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omake - hashirama's best joke
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< Recap:
Hiruzen sweat dropped looking at the wood dragon *I never realised that hashirama's wood dragon looked like a certain part of male body I hope it's just a coincidence*
>
*In after life*
A beautiful red haired woman laid in the arms of her brown haired husband who's faced expressed suppressed laughter and pride at a joke well done
The red haired poked her husband on his abs in curiosity just wondering why he was laughing?
The named Hashirama snaggled into the woman named mito and said
"Just wondering how many figured that the inspiration for my wood dragon wasn't from ryuuta rather my own dragon"
"You know I really wish you were here fully dear I bet you look just as handsome" Mito said while imagine him with spiky brown hair with blue eyes
"I'm more than enough for you missy even if I'm just a fragment"
Mito smiled as the said dragon reached her
Title Card
Brush-stroke calligraphy: "Hashirama's Best Joke"
Chibi Hashirama winks, thumbs up. A tiny chibi Mito facepalms behind him.
Cut to:
Chibi Hiruzen with calculator and ruler, sweating as he re-watches the dragon silhouette.
Caption: "Sarutobi-sensei, retroactive trauma."
Hiruzen: "No… no, that can't be the design logic…"
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Omake Title: "Roommate Transfer Jutsu: Sasuke Edition"
Setting: Chunin Exams, Forest of Death - Tower Phase.
---
[Scene: Nighttime in the tower. Sasuke is pacing in his room.]
"I need silence. I need space. I need to brood in peace and glare at the moon without Naruto breathing like a dying pug in the bunk above me."Sasuke monologued internally like a pro emo
Sasuke said aloud, flatly"He's gotta go."
---
[Cut to: Naruto snoring loudly, mid-dream about ramen. Sasuke stands over him, holding a labeled blow dart: "SLEEP NO JUTSU - for emergencies only."]
Sasuke muttered "Forgive me, dobe. But for the greater good-of my sanity-you must be... relocated."
- Pft! -
[Naruto slumps, unconscious. Sasuke sighs.]
Sasuke:
> "Now... packaging."
---
[Time skip - Naruto is now wrapped like a human burrito in his sleeping bag, tied with ninja wire, his hair messily poking out. Sasuke smirks at his own handiwork.]
---
[Cut to: Hinata's room. She's nervously organizing kunai and overthinking everything.]
Hinata "will they pin us against eachother? I don't wanna hurt or even fight my classmate no matter how annoying and bad they as human beings *her mind flashed through Sakura , ino,kiba making fun of Naruto* i won't give in suppressed rage would i?" She thought to a Hyuga monotone , stiffness (in attitude not that one) etc were the traits of masters of masters.
Suddenly: Knock knock. Door creaks open. Sasuke steps in like a villain from a telenovela.
Sasuke (deadpan, dragging the Naruto burrito in):
"Congratulations. You've been promoted to... Naruto's new bunkmate."
"W-w-wha-?!"Hinata gasped
Sasuke began the most Uchiha voice "Think of it as... encouragement therapy. Maybe if you molest him a little, he'll start acting less like a dumb puppy... and more like a stoic god like me."
"M-m-m-m-molest?!" Hinata while short-circuiting
Sasuke said
"You're kind. He's dumb. This is fate. Uchiha logic." with that He vanished in a swirl of dramatic leaves before she can protest
Hinata stares at the Naruto burrito, redder than a tomato. Naruto snorts in his sleep
"Ramen... why're you warm... and smell like lavender...?"Naruto said
dreaming
"...D-do I... untie him... or would that be... cheating?"Hinata confused
[Cut to: Hiruzen watching via crystal ball. He drops his pipe.]
"That Uchiha boy... is either a genius or a menace to society."Hiruzen said to none in perticular but the anbu could not agree more
---
End scene with narrator voice:
"Thus began the most awkward night in Chunin Exams history. One burrito, one blushing girl, and one brooding uchia's idea of matchmaking with a pinch of uchiha magic ✨"
Author:
Cut take #2! remake this with better zeal !
Chat zetsu : *robot noises* yes great author
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Omake Title: "Sasuke's Roommate Problem... Solved?"
Setting: Chunin Exam Tower - Night, Second Stage. The camera zooms into the dark forest outside the tower... where Sasuke Uchiha, with a rare smirk, is carrying out a highly questionable operation.
---
[Narration Voiceover - like a nature documentary]
"When a brooding Uchiha is denied sleep by a snoring, hyperactive roommate... extreme measures are taken."
