A week has passed since our arrival in York. It passed too quickly to note anything down, I was getting to know my way around and Margaret was... Margaret is trying to avoid going to places that might remind her of that prick - I have sworn to never say his name.
I'm well acquainted with York now and have avoided too many calls from my parents and Mama Jewel to not be declared dead yet so, just not to risk it - I'm ready to go back online. I've planned it out, I'm going to her house as we speak;
Oh Mama Jewel, you have no idea just what my parents have done this time - is my invoking card. It always gets me out of trouble. She knows them from the perspective of an outsider and my support system, she won't be too angry that I came running to her. Hopefully.
You know trust it too fickle. Can't place all your eggs in one basket. If that doesn't work, I'll go with - how can you not invite me to your daughter's wedding, am I just an employer to you? Nothing more guaranteed than guilt tripping. Mama Jewel has too much maternal love for an emotionally stunned - lost woman like me not to use.
I'm terrible, selfish, undeserving. I know.
I didn't have parents growing up. How about that? You know why that can't get old, they weren't sick to the extant of not getting out of the hospital and aren't dead. Take that.
"Are you sure this is going to work?" Too late for regret. We're at the front door of her house, the driver's loading off the bribes and I'm knocking - it's really too late to regret.
"Why didn't I see just how bad this idea is?"
"Because your love for lost puppies will not allow you to watch them die on the streets?"
Someone's coming. Three, two, one... Here goes nothing.
"Hello?" Have never seen this young lady before. They couldn't have moved, could they? I haven't been to her house in a long time and I admit - I'm not proactive in the on-goings of her life. I'm a terrible human being, I know but you can't fault me - I'm there when it counts. At the very least, I can tell you all the major things that's happened in her life.
"Is this Mrs Jewel Mudok's house?"
"Yes. You are?"
"Who is it?" Not the wrong house then...
"I'm Trent Dion."
"Says Trent Dion." Pretty sure they heard me...
"Miss, you're here?" Oh Mama Jewel, I could kiss you.
"Come in, come in." Easy as pie.
Isn't this being half-step there?
There's a wedding alright, the house is decorated from the door to the living room. So many colours too, clearly they're not holding anything back for this wedding. Are weddings all this, festive?
"Why is she here?" Maybe not half-step there yet. Did I mention her family does not look kindly upon me?
"Melissa!"
"What, is she here to ask you to go back? She can't survive without you for a week?" Really not favourable image I've created. But I didn't get to create any at all. Am I such a needy person? I have a real emergency, okay?
"No, no. I'm not here to ask her to come back. My friend has work here and I came to visit. Your mother said you were getting married so I came to congratulate you. Congratulations by the way, I wish you marital bliss." If I have that blessing, I think Margaret will be more suitable for wishing someone marital bless. She's the one who grew up in a maritally blissful home... She doesn't need to know all that though. What's taking that driver so long?
"Thank you, Miss. Lisa doesn't mean anything by it, she's just stressed with wedding preparations." I bet.
"Aunt, they're looking for you about wedding invitations."
"Miss..."
"Its okay. Go do what you need to do."
"Be nice Melissa, weren't you worried about what to serve Mark's guest? Miss might be able to help you."
Like hell I would, this chick does not like me and I'm not trying to get her to like me. If I were anyone else, seeing how her mother treats me so well; I might try to compensate by doing service here and there but I'm not - her mother treats me well, it has nothing to do with her. Just like how I treat her mother has nothing to do with her. I'm familiar with her mother thus reciprocate her feelings but her, who is she, what is she to me?
"Do we leave?" Margaret gets me.
"Not yet, I have to fill Mama Jewel in on the situation. We'll leave after that."
"Mama Jewel?"
"My mother's boss. She treats mama as a pseudo parent, her parents are never home." Ha. Melissa Mudok, she's...something. I'll give her that.
"Wow, you really don't like her." Thank you Margaret, I couldn't have said it better myself.
Wait...
"She really doesn't."... nope, could not say it better myself.
"What's there to like? My mother is always Trent this, Trent that. She couldn't even spare me on my wedding." Okay. The dislike isn't superficial. Her mother, why's she blaming it on me?
Right. I'm being insensitive. What to do, I'm really developing a dislike to her too.
I understand, when I was young Mama Jewel was a full time nanny. From the very beginning, she's the one who applied for that kind of work. I didn't know anything and when I got to understand the abnormality of my situation, we were used to how things were and continued like it'd been before. I asked her once if she needed to leave to go to her family and she said no, at that point it wasn't about money or me being unable to take care of myself, she chose to stay. I offered to move her family into the estate with us and she still said no... she can't say I didn't try.
I miss Ty, my poodle's family is only me. There's no guilt there or untoward resentment. Maybe a little since I separated him from his lover but he doesn't make me feel horrible. What was my purpose of coming to York? I don't need this...
"You're being unfair, you can't blame your mother's choice on her."
"I can't? Do you have any idea how many occasions my mother had to leave midway because Trent fell sick, Trent has a parent's meeting, Trent's mother forgot to pick her up, Trent's alone on holidays, Trent needs me right now, I wonder if Trent ate. Trent, Trent, Trent. Why can't I blame her?"
What did Margaret say : "Why didn't I see just how bad this idea is?"
A little too late...
What I hate the most isn't pity, pity doesn't last long. What I hate the most is what I'm feeling right now, like I'm under water fighting to catch a breath. Blame me? I'd like to blame someone too; I'd like to blame the world, I'd like to blame God, I'd like to blame my parents...I'd like to blame myself but, what good would that do?
This feeling, it's never left me...
I need a drink.
"Lets go." I'm already at the door.
Ha, silly me - I hadn't realized her dislike of me stems from things I couldn't have done differently.
I was...all alone at that time. What a joke. I'm still...all alone. Why else did I need to come to York?
Do you think stars will be out tonight?
I would like to see some. They're never so alone - right?