Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07YtBj3BEBQ
[The future is yours, so have the will to take it. We can be anything we want to be due to one fact: we are human.]
[So, you can choose.]
-[Anna Croft Side Stories]
***
I love reading. I have not met anyone else who could match my caliber. When I choose a book of my own free will, I undergo a journey. An entire world is placed within the palm of my hands, and a landscape is created for my imagination to wander through.
For a moment, I transcend space and time, traveling to a different place, becoming someone else, and bearing witness to people I could never meet in my reality. This is what reading offers me.
Especially so if I love the story. The more affection I feel, the deeper the connection. Personally, as a reader, the best stories are the ones you want to join. You wish to live in that world, walk through the same places as the protagonist, and meet the same people they did.
Or perhaps fight the same villains and enemies they faced.
No matter the reason, falling in love with a story is a special thing. It's a type of love that is given to us as readers, something that is private to us; not even the author could ever find out.
It's a lonely existence, and sometimes you want to share it, but I've found that a private relationship between the story and yourself is the best one.
That is my existence: I am a being who reads stories and carries the characters with me through every moment of life. Sometimes I'll forget their names, or the larger plot, but as long as I go back, I'll remember again. So no matter what, the story is still with me.
Another thing... the greatest stories are the ones that impart something to you. They'll teach you a lesson, they'll change you. That is the greatest effect the author could ever have on their readers.
I look for those stories. When I was younger, I'd wander the bookshelves of my library, but thanks to the internet, I could hop from server to server, clicking on hyperlinks to find those little worlds, uncovering them like a treasure that's deep beneath the sand. Beginning a new story feels like hope; I'm about to move forward with something in hand and become something new at the end.
I found two such stories: Three Ways to Survive the Apocalypse and the Anna Croft Side Stories, or TWSA or ACSS for short.
They both deal with my favorite theme: the end of the world.
***
The glow of my phone tells me the time: 12:59. I glance to the right and see the glowing-white street lamp illuminating the verdant tree outside my window. I sigh; it's a long, heavy breath.
Another day, another night wasted. I'm investing my time into nothing, basically giving it away for free. If your time is free, that means it's worthless.
My eyes strain; staring at a computer screen is merciless. That's what I've been doing weeks prior.
My high school career is not riveting to me.
(What's the point?)
A sense of defeatism plagues me, but I push it away. I just need to tough it out for a few more days and wait for summer. Then I'll have three months to do whatever I want. Maybe by the time I return for the next school year, I'll be a better student.
(I always say that but it's just a lie.)
I hate lying to myself. If I'm being honest, online school isn't worth my time or effort. I have no one to help me. I must "learn" concepts that don't interest me.
Unless I adhere to their standards, failure is my outcome and reward.
My school career - from elementary to now - has not been picturesque. My teachers are demanding my effort, my mother condescends it, and I don't want to give it because I don't care.
I am alone.
(This is the grand U.S. education system in a nutshell. Divisive and filled with bureaucracy, resulting in abuse.)
The stress makes me clutch my phone in a depressive rage, so I turn off my sluggish computer and jump into bed, which is right beside my desk. Still holding my phone, I think about my life. I am stuck in this room, which morphed from a sanctum into a prison.
I work, exist like an animal with simple eating and sleeping, and scratch against the vast internet for dopamine hits.
I don't even like this "home." No, it wasn't a home. It's a place I exist in.
If I wasn't careful, I'd invoke the memories of my past versions: the ones that loved this residency, hated, resented, and ran from it, only to return and hide in it. I didn't want to remember, so I turned on my phone and opened my leisure apps.
This is how I cure the weakness of my existence. I can only be strong in worlds where I don't belong. Lately, I've discovered foreign media like manga, manhwa, light novels, and webnovels.
It's such a breath of fresh air compared to the agenda-laced American media.
As a reader, I am given a character who explores a world, and together, we bear witness to the themes and lessons the author wants to convey to us. It's a privilege to witness such a journey.
I've been reading Sword Art Online, Goblin Slayer, One Punch Man, Fire Punch, Solo Leveling, Tower of God, etc. Each story I read, I take a part of it and try to integrate it into myself.
If I "learn" lessons from school, then I understand how to live through the stories I read. The protagonists I read - these "fictional men" - inspire me, and for a brief moment, I become like them whenever I dedicate myself.
