*** A Few Days Later ***
Tivy was standing in the middle of a large blue sheet of tarpaulin, in the middle of what looked to be some sort of large storage room within the lower decks of The Jeweled Fang. Both the sheet, and herself, were covered in white spray paint.
Dotted all around her were several steel, dark grey barrels, identical in all ways but one to the barrel she was currently rolling (with some effort) across the tarpaulin sheet. Some were standing up, some had been tilted over, but all of them had a fresh coat of white spray-painted text on them.
The barrels themselves were actually taller than Tivy was. Breathing heavily, she finally rolled her fresh barrel onto the sheet where she was happy with it, then stared down at it, deep in thought. She picked up the can and shook it thoughtfully, before kneeling down and writing against the side of it.
Tivys Soop Impooreeum
It took a great deal of effort to write the words down on the barrel. She'd written the same thing - albeit with various spelling variations - on a dozen of the other barrels around her already, and she found writing so tiring; especially the spelling part.
Tivy took a few steps back and cocked her head as she admired her work. Her admiration quickly turned into critique though, and she scowled with dissatisfaction. She looked around, comparing it to the other barrels. The can - and her motivation - were both quickly running out, and her scribbly handwriting was looking worse and worse with each passing barrel. She also couldn't quite work out which spelling of 'Emporium' was correct, and it was starting to give her a headache from concentrating so hard. She sighed dramatically; who knew that starting your own business could be so difficult! She hadn't even made it past the naming stage yet! She turned around and made for another blank barrel. She tipped it over, and it hit the metal flooring with a loud, hollow boom. She'd flinched the first few times, but it was too difficult to push or try and carry the heavy barrels over to the tarpaulin, and down here, in the belly of the ship, she was actually quite close to the engine room, so she figured that nobody would hear her over the noise of that anyway. She moved to the side, and started to roll the barrel along.
"Um, what are you doing?"
Tivy shrieked and jumped back. She looked frantically around the room, before she finally noticed Ceri, who was watching her from the doorway.
"NOTHING!" Tivy cried, looking away and fidgeting with her hands. While she was almost a hundred percent sure that she wasn't doing anything wrong, Wex had asked that none of the gang explore too far below deck, until he'd had a chance to show everyone around properly and safety-brief them. Now that she'd been caught somewhere she wasn't supposed to go, she felt the guilt and nerves rising through her body.
Ceri didn't look mad though. In fact she grinned, then walked further into the room. "Y'know, if you're gonna go sneaking around and don't wanna get caught, it might help if you close the door behind you." And she pushed the door to. She looked like she'd just come from the engine rooms - she was wearing an old boiler suit,but she'd pulled the 'top' half of it down, and had tied the sleeves around her waist. She was wearing a simple black vest underneath. Although the bruise on her head was now looking much better - practically gone in fact, despite her apparent tendency to accumulate imperfections; her hands and arms had black smudges and stains on them, oil perhaps, and there was a big streak of it going across her face too. As she walked towards the critter, her eyes scanned over the various graffitied barrels.
"Tivy's Soup Emporium? You opening a soup shop, Tiv?"
"Yes yes! I'm gonna start my own business, where I sell soup! Well, maybe." Tivy replied, still fidgeted slightly. She was bobbing on the spot, looking excited and keen to share, but also nervous. "It's just an idea I have. I'd like to keep cooking because I've been doing it a lot and everyone seemed to like it so maybe other people would like it too? Geralt said the trick to making money is to sell things people like! And people like food! So yeah!"
"Well, that makes sense! Didn't fancy staying as a pirate forever then?"
Tivy seemed to shift with discomfort before shaking her head.
"No, I don't think so. I-I want to see this through, but I'm only a li'l Tiv. I'm no good at fighting, so I need to find something else!"
"I get it, Tiv. That sounds like a good plan though! Or the start of one at least!"
"Yep! I was thinking of the name all night! I'm gonna buy myself a li'l ship or a stall, and some veggies and stuff, and I'm gonna open up my own restaurant! And that's gonna be the name!" Tivy puffed her chest out proudly, but then her shoulders quickly drooped. "But I'm having some trouble."
"Oh? What's wrong?"
"Advertising! Oxyi said that I have to 'build my brand' or something. So I've been trying to make a logo! But I couldn't find any paper… and then when I was looking, I found all these empty barrels!" Tivy spread her arms wide, as if the room was filled with the greatest of treasures. "They were just lying around down here, so I thought they'd be perfect to practise on!" Tivy suddenly looked worried, and lowered her head. "Was that okay? These barrels aren't for anything important, are they?"
You couldn't find any paper… The corner of Ceri's lip twitched as she fought to hold back a smirk. "No! No, absolutely nothing important." As she looked around, she could tell that Tivy had easily gotten to over half of the barrels already. "Y'know what, how about I help you? Sounds much more exciting than working."
"Really?" Tivy's eyes opened wide and shone with affection as she smiled widely up at the axolotl.
"Yeah! Let me have a dig around, we should have some more paint around here somewhere, can get you some nicer colours. Might be a laugh." Ceri grinned back.
"A BARREL OF LAUGHS, YOU COULD SAY!"
"Uh… Uh-huh, sure." Ceri glanced back as she made to leave the storage room, where the critter was now promptly and proudly giggling to herself.
A few minutes later, Ceri came back with her arms full with different coloured spray paints, a large sheet of card, and some general stationery supplies too, like scissors and pencils. Tivy had sat herself atop one of the graffitied barrels, but quickly jumped down and bounded over.
"Thank you thank you thank you!" She reached up and excitedly scooped as much as she could out of Ceri's arms.
