If I can't feel my heart beating, or my lungs breathing, am I so different from a corpse?
Aside from the pulses of my brain, and the pain that wells in my heart, my body is completely numb. The feeling, or lack thereof, is indescribable. I didn't realise it before, but you're never truly 'touching nothing', you can always feel the air around you, however soft it may be. But feeling nothing, I don't think anyone gets to experience that unless they're lying on their deathbed.
I guess saying that makes me realise I'm no exception.
Ali didn't wake up in a dramatic or theatrical manner, he couldn't have even if he wanted to. The numbness that overtook his natural senses cloaked all the devastating damage inflicted in every cell of his body. If he was fully aware of all the agony, he wouldn't be able to wake up. Perhaps if he had enough time and no other factors, he could heal over months and months of rest, unfortunately, the poison didn't neutralise itself out of sympathy. Every second, Ali's body deteriorated further, his heart beating slower, breaths becoming harder to take. It would take a miracle for him to somehow recover, and everyone knew that deep down. It would be best to accept his death now, mourn him early, so his death is less 'impactful'.
And yet, it's inherent in human nature to see hope in a tiny possibility. On Ali's first mission, when he was trapped in the demon's Blood Demon Art, when he was fighting Akaza with his arm completely torn off, or when he was decapitated by Eira. The same things said now were said then, to accept his death. But he prevailed every time. How can someone gaze upon past miracles and not keep the same hope?
Ali's eyelids slowly opened, his irises had dulled a bit, and even the writing on his pupil bled and faded. He was still in a dazed trance, his eyes void of consciousness, completely unaware of himself. Kaze was the first to notice Ali's open eyes. Asumi and Kaito were too occupied by their sobbing, their faces buried in their hands. Kaze let out a small exhale, mixed with relief and disbelief, and that was the only sound needed. Asumi lifted her face from her hands, and a second after, Kaito followed in sync. Both of their eyes were alike in redness and expression.
They both took a second to process what they were seeing, but the relief was instantaneous, akin to the first rainfall after a year-long drought.
Ali looked up at the dull ceiling, his vision saturated with a messy blur. His hearing wasn't any better, his ears picked up sound like they were underwater, muffled and drowned out. In some areas of his body, he could feel a constant, painful tingling. His body poured the remaining energy into trying to optimise his senses. After a few seconds, he could make out his name being repeated over and over, as well as a soft shake to his body. His eyes drifted to his right, a figure leaned over him. Some semblance of precision returned, and he could just make out who it was. Asumi.
"Ali, can you hear me?" Asumi's sweet voice finally broke through completely, words convoluted with remnants of worry, but now prevailing with relief and joy. Ali's eyes locked onto her, the blur settled down into fine lines, allowing him to fully appreciate her beauty. Although he couldn't feel it, Ali knew deep down that his heart skipped a beat when he saw Asumi.
Just like how he knew that he was smiling ear to ear. How could he not smile as he gazed upon the love of his life, her beautiful eyes, the luminance as she smiled back, and the way the beloved flower in her hair glowed.
"Yeah," Ali whispered. He exhaled deeply as his fingers stretched out against the dusty floor. It took everything in him to sit up. His hands burned like a thousand needles just pierced through his skin. His sensory nerves were completely fried, but he was adamant not to let the pain come through on his expression. If just for a few seconds, he wanted to see the joy grace over everyone's faces without a hint of worry. And he got his wish. Asumi and Kaito both lit up, their innocent, unknowing smiles dispelled all the darkness in the room.
It was like seeing the sun again.
"It's good to see you awake," Kaze's voice prompted Ali to glance upwards. They locked eyes, and instantly, there was a silent moment of communication. Ali nodded firmly to his friend. He looked back to Asumi.
Ali slowly leaned to the side, reaching into his blood-soaked pocket and pulling out the stained wooden box. It shone, a testament to all the care and love that guarded it for all these years. Asumi's eyes moistened when she saw it.
