"Well, I'm off to find Neville. He must feel awful being alone on Valentine's Day… I guess I'll just have to sacrifice myself and be his date today, so he doesn't get depressed," Malena said with feigned frustration and a sly smile. "Thanks for the heads-up."
Neither Hannah nor I had the chance to reply before she ran off, waving goodbye, visibly excited about the opportunity.
"Red, you…" Hannah finally murmured, still holding my hand, sweaty and trembling with nerves.
What Malena had just said, added to everything Hannah had recently discovered, was too much. She was about to ask me directly about my true intentions; she needed confirmation that it was all real.
I didn't let her finish. I squeezed her hand and pulled her toward the shopping square. Among stalls and shops, I kept her busy with purchases and distractions, not giving her time to think. And it worked: the initial tension dissolved in the lightness of the day.
We grabbed a quick breakfast while strolling around, browsed carnival deals, posters of shows, and student activities. We found out that starting in fourth year, with parental permission, students could even travel to other cities and join magical as well as muggle celebrations — something similar to Hogsmeade at Hogwarts.
I made sure it was a full and lively day, though halfway through it was cut short when Hannah had to attend a class she had signed up for. Even so, I practically spent the whole day with her. I waited outside her classroom and we continued our "date" — though I never used that word with her. She discovered how intense it could be to spend time alone with me, without her friends sharing my attention. It was intense… but she didn't dislike it, as long as she could forget the doubts tormenting her.
In the evening, we headed to the food court. There, we noticed something odd and stopped to watch from a distance.
At one table was Neville, more lost than a headless chicken, accompanied by Malena, who never stopped talking and smiling. They were sharing a cold drink which, to make matters worse, had two straws in the same glass — clearly meant for couples.
We got close enough to hear.
"Don't worry, your good friend Malena is here to be your stand-in girlfriend today. Aren't I a good friend?" she said with the utmost naturalness.
"But I don't need—" Neville tried to reply, but his voice faltered as Malena placed her hand over his and stroked it confidently.
"You don't need to thank me. That's what I'm here for. What else could I do but help my friend on a day like this? Besides, you'll earn fame dating an older girl… everyone will envy you," she finished with a wink, leaning toward her straw. "Now drink, before it gets warm."
Neville was cornered. Nothing he said could save him; Malena had more experience, wit, and cunning than him, and she handled the situation however she wanted.
We stayed watching for a while. It was so absurd it seemed ripped from a romantic comedy. But the fun ended when Malena noticed us and, laughing, waved for us to leave them alone.
If Neville had realized, he would surely have wanted to cry: what he wanted most at that moment was for someone to rescue him from the situation… or at least help make it less awkward.
In the end, we left him to his fate and continued our walk. Afternoon turned into night, and the city around the castle grew even more alive. With carnival approaching, shops stayed open late and parades and magical shows were being rehearsed everywhere. We returned to the castle late at night, tired but with the feeling of having lived something different from the usual.
When night had fully fallen, I took Hannah to one of the castle's terraces. From there, you could see the starry sky and the vast jungle surrounding Castelobruxo, while we shared little square pastries and fruit juices. The curious thing about this place was that you could drink a different juice every day and take months before repeating; I guess that's the advantage of living in a forest that feels like an endless orchard.
At first, we enjoyed in silence, but Hannah seemed trapped between the calm of the view and the noise of her own thoughts. It was obvious she wanted to say something, but hesitated.
"Red…" she finally whispered, visibly nervous.
"Yes?" I answered without taking my eyes off the jungle.
She blushed at my calm profile and, as so many times before, the courage she had gathered slipped away. She was afraid of ruining what we had, of asking a question that could complicate everything.
She didn't dare ask what she truly wanted, but still found another question — equally embarrassing for her.
"You… and Hermione… have you… already…?" It was hard for her to say, but after what she had seen at the Clareira da Paixão and noticing my lack of involvement at the moment, "...have you had sex?"
"No, not yet," I replied naturally, sipping my strawberry juice.
"Oh…" she exhaled, as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. The answer was just what she was hoping for. To her, we were too young for that; she was convinced that in this school students were just too precocious, and it was the place that was strange, not her.
"But I have had sex… just not with her," I added.
"Huh… what? Not with her?" Her reaction was delayed, but once my words clicked, she stared at me open-mouthed.
I looked at her for a moment, then explained naturally:
"I lost my virginity in my first year, with a seventh-year girl: Nymphadora Tonks. Also Hufflepuff, so you must know her. Hard to confuse."
I had no problem confessing it; in fact, I planned to say much more. We were far from everything that made up our social circle, in another continent, and for months more it would stay that way. Whatever I said here couldn't bring me serious trouble — I had it under control and could handle it however I liked.
"You… you had sex… with the older Tonks?" Hannah repeated, stammering, as if she needed to hear it again to believe it. Of course, she knew her; we all did, and everyone knew we were close friends and partners in crime. But she never imagined our closeness had gone that far.