"Tivy! Tivy, careful!" Ceri said as two of the cans and the scissors promptly clattered to the floor. "Okay, so here's what I was thinking. We can keep practising on the barrels, and then, when you find one you like, we can draw it out on here!" She gestured to the cardboard. "We could stencil it too if you want, and spray paint it onto the barrels we have left."
"LET'S DO IT!" Tivy shouted excitedly. "What colours did you get?!"
"Umm, I went for brighter ones, to help with the contrast. Yellow, orange, I thought the green might be good? It'll match your antennae."
"ON BRAND!" Tivy immediately snatched up the green can of paint and charged for the closest barrel.
"Wait wait wait!" Ceri quickly jogged after her. "Maybe we could use the other sides of the already used barrels? Just for practice purposes."
"Okay!" Tivy bounded over to the next one instead, popped the lid off the can and shook the can furiously, before she started spraying.
Tivys
Her forehead was wrinkled in concentration.
Ceri hesitated a little, but then after a few moments of Tivy's quiet frustration, finally she asked, "Would… you like me to write it for you?"
"Okay!" And just like that Tivy was all smiles again. She thrust the can back into Ceri's hand.
"Oh! Okay!" That was easy. Ceri shuffled on her knees towards another barrel, tipped it sideways, then started writing.
Tivy's Soup Emporium
"Ugh. Sorry, it's a bit messy." Ceri laughed. "And wonky." She tilted her head as she read the words. "What do you think?"
"Hmm…" Tivy pondered. "Emporium has less letters in it than I thought."
"Makes things easier for us!"
"True! Hmm…" Tivy took a few steps back and placed her fingers in a rectangle in front of her face, so that she could inspect the barrel properly. "I love it! But I feel like it's missing something… Y'know like how the pancake syrup comes in a bottle and on the bottle it says 'Auntie Maple's Syrupy GOO-dness' on it and then underneath there's a picture of the lady's face?"
"Yes..? Do you want a mascot?"
"Yes yes yes! How do we get one of them?"
"Have you got any ideas?"
"Hmm… Ooh, yes! Give me the paint!"
Without even giving Ceri the chance to react, Tivy had snatched the paint can excitedly out of her hands. "I'd rather draw than do writing any day!"
Tivy knelt down on the floor and immediately got to work. "No peeking!" She said, and curled her free arm around her art so Ceri couldn't see.
"Okay, sorry!" Ceri laughed, and took a few steps back, so Tivy could have her artistic privacy.
A few minutes later, Tivy bounded back with a large, satisfied grin on her face. "What'ya think?!" She asked.
Tivy had painted a rough cartoon soup can with a big smiley face on the label. It wore a little chef's hat on its 'head,' and a large wooden spoon hovered next to the can. "He's a soup chef!"
Ceri examined the art, and after a few moments jokingly said, "Tivy, you can't have this as a logo!"
"Why not?"
"You can't have soup-can cooking soup!" She chuckled. "That would be cannibalism!"
Although she had been joking, she saw the change in Tivy immediately; the little critter's face contorted into one of horror as she stared at her once-masterpiece.
"Tiv? I was just joking, Tivy!" Ceri said uncertainly. "He looks cute!"
"HE LOOKS AWFUL!" Tivy shouted. "DIE!" She spray painted furiously over the soup can. "Well, I'm not sure what to put in now! What else would make people think of soup?" She squeaked.
"Hmm…" Ceri pondered, cautious of the bug's sudden violence. "You said just now that some brands just use someone's face. You're a cutie! Why don't we put your face on it? It's named after you, the head chef should be recognised, don't you think?"
"YES! YES I DO THINK!" The image of her face printed on an army of soup cans brought a concerning amount of enthusiasm to the girl as she clapped her hands together excitedly. "MY FACE IN EVERYONE'S HOME!"
They worked on Tivy's logo for about an hour. For the sake of the paint, they'd moved away from the barrels and onto the sheets of card. Finally, they'd managed to come up with something that Tivy was satisfied with; 'Tivy's Soup Emporium,' with a quick chibi-doodle of her face, with her one antennae looping around the words and her little snake tongue poking out quite cutely. It had taken a few attempts - and more frustration than she'd care to admit over such a thing - for Ceri to get the mascot right for the template cut out for Tivy to use, but eventually she'd managed to draw and cut out something that actually resembled Tivy's face.
"Okay, okay." Ceri wiped her face with the back of her hand, smearing green amongst the pre-smudges of black. "I think this is looking good! Just one more thing, do you have a slogan or anything?"
"Like a catchphrase?" Tivy tilted her head in thought. She was also covered in paint, white, green, and random splodges of yellow - she'd gotten bored while Ceri was focusing on the template, and had started spraying little yellow doodles on the tarpaulin sheet.
"Yep! Any thoughts? It should be something short, snappy, let's people know straight away what your business is."
"Ooh, ooh!" Tivy held her hands up in the air. "What about, 'we sell soup!'" She moved her hands through the air as though she were presenting the words on a billboard as she said them outloud.
"We sell soup." Ceri repeated back. "Well, I suppose that does get to the point -"
"- It's perfect!" Tivy announced. "Hurry! Write it down, write it down!"
"I will I will! Don't worry, I don't think we're gonna forget that slogan!" Carefully, Ceri pencilled out the slogan in all caps, underneath the rest of the logo, then cut the letters out. A few minutes later, she held the cut-out before Tivy. "What d'ya think?"
"I love it!" Tivy squealed with joy. "Thank you so much!" She bounded towards Ceri, who had just enough time to raise the cardboard over her head before Tivy grappled her into her hug.
"Please be careful!" She said, somewhat desperately. "I've spent way too long on this for it to get damaged now!" As Tivy detached herself, Ceri asked, "so, do you want to try it?"
