The Abby Show
[Welcome back to 'Are You Courting Death?' I am your luminous, transcendent, eternally victorious Senior Sister, Abby! Today we tackle what those cowards at the Time-Space Research Lab refuse to tell you, how to rewind time WITHOUT needing a Dialga!] Abby announced happily.
Alakazam, slouched over the desk, dark bags under his eyes, [No. Nope. Not again. We agreed, no more time experiments after the coffee mug incident.]
Psyduck, poking at a clock with its flipper, confused, [Psyduck remembers the coffee mug incident. Psyduck is still drinking backwards.]
[Nonsense, Junior Brothers. And before I forget, we have an announcement, our old junior brother Drowzee isn't here because he has finally transcended,] Abby snapped her fingers dramatically as Abratwo teleported in with Hypno.
Hypno looked around, [Wha— I thought I was free! Why did you drag me back?!]
Abby ignored him, beaming, [Our dear Junior Brother broke through the Mortal Demon-Eating Realm and transcended to the Beyond Dreamer Stage!]
Alakazam facepalmed, [He went on a vacation and evolved. He said he was busy helping out his trainer. That's why he hasn't been here, he was gone for like two weeks.]
Abratwo nodded like whatever Abby was saying made sense to her, [Time is an illusion. Especially on 'Are You Courting Death?' And in her outline. And possibly her tax records.]
[Psyduck still doesn't understand time,] Psyduck said, tilting the clock upside down. [Is it soup now?]
Abby clapped her hands with unnatural force, shattering the nearby air molecules, [Excellent segue, Junior Brother! Because to understand time, one must first devour the soup of causality!]
Alakazam groaned audibly, [Oh no.]
[Observe!] Abby shouted, producing a battered flip phone from her sleeve and slamming it onto the desk. [This ancient relic of a bygone era is now my Qi Chrono Anchor! With enough inner energy and the right ringtone, I can stabilize my past self!]
[That's just a Nokia with a Jigglypuff sticker on it,] Alakazam pointed out flatly.
[Ah, but it holds sentimental weight! Which is critical in temporal Qi cycling. You wouldn't understand. Your third eye is calcified with disbelief,] Abby said, wiggling her fingers mysteriously.
Abratwo nodded sagely, [Doubt is the heaviest anchor on the river of time.]
[Stop agreeing with her!] Alakazam barked. [We can't have another paradox! Last time she tried something this stupid I had to relive Psyduck flossing in reverse!]
[Psyduck regrets nothing,] Psyduck said, sipping his juice box upside-down. [Also, Psyduck's girlfriend said we're going on a date next week. Can Psyduck not come next time?]
[Dude, we still don't believe you. The stuff Abby says makes more sense than that,] Alakazam said.
Hypno sighed, [Yeah dude, I love you, man. You're like a brother to me. But ain't no way you have a girlfriend.]
Psyduck huffed, [Psyduck is serious! You'll see! Psyduck's girlfriend will come pick Psyduck up next week!]
[Enough. Your heart demons are talking again, Junior Brother,] Abby interrupted as she raised a glowing crystal. [Behold, the Rewind Pearl! Found deep beneath the Whirl Islands—]
[That's a marble with glitter glue on it,] Hypno said.
[—a sacred relic capable of shifting local time flow for five whole seconds! Or until Alakazam starts complaining, whichever comes first,] Abby declared, ignoring him completely.
Hypno looked at the marble and took a breath, burying his face in a book, [I see fifteen futures where that thing explodes. Two involve spaghetti.]
Alakazam stood up, [Okay, that's it. I am filing an official protest with the League Broadcasting Commission. This show violates every clause in the Psychic Ethics Handbook.]
[We burned that book last week to summon the Temporal Spirit Duck, remember?] Abby replied sweetly.
[Psyduck remembers! Psyduck was the offering!] Psyduck said cheerfully, holding up a tiny ceremonial hat.
Abby cleared her throat and raised both arms, [Anyway! Don't forget to like, subscribe, and align your spirit channels! Today's episode is sponsored by… Temporal Tacos! Time-traveling flavor in every bite. Eat them before you eat them!] (Side effects include existing twice and mild spicy déjà vu.)
[But Senior Siblings, before we continue, there is a special guest, we have a very special guest. An important Pokémon who managed to ascend and purify all imperfections,] Abby said as she teleported out, then came back with Nidoking.
Nidoking blinked and looked around, [What is going on… Oh. Little gremlin, it's you. Why did you bring me here?] he asked, his old princely tone still intact.
[You see, fellow disciples, Senior Brother Nidoking ate the most vile, poisonous, and radioactive thing that would make most Pokémon get poisoned and survived! Not only that, but he evolved further into the Body-Strengthening Soul Burst Stage!] Abby said dramatically.
[What?] Alakazam, Hypno, and Psyduck said in unison.
[You see, Senior Brother Nidoking's dantian was sealed by an expert at birth. After eating the Great Poisonous Heavenly Treasure, it helped unblock it and made him a once-in-a-century genius,] Abratwo added like that made sense.