It's the type of thing that unemotional teaching will never give you. Lately, I've been reading a story called Three Ways to Survive the Apocalypse, and it features a man named Yu Junghyeok. There's also the side series about a woman named Anna Croft, a deuteragonist of the main series.
I learned how to move forward thanks to Yu Junghyeok and Anna Croft, who taught me how to predict people and understand their actions.
Together, they helped me understand human nature and how it morphs under stress. Specifically, the world after the fall.
(The apocalypse...)
Ironically, I fantasize about finding the perfect life and purpose in that "what-if" world. When everyone else is gone, and only I remain. It's a romantic thought, being alone.
It wouldn't pan out like that, though. People have infested themselves into every nook and cranny of this world, spreading like a disease, contaminating everything with their taint.
They ruin, pervert, and corrupt. A person alone is special, but amongst others, they are nothing.
Damn, I hate humanity.
Maybe that's why I like TWSA and ACSS. Humans unleash their inner nature and tear each other apart.
(Aren't I like a Constellation then?)
It's uncomfortable though, relating to those bastards, but as I said, I hate lying.
My phone flicks to the next chapter of ACSS. I was reading an early arc, where Zarathustra was fighting in the Jotunheim scenario, which was similar to the Peaceland scenario Yu Junghyeok fought in.
I discovered TWSA and ACSS before I turned fifteen this year. It's short for Anna Croft Side Stories, and it's pronounced like "acts;" for example, "The acts of a story."
From what I've read online, it's based on the main story of 'Three Ways to Survive the Apocalypse' or 'TWSA' for short, which is a webnovel of 3,149 chapters. It's currently being translated by a fan reader since it didn't meet much success in the Korean market, but from what I've read, it's not meeting much success in the English market either. Still, the Korean author writes the series, and whoever their loyal reader is, they translate the series for us, the English audience.
There isn't a lot of us. My webnovel app tells me the view count of the chapters, and it has dropped off significantly. 6,000 views for the first chapter of the side story, then it fell to 60 views by the 10th chapter, then 6 views by the 50th chapter, and finally, by the 100th chapter, it was 1 view. There were intermittent two or three views here and there, but I didn't have a lot of faith.
I hoped the viewing metrics were skewed, but you never know with these international media platforms.
(It might be the translator checking in on the author's work.)
English or Korean, they weren't meeting a lot of success, and I felt bad. The stories are interesting and caught my attention, and their main motif is "the end of the world."
I'm a little excited and ashamed to admit it, but I love thinking about the end. How will humanity react to the fall, what type of nature will come out? Who will dispense of their morals, and who will cling onto them?
That type of thought experiment fueled my ideals and beliefs, which might been seen as grimdark, as noted by my teachers when I talked to them about it.
(I should have never mentioned my beliefs to them.)
Another rise of heat through my body – it was shame.
(I need to read.)
I read the next arc, which was in the high 200s. I was nearing the end. The side story wasn't as lengthy as the author's flagship work, TWSA, but it doesn't lack content. It was filled with density in terms of plot and characters.
There were psychopaths, saints, sinners, cults, numerous factions, and teenagers, real teenagers who weren't all-powerful.
The story was written from Anna Croft's perspective, which was somewhat all-knowing because of their [Future Sight] and [Retrocognition] skills. They're arrogant and deadly but described as calm and decisive. Leader of Zarathustra, Anna Croft tried to design the future scenarios through her own will and came head-to-head with Yu Junghyeok several times throughout TWSA and ACSS.
ACSS is structured like a record from her viewpoint, detailing the history of the widespread U.S. scenarios, which occurred in each State around important cities. Truthfully, it feels like a giant diary of Anna Croft's life, but it abruptly stops here and there. I think certain parts end and begin depending on Yu Junghyeok's regressions; depending on how far he made it, the story will show us the same amount of Anna Croft's time.
That's how the story is broken up. Even though it was her side story, Yu Junghyeok still had an influence on it. I could read through Anna's perspective, but it'd suddenly cut off because at that moment in the novel, Yu Junghyeok died at the same time. So, they correlated. It was brilliant but frustrating.
(It's time to read the last chapter of her side story.)
Her story was long. From the record I read, she was in the later Regression with Yu Junghyeok, a point past his 1000th regression.
