**Let me know if there are any issues in the chapter**
"Big Brother? You were here too?" Luke got up with a sparkle in his eyes.
"I'm here with Myrena and Wistorina."
"Oh."
"Like I just said, if you want to look for things to buy for yourself, you don't need Olivia's permission."
He rubbed the back of his head with a wry smile, "I was thinking of asking her to pick out some clothes for me as well… I thought that a woman might know what to get for a man."
"I wouldn't trust her with that even if she is a woman." She's never bought Arnold clothes, after all, "Why not buy some yourself? You're 15 already."
"I've never done that before…"
"Huh? Why? Were there not any towns with clothing stores near the village you grew up in?"
"There were but… Miss Claudia always used to pick stuff for me…" he said with a soft voice as if it's shameful to admit.
"You've been living with my family for almost a year and you still haven't bought anything for yourself? Why didn't you just look at the trending clothes among people your age?"
While Luke doesn't live in the dorms, he should've seen a few students outside the academy in casual clothes so that could've been a basis for what he could get.
"To be honest, I don't really like how most of the trending clothes guys wear… I feel more comfortable in shorts and simple shirts but I know that I can't dress like that all the time since I'm an heir to a ducal house."
'I think the system could tell me his favorite type of clothing. Surely, he isn't a robot that wore anything Claudia bought him.' It doesn't hurt to give Luke some guidance. He never—or rather for the most part of his life—had a male role model since Claudia never took a second husband.
-Answer: Hero Luke liked to crossdress in his youth. His favorite clothing used to be frilly skirts.
"…."
"Is something wrong?"
Arnold cleared his throat, trying to erase that message from his memory, "Boys your age usually wears shorts, knee-high socks and formal shirts, whether long or short sleeved. That's how I used to dress three to four years ago since I hated how long pants killed my mobility. I was very active in my training and was expected to wear formal clothing a lot so that probably started my tastes."
"Okay! Then I'll try those!" he said the second Arnold finished, "Uhm, can you help me pick?"
"…Sure."
**
The two of them stood among rows of clothing racks, the store quiet except for the soft hum of enchanted lights overhead.
This store was relatively fancy so the items were quite expensive. Arnold wondered if Olivia carried Luke's money for him since he's so keen on letting her do everything.
"Luke, has there ever been a guy you looked up to in the past, a man who you wanted to be like and copied from?"
"Eh?" He stopped just when he was about to take a shirt off the rack, "Where did that question come from…?"
"It's just strange how you're so bad at being a guy at this age."
"How can you say something so mean!" as if the sky fell, Luke looked at him incredulously.
"It's not meant to be a jab at you. So, can you answer my question?"
"…No. There hasn't been anyone like that in the village..."
Arnold crossed his arms. "You lived there for fourteen years and not once did you have a role model?"
He lost his parents way earlier and probably can't remember their faces. He might not even remember what kind of man his father was.
"Why would I look at anyone else if Miss Claudia was there?" Luke's voice softened at her name, almost reverent. "She was everything, you know… Kind, smart, strong. Everyone respected her. Norn must've been proud to call that woman her mother. I wanted to be like that…"
Arnold watched him for a moment. "You wanted to be like her?"
Luke nodded without hesitation. "Yeah."
He picked up the shirt again, holding it against himself in front of the mirror. Perhaps in those bright eyes, he envisioned Claudia standing behind him, whispering to him what she thought of the shirt.
"C-Can I say something weird?"
"…I was the one who started with the weird question so sure."
"When I was a kid, I used to copy how she walked or how she fixed her hair, among other embarrassing things… I thought if I did what she did, I'd grow up to be a good person too."
"…And what kind of person do you think you've become?" he asked.
Would future Luke resemble the woman he admires?
Luke blinked, surprised by the question. "I don't know yet," he said after a pause, smiling wryly. "Maybe I'm still figuring that out."
Arnold didn't say anything for a while as Luke checked for a pair of shorts he likes.
"You know, Elizabeth could try and bring Claudia back." Luke's hands stopped moving.
"You've seen her power when I fought that dragon. She—"
"I appreciate you suggesting it, Big Brother, but I don't think I can handle seeing her as a husk that needs to find its own identity."
Well, it's true that her soul is long gone now, drifting in the River of Lamentation. A mindless zombie in perfect condition will come out of Claudia's grave. That said, there is a rare chance she might regain her lost identity.
"Please don't say the same thing to Norn." Luke pleaded with his head down, "She won't get her mother back…"
"Alright…"
There's a way to get souls back but that entails meeting with the Death God. Maybe Luke will try to do so in the future. There's no doubt that, once the divine envoy arrives to take him to the divine realm to meet the Gods, he will ask them if there's a way to get her back.