"YES!" She snatched up the green paint and took the template over to a blank barrel. Her hands were actually shaking slightly in anticipation. She pressed the cardboard up against the barrel - which was a little tricky, as it was quite a big piece of card and Tivy was already quite small, but eventually she managed to position herself in such a way that the card was flat against the surface of the barrel, leaving Tivy with a free hand. She shook the can of green paint vigorously, then slowly, with great precision, started to paint inside the stencil. The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife, as both of the girls held their breath for the final result. Finally, Tivy placed the can down, and whipped the cardboard away.
The tense silence ended abruptly with a squeal of joy from the artist. "It's me! It's me on a advert!" She exclaimed excitedly. "It looks amazing!"
And Ceri couldn't disagree; the final product actually looked pretty good. The bright green letters and the cute little chibi-Tivy face, their efforts over the last hour and a half had actually paid off. "I'm actually quite proud of that." Ceri smiled. "So you like it, Tiv?"
But Tivy had already bound over to the next barrel and was spray-painting furiously, humming happily to herself.
"I'll take that as a yes."
*
Later that evening, Wex's ship was calm. After a large dinner, several of the crew were sitting around in the break-out room, relaxing as their food went down. Both the crews were chatting amongst themselves, with the potential for another round of poker brewing.
But the peace was not to last.
"TIVY?!"
Wex's voice echoed along the corridor, accompanied by the heavy stomping of his boots. Everyone glanced around towards the door just as the captain came in. "Tivy, why have you spray-painted 'Tivy's Soup Emporium' over all of our corpse barrels?!"
Tivy's trademark excited little smile dropped. "Corpse barrels?!" She spluttered. "I didn't know they were corpse barrels! I thought they were just normal barrels!"
"Didn't you think it was a bit weird that we had a whole storage area just filled with empty barrels?" Wex asked her in disbelief.
"Ceri said it was okay!" Tivy shouted as tears started to fill her eyes.
The attention of the whole room shifted onto Ceri, who had been sitting in the corner on one of the sofa's, hiding her face behind her tablet the moment they'd heard Wex's approach. She peaked around the side of her tablet, trying so hard not to giggle.
Wex was trying his best not to smirk too. "You do realise that at some point we're now going to have thirty barrels launched into space, with dead bodies inside, with the words 'Tivy's Soup Emporium' written on the side?"
"...Free advertising?"
"They're gonna think Tivy's running some sort of hit or disposal group!" Wex retorted. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Tivy starting to panic.
"No no no! I just sell soup! We sell soup! We sell soup!!!" She cried out, as if her slogan was an incantation.
"You're gonna have one hell of a reputation, Tiv." Ceri was giggling now, despite Tivy's distress, and covered her mouth with her hand to try and hide it. "In my defence, Tivy had written on at least half of the barrels by the time I caught her. She started it."
"And you just helped her finish it, huh?" He shook his head, but couldn't fight his smile any longer.
Tivy on the other hand had scampered across the room into Trent's waiting arms, taking shelter from the thought as Oxyi rubbed her back gently to comfort the critter. Whilst he whispered calming words to her, his scathing gaze was firmly locked onto Ceri's giggling visage. Despite themselves, both Oxyi and Geralt's faces cracked with guilty grins and their own barely stifled giggles.
"Do you want us to scrub the barrels clean, Tiv? Might not be the vibes you're looking to put out there." Diego asked.
"On the flip side, no-one is gonna mess with you!" Diesel chuckled heartily, his eyes tearing up at the very thought. "Corpse barrel adverts… now that's a new one!"
Everyone watched and waited for Tivy's response. The critter seemed to move through all five stages of grief within the space of about ten seconds, before she slowly turned to face the room.
"D-Don't mess with us… We sell soup!"
***The Next Morning***
The air was thick with steam and the warm, welcoming smell of detergent as Wex flapped one of his pirate coats out and laid it flat onto the ironing board. Whilst it was entirely possible to have someone else maintain his wardrobe - some might even argue it shouldn't be a captain's job to do so, Wex took pride in attending to his clothes personally. He was meant to represent the best of the Jeweled Fangs, so it was only right he did it himself.
He pressed the hot iron back and forth against the crimson fabric, pushing the metal point of the iron through the gaps between the buttons and armoured fixtures, slowly removing any and all creases when a noise pricked his ears, above the hiss of the steam.
Placing the iron down carefully, his gaze flickered over to his bedroom door where a small piece of paper had been slid beneath it.
How curious…
He nipped across the room and picked the note up, unfolding it with a neat flick.
Meet at the cafeteria at 3. Come hungry.
A bemused smirk fell upon the captain's face and he ducked his head out the door, only to find the corridor empty. He didn't immediately recognise the handwriting either, leaving the letter quite the enigma.
Alright then. Mystery lunch it is.
The morning drifted by quickly as the thought of the mystery lunch offer occupied his mind. But soon enough, the time arrived and Wex found himself hurrying to the ship's cafeteria with an unusual level of excitement that rarely coincided with such a room. Usually, Wex couldn't wait to be shot of the place…
The Fang's main cafeteria - or the mess hall as the crew preferred to call it - was a spacious room able to hold up to forty people at the same time - just under half the ship's maximum capacity - with rows of tables spaced evenly throughout and a semi-circular serving bar at the top of the room. Generally, food was served for everyone at set points throughout the day, but otherwise, there were smaller stations situated across the ship for people to cook themselves. The kitchen was separate to the mess hall and accessible only by a door behind the serving bar, where a welcoming sizzle and the occasional tack of utensils were dancing through the air, along with a deeply pleasant aroma that Wex couldn't quite place. Aside from that, the room was suspiciously empty. The only other detail of note was a note placed on one of the tables closest to the kitchen, that simply read:
Sit :)
And so, he did.