The hinges moved smoothly for its age, a red velvet interior held the one object that mattered most, the other Amare Flos. Its blue petals gleaming as if it was just plucked, the stem vibrant and alive. Ali's shaky fingers gently pinched at the stem, lifting it, it felt like the heaviest thing in the world, and in a sense, it was.
The two flowers glowed in tandem, like heartbeats in sync. Ali and Asumi held each other's gaze, and an emotion that they both didn't expect slowly arose. Regret. Regret for all the years spent apart, the wasted time, and the years chasing swordsmanship. It all felt completely pointless now.
Asumi refused to let that bitter emotion linger any longer, not now, she didn't want to waste anymore time. She jumped forward, tightly wrapping her arms around Ali, feeling every part of his body press against hers. He was cold, but regardless, she squeezed harder, hoping to spread her warmth to him.
"I thought I lost you," Asumi whispered, so quiet that only Ali could hear the pained words. Tears leaked out of her eyes no matter how hard she tried to fight them.
Ali exhaled deeply, matching Asumi's emotional embrace with the tightest hold he could manage, his mind clouded with a melancholy that only grew with each second. He stared at the flower, the stem now clutched in his palm, he rested his chin on Asumi's shoulder, her ragged breathing on the cusp of sobbing was all he could hear.
Kaito's tears had finally dried, but witnessing the warm embrace in front of him almost made him start again. His mind began to rush with the memories of all the hugs he had shared with his now deceased friends. Tears threatened to spill, but he inhaled deeply and clenched his fist, shaking his head as if to shake the emotions away. With a somewhat renewed emotional stability, he stretched his arm upwards, reaching for the table he leaned on. The tips of his fingers clutched at the edge, but as he pulled himself upwards, the old table's legs abruptly wailed, cried and snapped. The entire piece of furniture collapsed, crashing onto the floor. Kaito flinched aggressively, hastily straightening up and stepping away, an embarrassed flush quick to cover his face.
Everyone turned their attention to Kaito, the awkward silence made him grow redder and redder. Thankfully, Ali let out a small laugh.
"Could've used that strength in the fight," Ali joked. It got a little easier for Kaito to bear the embarrassment. He let out an awkward chuckle, glancing at the broken table once more before he stepped towards the others.
Silence took over the room once again. The table breaking was almost too perfect, for Ali at least, it was a distraction that aided him to pivot the mood away from all the lingering sorrow, a much-needed break from everything that hung in all their minds.
"You know, Kaze," Ali slowly glanced up at him, "Kaito's a big fan of martial arts too,"
"Oh really," Kaze's face lit up in surprise. He smiled at Kaito and immediately began to question him about their shared interest.
Asumi beamed as the two dove into conversation, the shrine's atmosphere truly feeling a little lighter. She slowly loosened her arms around Ali, her touch traced around him, down his arms and held his hands. The same hands she held all those years ago, now rough, calloused and trembling. She squeezed them, lifting her gaze towards his face. Ali stared at Kaito and Kaze's excited chatter. There was something in the gentle curve of his lips and the soft but dull depths of his eyes that made her heart sink with concern. She wanted to throw away the emotions, label them as foolish, because there was no reason to worry. But she bit the inside of her lip. Because she knew that look.
"Ali," Asumi whispered. Ali's eyes slowly departed from the two martial arts fanatics, and moved towards Asumi. Love saturated his expression so much that he might as well turn pink. Asumi's heart ached.
Before she could say anything more, the door swung open, crashing into the wall. Ayumu and Yukina both there, with wide worried eyes. They had heard the loud crash of the table from outside, assuming commotion, the only reason they were a minute late is because Ayumu didn't want to enter red-eyed and tearful.
Their eyes got even wider seeing Ali up and awake. He twisted his body to look at them, and they just stared back, silent and in utter shock, in complete disbelief.