"But… did you want to? Or was it…?" her voice dropped to a whisper full of doubt. After what Malena told her about her own experiences and seeing how she handled Neville, Hannah realized not only men could take advantage of girls… it could happen the other way around too.
She brought her hand to her forehead, at first embarrassed, but seeing my calm expression, she ended up relaxing. That, however, didn't kill her curiosity.
"So Tonks…" she muttered again, blushing once more.
"Ask whatever you want. I'll tell you every juicy detail if necessary. For you, today, there will be no secrets. You're my friend, and I won't think you're a pervert. Believe me, if you told me something like this, I'd be full of questions too," I assured her, resting my hand on her shoulder. I looked at her seriously, transmitting trust. And, in passing, reinforced that security using [Courage].
"Did you and her do it once… and that's it? You weren't really a couple or anything?" Hannah asked at last, picking the least embarrassing doubt she could.
"Oh, no. Many times," I answered with a mischievous smile, recalling the morning orgy at the Manor.
"Oh…" Hannah blushed, covering her face with one hand, struggling not to imagine it… though inevitably she did, even more so after what she had seen in that place.
"And technically, we were like a couple, but we never made it official. We didn't announce it or call each other that, we just… were together," I said with a melancholy tone, remembering those days.
"So when she left Hogwarts, you broke up… and now you're with Hermione? Does she know she's not your first girlfriend, that you were with a seventh-year? How long did it last with Tonks? How much time passed between breaking up with her and starting with Hermione?" Hannah kept firing questions, more and more intrigued, almost carried away by the same gossiping spirit Malena had infected her with.
"I still have sex with her regularly," I said with a calm smile.
"What?! You're having sex with her while dating Hermione?!" Hannah exclaimed in shock, unable to believe what she was hearing. "You're cheating on her? Does she know?!"
"Yes, I fuck with her. Yes, from before I started with Hermione until now. And yes, although 'cheating' is an ugly word… I prefer to say I'm just keeping it hidden for now. And no, Hermione doesn't know." I answered each point calmly, one by one.
Hannah's mouth fell open, gasping as if the revelation weighed more on her than on me. She wasn't directly involved, yet she felt the burden of what she had just heard, as if the responsibility to react was hers.
"Why?" she managed to ask, almost breathless.
"Because I love her?" I replied thoughtfully, almost doubtful.
"Then… why are you with Hermione?" she asked, trying to make sense of it all.
"Sorry, I think I didn't explain myself well. It's not that I love one or the other… I love them both," I clarified naturally.
"Both…?" she repeated, as if the words made no sense. "But that… that's wrong, Red. Hermione thinks she's your girlfriend, while you're hiding another relationship. They're your friends! You can't deceive them like this…" she said with a burst of righteousness, as if trying to save me from my own mistakes.
"They're more than friends, Hannah. You already heard the sex part… And the ironic thing is that Hermione, who hasn't had sex with me yet, is the only one with the official title of girlfriend. I'll fix that: sooner or later I'll make public the place the others deserve," I said pensively, as if it were just an administrative decision rather than a moral dilemma.
"The others?" she asked, stunned, thinking she had misheard.
"Yes. Besides Tonks, I also have a relationship and sex with Gemma, Penelope… With Lavender it's not exactly sex yet, but we're close. And then there are Pansy and Milicent, though with them I haven't gone that far yet," I listed with absolute ease.
"What?!" Hannah jumped up, stepping back with a horrified face. "Red, that… that's wrong. You can't be with so many girls at once… you can't cheat on them all!" she said, accepting that Malena was right about some of the things she had said about me, and how horribly everything would end when it came out.
"You're wrong," I replied calmly, as if talking about anything else. "Only Hermione doesn't know. All the others are perfectly aware."
"They know?!" Hannah looked about to faint. "You're lying?"
"No."
"But… how do they know? Aren't they angry?" she asked, utterly confused.
"No. They accept it. To a greater or lesser degree, but they do. We get along, we're like a big family. There are clashes now and then, but nothing serious; everyone accepts it and we're fine with it… The only reason Hermione doesn't know is because she's not ready yet. She wouldn't understand this… not yet. I'm waiting for the right moment to tell her."
Hannah took a step back, her breathing fast.
"I… I have to go to sleep. Tomorrow we have that trip into the jungle…" she said with a trembling voice, more eager to flee than to rest.
"Hannah!" I called when she began running off.
She stopped, involuntarily. She didn't want to look back, but habit forced her to turn her head.
"I confessed all this because I truly consider you my friend," I told her, tossing her a small box of chocolates. "Happy Valentine's Day. Sleep well… see you tomorrow."
Hannah caught the box clumsily and froze. She watched me silently, seeing how I turned my gaze back toward the jungle with serenity. She was a knot of emotions; I, on the other hand, seemed unshaken, with a mysterious aura around me. That confused her even more: how could I be so calm, when for her everything was chaos? What if it really wasn't wrong? What if she was the one mistaken for reacting this way?
In the end, without answers, she ran toward her dormitory, hoping the night would calm what I had just planted in her mind.