As he planted his rear on one of the closer chairs, his belly rumbled as the scent lingering in the air filled his nose. But it was a sensation that usually eluded the captain. He ate more as a formality, an agreed contract between him and his body. Rarely - if ever - did he feel hungry, nor did his belly ever really growl.
His contemplation was cut short by a sudden cold breeze enveloping his shoulders and a weighty, solid thud of a rubber-soled boot behind him, and he jumped out of his chair in surprise.
"Fuck me!"
"My bad, Wex." Seeth grinned, taking a seat next to him and patting him on the shoulder. The Controller seemed to be in a pleasant, playful mood. She was dressed in a heavy black tank top with a red crosshair on the front and dark combat trousers, with a personal tech gauntlet fixed to her right arm. "Is this some sort of captain's lunch, or have I misunderstood?"
The lizard took a moment to reply, allowing his heart to slow for just a moment.
How in the hell does someone as big as you keep sneaking up on me…?!
"Uh… This wasn't me. I was invited here too."
"Oh really? So this wasn't arranged by you?" Seeth asked with a raised eyebrow, flicking the locks on the gauntlet and laying across the table away from her.
"Nope. I have no idea who is pulling the strings. I'm assuming it's one of your lot, though."
"How mysterious." Seeth mused, flicking her tongue out to taste the air. "Whatever it is, it smells pretty damn good."
"Seems we're all in for a treat!" Plasia hadn't been far behind Seeth; she smiled warmly at the pair as she approached their table.
It appeared that Plasia was borrowing from Seeth's wardrobe; she was dressed similarly herself, although her tank top had a bright red kiss mark spread across the front, and she had pulled an unbuttoned shirt over herself to cover herself a little more. Instinctively under the others' gaze she rubbed her hands across her arms and cast her eyes down at the floor, but she seemed happy nonetheless with the others, if just a little shy. After a moment's internal deliberation, she sat down on the other side of Wex, across the table from Seeth.
"I-It wasn't us." Wex stuttered as he suddenly found himself between two rather powerful ladies as Plasia took her seat. "We're not sure who's arranged this yet!"
So this is how Diego feels…
"Well, it smells delicious!" Plasia remarked, her tongue flickering between her lips in much the same way as Seeth did.
"Ahah! You're all here!" A fourth voice chimed in, revealing the ever enigmatic Diego as he charged out of the kitchen, apron flapping around his waist, with a huge covered dish in his hands, placing it on the table with a heavy thud in front of everyone. His presence was immediately met with an array of happy smiles from the table, which the lizard returned in kind. "I hope you're all hungry!"
"I should have known!" Wex laughed, standing from the table to greet his brother. "And yes… I'm surprisingly hungry."
"Good! Because I've cooked a feast for you!" Diego grinned. His toothy smile seemed to bring a fresh waft of sweet bread and morish meat into the room, causing both Controllers to flicker their tongues again, albeit more excitedly than before.
"This is very kind of you, Diego. Do you need a hand?" Seeth asked, her belly rumbling in anticipation.
"Nope! I've got all I need, right here." He hurried back into the kitchen, only to return moments later with several large, covered dishes draped across his arms. The mouthwater aroma only continued to fill their senses as Diego proudly revealed each dish in sequence. "I've been wanting to do this for a while and I just decided to go for it! I hope you enjoy! And I hope you don't mind me taking liberties with your kitchen, Wex."
The meal consisted of four dishes in total. The first, made with Plasia in mind, was a large, rustic loaf of nut roast, thick with cheese, herbs, mushrooms and moreish nuts, ready sliced for picking. Next was a huge shoulder of dire lamb, its outside skin crisp and flavoured, its inside meat so soft and tender that Diego simply grabbed the bone jutting out of the top and pulled it out effortlessly, causing the hunk of meat to sink slightly under its own weight. A smaller bowl placed in was revealed to be a dipping sauce, fire honey, a sweet and spicy gooey amber mixture with speckles of red and gold that was a delicacy in its own right, but notorious for being hard to balance flavour-wise. Finally, the largest dish placed right as the centrepiece, was a massive round loaf of freshly baked bread, almost the size of Seeth's breast. Its golden-brown crust was inviting enough, but Diego grabbed a chunk of it with his bare hands and ripped it free, revealing a delightfully fluffy inside.
"Perfect!" His grin only intensified as he watched the eyes of his closest light up with each reveal. He placed an empty plate in front of everyone and sat himself down, waiting expectedly. But the table hesitated, glancing around at one another and their lack of cutlery, not wanting to be rude.
"So are we like… slicing the bread or waiting for you..?" Wex asked cautiously.
"Oh! Sorry!" Diego laughed, slapping his forehead. "No! Just use your hands. Tear the bread up, take whatever meat or nuts you want and just dip it in the sauce. Don't worry about getting messy, that's half the fun!"
"...Yes, Chef!" Seeth replied with a smile and reached towards the plated heaps of food. She tore a chunk of warm bread free, paired it with a few chunks of silky soft dire lamb and dipped it straight into the fire honey, before dropping it daintily on her tongue.
The mixture practically melted in her mouth. The Controller closed her eyes softly and hummed in delight as a single bead of fire honey trickled down her lips. It was warm, sweet, moist and deliciously flavourful, with every mouthful teasing her to get two more. She quickly finished the bite, using a single finger to catch the stray bead and popping it between her lips.
"That…" Seeth murmured, watching Diego's face as he bounced up and down in anticipation on the stool. Her lips tightened at first, leaving the lizard unsure if he'd gotten the flavour right, but eventually her composure broke as her eyes drifted shut and she relaxed into the chair. "That is fucking incredible."
