"You called for me Master? Wait…why is she…" "Who exactly is your Master here? Why are you so worried about that reckless girl who is kneeling on the floor?" "But she…" "Did you look into Concubine Choi for me?" The tension between myself and Yeon just got 100 times worse when I saw Dal himself freeze up for a second and trying his hardest to avoid eye contact with Yeon, who was still facing the my wall on the floor. I tried saying some more things and giving out more hints, but nobody was willing to say anything no matter how hard I tried. So I let Yeon up off of the floor and I made her tend to me whilst I bathed in front of her. But amidst my addiction, i also carried out the obesession to always be right in my thoughts and suspicions, even if it crossed lines between us. No matter how much this girl messed with my head, she will never get away with lying to me. She was my peace, my light and in order to keep her that way, I needed to know everything about her. Because she was the one person in my life, my world who trusted me inexplicably, and for that to happen, she cannot keep any secrets from me, even if was forced to…
"Yeon?" "Yes, Young Master?" "Have you heard anything? One the one day of the month that you are allowed out of the home?" "About what, Young Master?" "The Concubine Choi who fights men in broad daylight and being able to get away with her life. She even kept running in and out of brothel's as openly as a man in her youth and…" "and what? Do you find her behaviour offensive just because she is a woman?" She snapped at me whilst pouring in all of the essential oils in without so much as looking at me, and even I couldn't help but to be surprised. "What do you mean? Of course women are not allowed to visit such places and you knew that…" "and why is that I wonder?" "What are you...?" "Of course women are not allowed in such establishments, god forbid what would happen if educated women helped those poor women and show them alternative lifestyles in which they could provide for themselves without selling themselves. Then I would wonder how the men in this world would find ways to entertain themselves."
Yeon had been an advocate for women as she grew up, she had always made that clear. And she had never made any judgements about anyone, no matter what disability or disorder they had. In fact, she would always be the first one to help them, despite her brother's attempts to keep her away from anything that would cause bad gossip. And I thought that Yeon would at least be sensible enough to realise that as an orphan girl, she would be the most susceptible to having a bad reputation. But she always used her disorder as an excuse for not caring about anything at all and doing anything she wanted no matter what it cost her. And she was still acing this way, even though she had matured a lot and in more ways than one.
"What on earth are you talking about…" "I suppose that you are also the percentage of men who look down on prostitutes and kisaengs because of who they are and the 'type of service' they provide to society. But have you ever thought that no woman in their right mind has ever woken up one day and thought to give up their family, friends and home to become that? Just like…"
I instantly knew where she would take this conversation and I immediately regretted trying to rile her up at all. This had never happened to me before; despite tensions between myself and her brother, I still had him in the palms of my hands even though I wish I didn't in that situation. But ever since The Mistress Han's arrival, I was loosing control of Yeon more quickly than I could have ever anticipated. I wasn't a complete monster like Hui-Jee and everyone thought I was, I knew I didn't have that right over Yeon…but I wanted to. She was my only person here, so why was it wrong for me to want to keep her close to me at all times.
"That is enough Yeon, do not cross the line…" "Of course, you continually cross the line all of the time, but I am not allowed to." "Stop it, I mean it."
She was smart enough to listen to me for once, which was almost a miracle in itself. And because of what was going on behind her back, I obviously couldn't confide in her about her brother, but the topic of my mother was always off limits. The Seo's always knew what had happened to her, so there was never a need to talk about her and how much her death and traumatised me. But of course, Yeon had forgotten all about it and now kept bringing it up. But why? What was she trying to tell me? Why was she taking such an interest in this? Did she find out something and was trying to tell me? But before I could even gather the courage to ask her about this, she instantly changed the subject back to the girl that I was talking about with Dal as he started to clean up after the mess I was making on purpose.
"Why are you so interested in a girl you barely know anyways? And so what if she visits brothel's? Just leave her alone." "Of course it is interesting to see…" "All the women in this world has their fate in such a place as soon as they are born. Even when you went off to war, there was always a chance that you wouldn't come back, so where would I have ended up then? So what difference does it make if women get more comfortable with such places or not? What point is there in gossiping about it? It is just a waste of time…"
Every single word she was saying to me was making me more and more upset, but there was nothing I could do about it. I went from being Yeon's saviour and only confidant in this home to feeling helpless for the first time in a long time. But I couldn't bare this shame, not with her of all people. How could I possibly keep her close to me if she felt this unstable in my own home.