"Thank you so much!" Ayumu was the first to break the silence. The words hurried out of his mouth to the point they almost got jumbled, "Thank you for saving my life,"
He quickly took a few steps deeper into the room, and bowed deeply, clutching the hilt of his sword tightly. Yukina stepped forward as well, joining in the showcase of gratitude, no words but her message was clear.
Ali would have waved to stop them, but he didn't want to let go of Asumi's hands. Before he could say anything, Kaito took a step forward and joined them. Kaze let out a shaky exhale through his nose, clearly amused, but of course, he also bowed, not only to tease Ali further, but to show the gratitude that he deserved. There was no one else on their side who could've defeated Eira.
"Please don't…" Ali let out a sigh of disbelief, but he was unable to fight a grin, he just shook his head looking at the four bowing, "Kaze I know you can go lower than that."
Everyone turned their heads towards Kaze, smiling at Ali's comment. Kaze lifted his head with an amused expression.
"Don't make me take it back," Kaze stood up straight, snapping back with his own joke. Soft chuckles echoed, just like sobs had not so long ago. The room erupted, conversation and introductions that should've arisen half an hour ago. For the first time in years, the dusty shrine felt alive again. Amidst all the chatter, Ali remained silent. He turned back to Asumi.
They met eyes again, and there it was again. That same expression. Asumi couldn't hold it anymore. Asumi held his hands tighter and leaned forward, pressing her forehead against his. She tried to clamp her eyelids tight enough that tears wouldn't leak, but sorrow always found a way, crawling through the tiniest crevices and most impossible turns.
"Please. Don't leave me," Asumi whispered desperately, praying to a thousand gods, wishing on a million stars. Her words strangled Ali's heart, all he could do was gaze back at her, staying tight-lipped as he thought of the right thing to respond with.
But above all, he wanted to compliment her, give her enough love to compensate for the years they spent apart.
She was so beautiful. The kind of beauty that artists would become depressed over not being able to replicate. The kind that could only exist as a concept. No amount of paint, words or photo resolution would be able to capture the angelic radiance that surrounded her. To truly depict her beauty, one would have to create colours never seen before, or speak a language never spoken before.
Ali wished he could stay forever in her presence, or even just a few more minutes than their destiny had written for them to spend.
He knew, if ever, those final minutes were now. He couldn't even feel the rise and fall of his lungs anymore. His eyes dropped, staring, the skin that used to hold a light blue hue was now a depressed grey, the wounds that used to be bright red were now near-black crimson after failing to heal. If he was being completely honest, his senses had been fluctuating since he awoke. At times, he couldn't hear, or his vision would go hazy and dark.
He had already come to terms with it, but he still wanted to exercise some resistance. He wasn't going to let the poison take him. Asumi's hands trembled just enough to draw Ali's attention. Tightly pressed in the middle of their interlocked fingers was his Amare Flos, shivering in unison with Asumi. He watched it glow once, almost like a signal.
Ali just smiled. He released Asumi's hands gently, leaning back slightly, he kept a tight hold on the glowing flower. He extended his arm, raising the flower, handing it to her like she had done all those years back.
"Will you walk into the sun with me?" Ali delivered with such intimacy and tenderness that it sounded like a proposal of marriage. His words were confident and unafraid, silencing the entire room, not that he could hear much, even his own voice was but an echo in his head.
Asumi froze, her face going completely pale. She was only silent for a moment before she shook her head and spoke through falling tears. Ali could guess what she was probably saying. Something along the lines of "Please don't give up, fight, there's always hope."
Ayumu, Yukina, and Kaito were rightfully confused, but they immediately put the pieces together, all stepping forward, mouths moving. Whatever they were saying wouldn't be much different from Asumi.
The only one that stood out was Kaze, silent with a pained expression on his face, like he already knew. All he did was look at Ali, and when their gazes met, he gave a small, acknowledging nod.
Ali turned to Asumi, for maybe one of the final times, and smiled.
"I love you." He said.