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Scene Begins
Sasuke was crouching beside an unconscious Naruto
"Not my fault the staff said either you or Sakura. And I refuse to deal with two loudmouths in one room especially when the other loud mouth will molest me in my sleep."
Sasuke dramatically pulls out a sleeping dart syringe, then glances at the fine print.
Sasuke said with satisfaction
"...Guaranteed ten hours of silence. Good enough though honestly i doubt he would awaken either way... Well better safe than sorry"
He injects Naruto and watches him slump peacefully. Then pauses. A devious glint appears in his eye.
Sasuke (muttering):
"You're annoying... but maybe Hinata can turn you into a halfway respectable human being. Or at least teach you to shut up."
[Cue fast-forward montage: Sasuke strips Naruto offscreen (the screen blacks out with a "CENSORED - FOR THE GOOD OF KONOHA" stamp), burrito-wraps him in Naruto's own orange jumpsuit like a gift, ties it with ninja wire and adds a bow made of explosive tags (deactivated... hopefully).]
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[Cut to Hinata's Room - dimly lit, peaceful... until]
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Hinata (opening the door nervously):
"Y-Yes?"
She freezes. There's a mostly-wrapped Naruto on the floor like a gift basket. Sasuke stands behind him with arms crossed, looking completely serious.
Sasuke (deadpan):
"Congratulations. You've been selected for an elite-level emotional rehabilitation mission."
Hinata (blinking):
"H-Huh?"
Sasuke:
"Molest him. Or hug him. I don't care. Just... make him less of a disaster. And maybe he'll stop yelling 'BELIEVE IT' in his sleep."
Hinata.exe has stopped working. Nosebleed loading...
Hinata (squeaking):
"W-W-Wh-?!"
Sasuke (turning to leave like a mysterious matchmaking agent):
"Do your duty, Hyūga. For the village."
Door slams shut. Hinata stands frozen, face redder than a Sharingan. Naruto, still unconscious, mumbles something about ramen and frogs.
---
[Cut to Hokage Office - Crystal Ball Mode]
Hiruzen (choking on his pipe):
"...That Uchiha is a menace. But Kami help me, this might finally work."
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End Caption:
Sasuke Uchiha: accidental cupid+ professional roommate evictor.
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---
Omake Part 2: "For the Good of the Village"
Setting: Hinata's Room - Chunin Exam Tower
Naruto lies on her futon, still burrito-wrapped, blissfully unaware. Hinata stares at him like she's been handed a bomb. Or a wedding ring.
---
Hinata (internal monologue, voice trembling):
"Th-this has to be illegal... maybe... but Sasuke-kun said it was a mission... for the village... I-I can't fail the village!"
Her hands are shaking as she reaches for the makeshift bow. It reads in Sasuke's handwriting:"WARNING: EXTREMELY LOUD. HANDLE WITH AFFECTION."
Hinata (sweating bullets):
"I-I can do this... I-I'm a kunoichi... I've trained my mind... m-my heart... o-oh no, it's fluttering-!"
---
Cut to Naruto - mumbling in his sleep, drooling slightly.
Naruto (sleep-talking):
"Mmh... I want miso... mmm... ramen goddess..."
Hinata briefly short-circuits.
---
Hinata (internal):
"He... he thinks I'm a goddess?! ...No! Focus! Unwrap the scroll-no, the b-boy!"
She starts undoing the ninja wire... slowly... like she's defusing a bomb.
Cue dramatic music, heartbeat sounds.
---
She peels back the jumpsuit like a present. A bit of his chest is revealed.
Hinata (eyes wide):
"He's... he's really warm... and toned... and... oh no."
Her nose starts bleeding again. She wipes it like a soldier on the verge of collapse.
---
Just as she peeks further, Naruto suddenly stirs.
Naruto (groggy, eyes half-lidded):
"...Huh? Is that... H-Hinata...?"
Hinata (frozen, hunched over him, hands still on his chest):
"U-U-Uhh..."
Naruto (half-conscious):
"...Are you... hugging me? That's... kinda nice..."
He smiles sleepily and falls back asleep.
---
Hinata (melting, blushing, soul leaving body):
"H-he thinks I'm nice...!!"
She collapses next to him in a daze, her hand accidentally intertwined with his. The image is pure fluff chaos.
---
Cut to Third Hokage's Crystal Ball
Hiruzen (mouth open, hat fallen off):
"...That Uchiha's gone too far. But Kami help me... I ship it."