[…I just ate some really bad pancakes and started floating…] Nidoking mumbled, looking around. [I still have some stomach problems, but I have no idea what she's talking about.]
Alakazam stared directly into the camera, [Please. Someone. Send help.]
—--
After Ash cooled down, he helped Brock out of the snow and gave him to Misty, then looked back at the Radio team, "Hey! Sorry about the… uh, surprise entrance. It's good to see you guys again."
The director finally remembered who Ash was. He smiled and ran up, taking Ash's hand, "Oh, it's you! I have to thank you, the show you were on was our most popular one yet!"
Mary laughed helplessly and pulled the director away, "I know it did well, but don't you think you're being a little too handsy, Director?"
"Nonsense! Hey, since you're here, you should join this one too, the views will be insane! We'll surpass that weird show we somehow can't get shut down, 'Are You Courting Death?' I mean seriously, how does a show about a bunch of Pokémon talking get so popular?"
"I just stopped asking questions. Besides, Smea-Smea likes it," Mary said helplessly.
Whitney ignored the banter and walked up, taking Ash's hands, "Hey, it's so good to see you again! Oh yeah, your friend, she managed to beat me after a few times. It was a fun battle!"
Ash looked her up and down. She was wearing a sweater… but still had shorts on. He put his hands together, "Why do you have shorts on… Aren't you cold?"
"Oh, extremely," Whitney said immediately. "I mean, I could put on some warm clothes, I s'pose, but then I wouldn't look as pretty, would I?"
She looked back and spotted Vee and Wyrdeer. Her eyes lit up, "Ohhh, who are these cuties!" She jumped over, took Vee from Misty's hands, and hugged him tightly. "Oh, this one's so warm! You probably make traveling here in the snow so much better!"
Misty looked at her, then at her own pants. She said nothing… but now she kinda understood why Ash kept telling her to wear pants last year when they were traveling.
Then Whitney buried her face in Wyrdeer's neck fur, "Oh, a Wyrdeer! I saw one before, but I haven't gotten one yet. But he's so cute, I have to do it ASAP!"
"Haa… Yeah, good to see you too, Whitney…" Ash said, shaking her hand. "So, what are you guys doing out here?"
"Oh, we came out here to get to Pryce's Gym so we can get his opinion on the Legendary Beasts traveling around the regions," Mary explained, but she left stuff out, obviously.
Not that it mattered, because the director jumped in and slung an arm around Ash's neck, pulling him close, "And between us, we think Pryce is going to be the next target to get attacked, so we want to be there to capture every moment!"
"Director!" Mary called out. "Why would you reveal that?! We can't just tell people we think someone is going to get attacked!"
The director waved his hand dismissively, "Oh please, we're recording this. And it's not like they'll tell anyone, we're in the middle of the mountains. Who are they going to tell?"
"I mean… he has a point," Ash said, crossing his arms.
"Yeah, even I know that, and I can barely think with how cold it is," Whitney added, still leaning into Wyrdeer's fluff and hugging Vee.
Even Smea-Smea the Smeargle nodded, "Smear…"
"Wha… You too, Smea-Smea? Ohhh…" Mary lowered her head sadly.
Misty went over to help Brock up with one arm, rubbing her temple with the other. She sighed, "You know, for a top-rated media team, you guys are the least professional group I've ever met. And that's coming from someone who has Brock here as a friend."
Brock groaned faintly in her grip, "Speak for yourself… Any group with Mary is—cough—I think I have snow in my lungs…"
"Oh hush, you big baby," Misty muttered, though she still helped wipe the snow off Brock's face, something she wouldn't have done a week ago. Back then, she would've just kicked him back into the snow for talking about Mary.
"Um, Brock, do you want some hot chocolate?" Yellow offered, holding out her thermos.
"No, it's okay, thank you," Brock waved his hand, though it was more his big brother instincts talking than anything else.
Meanwhile, Chairman Finley asked the question everyone was wondering, "So, hello young man, may I ask what you lot are doing all the way out here? I find it hard to believe it's just for a hike, especially in this weather."
"Oh, we're going to the Gym too, for my Gym battle," Ash said casually.
Mary immediately straightened her back and looked almost scared, "No, you can't! I mean, to get to the Gym you need to travel through all this, then you have to climb down, and you could slip and get hurt! And even then, there's a chance one of the Legendary Bea—ah!" She was cut off as Whitney pushed her to the side.
"Oh, you're going to the same place too? Then you should come with us!" Whitney said excitedly, bouncing slightly. Vee, in her arms, looked dizzy, like a milkshake getting shaken a little too hard.
Before Ash could respond, the Director popped in next to Whitney, looking just as thrilled.
"Yeah, you should! And with you in the battle, the ratings will be off the charts!"
"Oh ha… ha…" Ash gave a sheepish laugh, rubbing the back of his head, "Well, it sounds like we've got a whole crew heading to Pryce's Gym, huh?"