Any remaining hesitation at the table disappeared and both Wex and Plasia tucked in, tearing chunks of bread from the loaf, loading their plates with their mixture of meat and nut roast and dipping it into the sauce.
The flavour was so crisp and tender, it demanded full attention with every bite taken. Sweet, spicy and soft, with the crunch of the bread's crust and nuts giving it a satisfying texture.
Diego beamed proudly, hardly able to contain himself as Wex and his girls hummed in delight with every mouthful.
"This is god-damn delicious, Diego. Where the hell did you learn to cook like that?!" Wex managed to ask between desperate inhales and mouthfuls of food.
"I picked bits up here and there, but turns out I had a bit of a natural talent for it! Got taught a lot of useful stuff, but I very much consider cooking an art."
"I can tell." Plasia smiled warmly and she dipped her bread piece into the honey. "Theres a lot of you in this, and we love it."
"Not physically, I hope." Wex smirked, placing a few chunks of dire lamb onto his bread. His cheeky grin only intensified as Plasia gave him a soft elbow in the side.
For a second, Diego's eyes became glassy as he watched the three of them smile, laugh and joke with each-other. Life could be more than good sometimes, and times like this felt more precious than ever.
For just a moment, it couldn't have been more perfect… It felt like home.
He snapped out of his haze as Seeth leaned over the table and held a honey slathered chunk of lamb and bread out towards Diego's mouth, fluttering her eyes at him expectedly.
"Don't be shy now, hun. There's enough for all of us." Seeth winked at him.
Diego happily accepted the offering and gently took the food into his mouth, leaving Seeth's skin tingling from his touch.
Following in her stead, Plasia quickly prepared her own mouthful of food, and stood to lean over the table towards him.
"Me too! You have to try your nut roast!"
Diego grinned wide as he took the offering straight from Plasia's fingers and wolfed it down, a strong blush overtaking the Controller's complexion as she returned to her seat.
Then, Wex's eyes met with Diego's…
But the captain was quick to offer a snappy retort to the implication.
"You can fuck right off, bro. Feed yourself. Grown ass man."
The table erupted into laughter as Wex reached forward and proceeded to pile a fresh load of food on his now empty plate.
"Wait a second!" Diego interrupted loudly with a dramatic gasp as Wex grabbed another large handful of bread. "Is my 'won't sit at the dinner table longer than twenty seconds, I'd rather go play than eat' younger brother actually having a second plate of my food?" Diego gawped, his jaw falling wide open.
"Yeah. I think I am." He smiled back, dipping the bread eagerly into the honey. "You cook good shit. I should have you teach Tion and Liger a thing or two!"
"I am genuinely astonished… And proud!" Diego beamed.
"Yeah… well. Eat it up, I suppose." Wex shook his head, fighting to keep the happy smirk low.
The four of them had managed to put a significant dent in the food when a sharp tap caught their attention. They all turned to see Hammond poking his head into the room, his somewhat worn metal plate clutched tightly in his hands as he tapped it against the wall again.
"I should have known this would catch someone's nose." Wex laughed. "He's even brought his special plate!"
"Special plate? And I thought he only ate raw meat." Diego asked, with a rising grin.
"He'll make exceptions if it smells godly, apparently. And yeah, he's got his own metal plate ready to go at a moment's notice, part of his essential inventory. He's always ready for food."
Their conversation was interrupted by a third, sharper tap.
"Did you mind the additional company? I can tell him to fuck off if you want, Diego?"
"Nah, we got room for more." Diego smiled, beckoning Hammond in. The bug sprinted in the room, hopping onto a separate row of tables and spotting the food on offer, when he froze. Seemingly overloaded by the delicious platter, his mandibles clicked eagerly and his wings beat out a quiet "W-O-W."
But there were yet more voices from outside.
"I told you I saw Hammond get his plate! He knows when the good food is being served. He shot out of here like a damn bullet!" Diesel laughed, making his way into the room with Ceri behind him, who yanked Diesel back by his arm when she spotted the group.
"Oh, sorry Cap! We didn't know you were having a private event!"
Wex turned to Diego with a serious look on his face as there were yet more footsteps from outside, and then Oxyi poked her head around the door to see what was going on.
"Last chance, Diego. You're gonna end up cooking for the entire ship if you don't pull out now."
"He doesn't typically pull out. Not his style." Seeth snickered, causing Plasia to half choke on a mouthful of bread.
"Or yours." Diego chuckled back. "Bring it on. I'm feeling pumped. If they want some, let them eat." The lizard grinned proudly, flexing his arms.
"Ohh those are fighting words. So be it! C'mon you lot!" Wex yelled towards the door. "My brother's cooking for everyone! Come get your grub!"
His words prompted nothing short of a stampede into the cafeteria as both the gang and half of Wex's crew piled through the doors. Trent, Geralt, Oxyi, Diesel, Ceri, Hammond and Hazel all quickly took seats near the controllers and eyed the still tall mount of meat and bread with increasing admiration as the smell filled their collective noses.
Seeing the room suddenly fill, Diego cleared his throat nervously and nodded towards the kitchen.
"I better get back to it then!"
"You sure you don't want help, hot stuff?" Seeth teased, leaning towards him. "You know I'm good with my hands."
"Nope! I started this, so I'll finish it. I got this! If you could just tell everyone it'll be twenty minutes for the other tables to get their own sharers… I'll be back in a bit!"
And with that, he dashed back into the kitchen, his apron flapping madly in the motion.
"He's insane." Wex laughed, shaking his head.
"And we wouldn't have him any other way."