I used my daily passes to unlock the final chapters and began reading. My heart was beating hard.
There were some fight scenes and some confrontation, and...
(She's facing Yu Junghyeok.)
That's a pretty dramatic way to end the story. I was reading their dialogue and felt enraptured.
---
"Yu Junghyeok, I won't be transferring the memories of everything that happened so far to the next turn."
Yu Junghyeok stared mutely at Anna Croft. What was she saying?
Ah. He remembered. Her [Retrocognition] skill. It allowed the current Anna Croft of this round to peer into her past and gain the memories of her previous versions. In a way, it was similar to [Reincarnation], but not exactly.
"I can't do this anymore," she continued. "I'm not like you. I can't keep fighting on while carrying all this burden."
Yu Junghyeok didn't realize it, but his eyes were shaking. He rested his hand near the hilt of his sword.
"From here on, you'll be alone."
Yu Junghyeok was wordless. He controlled his expression, and now it conveyed nothing. But what was he thinking? Throughout these regressions, Anna Croft was there, and was an enemy amongst many; he despised and wanted to kill her. She served as a small goal in his grander purpose.
Now, in a way, this Anna Croft - this specific version of her - would leave this world. In a way, leave Yu Junghyeok. The one other person who could remember him would vanish, and now... he would be truly, utterly alone.
"Are you confident of carrying the burdens of everything?"
Yu Junghyeok was silent. He was so silent, it cut through Anna Croft. Finally, he turned his back to her.
"It doesn't matter. It means I'll have one less enemy to worry about."
Anna Croft watched Yu Junghyeok walk away from her, only seeing his back. It was a strong back, ready to carry the weight of the world, but it looked haggard.
Through her thousands of memories, Anna remembered how much stronger it used to look.
She was ready to move to the next scenario and fight it. Through her recollections, she knew it would be her last, and through her will, she knew there wouldn't be another Anna Croft who'd continue this cycle. This is the last moment this Anna Croft would remember Yu Junghyeok.
Afterwards, there'd be many other Annas, but they wouldn't be the same as her. Because she wasn't giving her memories to the next, that Anna might lose in that round and restart the cycle of Anna Crofts giving their information and memories to the next version.
It made her reconsider for a moment, but she resigned herself. It would be the pain of a different Anna Croft, who might as well be a different person. There was no use in sharing this suffering. Yes, better for another Anna to start fresh and emboldened, believing they were the first.
Anna Croft resigned herself like a captain on a sinking ship, but instead of the vessel going down, it was every piece of valuable knowledge she possessed of scenarios. An incredible mind was about to be lost, and it was content with that decision.
She was about to turn away until she heard something.
"I'll give my regards," Yu Junghyeok said. He was so far away, but his voice was somehow heard.
"To the Anna Croft of the next regression."
After that, Yu Junghyeok finally walked away, leaving Anna by herself. No one was there to see it, but... she smiled.
Yu Junghyeok moved onto the next Regression after dying in a Nebula war. From there, in his next regression, he met Anna Croft again and confirmed something.
She acted the same as she did in the 1st Regression. The Anna Croft of over 1000th Rounds was gone now.
---
(Is that it?)
I checked my progress bar, and to my dismay, the little grey sliding bar was nearly filled up. That means I'm at the story's end. I decided to take it slow and read the final paragraphs.
There was a quote at the end of the book. I am unsure if it was written as if Anna Croft was speaking to me, or maybe it was the author, but this is what it said:
[The future is yours, so have the will to take it. We can be anything we want to be due to one fact: we are human.]
[So, you can choose.]
-[Anna Croft Side Stories]
(Is this the end?)
Was that the last chapter? It just abruptly ended, and it felt a little dissatisfying.
I had two thoughts at the same time.
(I wish it were longer…)
and
(I'll need to read more of TWSA.)
A mixture of emotions was welling up in me, a sense of elation for completing a story, vague whiffs of sorrow that I repressed because it was over, and an eager feeling that I would face a new story, which would be TWSA.
I couldn't deal with it all, so I decided to go to sleep. I checked the time and saw it was past 1:00 in the morning.
(Damn my sleep schedule.)
I turned off my phone and tucked it under my pillow. Now I was surrounded by the maddening darkness of my room; intangible specters concocted by my mind were plaguing me, but I closed my eyes and thought about Anna Croft. It was comforting.
