, what am I thinking? First I tried to end it and now I'm worried about what would've happened?" I pushed away from the window, running my fingers through my hair in frustration. The scars on my chest felt like brands, marking me as someone reckless, someone who didn't think of the consequences. My phone buzzed in my pocket - probably Ren or Yumie checking in.
I pulled out my phone, and sure enough, there were multiple texts. Yumie's messages were filled with concern: "Are you okay? Did your aunt find out? Please let me know you're alright."
Ren's was more matter-of-fact: "The promoters called. They want to set a date for the next fight. I told them we'd get back to them."
I stared at the screen, my thumb hovering over the keyboard. The weight of their expectations pressed down on me. The old me would've jumped at the chance to fight again, to prove myself. But now... I was stuck. A sudden pang of indecision hit me like a physical blow. I tossed my phone onto the bed, hearing it bounce off the covers. The room seemed to close in around me, the four walls trapping me with my own thoughts.
"Fuck, Kai, calm down." I muttered to myself while frantically pacing up and down the room. "I need to calm down."
My breathing came in quick, shallow gasps. The scars on my chest itched beneath my shirt. The posters on my walls - of famous fighters, of old heroes - seemed to mock me, their painted eyes judging my hesitation. I stumbled over to my desk, knocking a stack of books to the floor.
The familiar sound of breaking glass reached my ears. I'd knocked over a picture frame - a photo of my mom and me, taken when I was a kid. Her smile, so like mine, stared up at me from the shards. "I'm sorry, Mom," I whispered, dropping to my knees. "I... I don't know what I'm doing."
The weight of my choices, my past mistakes, crushed down on me. The phone on the bed buzzed again, a persistent reminder of the outside world waiting for an answer. But I couldn't move, frozen in the middle of my room surrounded by broken glass and old memories. "I need...to calm down..." I muttered between breaths while sitting down with my back against the bed.
I closed my eyes, breathing and exhaling slowly.
Minutes passed as I sat there, focusing on the rise and fall of my chest. The pounding in my ears gradually slowed, and the tightness in my throat eased. The sounds of the city outside filtered through the window - the honking horns, the distant sirens - became a steady rhythm, grounding me in the present.
Finally opening my eyes, I surveyed the mess around me. The shattered picture frame, the scattered books. It was a reflection of my life - broken, chaotic, but fixable. I reached out and carefully picked up the photo of my mom, cradling it in my hands.
"I won't let you down," I murmured, more to myself than to her. "I'll figure this out."
Standing up, I retrieved the dustpan and brush from the closet, methodically cleaning up the broken glass. Each piece I swept into the pan felt like a step toward clarity. Once the floor was spotless, I placed the photo back on my desk, straightening the frame as best I could.
Suddenly, Maliza softly knocked on the door. "Hey, Kai. You in there?"
I hesitated at first before answering, "What do you want?"
She asked, "I'm going out… I don't know how long I'll be so I'll probably be gone for a few hours. Do you need anything from the mall?"
I didn't really need anything at the moment so I just told her off. "No, I'm good…so you can leave."
Maliza sighed, "Okay. I'll see you later then." I listened closely to the sound of her footsteps retreating, followed by the front door closing with a firm thud. The house suddenly felt much larger, emptier. The silence pressed down, filled only by the faint hum of the refrigerator downstairs.
I stood there in the quiet for a long moment, the weight of the solitude settling over me. The house, which had always been a place of both comfort and confinement, now felt like a prison of my own making. I walked over to my bed, picked up my phone.
There were more texts - a few from Yumie asking if I was okay, a couple from Ren about the fight date, and one from Frankie suggesting we meet up later.
I scrolled through them all, my thumb pausing over the screen. The thought of leaving the house, of facing my friends and making decisions, seemed overwhelming. But I knew I couldn't just leave them on read.
So I decided to answer Yumie first.
My fingers tapped against the screen, typing out a message: "I'm okay. Maliza left. Just needed some space. Thanks for last night. For everything." Hitting send, I waited for a response, feeling a tightness in my chest. Yumie always had a way of making me feel understood, even when I didn't understand myself. Before I could second-guess my words, three dots appeared, indicating she was typing back. My phone vibrated in my hand: "You don't have to thank me. I was just worried. Do you want me to come over?"
The offer was tempting. Having Yumie here would mean having someone to talk to, someone who wouldn't judge. But at the same time, I wasn't ready to face the look of concern in her eyes again. Not yet.
I typed my reply: "No, it's okay. I just need some time alone. But maybe we can meet up later? After I've sorted some things out." I threw my phone onto the bed once more, running my hand through my hair.
It wasn't long before I started to notice the smell of dry blood and sweat on me. "Heh, guess I better go shower before I do anything else..." Taking a towel from the bottom draw, I left my room and made my way to the bathroom. The bathroom tiles felt cold under my bare feet as I walked in and closed the door behind me. I turned the shower on, watching as steam filled the small space. The mirror misted over, hiding my reflection - the same face that had looked back at me every morning for years, but now seemed like that of a stranger.
I stripped off my clothes, dropping them in a heap on the floor. The scars looked even more prominent against my freshly healed skin. Each one told a story - some of courage, others of foolishness.
Stepping into the shower, the hot water hit my body like a thousand tiny needles. I let the water run over my face, through my hair, washing away the remnants of last night. The smell of blood and sweat swirled down the drain, but the memories remained. I leaned against the shower wall, letting the water cascade down my back. The sound of it hitting the tiles was a comforting rhythm, a distraction from my racing thoughts. What was I going to do about the fight clubs? About Yumie? About myself?
Honestly, I don't know anymore…
…
To Be Continued…