However, one crew member did not seem satisfied to simply take her seat at one of the tables, and instead took a deep breath, and began a determined march towards the kitchen.
"Tiv? You okay?" Trent asked, catching her arm as she went past.
"I'm gonna help in the kitchen!" Tivy announced with determination, puffing her chest out. "And that's that!"
"Well, okay!" Trent smiled, giving her a kiss on the forehead. "Have fun!"
From the other side of the table, Hammond wiggled on his chair as he watched Tivy disappear into the kitchen, his eyes darting between the food on the table, and her bouncing antennae.
***The Gang***
With Tivy and Diego zooming between the cafeteria and the kitchen, the rest of the crew sat comfortably, enjoying the delicious food offered and the conversations across the table. Wex had offered to crack out some of his finer rum for the occasion known as 'Longshore Oil,' and was saving a bottle for Tivy and Diego to enjoy. With the table already two glasses in, the conversation had once again landed on all things Oxyi. She seemed a little more comfortable with a glass full on the side and a lashings of fire honey seeping over fluffy bread, but still, it was hard to tell if the flush on her face was from embarrassment or the rum.
"I'm just saying, I don't really know what I like. I haven't had the opportunity to explore!" As she spoke, she waved a piece of bread about to emphasize the point, crumbs flying about the table. "You lot have had time to figure this shit out."
"Well, what about some common tropes then?" Diesel asked, licking his fingers clean of honey and sauce. "Most folks like oral. What's your thoughts on that?"
There was a round of nods from the table in agreement.
"I-I mean… I wouldn't say no!" Oxyi replied, taking another swig of rum.
"Alright, that's a good start! What about something a little more kinky… Hair pulling?"
"I honestly have no idea! No strong feelings either way." Oxyi stated with a surprising, rum-induced confidence.
"Fair. We'll move forward. How about choking?"
"No! Fuck no!" Oxyi coughed, waving her hands as her face soured.
"Ah-hah! You do have some ideas of what your tastes are. Admittedly though, I thought that would be your thing. Ceri, for example, loves it." Diesel prodded Ceri teasingly.
"Its the only time she ever shuts the fuck up." Wex jested, prompting a series of laughs from the table.
"I always thought you seemed a little too much into it, Wex." Ceri giggled back. "But what was with the reaction, Oxyi! That was visceral..! Bu-bu-but! We can move on if it's personal!"
"Nah, it's fine." Oxyi waved her hand dismissively. "Since I've hooked up with this lot, the entire universe has conspired to end my life via choking. I've put a damn neck brace in my armour now seeing as everyone and their mum is trying to squeeze the air out of me!" She pointed an accusatory finger at Seeth. "Hell, she nearly did it! Suddenly appeared behind me and grabbed me by the sodding neck like I was a turkey!"
"Yes! She bloody does do that!" Wex concurred. "I don't know how the hell you do it!"
"The big green bitch did it too! She started it! When we first met!" Oxyi yelled. "What was her name? Lettuce?!"
"Leech." Seeth corrected the now obviously intoxicated lioness with a tiny smirk.
"UGH! LEECH!" Oxyi growled. "She cursed me! And now the whole universe has their grubby mitts aimed at my neck! I am VERY protective of my neck. So no choking! Not even a little bit."
The conversation was briefly interrupted then by the TACK of Hammond slamming his empty glass against the table.
"R-U-M" He demanded, with an insistent twiddle of his glass.
"Yes, your majesty." said Wex, rolling his eyes, before pouring another shot into the bug's glass. "I swear, Hammond. You think you own the place sometimes."
The bug did not swig the glass raw as the rest of the table had. Instead he poured a copious amount of sugar and lemonade into it and gave the mixture a good stir with his finger, before pointing at Wex and nodding.
"T-Y"
The table sat in a very brief silence before Seeth cleared her throat and blinked in disbelief.
"Wex…?"
"Yes, Seeth?"
"Why is there a picture of you holding a pineapple behind the bar?"
The entire table glanced over to a photo of Wex with a great big grin on his face, holding a pineapple in both hands placed squarely behind the bar. The picture had a rather elaborate wooden frame running its perimeter, along with the annotation 'Pineapple!' in bold, red letters. Thanks to the allure of Diego's delicious food, this had gone completely unnoticed by the newcomers until now, much to all of their disbelief.
"Oh. That's my crew's idea of a joke. I take nutrition very seriously and always stock fruit and veg on the ship. Some people think that's really funny *cough* Ceri and they asked me to pose with my favourite fruit."
"Which is pineapple?"
"Which is pineapple. It's a wonderful fruit!" Wex confirmed with a decisive nod.
"You think that's bad? Wait until you hear about Pilates me Hearties." Diesel snorted and shook his head, prompting another round of laughs from the table.
"Hey, I haven't heard any of you complain about your joints since we started doing it!" Wex shrugged, taking another sip from his glass.
"I'm sorry, was that Pilates me Hearties?" Geralt asked with a rising grin. "As in, a pirate themed exercise class…?"
"That - is exactly it." Wex gestured to Geralt with his drink in hand. "See, I knew Geralt was a real one. I get the entire crew up early twice a week to do their exercises -" Wex's words were followed with an intense grumble from his crew, as Seeth and her lot choked back tears of laughter. " - And you have to say that you've all been feeling much better since, right?"
There was a stout silence from Wex's crew following his question. But the captain stood from his chair and raised his voice to address the entire room.
"Rrright? Speak no lies in this sacred eatery! If anyone has found their health to be in worse condition since I started Pilates me Hearties, raise your grievance now!"
Although many of the pirates shook their heads, grumbled and otherwise looked displeased, there wasn't a single actual objection.
