I stood in front of the door and smelled my clothes again. I arranged my hair and clutched onto the bouquet of flowers tightly. I opened the door and walked in. It was dark inside and as I walked in slowly, I was surprised. Few scented candles were lit up and the long curtains at the corner was decorated with yellow fairy lights and a happy birthday sign. A small cake was placed on the dining with a small box in gift wraps. I was dumbfounded. I was sure I wasn't gone for more than three hours or so.
"Oh, you are here already?"
I turned around to see him walk out of my room with a red heart shaped balloon.
He froze at the door, watching me watch him. He let out a defeated sigh. "You are early. I still have balloons to set up." He walked to me and glanced at the bouquet in my hand. He narrowed his eyes. "Who gave you these?"
I was flattered. I recovered from the surprise and handed out the bouquet. "These...these are for y-you." I stammered.
He broke into the sweetest smile ever. "Flowers!" he threw his head back and laughed.
I couldn't help but smile. My cheeks burned. I had no idea what would make him happy so I just picked flowers. I guess it worked. He was laughing.
"Then this is for you. It's my heart." He took the bouquet from me and started to hand me the red heart shaped balloon. I guess it was probably my cuff links but the balloon busted and we both stared at each other with poker faces. None of us flinched.
"Did you just break my little heart?" He asked.
I shook my head, widening my eyes. "I don't dare to."
He smiled, sniffing the flowers. "Good. Now, let's cut the cake." He grabbed my hand and guided me to the dining. A 'Happy Birthday Mr. K' was engraved on the cake and it made me smile.
He set the bouquet aside and handed me the knife. He lit up the candle and turned to me. "Make a wish after you blow the candles."
I smiled, nodding. I blew the candles out and closed my eyes. I made a wish and opened my eyes. I cut the cake as he sang happy birthday excitedly.
"What did you wish for?" he asked.
I reached to pick some cream with my index finger and he opened his mouth, expecting me to feed him. He blinked as I spread the cream on his bottom lip.
"What are you do-" I crushed my lips against his before he could finish his sentence. I tasted the sweetness and I wondered if it was the cream or just him. He moved his lips in confusion as I devoured him passionately. He seemed a little hesitant at first and then picked up the pace. He wrapped his arms around my neck and I picked him up on the dining. My hands traveled underneath his shirt, exploring his chest. He moaned at the back of his throat, deepening the kiss. He wrapped his legs around my waist and I picked him up. I have no idea how we made it across the hallway and to my bedroom- never breaking the kiss. I gently set him on the bed, making sure his head hit the pillow. His hands traveled to unbutton my shirt.
I pulled away from the kiss, both breathing heavily. I gazed into his eyes, reaching to stroke his head. I touched my forehead to his and closed my eyes.
"I love you." I whispered and gulped down. It took me long to say those words. I opened my eyes and leaned away a little.
He was smiling softly, tearing up. He bit down on his bottom lip as his lips quivered. "I love you too." His voice broke at the end, filling my heart with mixed emotions I couldn't name. Without wasting any breath, his lips were back to mine.
....
"It looks good, doesn't it?" I asked, watching both our hands entwined on side of the bed. We were cozy in bed after our sweet love making session. I was spooning him. He was warm and comfortable.
He nodded sleepily.
"I will buy you another ring, platinum maybe or gold. Which one do you prefer?" I asked, tracing the ring on his finger that I had given him six years ago.
He chuckled. "Whatever suits your taste."
"Hmm. Sleepy?" I asked, rubbing his bare shoulder.
"Yes."
I exhaled, holding him closer. "Thank you for the surprise. It's the best birthday ever."
"Your mom told me you don't like to celebrate your birthdays. Is there any particular reason behind it?" From the tone of his voice, I could tell his sleep was gone. He was curious.
"Um...not any particular reason. I just had an experience. Back at school, when I was ten or twelve, I don't remember but it was my birthday and everybody gave me their well wishes. All showered me with love and attention that day. I was happy but the very next day the world turned cold. I noticed they only make you feel special on your birthday. What's so special about birthdays anyways. From the next birthday, I started noticing and the more the time passed, it started to disgust me. People would be talking shit about you the whole year and suddenly they are an angel on your birthday showering you with love and well wishes. You don't have to be good to people only on their birthdays. So yeah, that's why I don't like birthdays. There is nothing special about it." I tried my best to explain but I guess he wouldn't get my point.
He nodded and turned to face me. I looked into his eyes, trying to read what he really thought about it but his eyes gave away nothing. "But your loved ones are always good to you and they really mean it when they say they wish you well."
I pressed my lips together and nodded.
He reached to touch my cheek. "You are special to me every single day."
I smiled and pecked his lips. "And you are to me."
"What's the time now?" He asked and stretched his neck to look at the clock on the table. "Wow. Just a few minutes to be twelve." He turned back to me.
"Why?" I asked.
"Happy birthday once again." He grinned.
I shook my head, smiling and pecked his lips again. "Thank you. You know, I have been celebrating your birthday every year."
His eyes widened and he gasped dramatically. "Seriously?"
I nodded, flushing.
"What do you do?"
"Eat a piece of cake." I said.
He narrowed his eyes. "Wow." He said monotonously.
I laughed. "At least it's for you."
"Yeah, yeah." He said and his face turned into some realization. "Oh, I totally forgot." He started to get out of bed.
I grabbed on his wrist. "What?"
"Mind if I borrow your shirt?" He asked, already picking my shirt up and buttoning it up. I was surprised how lose my shirt was on his body. It covered till half of his thighs. He got out of bed and rushed out the door.