There was one solution, and no matter how much I secretly longed for her…company, it wasn't right, not under these circumstances anyways. But Yeon's safety was a priority to me and even her brother couldn't blame me too much for this move I was about to make. And after the trauma that Hui-Jee had put me through, it was a nerve-wracking move…I think it was something that we both wanted, but for some reason, she was hell-bent on concealing her emotions and now was not the right time for that. And it would really mean the world to me right now if she was the one who made the first move as she would if she didn't loose her memories. So without giving it a second thought, I pulled her in with so much force that she fell straight into the bathtub with me, fully clothed and angry as hell. And I loved it.
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That jerk! That childish, immature, brainless, egotistic, narcissistic, and everything else under the sun jerk! Who on earth gave him the nerve to pick me up out now nowhere and throw me into the bathtub where he was soaking completely naked! As if he already didn't show me enough a few minutes ago, and now…what on earth was he thinking? What was he doing? What did he want from me? Which other way was I to respond to this other than trying to temporarily strangle him to return him back to his senses. But of course he overpowered me and as he was trying to catch my arms, he 'accidentally' ripped off my jacket, which was an act of total provocation and would seriously damage my reputation even more if anyone saw us right now to the point where I legally should forced into marriage with the person who did this to me. At first I could only stare at him in shock, but when he brought up this matter himself and he still had the nerve to smirk right at my face…well I had to admit that I was having a hard time processing the fact that he had done this on purpose. And not only this, he actually called for servants to bear witness to this, but there wasn't a single time when he didn't take his eyes off of me, which just made the whole thing more embarrassing. I only managed to crawl out of the bathtub but he kept pulling me back and it was only until he placed his arms around me had everyone leering at me like I was some sort of animal did he let me go when he realised how upset I was getting. The timing of this stunt could not have taken pace in a worse time than right now. For goodness sake, my brother could be watching me at any time now! What on earth was he doing? Or thinking? But his answer could not shave shocked me more, it really couldn't have.
"You are right. You have a very unstable footing in this home. So what better way for you to feel protected if you were to marry me?" I swore in that moment I could feel the floor shift from under my feet and I almost collapsed to the floor if he hadn't caught me in time and held on pretty tightly with that smirk on his face that I really wanted to slap off of him at that moment. "You…how dare you! What do you mean…?" Instead of answering me straight away, he clasped his harms around my waist tightly once again and pulled me in close to him so he could whisper in my ear and take full advantage of me whilst he did so. "I am your only saviour in this home. If you come to me…or at least pretend to do so, then I will be even more merciful to you. I will let you out of this home as much as you want to, away from my father's prying eyes and I will even get rid of The Mistress Han, no matter what repercussions will fall onto my head. I will forget them all and focus solely on you and your needs, I will even figure out a way to settle you down somewhere away from this place."
No, no, no, this would not be happening. Not to me and not now, not tomorrow and never. Since when did an epileptic orphan like me suddenly get…blessed, forced or whatever it was with everything she had ever wanted; a home with a roof that didn't leak in the rain or snow, a man to not only protect me but to…want me? Good clothing, good food, a man with a good job and warmth in the winter? And money? I could Braley keep track of my thoughts, they were all racing in my mind and overlapping, until he brought me closer to him once again and took to my ear again. "And if you do not, then I will leave you at the mercy of everyone in this palace who has tried to harm you."
Now, for the people who were unfamiliar with Seon-Ho would think that he was just another fickle illegitimate young master in a home where he was constantly ignored, so he could do whatever he wanted with anyone. But I knew that he was deliberately testing me, which told me that he was suspicious of me and what I was doing behind his back. But there was definitely almost a motivation behind even his purest intentions, that is just how he was. And if I wanted to help my brother & cause him the least amount of stress possible, then I had to stay here no matter what happened so I could keep feeding him information against the man who had imprisoned us both. As for Seon-Ho…well I just didn't know what to do anymore. He didn't even give me the time to think about anything before he pulled me into a kiss, a first kiss after such a long time of seeing myself distanced from him just as The Mistress Han walked in. The minute we heard her open her mouth, Seon-Ho had actually pushed me to the floor and accused me of seducing him right there and then! I could not believe that all of our bickering had lead up to this and that he would actually do this to me! Me, of all people! Wasn't he supposed to be…my big brother? No matter what? Or did that relationship end under my nose and I had no idea the whole time.