"Exactly. I rest my well warmed and adequately stretched case. Hazel will back me up, you lot have a lot less injuries now, don'cha?"
…
"T-W-A-T" Hammond buzzed with a disgruntled chatter of his mandibles.
The room burst into a chorus of laughs, including from Wex himself.
"Yeah. I am. But I care about you lot, and that sometimes means making you do things you don't wanna do for your own benefit."
A fresh round of 'awhs' echoed around the room, before bursting into hysterics again.
"Who knew a space pirate captain took health so seriously! I can't tell if that's incredibly cool or lame." Oxyi snickered.
"Fruit, exercise and peace between pirates. What a legacy!" Ceri snorted.
"And rum and sex, don't forget." Wex added, with another raise of his glass.
"Rum and sex!" The room cheered, noticeably more enthusiastically.
"On that note, there's a couple of folks in here who are faaaaaaar too quiet for what they have goin' on." Diesel turned towards Seeth and Plasia as he popped another mouthful of bread and meat into his maw. "The captain's brother turns up with two giant hotties at his side and we know NOTHING?!"
"Damn straight! What the hell is up with you guys?!" Ceri demanded, her speech more than slightly slurred. "I-I mean Wex gave us the low down but… like… are you open or…?"
"I don't think so." Seeth grinned, seeing the array of blushing faces suddenly sweeping the room. "We're our own little thing. And you're not immune anyway, so that's a no-go for you, even if we were."
"Well FUCK!" Ceri yelled, making Hammond jump as she hammered her fist onto the table. "That's not fuckin' fair! I had plans for y'all… especially him."
"Plans? Should we be worried? Or intrigued?" Seeth asked, leaning slightly towards her in her own tipsy slur.
"I'm just saying, that I would have no objections to being in the middle of a li'l komodo sandwich." Ceri replied, grinning over at Wex.
"What the fuck is wrong with you!" Wex visibly recoiled in his seat. "You are NOT banging me and my brother at the same time!"
"Pruuuuuuude…" Ceri sang across the table while swirling her drink at him.
"I am NOT being a prude! Take your dirty horny thoughts away from this blessed meal right now!"
"Hey, these are not exclusively my horny thoughts! That one has definitely thought about taking the both of you!" She gestured over at Seeth, who tried to hide her light blush beneath a smile and another mouthful of rum. "See! She's not even denying it!"
Seeth giggled into her glass and said nothing as Wex stared at her incredulously. "You all are fucking disgusting." He laughed finally, downing his drink and promptly pouring himself another. "What am I gonna do with you lot."
"Stop changing the subject for a start!" Diesel interrupted, tearing a chunk of bread and shoving it into Ceri's mouth. She looked briefly offended, then munched it in quiet satisfaction. "Is it a love triangle or just a line?" He demanded.
The question seemed to stump both Plasia and Seeth, as they looked at one another for support.
"We, uh… We don't really know. We're still figuring it out."
"Well, do you like each-other?" Geralt asked, his words significantly less slurred than everyone else's. He was more than content to take his drink slower than the others and watch the inevitable chaos unfold.
The two Controllers met eyes once again, and Plasia's face immediately began to flush red before she turned away.
"I-I mean, who wouldn't want a li'l Lockblade in their bed…" She murmured shyly, biting her lip.
"Really?" Seeth asked, seemingly taken back. "I-I mean. Yeah. You're gorgeous too, Plas."
"Sounds like it could well be a triangle then!"
"Maybe even should be!" Geralt chimed in, another round of cheers following immediately.
Before the conversation could continue, Diego's voice echoed through the room as Tivy scampered in with another huge pot in her hands.
"Some good lookin' parmesan coming right up!"
The critter's face lit up as the room clapped and applauded loudly for the next dish, placed on the very far table with a huff from Tivy. But the girl was absolutely bouncing with energy and her adorable beam was as wide as the crew had ever seen. She skipped back into the kitchen, but not before turning back to the room and giving them a wave, a wink and a kiss, only to be met with even more raucous applause. Following several wolf whistles, Tivy fanned her face dramatically and slid back into the kitchen, disappearing from view and back into the misty steam that enveloped the kitchen.
But with the food delivery done for now, the focus instantly landed back on the Controllers.
"Do you double team him?" Ceri asked casually, although her envy was obvious.
"Uh… I mean… w-we fool around together?" Seeth stammered uncharacteristically. I don't know if we've like… had a threesome specifically."
Her response was met with a harsh 'boo!' from the entire room, including Geralt, Oxyi and Trent.
"Whats the point in having two massive girlfriends if they don't double team you! That's like, the whole damn point ain't it?!" Diesel cackled, thumping his fist on the table. "You're doin' the handsome lad a disservice! What you say, Wex?"
"I'd rather not speculate on my brother's sex life, if I'm being honest."
The room booed again, with Hammond giving the captain a sharp thumbs down.
"You know the other captains are gonna lose their shit if they see him? Ray and Kelly especially, they've spent long enough trying to lay you. Diego's gonna be even more their type!" Ceri added.
"Unsuccessfully, I might add." Wex shrugged.
"If they don't get a piece of him, they might damn well leave the coalition!" Ceri snickered, causing another round of laughs from Wex's side of the room.
"Ah yes. 'Ahem, Diego, you must fuck the shark sisters. The fate of my coalition hangs in the balance.' Good god." Wex cackled, shaking his head. Both Seeth and Plasia felt a twinge of jealousy in their stomachs as the captain joked. "I didn't realise the sector's safety would depend on Diego's sex life. Besides, I get the impression that - mpph - "
It was that point that it became apparent that the rum Wex had served was rather potent, considering its sweet, oaky flavour.