I got out and slipped on some pants and t-shirt. He came back with the the gift box that was on the dining and the cardboard box that my mother had given. I sat on the bed, watching with curiosity as he placed the boxes on the bed and sat down.
"Here, unwrap this first." He handed me the box wrapped in gift wrappers. I took it and shook it but heard nothing. I neatly unwrapped it.
He was watching me, gaping. "I would just rip everything, you know." He said, watching me rip the wrap neatly.
I smiled as I opened the box and found a stuffed toy in it. I pulled it out and it was a husky stuffed toy. I laughed. "What is this?"
"You, husky. To be honest, you have already unwrapped your real gift but when I visited the store to buy things earlier, I saw it and thought of just gifting it." He grinned.
"Thank you very much. I like both my gifts."
"And now, the most precious gift has been received by me." He placed a hand over the cardboard box my mother had given. Yeah, I was curious about that too.
"What?" I asked.
He smiled, slowly opening the box and exposing a series of folded papers. I watched in horror. I recognized those. Those were my self-letters that I had written to express my feelings six years ago since there was no one I could talk to. And in my memory, those were the most cheesy letters ever. My face started to burn and I could tell I was turning red. I just wanted to snatch that box and throw it out the window or burn it. But I was frozen.
"You read it?" I asked, not being able to move. If he had read those, I would die. Those letters were so cringe!
He laughed at my expression.
I stared at him in embarrassment. He had read those, I could tell.
"This letters exposes a whole new side of you, Kwan." His whole body shook of laughter while I just stared at him. "I doubted if it's really written by you but it's true! You really are a character out of a book. Look at all these different sides I am discovering about you."
I ran my fingers through my hair nervously. Mom had doomed me. She and dad had read those cheesy letters, it was okay. But Kao! Those letters were all about him. I wished the world would open up and swallow me.
"Come on, say something. You look like you have seen a ghost." He laughed, shaking my arm.
"Um let's not talk about the letters." I said, wanting to dive out of the window.
He bit down on his lips, preventing himself from laughing. "You seriously sent out more than hundred emails on different addresses with my name?"
I exhaled and nodded, giving up on the idea to run in the bathroom and locking myself up forever. "Yeah, in hope that at least one of them must be you."
He puckered his lips. "The result was disappointing, right? That you felt like crying out every time you saw a caterpillar because it reminded you of me." He said, mimicking lines from my letters.
I pressed my lips into a thin line.
"That you couldn't listen to songs anymore?" He reached to take my hand. "Don't be embarrassed, Kwan. These letters tells me what you had gone through and how much you love me. These are your real feelings and I am glad to read them." He lounged to give me a hug.
I hugged him back in confusion. "Aren't you cringed?"
He stroke my hair. "Silly, I love it."
I sighed. "I love you."
He giggled. "I love you too."
After a quick shower, we both got comfortable in bed. Surprisingly, he wasn't sleepy. He had questions- questions about all the things in the world. The conversation didn't flow smoothly. We couldn't finish talking about one topic when another would come out and we would forget about the previous one. I was tired and sleepy but his energy was enough for both of us.
"And I don't know why but I just hate pineapple. Some people eat pineapple pizza, can you believe that! I hate pineapple even in general. If I see a pineapple, it disgusts me to the core." He grimaced.
I smiled softly, my eyelids turning heavy.
"I guess it has stopped raining. The smell is sipping through the window." He took a deep breath and exhaled. "I love the smell of after rain."
I shifted closer and nuzzled my face in his neck.
He giggled. "It tickles."
"Sleep, Kao." I mumbled.
"Umm." He stroke my hair. "Actually, I was thinking of going out for a walk."
I shifted away to look at his face. "You serious?" I asked in horror.
He nodded. "I don't know but I am feeling like it. I have never done it before. Let's try it."
I watched with a straight face as he jumped out of bed happily and started to wear his warmers. With an exhausted sigh I got out of bed and put on my warmers too. Whatever made him happy.
My head was throbbing and my eyes were burning as we walked down the empty street. I could feel that I was going to get sick. He was talking about stars but I couldn't concentrate. My mind seemed to want to go back in the warmth of the bed. The wind was chilly and each gentle breeze sent a shiver down my spine.
"Do you believe in God, Kwan?" He asked, reaching to hold my hand. His hand was warmer.
"Umm...not really." I said, shoving our intertwined hands in my coat's pocket.
"You are Christian, right?" He asked.
"Yes." I nodded. "I don't believe in the idolship that people pray. The supreme being is the energy that created us. It's science and the believe is faith. If positive energy exists, so does negative. It all depends on what we think."
He nodded thoughtfully. "So...do you have faith?"
"Well, yeah. I have hope which comes from faith so, yeah."
He grinned. "Good."
"What about you? Do you believe in God?" I asked.
He pressed his lips into a thin line. "Well, I won't say I don't. I am not Christian. I am Buddhist so my believe has always been that spiritual and physical labor, and good behavior will lead us to enlightenment. We just need to believe in ourselves and keep living, don't you think?"
I smiled. "I admire that religion."
He smiled back, squeezing my hand gently. "So why don't you tell me about the fallen angel and his rebellion against God?"
"Lucifer?"
"Yes."
I exhaled. It was a long story. And so we walked around as I narrated him the story from the Bible. He listened with interest, asking questions about logic to which I couldn't answer. That was what religion was. There was no proof yet so many believers.