After the ugly shouting match, I could only give Buddha a silent prayer of thanks that I had Yeon by my side who always took me into consideration, no matter what the circumstances were or how much of a mess i was. I almost pushed her to the floor in my anger if she hadn't thrown herself at me and begged me to calm down for her sake. I was almost at breaking point and in hindsight, I do not know what would have happened to whom in my fit of rage. But Yeon didn't hesitate to hug me properly and interlock her fingers so I wouldn't harm anyone else. But in truth, it was her tears that stopped me. Now that I thought about it, I had never in my entire life witnesses Yeon crying at all, not even when she had her fits. could remember the Lady Min crying in the army camp once over mud that got on her shoes and even Hui-Jee sometimes cried over typical girly things. But Yeon; who was an orphan, who was thrown into poverty, who had epilepsy, who hadn't lived a single day for herself and had been locked up for so long and was unable to experience what life was really like beyond these village markets…she hadn't cried once. And yet here she was, spilling precious tears over a bastard like me. Good god in heaven, just what on earth was I doing to her in my life? Part of me wanted to take her and bring her straight to her brother…but I couldn't let my enemy watch me loose my temper under his roof and use it against me later.
We had absolutely no say in the matter once again, and I really couldn't help to silently apologise to Yeon over and over again for this. I should have spent some more time with her when I could and teach her how to ride a horse; I made her look after my damned horse but I never even let her ride him even once? What the hell was I thinking? I dressed Yeon up in noble clothes and accessories but I kept her as simple as possible? No, no matter how busy I was with work, I was going to make up for the stupid oversight that could very well cost her life if she made any mistakes at all. The horse could fall over, Yeon could accidentally pull the reins too hard and irritate whatever untamed animal that the Lady Min was determined to set her on. I was completely caught between social etiquettes, Yeon's well-being, and the reputation of my family which was everyone's upmost priority, no matter how bad the individual's family circumstances were. If I let my father down, he would literally beat the living daylights out of me, and do god-knows what else before I was forgiven and let back into the only home that I knew.
"Seon-Ho, what do I do? I have never been this close to a horse before?" I could already tell that she was trying not to add to my burdens, but the girl was genuinely shaking and there was nothing I could do to stop this. My mind went into overdrive and before I knew it, I had grabbed Yeon one again and I had put her on my own horse in front of me. Yeon almost screamed the entire residence down, but once she got used to it are a few minutes. And despite the warnings that my sister-in-law was trying to give us, I held Yeon as tightly as I could and I went around the courtyard with her as much as I could, and I had to admit that I had not had such a good time in years. I certainly never had plans to get this close to Yeon in the beginning, and now I was thankful every single night that I made the right decision to bring her to my home directly and keep her under me for as long as I have done.
I was riding with her for so long and I was so engrossed with keeping her alive that I didn't even realise that my horse had stopped at the gate. "Yeon…if you want me to take you away from here for good, just let me know." I barely got those dreaded words out of my head with bated breathe, waiting on Yeon's answer, but I was far too anxious to hear her reply, so I just buried my head into her shoulder for a second. I could already tell that she was taken aback by this question of mine, but it didn't take long for the angry Concubine Chung to almost catch up to us.
"Seon-Ho? Take me back to the residence." "Yeonnie?" "I cannot have you hurt because of me, just take me back." Instead of trying to fight me off like she always did, she held onto my arms tighter and she leaned back into my embrace so our cheeks were touching each other. I didn't even realise how cold I was until she took my hands into hers and she kept rubbing them in the small amount of time that we had together before all hell would break loose once the Concubine Chung caught up to us. All I could do was bury myself even further into Yeon's shoulders and hide the tears that were spilling from my eyes without my permission. "Seon-Ho? Thank you for taking good care of me, thank you for everything. It must be hard for you."
