Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters and works; all other characters and worlds belong to their respective owners. I'm just playing with them.
Betad by Priapus, Marethyu, Mike God of Lore, Malcolm Tent, Beans
The Illusive Mage
Chapter 10: Malfoy Manor
— Harry Potter —
As Lucretia leaves, promising to come and get me when it's time to leave for this family dinner, I frown to myself.
I'm not stupid. Reckless and foolish for keeping the book that is very clearly affecting my mental state and not going to someone like Dumbledore for help, maybe. But I am not an idiot. Just a dumbass. There's an important difference.
I've done my research on the Malfoys, after Nym's not-so-subtle hints about their past. I've bought an archive of Daily Prophet's going back to before the start of the war to be added to my collection of stuff to go through. Yes, it's an ungodly amount but I had them send me a list of their best-selling issues as well to help me know where to start.
The biggest is, of course, the issue that proclaimed the defeat of the Dark Lord. Oddly enough, I can't bring myself to use either of the ridiculous epitaphs the wizarding world gave Tom. You Know Who? He Who Must Not Be Named? It's… ridiculous, ungraceful, downright childish. But the point is that I started on that date and moved forward to see the aftermath of the war.
It felt weird to read of my own death. Deaths. Lily Potter and Tom Riddle. They both died, and Lily got a footnote in the same issue proclaiming me, the real me, the Boy Who Lived. It's getting harder to separate the three, as time goes by. I've caught myself thinking of myself as any of the three.
I am Harry Potter. Just, Harry Potter Plus, I guess. I wonder if this is what schizophrenia feels like? Magical Multiple Personality Disorder? It's easier to… forget the other two when I'm with my friends or having fun around the school, but when I'm alone with my thoughts, it's all too easy to slip into their memories.
The point is, shaking my head to get rid of the cobwebs, that I've done my reading. I've not gotten far, barely scratched the surface of my mission to add the information from the Prophets into my little black book of secrets, but I've gotten far enough to see that Lucius Malfoy was arrested and tried as a Death Eater.
The crimes he was accused of were severe, but he claimed he was under the Imperius Curse. Many of the quotes very much don't believe him, but he had a good lawyer and found mercy in the courtroom, almost certainly through bribes, given how his Imperius defence went compared to some others.
But of course it's a lie, I never needed the Imperius to keep Lucius loyal. Only the Cruiciatus when his weakness and ego got him into trouble.
In my mind, I see myself holding a familiar wand as Lucius writhes on the ground. I feel my/Tom's pleasure at watching a Pureblood debase themselves before their halfblood master.
It's the same pleasure I felt watching Pansy submit and do whatever it took to keep my favour. So proud, so pure, and on her knees all the same.
Lucius is a pureblood supremacist with blood on his hands. He was loyal to the cause, even if the bloody path it took disturbed him a little. More importantly, he has something of mine. Something like the Diadem, with a little piece of the Dark Lord inside it.
At this point, it's easier to think of the piece inside me as Tom and the rest as Voldemort. I am not, and have no desire to become, a dark lord. I can feel Lily wondering if Tom's exceedingly questionable decision to cut his soul into pieces had an effect on his ailing mental state. The Tom Riddle from the start of the war would never have lost to a baby. He was charming, powerful, and brilliant. Voldemort was a psychopath clinging to a thread of sanity at the end and driven to paranoia over a prophecy of all things.
But is that my opinion on his memories, or Tom's own ego speaking? Or is it Lily's opinion of his memories? As I said, things are getting more and more confusing after the whole… brutally torturing a teacher/dark lord to death.
Opening my chest, I pull out the Diadem of Ravenclaw again and run a thumb over the gem before I place it back on my head. I originally planned to return this because it seemed important and I don't wanna get caught with some missing legendary artefact, but I don't really think that's an option for me because…
Closing my eyes, I focus as I get back to separating my mixed memories. Lily knew a little about Occlumency, Tom knew a lot more, and the Diadem is a cheat sheet for this kind of thing as it enhances my memory and intellect. Until I've mastered this and properly sorted Tom, Lily and Harry out, I'm gonna need to hang onto this thing.
Because Tom, while smart, charming and talented, is still a fucking cunt even if he's not in full Dark Lord mode. Thankfully, that's something Harry and Lily agree on so he gets kicked down more often than the others.
