Me and Charlotte stayed at the lake for a while. We sat on a large rock, staring out, not saying a word. I was happy that she was there; I didn't expect her to be. Simon was her brother and he should've come first, but this is why I love Charlotte—through everything, she has always been here for me. She really is my sister.
"Right, I think it's time to head back, babe," Charlotte sighs.
I didn't want to leave, but I knew I had to. I had to face all of this. I went back home—or I should say, his home—and Charlotte went back to Eva's to check on her.
I walk through the door and Simon is in the living room on the phone. His face softens as soon as he lays eyes on me.
"Yeah, I'll catch up with you later," he says before hanging up.
My eyes were red from crying; I looked awful. I didn't want him to see me like this. Despite my effort to avoid him by hurrying to the stairs, he rushed toward me.
"Li? Can we talk?"
I nod, and he places his hand out in front of me. I take it, looking up at him, my eyes searching his.
"Simon, I…" I struggle to speak.
"Baby." His eyes are sad, full of pain. I did that, and my heart was torn knowing I caused it.
"No, please, let me get this out," I sigh. "There's no doubt in my mind that I love you. From the very first moment I met you, you ignited something inside me. You made me feel wanted and loved. The last five months together have been amazing. I will always remember them."
His eyes widen.
"I understand why you have to go, and I'm not asking you to choose between me and your mission. I am choosing for me, and I choose to leave because if I stay, I'll be a lot more hurt if…" I trail off. I didn't want to say it, but I'm sure he knew.
His grip on my hand tightens.
"I can't be with you like this. When we were in France, I told you I couldn't do this—be with someone who's somewhere else, risking their life, not knowing if they'll ever come back. I can't take it, and I need you to respect that. I know I'm selfish. I want you all to myself. I don't want to go through life this way. I'm so, so scared, Simon."
He swallows and nods.
"I understand."
I tiptoe, pulling him toward me, and hug him tightly. His arms snake around my waist so tightly it feels like he's about to pop me. We stay like that for a couple of minutes. I couldn't bring myself to break the embrace—it felt like a long goodbye. Slowly, I pull away.
"I'll move my stuff out as soon as I can. I just need to find somewhere first," I say, wiping my eyes.
"Don't, please."
"I can't stay here anymore. It's not my home."
He closes his eyes, then opens them again. They're dark and full of pain.
"No, please stay. I have to go to base anyway, and I won't be around. Stay for as long as you need until you find somewhere else."
"Okay. Thank you."
I make my way upstairs, grabbing some clothes and moving them to the guest bedroom while Simon stays downstairs. Today could've been the most magical day of my life. Instead, it's turned into a nightmare. I could've been his wife—and him mine, my husband. I sob silently into my pillow.
Simon left during the night. Not a word. Not a goodbye. He simply packed his bags and left. To be fair, what was I expecting? I broke his heart, and he broke mine. There was nothing left to say.
I kept myself busy for two weeks—leaving work late, taking on big projects, making sure I was out of the house as much as possible. I tried to keep my mind occupied, but it didn't help. I had a constant knot in my stomach, my heart feeling heavy and broken.
On Thursday, Charlotte called to let me know Simon would be leaving on Saturday at 7:30 a.m. My heart sank at the thought of saying goodbye. I told her I would try to come. I didn't know if I could bear seeing him leave.
I wake up at 6 a.m. sharp and wash my face. I quickly throw on some jeans and a white T-shirt before heading out. As I reach the entrance, I'm greeted by an army guard.
"Morning. Identification, please?" he says seriously.
"Morning," I reply, handing over my ID. "I'm here to see Simon Matthews."
"Go right in."
I give him a tight smile and drive through. I can see the army bus and families saying their goodbyes. I get out and make my way through the crowd, spotting Charlotte in the distance. My head feels fuzzy. This is a mistake. I'm not ready.
My stomach churns as I stop when I see him hugging his mom, his face harsh and serious. No, I can't do this. I'll turn around and leave—no one will know I was here. I don't want to cause any more pain.
But it's too late. He's already spotted me.
He stares at me like prey. He's dressed in his uniform—so scary, so big and strong. He puts his bag down and walks over. I swallow, my throat dry, my heart pounding.
"I didn't know you were coming," he says, his voice rough.
"I didn't either," I reply softly. "I wanted to see you one last time… to say goodbye."
He presses his lips into a hard line and nods. I search his eyes, trying to read him, but his walls are up. His face is harsh and cold, and it hurts.
"Can I… can I hug you?" I ask.
He blinks slowly, then grabs my hand and pulls me into him. His arms wrap tightly around me, pressing me hard against his chest. I hug him back just as tightly. I can hear how fast his heart is beating—just like mine, wild and out of control.
"Heaven," he whispers.
My eyes instantly fill with tears. I was his heaven, and he was mine—but it just wasn't meant to be.
We stay like that for a couple of minutes before I pull away.
"I don't want to make you late," I say apologetically.
He shakes his head.
"Goodbye, Simon."
"Goodbye, Lina."
He turns and walks away. Watching him go almost breaks me. Halfway to Charlotte, he stops and turns around. My heart jumps.
He walks back to me, cups my face, and crashes his lips onto mine. His mouth devours mine like it's the very first time. I kiss him back hard.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
He pulls back and caresses my lips.
"Goodbye," he says softly.
I watch as he walks away and boards the bus.
"Li, I'm glad you're here," Eva smiles.
"I'm sorry to have interrupted," I say.
"Don't be silly," Charlotte says, patting my back.
"How are you holding up, darling?" Michael asks gently.
"I'm okay. It must be harder for you."
Eva shakes her head. "As much as it saddens us that Simon is leaving, we've been through this before. This is new to you. You and Simon love each other so much—we can all see how this is affecting you both." She strokes my arm. "It's okay to not be okay, dear."
We walk to our cars, Eva and Michael ahead of us.
"That kiss," Charlotte whispers."I think that was just goodbye, Char. Nothing more," I say sadly.
I go back home and spend the weekend moving all my things from our room into the guest bedroom. When I'm done, I stand in the doorway, watching the room, reminiscing about all the mornings and nights we spent there—the lazy rainy days when we wouldn't even leave the bed.
It's all gone.