Ardees, also known as Jawa Juice, an alcoholic beverage made bantha hides mashed with fermented grains. The description of what it was made out of tended to make people somewhat vary of trying the drink but for those who had managed to go past their prejudices, it was a delicious drink that could be refreshing when cooled down to the just right temperature. It was something of a guilty pleasure of mine that I had acquired after opening my eyes in a galaxy far far away.
It had been just a little over twenty years, twenty long years since I opened my eyes in the universe of Star Wars as a child.
Admittedly my first reaction to this development had not been… pretty. Which was a nice way of saying I had almost went into cardiac arrest with fear. Mostly because I hadn't been born in a good time, as a matter of fact I had been born just a little before the whole Empire bullshit of Palpatine had begun. It was practically a miracle that nobody found out about my condition and then put me into Palpy's lil acolyte program. Yeah that's right, I was a force sensitive; not that it was a good thing at the then current political climate.
Not that it mattered anymore since the Empire had fallen to the so called Chosen One, which means I no longer had to spend my whole time in the outer rim with only small travels to mid rim.
"Perun!" Though that new freedom and relaxation had its downsides too. "Come out and face us! Today is the day that you will renounce the temptations of the Dark Side, Darth Perun!"
Yeah, in my defense; I was left unsupervised with alcohol after the news of emperor's death had hit the galaxy. So I just started to chug down anything I could get my hands on, using the force to do some party tricks all the while, till the rest of the week was a blank. Apparently, I had ended up starting a bar fight that ended up with me using force lightning on some mook before declaring myself 'Darth Perun the Mighty'. Again, I blamed the alcohol.
Unfortunately the law, or what passes as the law in outer rim, decided that I was just as guilty as the alcohol and the rumors of my little episode ended up being known to the wider galaxy with a few alterations due to rumor mongers being unable to keep their facts right. Which led to me drunkenly using the dark side to me claiming myself to be the new master of the Sith before destroying or enslaving several towns on several different planets with the intent to become the next emperor.
Funny thing is, I didn't know about more than half of those things till six month later when Luke Skywalker walked up to me and pulled his lightsaber. It had been kinda awkward trying to understand what I had done to get the ire of the last Jedi without looking like an idiot.
In the end I managed to explain that it was all a misunderstanding and the influence of alcohol, but the name Darth Perun stuck.
Then the hostility from before returned when I let it slip that I had trained with several Sith holocrons.
And now here we were, a year later and the damn savior of free galaxy was still following me around, trying to 'save me' from the dark side. Like right now with his friend.
"Oh, it's you two again." I said with a sight as I looked at the duo of Jedi and ex-smuggler. "How have you been?"
"Oh you know, the usual?" Solo said with a shrug, he hadn't even drawn his blaster yet.
"Is the wife well?"
"She's expecting actually."
"That's wonderful!"
"Enough!" My little chat with Han Solo was rudely interrupted by Luke's shout as the last Jedi drew his lightsaber. The green one, not the Youngling Slayer 9000. "This is the end Perun, you need to turn back from the path that you walk now. Or else it will dominate your destiny with death and destruction." Wow, it was almost impressive how much Jedi Council kool-aid Luke seems to have drunk with no Jedi Council alive.
"Sure, yes, we could do that." I said with a nod, almost feeling bad at the hopeful look that appeared on Luke's face. "Or I could do this!" And then I used the force to collapse the ceiling on us, using the distraction to use force speed and run to my ship.
Getting off of the planet was easy but my little distraction was not as effective as I had hoped it would be, seeing as the Millennium Falcon was right behind me. Persistent bastards.
That was when I had the brightest idea of using the force on my ship just as I pressed the button to hyper jump.
The sight of my ship steadily becoming more and more transparent until it disappeared clued to me that my idea likely hadn't been as bright as I thought it had been as the darkness enveloped me.
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"Fuck." I muttered as I held my head between my hands, a killer headache of epic proportions tormenting me. But the pain also made me realize something too.
"I survived. I love it when I do that." I said with a smile on my face, the headache starting to disappear, as I looked around myself. Somehow I had ended up in a rather lush forest instead of dying in the vacuum of space. Definitely nice but...
"That doesn't look like it belongs here." I said with a frown as I looked up at the practical armada of ships hovering just above the atmosphere. Not to mention there were a lot of clanging sounds for a forest like this.
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained." I muttered to myself and allowed the Force to lead me to, what I hope to be, nearest sentient gathering.
So of course I ended up face to face with a group of droids holding several people at gunpoint instead. Very familiar looking droids.
"I'm surprised anyone is still using these models." I said with a frown, uncaring of the sudden appearance of a blaster directed at my face.
"Identify yourse-" That's as far is the droid could go before I used the Force to crush it's head and then made short work of the rest of the droids.
"This is why nobody uses these things anymore." I said with a scoff.
"Thank you, master Jedi." Wait wha?
"...Jedi?" I asked at one of the people that I uncaringly had saved from the droids. The one with the most obnoxious red robes, weirdest headpiece, and whitest face paint I I ever saw.
"Am I mistaken?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. "I am Padme Amidala, the queen of Naboo, and I thank you for your timely assistance."
Oh... fuck. At least that answered where I was. Or more like when I was.
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