June (TW: mention of throwing up)
It felt as if the world had collapsed.
I felt nothing but simultaneously everything.
It was early Wednesday morning, and school was in an hour. I sat there for 45 minutes before I realized I had been staring blankly at the article. Quickly grabbing copies of everything I could, I met Hue at the school gate as if nothing had happened. That's how I acted all day; normal. I couldn't tell anyone, and what I heard Hue say at the back entrance the same day confirmed that.
I relived the events of a few hours prior over and over in my head. When I fell asleep, everything in my dreams and the world felt surreal; I couldn't differentiate what point reality stopped and the dream started.
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Thursday morning, I decided not to go to the library. As Hue and I approached the school gates, I met everyone's stares; Piercing, condemning, questioning stares
"Hue, why are they looking at me?"
Just then, Hue's phone started buzzing.
His face grew pale.
"Hey. New kid." A group of students walked over to us.
"Is it really true? Are you really her son? Did she really kill her brother?"
Hue whipped his head to stare at me, backing away in shock.
"June, it wasn't-"
"Who are you to say any of that?" I replied to the group, looking at the ground.
"Well, we aren't the ones who said it," they paused and pointed at Hue,
"He is."
My heart sank. Hue tried to say something, but I didn't stay long enough to hear it and pushed through the now-swarming crowd. It was suffocating. All eyes were on me. Judgment from anywhere I looked. No escape.
I ran, pushing through the herd and into the school. I heard Hue calling, but it got further away and disappeared altogether when I entered the bathroom. I collapsed to the floor, tears rolling down my face, sobs echoing off the dirty white walls.
Clutching the toilet, I threw up until I couldn't anymore and leaned against the stall wall.
I couldn't bring myself to stand; I had drained all my energy.
The bell rang. Everyone would be in class for the next 3 hours.
Nobody to bother me
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I woke up slumped against the wall after the lunch bell rang.
"Just lock the door. No one will bother you."
I'd stay there until everyone left.
Until everyone forgot
Kids came in and out, each one knocking on my stall door. Each one giving up when they realized it wasn't going to open. Even if it did, I didn't have the energy to walk even 2 feet out the door. I hadn't eaten anything, my blood sugar level was basically zero. It felt like everything was an illusion. My head spun; It was like I was falling. I didn't want to move.
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It was dark when I woke up next. I felt even worse than before I'd fallen asleep, but at least nobody had bothered me. Mustering up what strength I had, I finally left the bathroom stall. My legs felt heavy, like weights holding me, anchoring me to the ground. At the same time, I felt like I was waking on clouds.
Eventually, I got a taxi and collapsed into my bed at home, locking the door behind me. I looked at my phone and saw hundreds of notifications, all from Hue, begging me to come out and talk to him. He must have been watching, waiting for the moment the "delivered" changed to "read" because as soon as I opened them, he immediately asked where I was.
"Let me sleep," I replied.
I felt empty, asking myself why Hue would do that. It didn't make sense to me. But then again, I knew I couldn't trust him. I should have never stayed close to him. The moment I saw him doubt me. The moment he went behind my back, I should have left.
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Hue
The look on June's face will stay in my mind.
The look as he heard I betrayed him.
The dread as he found that everyone's eyes were on him.
The look as he realized what people thought his mother did.
Why do bad things happen to good people? All June did was exist, yet the world made him suffer. Was it because of me? I couldn't even think of hurting June. But now, in his eyes, I was devil's incarnate.
It was all because of her. I wanted to kill her. I wanted her to feel the same pain June felt.
I wanted to ruin her life.
"Cassie," I yelled as I entered her classroom. Walking up to her, I slammed down on her desk. The room went quiet.
"I know it was you. What exactly are you playing at? Why are you trying so hard to ruin his life?" My voice gradually got louder until my throat hurt.
She smirked.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
I turned around to face the crowd of students that had now gathered.
"I want you all to know I didn't say that about June. I would never make up such baseless fucking lies in an attempt to ruin someone's life. You know what she's been doing?" I turned to Cassie. "Cassie. You have been harassing June and me. Telling me he's psycho, telling me he's mentally unstable. But do you know him? Do any of you fucking know him?" I turned to face the crowd again. They all looked horrified.
"So none of it true?" A boy asked.
"I don't think Hue would lie," Said another.
"It's not true. Why would any of that even make sense?" People started to whisper, looking at Cas.
"Okay, don't listen to me at all. You'll all see it soon. June is insane. He's absolutely delusional. Oh! Have fun finding your boyfriend, Hue," Cas said.
"Why won't you get it through your head? You don't know him. I live with him, for fucks sake. There isn't anything wrong with June." People looked bewildered now. Cas smiled.
"They say love is blind. Maybe that's why you can't see it. Fucking gays."
I had had it.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing"
"I said, what did you say?" I shouted in her face.
"What are you going to do? Hit me?" I backed away.
The Principal walked in, breaking up the crowd and taking Cas and I to his office.
I tried to explain but got brushed off each time I mentioned June.
I was stuck in an office, unable to look for him.
I didn't know where he was, and he wasn't answering his phone.
It wasn't until the lunch bell rang that the Principal asked to talk to me. I sat there for an hour unraveling the lies Cassie had made, except no matter what I said, nobody seemed to listen. Cassie had them all on her side, and no amount of fighting would make them listen. It was only getting me in more trouble. I was given in-school suspension and was kept in the office without my phone until my mom could arrive.
She was livid.
Not at me, of course
As far as she knew, June was her son as well. She was furious that they held me from looking for him and no excuse they made calmed her down.
"If you aren't going to look, I will." She finally said.
"Ma'am, we can't allow you to search the school premises. Suspension is now in effect so-"
"I'm not suspended. As far as I know, Hue is. Now, my kid is missing and if you don't-"
"I will have to call the police if you refuse to leave. I can assure you that we are searching throughout the school area and will cooperate with police if those measures are needed."
"Mom, let's go. Let's go to the police now." I tried to comfort her. But I couldn't wipe the look on his face out of my head.
The police couldn't file a missing persons report because he "hadn't been gone long," and they were "busy with more serious things."
We weren't allowed to search the school property. We had no help from police. The school didn't care.
Mom and I started by going everywhere June had gone with me the day we hung out; the park, food stalls, and the bridge, but it was like June had simply disappeared. He was nowhere. I wasn't able to breathe until I saw him read my messages.
"Let me sleep."
That's all I needed. At least I knew June was still there, probably at home. I didn't need to know where he was all that time. What mattered to me was that I knew where he was now.
(Note: In-school suspension (ISS)- Being suspended but you're still in school just not in any classes. Usually kept under supervision during the school day.)