"I want to see your scars, husband." She muttered silently as she nuzzled her face into my neck once again, as if we didn't try to tear each other apart in the century old brothel that I had burnt down just to possess her once again. "Forget it, I do not wish for you to see such ugly things." That is just how we were; very rarely did she get angry at me like that, but even she knew that once she was in my home, there was no escaping from me, no matter what she tried to do. She didn't even put up that much of a fight in the first place, but I was going to be more careful around her not to trigger that level of anger in her ever again. "About this nephew of mine wife, I want you to keep your mind off of him. The new concubine will raise him for me to prove herself, otherwise she is out of here in the first mistake that she makes." "What will you do about him? I have heard about what happened to your clan, and you know that they will come running here with their tails in between their legs like the dogs that they are." "What strong words from you wife, I never would have thought it. So you waited for me in the brothel after you heard the news of my arrest? You came over with your brother's men, who would smuggle me those cakes?" "I didn't know if coming to see you would harm you or not, especially after the stunt that I had just pulled with my brother's family to keep them safe and to ensure their lives…." "By the way wife, when exactly did you start making those cakes for me? Was it when you followed me back into the palace? Or was it before that?"
I could feel her wince in that moment, and that was when I knew that deep down, she had known what was wrong with me all along and I honestly didn't know whether to feel resentment or gratitude towards her. She opened her mouth for everything and anything apart from these small details and it was driving me crazy once again. "I…why are you asking me about that now? It was all so long ago and…" "I just seem to remember how much better I felt when I was locked up in that place, even if I was getting my fair share of torture." "How do you mean? They were just regular honey cakes…." "Karrom cakes, isn't that right?" "Husband, it is getting rather late now and I think we should both get some sleep before who knows what will await us tomorrow."
"You are not going anywhere wife; I have been devoid of your touch, your smell and your taste for so long that I will never sleep alone ever again now." "Husband please, please let us take things slow now that we are here together and you know that I cannot escape from you and I…" "What happened wife? What did I do to make you so repulsed with me that you have been staying away from my touch ever since I was related from the dungeons? You know that I would never let that woman touch me and I never did, I can assure you about that…" "husband, we have so much to talk about and we have all of the time in the world now. Let us get some sleep and…" "…Wife…" "It is the concubines first night here and you have to make her feel welcome either way and…" "And what do you suggest that I do? Take the girl to my bed!" "No! Of course not! That is not what I am implying and…" "Wife, no more damned secrets, not now and not ever again. You tell me, or you suffer in my home in silence for the rest of your life. Whether our marriage will be filled with love and harmony, or a slave contract between us will depend on you. I shall leave the matter for the night, but never again." "Husband…you really not remember anything at all?" "Wha exactly am I supposed to remember when you clearly knew what I was like at the time?" "Nothing, I shall just go to bed and…" "I will not come; like you said, I do have a concubine to greet after all." "Husband…" "Go to bed and think about my terms, for if you reject me once more, then I shall treat you as a lowly concubine for the rest of your life, even if you do give me children."
I had to start relaxing around this man just like I used to, but after seeing what he went through just to bring me to this home, I really could not help but to feel a little fear into my heart whenever he looked directly at me anymore. I didn't know if I was talking to my man who always had my heart and my soul, or the drugged up man who took me when he wanted despite my objections. I had never mentioned this to anyone before, but he did scare me sometimes with his persistence, his possessiveness and his temper ever since he came back from that war. But I couldn't loose him either, and I know that if I did not start fighting for him now, then he really will make my life miserable for the rest of my life, so much so that he would even take my future children away from me, just to punish me.
"…that is the reputation that we are fighting for, especially now as I am facing social and familial pressure. I should keep an eye on that brat of a boy that has been sent my way, especially since I now have all of these gifts to support us both. But Mistress Seo on the other hand, the more anyone scolds her, the more she is likely to thrive. She is favoured in every single aspect and rather excessively at that. She had n formal education and yet she helped her family to thrive in their own businesses. She gets her female rivalries to meet their end sooner rather than later before they can even get close to her man and now only I am aware of her existence from the brothel. Her life is in my hands and she knows how to survive without the use of servants that makes getting to her all the more difficult. Even now, she should be looking after her figure in her old unmarried age and not carry her families burdens on her shoulders. She should have lived her life as a noblewomen…as should I…getting up early, hoping people, going to bed late, it isn't a life for us women at all. How can The Lord Nam choose this and of woman to obsess over? But in her arrogance, I shall forever remain inferior; for I am The Lord Nam's one and only concubine, and I must do my best to satisfy him so that I could finally live with some sense of security and companionship, even if it did mean that I may never know who I am sharing my pillow with at night for a while.
"My Lord! Make yourself at home; my parents have just left and I have some dishes left over, please try some whilst I tend to you." "I want some tea, the same one that you have served me all this while, and some fresh pastries." "Pastries? But My Lord, that takes hours to make and…." "Forget it, just get me my tea…and I need to have my weekly eels. I assume that you have mastered how to make it by now with the exact amount of seasoning?" "I…yes, My Lord, I can try for you…" "Simply trying in a household cannot get you anywhere at all; if you are not good at something, then you are beer off not doing anything at all…" "But My Lord…!" "The eels must be seasoned lightly with salt, and you must be precise about the amount since The Lord Nam takes his meals very seriously. A light red wine should also be accompanied by it and…" "Mistress Seo! Why are you…I mean, please join us! Here, have some of this meal and some tea to accompany it…" "Concubine I have already just accounted what a win should accompany this sort of meal, did you not hear me the first time?" "I continued to lecture her as she held onto the very hot tea cup with her fingertip in order to warn her to keep her secret ramblings just as that; secrets. But I think what angered her the most that my husband kept looking at myself instead of her since I entered their quarters.
"Forgive me …just wanted to use other fresh foods to open up the appetite of The Lord Nam, I never thought that I could have created a disturbance instead. My apologies to you both, please forgive me." "There is nothing to forgive as you are sill quite new and still learning, despite you being a servant for the entirety of your life." "When cooking, you need to decide which dish shall be the main ones or the side ones, as my husband has lived on a strict diet for years and I am trying to help him overcome that. If both flavours are too strong, it will destroy the entire taste of it all." "Very well mistress, I should look nit this matter more and learn from you what I can. But fir now, I have committed mistake and I am wiling to be punished according to these new home rules instead. But please finish everything before it goes off and…" "citizens treat food as their prize, and rice here is the master of all food. But help yourselves to your meal, as I have come here to discuss something important regarding the concubine and your nephew, My Lord." "Oh really? And what was so important that it couldn't wait until after we have finished eating, wife?" "Regarding your nephew, he will not be caged here for long. He needs schooling, he needs social interactions and a good routine about him, but we cannot hide him, can we? So I have a suggestion to make…although it is rather bold…" "You have piqued at my interest now, so continue with your speech." "Husband…what if we register the boy under the name…of your mother instead? The concubine and I are too close in age to him to pass ourselves off as his real mother, so…" "Wife? Are you suggesting that I title my deceased lowly mother?" "I am, husband, and nothing you say can make me change my mind, no matter how angry you get." "And why are you bringing this up now?" "For our future." "Go on." "If we had children, I cannot introduce them to my parents alone. They have another set of grandparents, whether you want to acknowledge it or not and maybe telling them about their grandmother will reduce their distress when it comes to their grandfather, your father. You do not have to tell them everything about him, but they have the right to know about all of their family members, and the nephew needs your mother's lineage to survive on as he shares the same social and blood status as you do."