I swear if I ever start referring to myself out loud in the third person, I'm just obliviating myself and hoping for the best.
But focusing on the main issue in front of me, what the fuck do I do about the Malfoys? Tom says kill them for betraying him. Lily says kill them for being Death Eaters. Harry says shut up and stop planning murders, and I'm still in the driver seat for now.
Thinking for a moment, I get an idea as I test out a little something from Tom's memories.
"Serpentsortia!" I hiss, watching as a long greyish-black snake flies from the end of my wand, hissing at me in displeasure. Tom's memories helpfully inform me that this is a Black Mamba and it's venom would definitely kill me. "Stop!" I command, more confidently than I feel as my words come out in a hiss and the snake pauses, its head tilting back.
"Speaker?" it hisses back, and I grin.
Yeah, this can work. Now, I just need the next piece to this puzzle. And, if I know my friends, I won't have to do anything for that part. Hiding the Diadem again, all I have to do is wait.
It's around five minutes later, spent playing with my snake (not the one in my pants, Lucretia finished charming that one for me before she left), when someone knocks at the door and before waiting for a response, peeks inside.
"Is she gone?" Draco half-whispers, looking around with narrowed eyes.
"Lucretia or Daphne? Either way, it's just me," I say, watching him enter with his head held high like he wasn't skulking around to avoid his sister.
"What? Daphne, obviously! Lucretia told me she'd talked to you about coming home with us tonight, I just wanted to make sure the ice bitch wasn't lurking around. What did she want anyway?" Draco asks, predictably as she glowers around the room in paranoia.
I will forever deny that I had anything to do with my new friend deciding to slither right past his leg, Draco letting out a high-pitched screech and fumbling for his wand as I hide my snort and rise. Picking up my mamba friend, I watch Draco freeze.
"He is loud," it hisses, and I nod.
"He is," I agree in the language as Draco's eyes widen. "I see you've met my new friend? Daphne just wanted to discuss the betrothal contract her father sent for her, looks like she didn't know about it until after it was sent."
"Ugh, of course you'd think that. Obviously she's just pretending not to know about it but forget Daphne! What the fuck? When were you going to mention that you're a fucking Parselmouth?" Draco says in a high-pitched voice. "And where did you even get a snake?"
"Found a spell to summon one, and right now, obviously. I only found out I could do this today, and no I haven't told Daphne so keep your knickers on. You are literally the only person I've told. Not even Lucretia," I reassure him, seeing his feathers ruffle in pride.
"Do you have any idea how big this is? It's the talent of Salazar Slytherin himself!" Draco points out with a hint of jealousy on his face. "How- why- how?!"
"Hell if I know," I lie. "I just… felt it, I guess? With all the snake imagery around. So, I did some research and I could talk to my mamba friend."
As I speak, I stroke the mamba under its chin before I feel the magic of the summoning start to fade and my friend vanishes
"Aren't Parselmouths seen as dark wizards?" I ask, but Draco scoffs.
"By idiots, sure. The last one was the Dark Lord himself! Oh, Merlin, this is amazing and it's gonna be so useful in keeping the rest of the house in line!" Draco beams, ambition clear on his face.
Hook, line and sinker.
"I guess," I say, frowning slightly. "Do you think I should get a snake?"
"Obviously! I mean, Hogwarts rules don't explicitly allow it but Snape won't argue if I get my Father to speak to him. It has to look more impressive than that one did though," Draco scoffs, clearly already planning something.
"Really? Black Mambas are one of the most dangerous snakes in the muggle world. They're super venomous," I add helpfully, watching him pale as he remembers it slithering past his ankles.
"W-well, it still looked boring," Draco huffs.
"You look boring," I retort, getting a scoff from him as whatever he wanted to discuss is reduced to petty arguing over nothing.
Now, if I know Draco like I think I do, I know what he's going to do.
To quote something I've heard him say no less than five times this week? His father will hear of this.
Before long, it's time to go and Draco has that far too smug smile on his face as Lucretia returns. As much as I like him, I genuinely wonder why he's a Slytherin sometimes because his face screams 'I know something you don't know' and he keeps shooting smug looks at his sister.
"Ah, there you are," Lucius says, turning away from someone who I think might be another member of the School Board after giving them a nod. "Right on time. And you must be Mr Potter."