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Meanwhile, Somewhere in the Forest...
Sasuke (sipping tea in silence while watching Naruto and Hinata though a window):
"Good. That's one less idiot to worry about but dam dobe is fortunate Hinata isn't like Sakura do use aphrodisiac smoke bombs?." he thought trying decid if he should make this a crime on Naruto and Hinata
[Behind him a lot of distance anko watched both naru-hina innocent notsoinnocent™ show and sasuke]
---
[After Hinata recovered , midnight, tower in the forest of death]
Hinata, now sitting beside a half-unwrapped Naruto, takes a deep breath. Her fingers tremble, heart racing like a war drum. The burrito wrapping is about 60% undone. One arm is out. His chest is exposed. His abs are... being stared at.
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Hinata (internal monologue, practically hallucinating):
"I-I've made it this far... I can't back down now... I'm a proud Hyūga... A p-p-proud almost-wife-to-be according to Sasuke..."
---
She reaches down, whispering softly like she's defusing a cursed scroll.
Hinata (whispering):
"F-For the mission... f-for the village..."
The last of the wrapping comes undone - POOF! - like a dramatic stage curtain drop.
---
Naruto lies there in all his golden, nude, slightly drooly glory, one leg kicked free like a lazy puppy. His hair is messy, his cheek has a slight ramen stain. His peaceful expression practically screams: "I trust you."
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Hinata (completely red, blinking rapidly):
"t-T-T-Th-his so bad-d buttt...I-I-I-I-I HAVE BEEN GIVEN A BLESSING BY THE GOD."
---
She covers her face and screams internally like a kettle boiling over.
Hinata (mentally):
"What do I do now?! Should I tuck him in? Should I hold his hand? Should I kiss him to wake him up? NO, BAD THOUGHTS! That only happens in thisknee fanfictions!"
She looked down the floor as if the floor was suddenly waaaay more interesting
---
She shakily grabs the blanket and drapes it over him... he rolls it and hugs it
{Imagine Naruto sleeping like in shippoden but nude}
Naruto (sleepily, without opening his eyes):
"...Hinata... warm..."
Hinata:
"EEEEEK-!!"
He turns in his sleep and accidentally grabs her waist as she was trying to cover him with another blanket for modesty but he didn't stop there he kept pulling her closer until like a second pillow. His head nuzzles into her lap. Face-first. Like it's the most natural thing in the world.
---
Hinata (petrified):
"This is it. This is how I die. Cause of death: Happiness overload. Blood loss. Heart failure. Fulfilled dreams."
Her pulse was a drumbeat in her ears. "Sasuke, dam you... you really gave me Naruto, but in a way I can't accept without hurting him. And his body... seems to be his own enemy. I can't even move he might wake up" rage simmered in her she tried her level best to break free from Naruto's grip but as she was about to get away from Naruto but got herself pulled in by him from her mid section
Soon she just accepted her situation and slept
---
Cut to: The Next Morning
Team 8 enters the room. The door creaks open. Shino, Kiba, and Kurenai stop mid-step.
They see: Naruto peacefully sleeping, nude, face buried in Hinata's neck.
Hinata's face is buried in his neck
The blanket tangled. One of Naruto's legs sticking out. One of Hinata's hands holding his.
---
Kiba (explodes):
"WHA-?!"
Shino (calmly):
"...I have no comment. Except I will never unsee this."
Kurenai (mouth open):
"...This is a... very advanced infiltration tactic?"
---
Hinata (finally waking up):
"G-Good morning-"
Kiba:
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!"
---
Meanwhile, Outside the Tower...
Sasuke (smirking, talking to himself):
"Operation: husband Delivery... complete..though I expected her to act like Sakura not mom why. Is . That . Dobe. So. Good. with. everyone. with. IQ. over room temperature" he sighed in emo
---
Hokage's Office - 30 Minutes Later
Naruto is sitting in front of the Third Hokage, still clutching the blanket like a cape. He's freshly showered, wearing hastily-donated his orange jumpsuit which had been used wrap him in his burrito from and emotional trauma.
---
Naruto (panicking):
"I swear I didn't do anything! I just woke up naked and Hinata was looking at me like I was a cake-wait, no, NOT LIKE THAT-!!"
---
Hiruzen (nodding, pipe in hand, trying to look wise):
"Yes, yes... classic case.
Accidental undressing... emotional proximity... unconscious cuddling..."
He jots notes in a scroll titled: "NaruHina Potential: Phase 2."
