Want to read ahead of schedule? Head over to Patreón @
[ https://www̧̧.patreón.com/fictiononlyreader ]
The link is also in the synopsis
———
.
After the Hokage and Stag left, Takuma retreated to his room.
The conversation had become heavy by the end, but he didn't let up because a busy personage like the Hokage wasn't going to spend hours on a home visit. He asked a couple more questions while he had the chance.
"What are you thinking?" Grey asked as he appeared on the bed while Takuma sat at his study table.
"It's not going to be easy to find information about your past," he said.
ROOT had left the village in a hurry. They couldn't take everything with them, so it was possible that any information about Grey's past would've been destroyed. Not only was ANBU's raid on the facility over a decade ago, but he also wasn't sure there would be any information about a test subject's past. "At this point, I'd be satisfied if we found medical records associated with whatever experimentation was done."
Takuma wondered how many people he would have to catch and interrogate before someone with information fell into his lap.
"I'll still try to find your parents," he said.
"I… I don't know if I want to find them," Grey said.
Takuma gazed at him. "Worried that they might have given you up?"
Grey eventually nodded.
"Or perhaps you were stolen?" Takuma said, trying to console the remnant.
"That's worse, isn't it? I can't imagine how they'd feel about having their child taken away from them. What would they feel if you suddenly appeared in front of them? Besides, you aren't me. I appreciate that you're willing to do it, but you won't be able to see them as parents, or be part of their lives, or let them in yours…"
Takuma had no words. Grey was right. He didn't think he would be comfortable playing the part of the son when he wasn't their son, even though the parents wouldn't be able to tell the difference.
He decided to move the conversation forward.
According to Hiruzen and Stag, the chances of ROOT being aware of his past were virtually nonexistent. When they sent him to the orphanage, they took great care in crafting his new identity. There was a singular link between the past and present, and it was hidden, so unless someone knew exactly what they were searching for, they wouldn't find it.
Takuma was glad because his reputation was safe. He didn't want to be associated with ROOT in any other way except as someone who hunts them down.
Grey didn't seem interested and changed the subject,
"What do you think about the expert's speculation about the experimentation?"
Takuma wasn't expecting that question, but he, too, had doubts.
"I rarely get sick, and I don't have any chronic illness. One would expect some side effects from being subjected to potentially harmful substances and procedures, but I don't feel anything wrong with me," he said.
He considered the genjutsu resistance, but it only became apparent when Takuma took over, making it difficult to attribute it to the experimentation. He was, by no means, a medical or biology expert, but he was still the one inhabiting the body in question.
Grey nodded in return.
"…Do you remember something?" Takuma felt uncomfortable every time he brought up Grey's past.
"I can't say, I was unconscious or in pain most of the time, but I do agree with one thing that Stag said. They were constantly putting stress on my body like… like they were trying to bring something out," Grey said with a deep frown and sounded unsure.
"Bring what out?"
"We wouldn't be having this conversation if I knew the answer," Grey sighed.
There was just too much unknown. Takuma wondered if his impressive chakra reserves were a result of the experimentation, but Hiruzen refused that conjecture. Yes, his chakra reserves were bountiful, but they weren't something that wasn't seen in others.
"Hey, I have a question," he said.
Grey stared at him. "The fact that you didn't just ask the question means something. I won't answer if I don't like it."
"…Why do you look like that?" It was a question he hadn't asked the last time. He was going to wait longer before bringing it up, but after the conversation they had earlier in the day, he thought the mood was right.
"Like what?" Grey asked calmly, but his eyes sharpened and widened like a beast of prey. Takuma pursed his lips. He knew that both of them knew what he was about to ask.
"You were ten when you died. And yet you look like a teenager… I don't even know what you are exactly. Are you a soul that couldn't crossover to the afterlife—"
"Takuma is dead," Grey said, cutting him off. His voice was flat as a grave. "I don't know about any soul business, but I know I'm not one… but I'm like this because of you."
"Because of me?"
"What did I look like when we first met?"
"… A ten-year-old," Takuma replied, recalling the child dressed in rags he had witnessed during the first of Inenpachi's sessions. "But then you changed."
"I don't know why I exist. Maybe it's because of some unresolved resentment, or maybe it's a freak accident from when you took over, but I, whatever I am, remained. At first, I wasn't really conscious, but as the years went by, I gained form within our mind and watched you live my life."
He was once again reminded that Grey didn't take his own life.
"It bothered me that it was not me, but I also knew that I was helpless to do so. The only choice I had was to sit and watch my life change—changes that bothered me greatly because I had no control over them. I didn't have control over anything but my existence, so I decided to focus on just that. As you began to exude more control over the being known as Takuma, I fortified a corner for myself where I reluctantly watched."
Takuma imagined the ten-year-old Grey sitting in the darkness behind the wall, watching his life. He tried to imagine what that would feel like. It wouldn't've been easy.
"To be honest, I had gotten used to my situation after years, but then you suddenly showed up with that Yamanaka. Can you blame me when the very first thing you conveyed was that you wanted me gone? Intense rejection was all that I felt from you," Grey said, openly showing his displeasure.
Takuma licked his lips. He hadn't been in great mental health back then, and Grey's presence was in the middle of it all. At that time, he didn't know what his actions had done, but after he found out more about Grey, he should've apologised, which he hadn't done. He was about to remedy his mistake, but Grey continued speaking,
"I got scared. That corner was the only thing that I had managed to protect from you. I had to save myself from you… which was when I made the biggest mistake. I might have power, but you were still the one in the driver's seat. I'm close to a collection of memories given will. The obvious way to strengthen myself was to get more memories."
Takuma gasped. "...My memories."
Grey nodded.
He knew Grey had access to his memories, but he thought that was because he literally covered half of his mind's central hub. He didn't realise that accessing his memories was a conscious decision.
"I absorbed your memories to gain strength to protect myself—and that was the mistake that doomed me."
"What mistake?"
"A collection of memories decided to absorb more memories. Do you know what that means?" Grey had a self-reproachful smile as he said, "They became a part of me. The moment I took in your memories, I came to understand you and your emotions. Before that, I could have pretended not to understand you despite having watched you struggle and make a life for yourself, but after that, I had no excuse…"
Grey laughed, but it sounded utterly sad and defeated.
"When I say Takuma is dead, I mean it in more than one way. I guess it didn't cross my mind that the moment I took in your memories, they would mix in with mine. I lost the very thing I was trying to protect. I'm neither Takuma nor you. I am what you call me… Grey."
Grey, a mixture of black and white—a mix of the two people who called themselves Takuma.
"Then live as Grey," Takuma said after a moment of thought. He continued when Grey looked up, "This mistake has made you stronger, and you know more about yourself and me. I'm happy that you understood me by absorbing my memories, and if you're going to stick around, then I'll make an effort to understand you as well.
"We might have gotten off on the wrong foot. And I apologise for that. If you'd like to, let's start over and make the best of the situation that we have been handed."
Grey described himself as a collection of memories given will. That could also be seen as memories held together by a strong will. He didn't know what the will in question sought, but he could guess that it was the desire to live after a sudden death. Takuma would've preferred not to be in such a complicated situation, but he was going to work with it.
He had already spent months ignoring the problem, dreading it, and feeling depressed because of it. He no longer wished to do those things. It was time to take action and move forward.
"Let's get along, Grey."
.
———
Chat with me and the rest of the community on our DISCORD server.
The link is in the synopsis!