He stares at me with a curious look that Tom's memories easily identify as ambition. He's wondering just how true the rumours are, and whether he could turn me into a tool for his political agenda.
He wasn't loyal to Tom, in the end, but he truly believes in the cause.
"Father, allow me to introduce Heir Potter-Black," Draco says in a faux-pompous voice. "Harry, this is my father, Lord Lucius Malfoy."
"…he knows that, Draco. They both do," Lucretia sighs.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Lord Malfoy," I greet with a respectful nod, playing the pureblood noble game. Lucius' expression shifts to subtle pleasure at the sight of the one who he'd expected to be Dumbledore's Golden Boy playing pureblood politics.
"And it is an honour to meet you, at last, Heir Potter-Black," Lucius replies smoothly. "Our world has been wondering where you've been all these years, and your Guardian was most reticent with any details. But please, just call me Lucius."
"And I'm just Harry, to my family, distant or not," I reply easily. "My story isn't quite as interesting as the books would make it out to be, but I don't think here is the place for gossiping about my childhood."
"Quite. We'll be taking the Floo network, have you ever used it before?" Lucius asks, getting a shake from my head.
"No. I've heard of it, but I've never had the chance," I admit, following him into Snape's office. Snape looks as happy as ever at the prospect of us using his office, but he just gives us a sour nod as Lucius explains how to use the Floo and has Draco demonstrate.
Lucius isn't stupid, and the ease and confidence I use it with gets a slightly raised eyebrow as I floo to Malfoy Manor.
"Nice place," I say to the smug looking Draco as I look around the arrival point, not willing to admit that this place goes way beyond nice. It's super rich people stuff without looking gaudy.
"I'm glad it meets your expectations," a feminine voice answers, and no, it isn't Draco's. Turning to the source, I pause as I realise where Lucretia gets her good looks from as my eyes land on Narcissa Malfoy.
Clad in a dark-green dress that Tom's memories identify as Acromantula silk (and inform me that Acromantulas exist, giving me a lovely new fear), the blonde woman is the textbook definition of the term 'MILF'. Incredible breasts, curvy hips and looks that could pass for Lucretia's older sister.
"Allow me to introduce-"
"Yeah, he knows who she is too," Lucretia cuts off as she arrives, getting a scowl from Draco as the pair of siblings begin squabbling.
"Lady Malfoy, a pleasure to meet you," I say, ignoring the duo as Narcissa rolls her eyes at them and turns to me with a soft smile. It doesn't quite hide the intense, analysing look in her eyes that reminds me far too much of Lucretia.
"Narcissa will suffice, Harry. You don't mind me calling you Harry, do you?" Narcissa drawls as I shake my head. "Draco, Lucretia. Go and get changed for dinner."
"What- but I wanted to show-"
Narcissa's stare silences him and he pouts and skulks away as Lucius arrives last.
"I took the liberty of getting you an outfit more suitable than your uniform, Harry," Narcissa explains. "Dear, I'll be giving Harry the tour."
"Of course," Lucius agrees, sharing a look with his wife that I wouldn't have detected with just my eyes. This works for me, because I need Draco to get a chance to spill the secret to please Daddy. "Dinner will be in a couple of hours, but I wanted a chance to speak with you and Draco wanted to show you around, and show off I suspect."
"He does that," I agree with a soft laugh and a grin as Lucius gives us a nod and walks away, leaving me with the MILF who places a hand on my arm to guide me as she subtly peppers me with questions about my time at Hogwarts.
It's no real surprise to me that she already knows that I'm the one who arranged for Flint's accident, because Draco can't keep his mouth shut when it comes to his family.
"I must say, it came as quite a surprise to learn that you are the next Lord Black," Narcissa admits as she shows me around the pristine grounds of Malfoy Manor. "While you have Black blood through your father's side, I did my research and discovered that you became the heir through Sirius of all people. Which was doubly surprising, given his situation and the fact that both he and his mother told me that he had been disowned."
The name Sirius brings forth a multitude of emotions from Lily and Tom alike. Tom is amused, because he had no death eater named Sirius Black and finds the fate of his enemy funny. Lily is furious at the false imprisonment of a dear friend. I'm… I don't know. I don't know how he ended up seen as guilty, but I could have avoided a lot of mess if he'd been more careful.
