"What up nerds?" Ishida would forever deny any allegations about him screaming like a little girl when Cain suddenly appeared behind him.
Tatsuki and Inoue on the other hand immediately went up to the foreigner Quincy in order to punch and hug him respectively.
"You fucking moron, where the hell have you been?!" Tatsuki yelled but Ishida couldn't help but notice that her arms were shaking slightly. "And who is that?!" Which only stopped when she pointed at the woman beside Cain. How had he missed her?
"Hmm, oh this is Aura. I'll tell you guys the details when we regroup with the others."
"You know where Kurosaki-kun is?" Inoue asked with a tilt of her head that turned into a sad pout when Cain shook his head.
"Nope, but I bet Yoruichi does." He then pointed behind them where the black cat was really laying down on a crate.
"Good senses." While Ishida was trying to wrap his head around the cat somehow managing to sneak up on them, said cat jumped off of the crate and landed on Cain's head.
"Follow me."
—————
"Woah! It's so big! I never thought there would another place hidden like this!" Inoue yelled with a huge smile as she looked around the hideout Yoruichi had brought them to, an identical copy of the hideout beneath Urahara's shop.
"What are those two idiots doing?" Cain asked as he pointed at two directions. One of them was where Kurosaki was clashing with a man with shades wearing a coat that was swishing with non-existent wind. But the other direction was far more alarming as that was where the redheaded Shinigami that had almost killed him was fighting... a baboon?
"Bankai training. They intend to use it to save Rukia?"
"Wasn't he all for her execution?" Ishida asked with some anger leaking into his tone as he pointed at the redheaded Shinigami.
"Apparently his act was mostly due to his inferiority complex and not having the guts to help her or something. I wasn't really paying attention when he gave his speech to Ichigo." Yoruichi said with a shake of his head. "Now then, we're far enough from the rest of Seireitei so I can shed this disguise now." And before Ishida or anyone else could comprehend his words, a cloud of smoke enveloped the cat and what was revealed when the smoke dispersed was... was...?!
"You're a woman?!" Tatsuki yelled out what they were all thinking with a huge blush while Ishida tried to keep the blood gushing out of his nose under control and averted his gaze from the goddess in front of him.
"Heh, the reactions never get old. Though your's is rather new." She said with a laugh as she pointed at Cain, who was merely smiling as he shamelessly ogled her naked frame.
"Cover yourself!" And then Tatsuki ran and planted herself before the naked woman, he arms and legs spread apart in shape of a star in order to cover as much space as possible.
"Hehe, you guys are real fun." Yoruichi said as she put some pants on under her orange top and tied her hair in a ponytail. "I should meet more people and surprise them like this."
"Just call me when you're gonna do it." Cain said with a smirk and then leaned down in order to dodge Tatsuki's punch, which landed on Ishida instead.
"Oi Cain, I have been keeping quiet all this time but who is that woman?" Kurosaki asked as he pointed at Aura, who was simply sitting in seiza without any care for the looks she was getting.
"Hmm, I guess I should explain what happened but before I do I need you guys to know this." American Quincy said with a serious look. "Aura is an ally and won't betray us, I would stake Kurosaki's life on it."
"Stake your own damn life!"
"Now then." Cain expertly ignored Kurosaki's rage and turned to Yoruichi. "I got good news and a hypothetical bad news."
"The good news is, as I've already said, Aura is now an ally. She is good enough to avoid me for a while and no die when I punched her so she's basically at the level of a lieutenant."
"Don't you think you underestimate what it takes to be a lieutenant?" Abarai, the redheaded Shinigami who had almost killed Ishida, asked while raising one of his ridiculous eyebrows.
"I'm sorry, the lil bitch who had to dance when I started to shoot says what?" Cain asked and then materialized his gun when it looked like Abarai was about to get up. "I have beaten three and a half captains since coming here turnip head, think very carefully before trying something." He said with a glare and even Ishida had to admit that Cain was kind of terrifying at the moment.
Especially since he could still clearly remember the state one captain had left him in.
"Three and a half?" Yoruichi asked with a tilt of her head and Cain simply shrugged.
"The clown was already halfway to being defeated before I dealt with him. So Ishida and Tatsuki can take credit for half." He said graciously but Ishida and Tatsuki just ended up feeling even more defeated about that battle.
"And what's the bad news?"
"The hypothetical bad news is that I may have, hypothetically of course, murdered a noble."
"..." Yoruichi.
"..." Tatsuki.
"..." Ishida.
"..." Inoue.
"..." Kurosaki.
"..." Abarai.
"..." Cain.
"The fuck you mean you murdered a noble?!" Yoruichi exploded as she latched onto Cain's collar and started to shake him while listing every way he had fucked them over.
It was a very long list.
"Yoruichi please! Remember that this is all hypothetical!" Cain said as he grabbed her arms and made her stop shaking him before trying to defend himself. "Also, in the defense of my hypothetical self, the hypothetical noble that he hypothetically murdered was a real ass."
"All nobles are asses! Which one could actually be enough of one for you to screw our chances of survival?!" Which had the opposite effect as Yoruichi stopped trying to shake him and instead started trying to choke him instead.
"It was Tsunayashiro Tokinada." And then Aura's words made her freeze and fall to the ground, where she laid down for almost a minute with wide eyes and making no sound.
Then she slowly got up, dusted off her pants and walked towards one of the many huge rocks around the field and then started to push it; revealing a hidden compartment under the rock.
From which she took out one bottle of what Ishida could only guess to be high grade sake and started to chug it. When it looked like she had finished the whole bottle, she simply smashed it on the ground and pulled another bottle and started to drink from it.
This course of actions were repeated several times before she walked back to Cain, who was finally starting to look nervous, and put her hands on his shoulders.
Before her hands suddenly went to his cheeks and pulled him towards herself, smashing her lips onto his where they stood united for almost a whole minute before pulled back and started cackling.
"HAHAHAHA, the lime looking asshole is fucking dead! Time to party!"
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