I thought about her and her life. She pushed through so many scenarios and fought against the circumstances like Yu Junghyeok - it was actually harder since she wasn't as strong. I loved reading ACCS because of her cunning.
Now, by reaching the end of her story, I've found out that she's gone. She no longer exists. By not sending her memories to the next round, she basically chooses to die. Canonically, she's been dead the entire time I was reading ACCS, but now her demise is known to me, and I realize she is deceased.
It's crazy, isn't it? That state of relativity. Let's imagine a trilogy. There are three books (obviously) and there is a large reader base. Let's say there are two readers. One of them has kept up to date and is reading the last book. They finish the series by reading the final chapter, which is their present.
Now, let's imagine the other reader. They are reading the first book, and they're in the early chapters. To them, the beginning arc is their present, but to the former reader, the first book is already the past.
To the latter reader, the second and third books are the future. The story is the same, but it exists for people at different time frames, who are witnessing and interpreting it differently. It's... incredible and-
***
He fell asleep. The boy in the dark window. Sometimes he looks outside, even though he'll always see the same sights: the dark houses, the street lights of far-off neighborhoods, the incandescent city skyline. No one knows, but he's always watching, witnessing the events of the world that turn around him. He hopes that with every glance, there will be something different.
Something that would change him.
Some would find it peculiar, or simply say it's creepy, but to him, he witnesses the world's events and gives weight to it. He remembers it, carries it with him, and through his words, can relay it to another.
There's a saying he couldn't remember correctly but: "Does a tree really fall if no one is around to see it?"
To him, it doesn't matter. He wouldn't be there to see the falling tree, but if he is, that falling tree will no longer be just a falling tree, but a falling tree that was witnessed by him. If he tells someone else about it, that falling tree becomes a story.
That's the power he - and many others - have. Now he was dreaming. Let's take a gander.
***
(What is this?)
I was in a world of white. Endless, seamless white that extended into every direction for eternity. This was unlike any dream I've had before.
(I feel so… aware.)
My dreams tend to be on autopilot; if there are events, I'm a silent observer, and sometimes I'm so unaware of myself, that I have no ego. I'm just endlessly watching until I wake up, and I rarely do anything in my dreams.
(But now…?)
I walk around, but it felt more like floating through this white space. My eyes scan this visage, which was starting to induce anxiety. The sheer lack of anything was starting to produce insanity. My eyes dart around back and forth, and the rising fear inside isn't waking me up.
(Am I trapped?)
Right when my fear was about to hit its peak, I saw it. It was on the floor, but since everything was white, it was difficult to perceive a floor. So, was it floating?
(It's a rock.)
It had the shape of a rock, jagged with rough corners and heavy-looking due to its lopsidedness, but the more I looked at it, it was darker than obsidian and onyx, darker than anything I've ever seen.
The more I looked, the more it looked like a hole in the fabric of this horrifying, purifying white reality.
(Only one thing to do.)
I bent down to touch it, and as I did, sparks began to emanate from all around me - a monstrous black hole sprouted from under the rock, and soon this white void was being covered by an expanding black one, and a storm of lightning began to revolve around me, pushing against my efforts to grab the black stone.
(Grab it.)
I need to grab it or else... something is going to happen. A sense of desperation and longing was manifesting through my fingertips.
I bent forward, trying to bend farther, but realized something.
(If this is like space... then I don't need to bend at all. I just need to switch perspectives... and positions.)
Somehow, I threw myself face forward, but instead of slamming into a floor, I was floating face-first in front of the stone, and behind it was the black hole that was underneath me. Now it was yawning in front of me...
I thought the endless white expanse was horrifying... this is worse.
I reach out to touch the stone, which is as big as my fist. As I look at it, it looks like it is a chunk broken from a bigger piece.
A Fragment.
My fingers curl around it and just like that, this dream… ended.
***
The boy vanished from the dreamscape. The white reality he was in folded in on itself, compressing into its smallest point until it resembled a neutron star. Endless night was unleashed, and the star took its place in the void. Something noticed this entire ensemble and added its gaze, so now this expanse was permeating with bleeding red energy.
So much darkness from one end of this small universe to the other… it was a world of endless sorrow, but at the heart of where it lay, there was burning passion.
Through his oblivious sleep, this boy vowed to reach the story's end.