"From what I have learnt, that isn't quite true," I explain, feeling the side of her breast pressing against my arm. She's not done anything that could be seen as scandalous, but there's no denying she's using her looks to keep me playing her game. "Walburga Black did blast his name off the tapestry, and 'disowned' him but the final word lay with Lord Arcturus and he never finalised it before his death. Sirius never claimed the Lordship, but it was his by right after Arcturus died but he was already in Azkaban by then. The Goblins don't tend to make mistakes about this stuff, from what I know."
"No, they do not," Narcissa agrees, guiding me to sit down at the edge of a fountain with a swan sculpture in the middle. "Miserable and antisocial as they may be, if they allowed you to claim the Black vaults, they are certain, and they are never wrong with such things. That isn't even mentioning the ring, which would have killed you had you not been the heir."
As she speaks, she takes my dominant hand and holds it for a moment, her finger brushing against the ring before she lowers my hand right into her lap.
"It came as a surprise for me, that's for certain. I went from being told my parents were nobodies by my bitter aunt to finding out I'm the heir of two powerful families," I admit, letting a scowl cross my lips.
Harry dislikes the Dursleys. Tom dislikes muggles. Lily fucking hates her sister for how she treated me. It isn't hard to express my displeasure.
"Dumbledore had been extremely vague about your location, only claiming that you were safe as he acted as your regent. It has caused some… distaste as he wielded both the Potter and Black seats freely," Narcissa admits, her own face scowling momentarily.
"And he could just do that?" I ask, getting a nod from her.
"Legally, as your guardian? Yes. I don't know how he became your guardian pre-Hogwarts but he has many friends. But legally and morally are two different things and many have taken offence to him doing so, including me. Seeing my original house vote in ways I know would turn Uncle Orion in his grave was… distasteful to say the least. I might call myself Malfoy but I am a Black at heart and by blood," Narcissa explains. "Frankly, he's failed as your regent as the entire purpose is to prepare the young heir for their eventual rise, something that Draco and Lucretia tell me he hasn't even attempted?"
"I didn't know magic was real until I got my letter. Sure, strange things happened around me but I'd never met him until he called me into his office to return the rings," I admit, still a little pissed about that myself.
"Honestly, the heir of one family going uneducated would be an insult but two? And of such influential houses? What was that old man thinking?" Narcissa sighs. "There have been some concerns over whether he will allow you to become Lord Potter-Black when you are ready or drag it out for as long as possible. Albus Dumbledore has never given up a position of power, even when he should have. Chief Warlock, Headmaster, Supreme Mugwump."
"He didn't seem opposed to giving me the rings, but I suppose they're just fancy jewelry for now without the power that comes with them," I say with a shrug.
"True. Only time will tell, and better minds than mine have failed to work out what Albus Dumbledore is planning," Narcissa admits with a quiet laugh. "But then, this is why you were looking for a political tutor, is it not?"
"I'm well aware that I'm out of my depth, and if magical politics is anything like muggle ones, showing weakness or inexperience is just chumming the waters for a feeding frenzy," I say with a playful grin. She laughs at my wording, before brushing my hair out of my eyes to expose my scar.
"True. Even without that scar, you'd be a person of extreme interest thanks to the wealth and holdings of both Houses. With it? You're the piece on the board that everyone wants to control. Even the Minister has been pushing Dumbledore for a chance to meet with you, but Dumbledore has been stonewalling him," Narcissa replies. "I know you agreed to Lucretia's suggestion that I assist in that regard, but I wanted to take this chance to clear the air. I imagine that certain people may have attempted to… colour your first impressions of me, and more specifically my husband."
"I know about his trial following the Dark Lord's death, if that is what you mean," I confirm, getting a sigh from her. "And I know a lot of people have… questions about the Imperius defence."
"And for good reason, because Lucius did join willingly but he didn't join the Death Eaters. He joined the Knights of Walpurgis," Narcissa explains, seeing my features scrunch in confusion. It's faked, of course, but I let her explain. "The Knights of Walpurgis was a movement, politically motivated, to limit the influence of the muggle world on the magical one due to certain people pushing for our world to change to be more welcoming to the muggleborn and their families. At the time, it was speeches, rallies and politics."
"And when that wasn't working, it became violence," I snort, getting a nod from her.
"I don't know if it was always his design, but as the political methods had slow or limited results, the Knights of Walpurgis took to more extreme methods," Narcissa explains. "And as a result, it went from a… gentlemen's club of sorts to drawing in thugs and criminals. Do you see the problem we faced?"
