Her body slowly dissolved into the thin air, like mist fading under the morning sun. Her lips were moving — she was saying something. I know she was. But the scream of the police sirens swallowed her voice whole.
That was a day I will never forget. Not in this lifetime.
"Absquatulate."
The word echoed in my head long after she was gone.Disappear. Leave abruptly. Vanish without warning.
A long time ago — before the incident.
I was just a girl born without a father. He left the moment my mother gave birth to me. Just like that. As if we were nothing.
My mother changed after that. Or maybe she broke.
She worked two jobs just to keep us alive, but she never really looked at me. Never really spoke to me. Sometimes I wonder if she blamed me. Maybe she thought I was the reason he left. Maybe, in her eyes, I was nothing but bad luck wrapped in skin.
"Did something happen? Tell me if something's bothering you."
And that's Aysel.
My only friend.The only person I ever trusted.
We've been inseparable since kindergarten.
"Nothing."
She narrowed her eyes at me."I've known you for thirteen years, Estelle. Don't lie to me."
I grabbed my bag. "Let's go. It's break time."
She sighed dramatically. "You're impossible."
—
Cafeteria.
"You know that guy from the next class?" she asked, poking at her food.
"Which one?"
She gasped. "What do you mean which one? As if I change boyfriends every day."
"Well… do you not?"
"Ugh. Whatever. He asked me out. I rejected him."
"Again? That's the fifth guy you've turned down. All because of him."
"Of course," she said proudly. "I'm loyal."
"Loyal to someone who doesn't even know you exist."
"At least I get to see him every day."
"Creep."
"Say that again and I'm selling you to a thrift store."
We both laughed.Back then, everything felt normal. Safe.
—
After school.
"Let's go karaoke!" she said, eyes sparkling.
"Not today," I replied. "I have something to do."
"Come on, my treat!"
It was tempting. It always was when it came to her.
"Another time" I said softly.
She pouted. "Fine. See you tomorrow!"
"See you tomorrow."
If I could turn back time, I would've gone with you.
That was the worst decision of my life.
I left you alone.I turned you down.
I never imagined that would be the last time I'd hear your voice. There was no tomorrow for you.
You disappeared.
Forever.
—
It's been three months without you.
The pain in my chest doesn't bleed, but it aches constantly — like something cracked inside me and never healed. Every time I remember your smile, it feels like someone twisting a knife deeper into my heart.
My only friend.
Why did you leave?
You promised you wouldn't. You said no matter what happened, we'd stay together.
Sometimes I blame myself.If I had gone with you that day…If I had insisted…If I had just been there…
Maybe things would be different.
On this rainy day, standing beneath a sky that feels just as heavy as my heart, I finally understand something.
Running away won't bring you back.
Blaming myself won't change the past.
But forgetting you?
That, I refuse to do.
So I stand here, letting the rain soak through me, whispering into the wind —
"Wait for me, Aysel."
On this rainy day. I decided to end this pain myself.