The very last thing I could remember was how much my heart rose up in my chest the second Yeon uttered those sweet words. I think…I could have sworn that she gave me a kiss on the cheek before she took the reigns from my hands and tried to turn the horse around, which she did perfectly. And yet the horse still managed to trip and fall and threw the both of us over. I made sure to grab hold of her as soon as I saw what was happening before the world around us turned black…
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The very last thing that I remembered was kissing Seon-Ho on the cheek to express my thanks to him for everything that he had done for me. It didn't excuse his private form of torture on me, but all I could put it down to was that he was very nearly at his breaking point and he just needed someone to vent to. Anyone in his position would do that surely, so I shouldn't hold it against him, for now anyways. He picked me up with a single arm and put me on this large horse and was able to ride with a single hand on the reins with his other arm firmly around my waist, which left me completely stunned and red-faced. Even when I was on my very first horse and blatantly freaking out, he still took advantage of the opportunity to…touch me as much as possible. I had no idea what possessed him, but he was acting like he was in his own world and not out in public with The Chung Family and my sister-in-law watching our every single move. She looked like she had been publicly slapped across the face a few times when Seon-Ho chose to ride with me and not her, but I had already become wary of her the minute her entire personality changed when she came to visit me this morning. Why was she so determined that I ride with this family? To the point where she even brought out the horse for me? She was a servant and had no prior experience with horses herself, so how was she so calm with them for the first time? She must be full of confidence that this marriage was going to happen? But how? Did she want to serve my head on a platter?Something wasn't right from the start, and I could only take a big gamble on my decision. I knew what I was doing when I took the reins from Seon-Ho. I was guilty of risking his life, but I had even single reason to believe that his life was going to get even worse if this marriage went ahead. I didn't just kiss him to express my thanks to him, I kissed him in a silent apology as well.
When the accident happened, I managed to get a glimpse of the Concubine Chung's face, which told me everything I needed to know before I pulled a shocked Seon-Ho in my embrace and I tried to protect him from this fall. My body was covered in scars from work and I would always be epileptic, so I really didn't care what damage I would sustain from this fall. But Seon-Ho, despite his controversial background and unfortunate family circumstances; he still had his whole life in front of him and he could accomplish so much if people just gave him a chance. I was even willing to be trampled upon by the horse and accept my punishment, if Seon-Ho hadn't managed to pull us both away from it last minute. This was the very last thing that I could remember before the world went black…
But I started to have a lot of dreams; even more so than the ones that came rushing back to me as soon as I recovered my memories. I used to have dreams about the days I spent with my brother, his best friend and I even managed to recover more memories of my beloved father before he was taken away from us. And despite the many years that it had been since I had last seen him, I managed to remember every single line on my handsome father's face. He was always dressed in his fighting robes and always had a smile on his faee just for me whenever he saw me. He wasn't a particularly affectionate person, although he had always shown us the right amount as children. But I was his daughter, his only daughter and his most precious child, which he told me in secret over and over again whenever Hwi was sleeping or training.
In my dreams, we were in our old home where the stove was on and boiling rice, the house was a lot cleaner than it was today, and both my brother and father were training outside together. Both men were sweating heavily and my brother was getting teased to the point where his face turned bright red and he just stormed off inside to cool down. "Are you having fun old man?" I teased my father in return whilst giving him the biggest back hug that I could muster. My father still smelled of his favourite hard liquor, he was as tall and broad-shouldered as Seon-Ho was and he rarely had his entire hair out. Playing with his hair and his thick beard was a childhood habit of and I really could not help myself as I sat my father down and I began to loosen his robes for him. "Does picking on a young man almost 20 years younger than you make you feel that good, father?" "His temper has improved greatly, but why are you starting to take his side all of a sudden? Didn't you both used to fight a lot?" "Those are old memories now, father. As annoying and as overprotective as he is, I cannot love without him." I replied as I began to fill up the old well that used to be only a few feet away from our home and I began washings feet after I had plaited his hair for him.
These were the memories that I had missed the most; looking after my father and tending to my brother at the same time. I hugged my father as much as I could which he was used to since I used to constantly sling onto him all of the time. I cooked and I cleaned around the men who constantly debated about this and that. I would serve them their plates of food and always give Hwi the bigger portion, they both finished the tea in minutes and polished off desserts handsomely. I would stuck my father into bed and then Hwi would constantly annoy me and start picking me up and almost throwing me around the entire home since I was shorter than him until I finally went to sleep with him close by.
"Sister." "Yes" "I want some water." "Couldn't you have gotten it before you slept?" "Yeonnie…" "ok ok, I'll get it for you." "Yeon?" "Yes?" "Do you have anymore dessert in the kitchen?" "Only 1 more piece." "Go get it for me please." "Hwi!" "Sister…" "Can't you let me get some sleep?" "Please Yeon." "Brother!" "Be quiet, the both of you! Seo Hwi! You leave my daughter alone! If you want a maid, then buy one! Or better yet, get married for goodness sake! Your old enough now!" "Father!" "Thank you father, I love you!" I used to shout at him before sticking my tongue out at Hwi and try to get some sleep at long last. And I had these same memories play over in my head over and over again until I finally woke up.