I remember the first day I saw him. I felt so uneasy but I couldn't really explain why . There was a darkness in his eyes buy I was very young do I really didn't know what he meant .
I don't know if I have ever been a people person but I was very reluctant to talk tp him. My mum thought I was being rude but I k ow there was so.ething wrong with him.
My mother had other partners before him and I had never felt that way about an other. I never spent any time with them though bit I font think that was the reason I felt some strange energy from him.
I couldn't even talk to him and I remember her hlbeing so mad at me. She said he was just her boyfriend and with time he was gonna go.
She didn't think it was gonna last long so I just had to pretend to like him until hey broke up.
If I had known it was going to lead to years of torture and assault maybe I would have done something but there's not much a ten year old could do.
I didn't know at the time why I was so mad that he was in our life. My mum was happy . She hadn't been happy for a very long time.
I just wanted my mum . Everytime she had a boyfriend she forgot I existed. It had been almost two years at the time of her being single . I had finally started feeling like I had a mother .
I knew the weekends that we spent together would slowly start to fade away . I know deep down she thought she was making a good decision for us but it was the worst decision she had ever made .
I tried to be cozy with him but it just didn't work. I couldn't call him da because he wasn't my dad . I could not even call him by his name and with time I think he resented me.
I couldn't control how I felt I was still a child and children can't pretend to like someone they font like .
At first he really tried to be nice. He would do birthdays for me ands I remember always thinking he was doing too much.
I was never going to like him no matter what he did and the more he did I got irritated.
I just wanted him out of our lives .
I don't remember the first time it happened o just know he hit her . I had never heard of men beating women .
I was too young to even comprehend what was even going on .
I remember my mother was pregnant at the time and she was always mad everytime . She would always take it out on me and in that moment I started hating life .
When it first started happening I wasn't that worried I mean I was scared but I thought it was something that would never happen again . I remember my mum confiding in me telling me if she had listened to me this would never have happened .
I thought you k ow now she would leave him,she didn't leave .
As days went by I cold see the life draining out if my mother. She was more stressed and there was nothing I could do to help .
He was seeing ither women and she just took him nack time and time again. I never understood why she did that and still don't.
Maybe she just needed to be loved but somebody like that didn't love you .
He made her cry more than she smiled and it was clear it wasn't love but she wanted him so much .
I hated it for her .
Deep down I know she knew it wouldn't work she just didn't know hkw to leave . I would give her the grace fir that . She didn't know what love was so whatever was offered she thought was love .
She beat me up so much I swore I would hate the child she gave birth to.
I knew she was going through it hit I didn't deserve to be treated horribly . She chose him time and time again and took her fissapointments out on everyone .
I remember my brother being born and I had no reaction. I wasn't happy and neither was I sad . To me it was just another day of our miserable life .
I wanted us to get out of that angry house so mu. He was never around and you know I convinced myself hat he was never coming back again.
Life had started being peaceful again . The familiarity of our old life was have the only difference was i had a brother.
He was adorable and with time o forgot I had sworn to hate him because of how horribly I had felt when our mother was pregnant with him.
She rarely talked about him and you know he was a forgive name in he household.
My heart fell to my stomach when I saw him smiling. I hated his smile there was something sp evil behind it or maybe I just hated him.
Maybe it was both . I didn't want him back. I fifnt want him to come make our life miserable again .
I thought I had seen the worst of him but I had seen nothing . The worst was yet to come and every single day I wished he died .
Like the weak woman she was she took him back. How could you forgive someone who almost killed you and your unborn baby ?
Someone who left you to bleed to death like you meant nothing to them . Someone who repeatedly chose other women over you .
My heart broke for her but there was nothing I could do. That was my home and there was nowhere I would go.
I had to stay there and hope that one day she would choose us. That one day she would realise that we deserved to li e in a happy home.
That we deserved to have a father that we didn't fear . That we wouldn't live in the constant fear of him killing her in one of their fights .
I couldn't understand why she didn't love herself . I couldn't understand why she would choose pain and suffering over peace and happiness .
Loving him was a loding game . It was never gonna be her . He was never going to love her . He was never going to treat her with respect.
She was just a doormat to him and she liked being stomped on.