"I still don't like this," Mary muttered, brushing snow off her coat. "If there really is going to be an attack, bringing more people just makes it harder to keep everyone safe—"
"You know, I think you might be right…" the Director interrupted, raising his fist and gazing at the sky like he'd just received divine inspiration from Arceus himself, "We should make this a two-hour special…!"
Mary fell backward into the snow again.
Misty sighed, "I think that's the exact opposite of what she meant," she grumbled, glancing between him and Whitney, who was still swinging Vee around like a plushie. Vee blinked rapidly, clearly questioning his life choices, but Whitney was hugging him too tightly to escape.
Wyrdeer huffed, lowering his antlers slightly, as if exhausted just from watching them, Pikachu and Chuchu were still tucked into his fur. They hadn't moved, and really, why would they? It was warm in there. They just watched everything quietly.
Yellow, watching the chaos unfold, leaned closer to Ash and whispered, "Are… are we really going with them?"
"I mean, why not? If we're going to the same place, is there really any reason not to?" Ash shrugged.
"I personally think it's a great idea," Brock said, trying to get down on his knees in front of Mary, but Misty still had her grip on his shoulder, not letting him go.
"Don't do it, lover boy," Misty mumbled, closing her eyes and shaking her head.
Ash stretched a little, brushing snow from his shoulders, and from Brock's stupid plan, "Alright then," he said, grinning as Vee finally managed to wiggle free from Whitney's grasp and bolted back to Ash's arms like his life depended on it.
Ash caught him and let him settle on his shoulder, "If we're all going the same way, we might as well travel together. Safety in numbers and all that."
"I knew you'd say that!" Whitney beamed, skipping a few steps ahead in excitement, then tripped over a snowbank and face-planted. She popped back up like nothing happened, snow clinging to her bangs, "Let's make it an adventure!"
"Yeah, I mean, especially in a literal frozen wasteland," Ash said, gesturing around, "I mean, seriously, you know it's bad when you can't even find any Ice-type Pokémon out here."
And he was right. Not a single Pokémon had been spotted since they arrived, they were probably all taking shelter from the blizzard that had just passed.
The Director was already speaking into his headset mic, "Get the drones prepped! Smea-Smea, get your brush ready! I want sweeping shots, dramatic snow angles!"
Misty let out a tired sigh, "Can we just get moving before these guys try to make a musical out of it?"
"Wait, that's not a bad idea…" the Director murmured, already scribbling in a notepad.
Ash groaned, "Don't give him ideas, Misty. I am not going to sing."
"Wait, really? But you had such a nice singing voice," Yellow said, tilting her head. Back in school, they had gone to karaoke together
"Yeah, the only reason I sang was because Green bet me I couldn't. So I took vocal classes and learned to play bass guitar. But then… remember what happened with Pink?"
Yellow looked like she wanted to deflate, "Ohhhh… yeah… now I remember…"
"Wait, what? Why? What happened? You can sing! And what happened with Pink? Why is this the first we're hearing about it?" Misty asked, slightly shaking Brock like he had answers.
"I told you, the childhood arc has lore you'll never hear," Ash said simply. "And I don't sing anymore because I don't want to."
"Anyway, this bit went on way too long. Can we please just keep moving?"
"Yes, let's go. Please," Mary said, trying to bring them back on track, "The ravine is close, so everyone, stay close."
Brock stood up and saluted like he hadn't just been choking on snow a moment ago, "Aye aye! I'll follow you to the ends of the earth, Mary!"
Misty didn't even bother replying, it was way too cold. Instead, she walked over to Arcanine and hugged her for warmth, since Ash had Vee.
They started walking, with Whitney skipping ahead of them.
"Come on! If we keep going at this rate, we'll never get to the Gym!"
"Whitney, please be careful. It's hard enough to see the ground as is," Mary warned.
"I'm sorry, but how can I stop now? The more friends you have with you, the more fun you'll have! That's all there is to it!" Whitney said happily, walking backward to face the group.
"The only way things could get better is if we could warm up by drinkin' warmed-up Moomoo Milk and s—"
Whitney was about to finish when she took one more step and, suddenly, there was no more ground.
She yelped as her foot slipped into open air, starting to fall backward.
Ash reacted instantly, grabbing her by the collar of her sweater. She dangled for a moment, wide-eyed, and when she looked down, she saw the deep ravine stretching endlessly beneath her.
Whitney blinked, then knocked lightly on her own head, "Oopsie! But hey, at least I found where we need to go! Shouldn't I get some praise for that?"
Ash rolled his eyes and hauled her back up onto solid ground.
He then reached for his Poké Balls, returning Arcanine and Wyrdeer, "Alright then. What's the plan to get down?" He looked toward the radio team, "Since you brought an entire team and all your equipment you do have a plan don't you,"
They all suddenly avoided eye contact, whistling innocently.
Ash's group stared at them with matching deadpan expressions.
"So… you had no idea what you were doing this whole time," Misty muttered.
"Hey, we're the radio team. We're not experts," the Director said, shrugging. "Besides, that's why we brought Whitney."
Whitney sighed and shot them a look, "Right. In a team full of men, of course it's up to the cute girl like me."