What is the matter? Why do you look so somber? Didn't your debate end well today? Husband?" She engulfed me in such a big hug the minute she saw me, which was exactly what i needed at this point in time, which was exactly what i was deprived of by my own mother, my own father and even my first crush...
"Husband? Talk to me?" "Yeon…i thank that i may have gone too far this time..." "What do you mean? Tell me everything that happened?" "I dragged 2 innocent children in my plot today to distract The Third Prince from partaking in the debate honestly this time, and i really do not feel good about it at all." "2 children? Who are you talking about...." "Children are innocent creatures, not tools to use to exchange for power, wealth and fame. I hate The Third Prince with everything that i have within me, but his daughter is innocent. And with the way things are going for my sister-in-law, i fear that she will go down a dark path just like my own father did without any care for her own child, my nephew at all." "So you are worried about him then?" "Yeon, I need to get the hell out of here and take a break before i turn into my father and I drag all of us down into the palace..." "And what abut your goals to get rid of corruption within the palace so that it cannot spread to the people?" "I will have to rethink these, maybe i can still use my official position without being so involved in the palace, or maybe i simply need a break." "I can tell by your face that we both have a lot to talk about, but now is not the time or place to do so. Why don't you take a break whilst i go over to The Chung family for this outing; it could be the last time that i see your sister-in-law and her child again for a while, so…." "I will take you over there and then…." "No, you need to get some rest, you have been studying for days on end for this debate. You can make the arrangements for us to leave to my brother's place as soon as possible, even if we have to travel throughout the night, because i do not wish to spend another night here at all." "Very well…my god, she is already here for you. Go and entertain her, for i wish to take a break from her persistent whining for a while." "I will have the kitchen make you something for when you wake up, do you want a big meal or something light? You know that my brother will still feed us when we arrive." "I will be fine with your lunch leftovers, and i will do my best to have everything packed up and hopefully i will even pick you from their residence myself." "I shall be waiting for you."
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"Mistress Nam? I heard about what had happened to you today, are you alright? Did she severely harm you? Why…why aren't you replying to me? Did something happen to your voice? Was it her?" ""Yeon, weren't you the one who was supposed to take care of Commoner Choi's daughter today after she felt unwell? Where were you today? Were you in The Imperial Library again?" "One of the concubines requested for me to take over my shift with her today, a childless concubine who took the initiative to start coming around The Royal Children…" "Forgive me, my voice has been affected recently by the commoner Choi…" "But how did she even break out of The Cold Palace? And why are these physicians so useless and corrupt?" "If you can break out of a brothel, then i am sure that anyone can breakout of The Cold Palace and the physicians here refused to prescribe strong medication because if my postpartum health. The stress of looking after The Royal Children has further aggravated my condition, to the point where I have lost my voice. I was summoned by The Third Prince to give my testimony afterwards, but i was barely able to speak to him at all. It was my first time seeing him again in weeks and it was sabotaged by that lowly woman, i cannot believe it!"
"How about your wounds from the banquet? Have they healed yet?" "The Concubine Chung gave me something expensive to heal it shortly afterwards, so it is healing rather well." "Maybe you should have them checked out, in case it isn't good for your postpartum body? Most of these medicines seem to be tribunary and probably unsuitable for your constitution?" 'This scar relief gel is used on the Royal Family's concubines for generations now, there shouldn't be anything wring with it. It contains peach blossoms and pearl powder to brighten your complexion as well as fish bone gelatine and honey to smooth your skin. Fine powders if jade and amber can heal the wound on my scar and remove it entirely." "Isn't it costly to maintain?" "But whatever i have is yours, in case you should need it as well. There is more dust and pollen in he air after winter, which can negatively impact the wounds that you have already sustained during your time in The Nam Yangban. This gel should not be exposed to the wind either, when we go to see The Chung Family."
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The smell of the river was all too pungent for me like it was that dreadful day that I lost Min-Ho. I was surprised that I could remember that day at all, since I had gone through so much to block this memory. I was playing in the river myself that day since I had nothing else to do and mother was talking a nap after spending all day cooking for me. In the distance across the river, I could see all the other children playing with each other and laughing together like it was the most natural thing in the world whereas I was ostracised and left on my own to watch everyone being normal and doing normal things, and whereas I…
"Seon-Ho! Hey! Are you listening to me?" "Hello, brother." "Will you stop that? How many times have I told you to stop being so formal around me? It's weird." "It's the rules." "You and your damned rules, you sound just like father!" "Ok ok, do not be angry at me, brother." "Good. Now take off your clothes." "What?" "Father has me studying all day every day without any breaks at all! I want to swim, and your coming in with me!" "But we do not know how to swim!" "Seon-Ho, either you come in with me or I will not see you for a week!" He was always doing that to me, threatening me and using his power as the legitimate son to lord his will over me, otherwise he would ignore me for weeks on end. He knew that he was the only person that I had who was willing to spend any time with me at all. So I had to end up doing what he wanted all of the time, even if I didn't want to. I remembered undressing completely and walking into the cold water and just watching my brother playing in the water to his heart's content until I finally decided to join him.
I only turned around for a few seconds because I felt something being thrown at my back and it frightened me momentarily. But I couldn't see anything or anyone that had their eyes on me at all, and when I turned to face my brother, he was already trapped by a very heavy log that I never even heard falling down and pulling him under the water.
The pain that I had to relive when witnessing all of these events happening all over again and how helpless I was as a child was, was really the most excruciating pain that I had been through in my entire life. I screamed in fright, I shouted for help but as soon as others saw what was happening, everyone ran away, leaving me all on my own to save my brother or let him drown. And when I finally managed to regain some sensation in my body…it was already too late. Min-Ho was already under the log and even when I tried to fully dunk myself in the water for the first time, I couldn't see him anymore. I was so lost in my own panic that I didn't even realise myself that the current was getting stronger and stronger. I still couldn't even remember how I got back onto the shore since I didn't know how to swim at the time.
I thought that the nightmare I was reliving would have finally stopped there and then, but I was wrong. I still couldn't get myself out of the water as my energy levels were depleting massively. My arms and legs couldn't move anymore, no matter how much I was trying to shout for help. But opening my mouth underwater was a mistake and soon enough, and I felt my body shutting down…
No! i had just passed a serious debate and i wasn't going to let my guilt get the best of me, not now! i was in the peak of my career, Hui-Jae was exiled from the palace, my best friend and soon-to-be brother-in-law was waiting for me with his son, and i was going to get married this year. I wasn't going to be submerged in he darkness that my father instilled in me; i was going to pack up my things and get the hell out of this place that was originally supposed to be destined to my brother and father. And if my one mistake didn't come back to me like karma and ruin me with my opium addiction, i could have been married and ruled this place a very long time ago. And speaking of opium….