It's a perilous journey fraught with danger. The River of Lamentation might be a dimension of its own, but it can be accessed in a few ways.
But not even top players could access it since it's locked to a main quest in the DLC. That means that no one could actually fight the Death God—there were a lot of cocky players that wanted to fight the supposed strongest being in the game.
**
It scared me when Big Brother asked me if I want to revive Miss Claudia.
Of course, I miss her. But I'm afraid how it will affect me once what comes out of her grave isn't the same sweet, smart woman who raised me but an empty shell that has no emotions or thoughts.
A thing that has no will, voice or identity—the complete opposite of that woman.
I kept telling myself in the past that "I want to be like her" but it was more like "I want to be her", both in body and mind.
I wore her clothes, tried to smell like her, talk like her, behave like her.
I wanted to be her.
But now that I'm older, I know this mindset is unhealthy for boys.
I can't live my life pretending to be someone who's gone.
Miss Claudia gave me everything—love, a home, a reason to smile—but she never meant for me to disappear inside her shadow.
Maybe that's what Big Brother was really asking when he brought up reviving her.
Not whether I could bring her back, but whether I could keep living without her.
And maybe… this time, I want to try.
I used to wonder how I would live without her once she's gone.
But then I met him.
My first brother, not bound by blood or a pact but name only but that didn't matter to me.
Big Brother isn't kind. He doesn't comfort or smile. But everything he says and does carries weight. Even when he's cruel, it feels right to me.
That kind of strength… I didn't know men could have it.
I had no idea that one man could stand out so much from others.
It's strange. The same way I once wanted to be like Miss Claudia, I now find myself wanting to be like him—to move with that same quiet authority, to have that same certainty in who I am.
I hope he doesn't push me away so that I can continue to look at him, at his strong back and envision myself walking beside him one day…
But.
I will be my own person, harboring the values of Miss Claudia and the strength of Big Brother.
**
After a while, Luke got everything he needed to get.
Arnold was waiting outside on a bench while he's paying for the clothes.
In his opinion, Luke's situation and trouble with finding his own identity isn't that surprising. Maybe this is why he's such a loyal lapdog in the game, even until adulthood. He was probably an obedient kid who listened to everything Claudia told him. Hopefully that woman didn't teach him to always listen to his wife.
In any case, he will ignore the system's message. Hopefully, it's just a weird hobby Luke had when he was young.
A bell's ring echoed nearby and Luke came out of the store.
"Two bags? Did you get more stuff while I wasn't there?" Arnold got up and inquired.
The two then crossed the road.
"I'm planning on taking Norn on… an outing soon. I only have suits back home for formal occasions but I chose something a bit casual for that day. Speaking of…" averting his eyes, he smiled awkwardly, "I still don't know what to do on an outing. Could you help me with that, Big Brother?"
Arnold doesn't want to play cupid so he said: "Ask the girls in your class what they would want from a day with the person they love the most."
"Eh? Not the boys?"
"They won't give you a straight answer. We men don't like giving away dating and flirting tips to other guys." He's no doubt the same as them.
"Ah, oh… Well, I could ask Miss Myrena since she's in my class…"
Just as the two were about to enter the other store, Olivia, Myrena and Wistorina came outside, each carrying their own bags. Myrena was clutching her bag to her chest for some reason and making sure the top wasn't open for prying eye.
"Ah, there you are." Rina and Myrena came to his side.
'I wonder what kind of stuff this woman bought… It couldn't be anything like Elizabeth's succubus lingerie, could it?' his gaze was glued to that shopping bag in her hands.
"What have you been putting in his head this time, Arnold?" not even greeting him, Olivia asked with a small frown while facing him.
"He told me you wouldn't allow him to leave your side so I told him you're not his master."
"W-Wha? When did I say that!?"
"Sir Luke."
"Y-Yes!" Luke's back straightened as if a cold wind crept up his spine.
"…I apologize if it seemed that way. You are your own man before you are my husband so, please don't feel confined in our relationship." Olivia said with a small voice, her head slightly lowered.
Huh. What a change in attitude. Arnold was certain she was going to rant about what a bad influence he is and that there might be similar people like him around them so she always has to be there for him.
"…Okay." It seems Luke expected the same thing—even though he didn't actually complain about feeling confined—so he just nodded along.
That said, Olivia hurriedly grabbed his hand and pulled him away from Arnold.
"Excuse me, Miss Wistorina. Miss Myrena. We must get going. Congratulations and good luck to your relationship with Arnold."
The two girls looked at each other. After Olivia left, dragging the unhappy Luke away, the two turned to Arnold and asked at the same time:
"Is that bitter woman your ex?"