---
Naruto (horrified):
"WHY DO YOU HAVE A PHASE TWO?!"
---
Suddenly - door slams open.
Enter: ANKO MITARASHI. Chaotic energy. Trench coat. Evil smirk.
Anko:
"I heard there was a naked engagement in progress. Did I miss the ceremony?"
---
Naruto (visibly shaking):
"A-A-Anko-sensei?! NO! This is a misunderstanding!!"
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Anko (circling him like a predator):
"Oh no, kiddo. You don't sleep naked in a kunoichi's lap unless you're ready to put a ring on it. That's Shinobi Etiquette 101."
Naruto:
"THAT'S NOT A RULE!!"
---
Hiruzen (stroking his beard sagely):
"...Technically, in some clans, waking up pantsless next to a high-ranking noble heiress does constitute the first step of a recognized engagement ritual."
Naruto (sweating):
"WHAAAAAT-?!"
---
Anko (grinning):
"You marked her lap with your head and drool, dumbass. That's the Hyūga version of a proposal probably. I give it a week before the elders send wedding invitations or demand your balls"
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Naruto:
"I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE MARRIED!!"
---
Hiruzen (nodding):
"ok so I'll delay the official ceremony... until after you both are promoted to chunin though you should know better you're actually very late getting married honestly partly peaces times really mess with marriage dynamics."
---
Naruto:
"WHY ARE YOU HELPING THIS?!"
---
Hiruzen (smiling gently, looking out the window like a grandfather remembering wartime romance):
"Because, Naruto... you looked so peaceful. I haven't seen you smile like that in your sleep since... ever."
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Naruto (melting into a chair):
"I hate this village...WAIT YOU HAVE WATCHED ME SLEEP ?"
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Anko (pats his head):
"not important. You'll thank us when she carries you home bridal-style after a mission."
---
Cut to: Hyūga Compound
Hiashi (receiving an engagement scroll via ninja hawk):
"...He slept in her lap? With no pants? Hmm... guess I'm planning a wedding now."
Ko (hearing this from the next room):
"...What."
---
TO BE CONTINUED: "The Wedding Threat Arc Begins"
Naruto hides from wedding planning.
Hinata starts accidental wife training.
Jiraiya finds out and takes notes.
Sasuke smugly says "You're welcome." Then runs while both Naruto and Hinata are running after him like he robbed them around the tower
---
Cut to Rooftop of the Chunin Tower - Later That Day
Naruto is still traumatized somewhere else. The camera pans to Anko and Sasuke, both casually leaning against a railing, looking out at the Forest of Death.
---
Anko (munching on dango):
"Y'know, I never thought I'd bond with a 12-year-old emo orphan... but then you stripped and gift-wrapped your teammate, honestly I might just do something similar to you as a reward."
Sasuke (arms crossed, sipping tea like a war criminal):
"He snores, talks about ramen in his sleep, and smells like miso and doesn't use perfumes or maybe his perfume is ramen scented, anyways I took action."ignoring her last comment
---
Anko:
"You're my hero."
Sasuke (smirking):
"Hn."
---
Anko:
"I haven't seen the Hokage that invested in a pairing since the time he tried to set Kakashi up with that Sand kunoichi during peace talks."
Sasuke (curious):
"What happened?"
Anko:
"Kakashi ran. The girl still sends poison-love-letters."
Sasuke:
"...Understandable."
---
Anko (kicks her feet up):
"So what now? He's halfway married and doesn't even know it. You playing matchmaker full-time now, Uchiha?"
Sasuke (dryly):
"No. I'm waiting for the exact moment he realizes what I've done. And then I'll savor his reaction."
Anko (nods respectfully):
"That's real sibling energy. Classic making the younger sibling regret being born."
---
Sasuke (dark grin):
"Good."
Anko (munches dango):
"Say... you think if we put him and Hinata in a hot spring together, he'll explode?"
Sasuke:
"Only if she brings tea and calls him 'dear.' "
Anko:
"We have to do this."
---
Cut to: sakura, hiding behind a rock, hearing it all.
Sakura (tearing up):
"when do I get to see Sasuke nude and why is he planning with that hot and crazy lady from the forest of death is he into goths ?!"
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The end for now
I'll be consistent or try to be , honestly i had to read a lot of psychology, biology to get this in a way that'd make me feel proud so that's that see ya peeps and comment and review , wanna talk about this ? Just dm or comment I'll be there in a flash believe it