Tom's memories confirm that he'd always intended it to end in violence. He knew he couldn't get the complete power he wanted through politics.
"You couldn't just back out when things got too hot without drawing the Dark Lord onto yourself," I answer, getting a pleased nod from her.
"All too true. The Malfoy family did support the Dark Lord financially and politically, and Lucius was given the Dark Mark because the price of refusing him would have been far worse. The Dark Lord did use the Imperius when he felt the need, but the pressure ensuring his compliance was far more than just magical," Narcissa admits quietly.
"What about you?" I ask, and she lets out a soft laugh.
"I wasn't marked, nor was I really involved. I am not a particularly good duellist, and the Knights of Walpurgis were, as I said, something of a gentleman's club. I lacked a certain body part that limited my participation as anything more than Lucius' arm candy," Narcissa admits. "I took offence at the time, even if I knew better than to show it. Now, I realise it was a blessing. I suspect you may have heard of my eldest sister?"
"That's… Bellatrix, right? I heard bits and pieces," I explain, having to silence the hatred/fondness in my voice. Tom is a good actor, thankfully.
"Yes. Bellatrix was one of the few witches to join, and that was because of her incredible power and frankly, slavish devotion to the Dark Lord. Two things he found appealing," Narcissa explains. "It took a special kind of witch to get entry, and I am happy to say that I am not that kind of special."
"Wasn't she a deranged lunatic, always cackling and throwing the most illegal spells around?" I ask.
"As I said. Special," Narcissa agrees. "I truly don't know if Bellatrix was the Dark Lord's lover as many assume, but she was the exception, not the rule."
The image of a young woman with wild black hair and frankly the craziest eyes I've ever seen, naked and begging for more, crosses my mind.
"But I digress. People point to Lucius willingly joining the Dark Lord before he was a Dark Lord at all. When the plans simply involved protecting our society and not the wanton slaughter of entire Pureblood families," Narcissa explains. "I know there have been alarms raised about your mere friendship with Draco, so I imagine that either people have or will try to 'warn' you and so I believed that honesty was the best policy."
In truth, Tom's memories more or less line-up with her version except her one line about Voldemort using the Imperius. Tom also points out that she said 'The Dark Lord did use the Imperius when he felt the need' without saying he used it on Lucius. She hasn't lied, just said truths in a way that would guide me to the wrong conclusion.
Tom suggests I put her and Lucius under the Imperius, to make their claims accurate. I ignore the mental struggle of Lily forcing him deeper into my psyche.
"In truth, there's every chance they have tried. I get a lot of mail and going through it all, while balancing school work and learning about my new world has been challenging," I say. "My unsorted mail chest gets fuller every day."
"I believe I can help with that, if you are still willing to accept my assistance as your political tutor," Narcissa says.
"I am willing to give it a try, at least," I admit. "Frankly, I know I need the help. The betrothal section of my chest is getting worryingly big and there's a limit to how long I can put things off without insulting people and making enemies, which would only make my future troubles more difficult."
"Entirely true. People can be irrational when they feel slighted," Narcissa agrees. "Which is why the best thing you can do at the moment is to buy time without it causing offence."
"If you have a magic spell for that, I'd love to know it," I joke.
"I've considered this since Lucretia mentioned it, and in the end, the best solution was also the simplest," Narcissa says, getting my attention. "Dumbledore's more progressive tendencies work in your favour here. You should just respond that you have decided not to agree to any marriage contracts until you are sixteen at the earliest, on the advice of your tutor. Then, rather than just reject them outright, I'd suggest you take some time to socialise with and date the more promising candidates."
"Because people will assume Dumbledore told me to, and get angry at him?" I ask, narrowing my eyes in thought.
"In part, though even if they discover that I was the source, it still diverts most of the blame away from you. Frankly, the world already assumes we are planning to try and manipulate you and it would simply look as if I am playing the long game," Narcissa explains. "But more importantly, it doesn't shut the door entirely. It isn't a rejection, just a delay. It will… encourage the girls and their families to court you and make themselves useful to you going forward without sending more and more contracts."
"Essentially, bait them along?" I ask, as she gives me a soft laugh.
"Oh no, nothing so crude. After all, you will need a Lady Black and Lady Potter, and given the dire straits both houses are in, nobody could blame you for taking a mistress or two for each to… repopulate the houses," Narcissa points out. "Stringing them along implies there is no reward. This simply ensures that they are competing against each other, rather than blaming you for not being allowed to complete at all."
"What about Lucretia?" I retort, curious how she'll respond.
"Lucretia is Lucretia. I would be thrilled if my daughter became Lady Black, a position I felt I was denied, in truth. But I am also aware that her interest in politics is minimal at best," Narcissa admits. "If you don't take her as a wife, take her as a mistress and ensure that her children will have stronger Black blood. In truth, she might even be happier with that version of events. I expect you two are… active?"
"We haven't had sex, if that's what you mean. We've done other stuff, but not gone that far," I reply, feigning some embarrassment.
"Indeed?" Narcissa asks with a raised eyebrow. "Lucretia should know the spells to ensure no… accidents occur before you are ready, but I will teach them to you later as well. Do you think Draco will need them? I understand the Parkinson girl is sniffing around him?"
"He's not exactly impressed with Pansy. Or Daphne. Or anyone but himself," I joke, getting a fond sigh from her.
"Of course not. I had hoped he would… hit it off with Miss Greengrass but each of his letters is filled with snide comments about her and I believe that ship has sailed and promptly sunk to the bottom of the ocean," Narcissa laughs.
"He thinks she's trying to steal me from him. And she is fighting him for the Slytherin throne," I reply. "Personally, I'm not sure anyone in our year actually cares but those two and Nott, and Nott has basically given up so Daphne and Draco are always butting heads."
"I see. Well, the Slytherin Prince or Princess has been a longstanding house tradition, even if most barely care for it. It's more a matter of pride and bragging rights than actually meaning anything," Narcissa explains. "But I know my son well enough to know that once he's decided someone is his 'rival', there's no changing his mind. Ah well."
Rising, she brushes her buttocks off to get rid of some imaginary dirt as I follow her. If she notices my eyes remaining on said buttocks, she certainly doesn't comment on it as she leads me upstairs to the guest room I will be using for the night, where an outfit that no doubt costs laughably more than all my clothes put together awaits.
"We don't normally have dinner in such a formal way, but I convinced Lucius to do it this way to give you a chance to get used to formal meals in a situation where mistakes won't embarrass you," Narcissa explains. "Lucretia sent me your sizes, though who knows how she got them since she didn't just ask from your surprise."
"She did steal one of my school robes," I admit, getting a chuckle from her. To be fair, I tore her outfit so she 'stole' it to wear to her room. She filled it in ways I never will. I pause, wondering if she expects me to change in front of her.
"I can leave, if you are the shy type but I suspect you are not," Narcissa teases, getting a chuckle of acknowledgement from me as I shrug off my robe. "I simply wished to ensure I got the sizes right. I am no Madam Malkin but I do know some simple clothing charms."
"I'm not shy, true. Still, turnabout is fairplay, are you going to show me yours once you're finished staring at mine?" I ask playfully, getting a roll of her eyes and a slight smirk in response.
"I believe you've been watching mine all evening, Harry," Narcissa points out, sitting down with a raised eyebrow. I don't know how she makes watching me get changed look like she's at some high society play. I'm half expecting her to pull out a pair of those little binocular things, but I refuse to let her get to me.
Narcissa raises an eyebrow at the ease at which I put on the admittedly fancy outfit with more bits and bobs than any piece of clothing should have. This is the kinda shit ye olde nobles had servants to dress them in.
"You clean up nicely," Narcissa admits, shifting her legs in a way that just happens to make her dress shift as well, giving me a glimpse of something white before she rises. "Not sure about the hair, but the wild look does suit you."
As she mumbles that, she runs her hands through it with a frown.
"Well, this is still just a family dinner so we don't need to go that far," Narcissa finally decides, after several failed attempts to get it to settle. Yeah, sorry, that's a losing fight.
Draco even pulled out his hair products and beauty spells in one attempt. It ended up worse than it started, and he stormed off in disgust.
"Shall we?" Narcissa asks, offering her arm as she shows me how to properly escort a woman.
Time for dinner with my maybe-kinda uncle/former minion. I genuinely don't know how this is going to go, but I know the answer is going to rely on how willing he is to fall in line and give me my diary back.
Tom's diary.
You know what I mean.