Wex's sentence was cut short by Plasia's huge breast, colliding with his face as she leaned over the captain and planted a long, deliberate kiss on Seeth's lips. As she pulled away, the two remained deliberately close as their eyes met.
"If you're game. I'm game." Plasia whispered, her confidence taking not just Seeth, but the entire room off-guard. The amethystine Controller was left speechless, with a throbbing desire surging through not just her, but their audience too.
Plasia pulled back with a sly, enticing giggle, finally un-sandwiching Wex from his booby prison.
"Sorry Wex… Are you okay?" She asked smoothly, her eyes flicking up to Seeth's gaze repeatedly.
"Those things are fucking HEAVY!" Wex spluttered, looking rather dazed. "No wonder Diego looks like he does!"
"What, sexy?" Ceri asked.
"B-I-G" Hammond buzzed back, raising his glass.
"You lot need to shut up about my brother, or his big-ass radar ears are gonna hear you fan girling over him more than you already have!"
"You wouldn't believe how sensitive those things are." Seeth grinned, fanning her face as she took more than a bit of pleasure in Wex's disgruntlement. "He loves having them fussed."
"Oh my WORD!"
***Tivy and Diego***
In the kitchen, Diego was a whirlwind of mixing, chopping, slicing and cutting. He had somewhat anticipated this, and thankfully Wex's ship was well stocked, and Diego had other joints of dire lamb and loaves of bread ready to go. The nut roasts and fire honey still needed making from scratch, but just as he was settling in a rhythm, a defiant 'ahem' caught his attention.
Standing in the doorway was a very serious-looking Tivy, her arms folded and eyes sharp, with a single leg kicked back as she leaned against the frame.
"I heard you talking to Seeth. I know you said you didn't want it, but I want to help." She demanded with the utmost soberness. "I need to learn."
Diego met her seriousness with a glare of his own. The tension skyrocketed as the lizard pressed his hands against the worksurface and leaned over it. "Is that so?" He sniffed, his eyes just as sharp as Tivy's.
"Yes! This is important to me! I saw the faces people were pulling when they ate your food! So teach me! Please! And don't be a bumhole!"
A low growl escapes Diego's throat as he leaned further onto the worksurface, staring deep into Tivy's eyes.
"On two conditions." He spoke lowly.
"Name them!" There was zero hesitation or fear in her voice, but her antennae were jittering a little in suspense.
"One! Do not call me 'Daddy Diego' in the kitchen."
"Okay! What next!"
Diego's face curled into a smug, toothy grin.
"Two! Keep your feet off the counters."
"You…! I…! Bah! Fine!" Tivy scowled, stamping said feet on the floor in frustration. "Fine fine fine! You win! No feet on the counters!"
Both of them suddenly softened as their play-arguement ended, and Tivy drummed her fingers awkwardly as she felt a sudden anxiety grip her being. Her future could depend on how well this went, and the pressure of it all sat in her stomach like a bad batch of soup.
"S-So will you teach me how you make stuff so tasty? A-And if I can't stand on the counters, how will I reach things? This is all roamer-sized stuff, like every kitchen!"
"'Course I will!" Diego smiled. "And there's something in here you need to see…"
The bug nervously made her way over to Diego and shyly grabbed his hand as he took her to the back of the kitchen.
Wex's kitchen had some sort of railed, sliding ladder system, almost like a library might have to reach the tallest bookshelves. A solid, foldable stool could slide all around the kitchen, around all the work surfaces and its height adjusted seamlessly to give Tivy access to all the cupboards and surfaces, without having to stand on a single worksurface! Bolted to metal fixtures, it was a sturdy and surprisingly elegant solution to having critter cooks in a non-critter kitchen.
Tivy's eyes widened in wonder and awe as she folded out one of the stools and gently climbed on top of it, only for her to break into a wild giggle as, with a firm push, Diego sent her zooming around the countertops like it was a theme park ride. She came to a stop just next to the lizard again and looked up at him with overwhelming gratitude, before leaping up and hugging him around the neck, squeezing against him tightly.
"Thank you, Diego… I really ap-app-appreciate you doing this…"
"You're welcome, sweetheart. C'mon, let's get cooking! I have loads of things I can show you!"
It didn't take long for the kitchen to turn into an organised mess of bowls, plates and saucepans. The menu was expanded to feature a few new related dishes, mostly to show Tivy various cooking techniques and tips Diego had picked up over the years.
They started slow, with Diego watching her techniques closely, all stuff she'd learnt by her lonesome over the last few months. What impressed the lizard more was how well she'd done, considering the complete lack of training or guidance. It was obvious Tivy had a natural talent for it, all she needed was someone to hone her quick hands…
Before she knew it, Tivy was slicing and dicing through various food stuffs, with Diego guiding her hand and posture. It was little things from how to hold the knife properly, to how to push the food towards her cutting hand and where to apply pressure. Flavour lessons on what spices matched what dishes, when to add little pinches of this or that to enhance the flavour. Tivy was glued to his every word, taking everything super seriously in her own uniquely hilarious way. Diego couldn't have asked for a more attentive or caring assistant.
In what felt like a blink of an eye two hours had disappeared, with dishes constantly ferried back and forth. Each time either of them brought a new batch of food, their appearance was met with a stunning round of applause and hefty cheers, making Tivy squeal with joy as she unveiled the food to each table. It was only once the action finally began to die down that Tivy realised that she'd been handling and cutting raw meat… Diego had shown her how to gut and fillet a fish, and not only did she remember the entire process, it hadn't even felt bad!
With the last dish served to tables of very full looking pirates, Tivy returned to the kitchen and untied her apron in quiet contemplation as Diego began to tidy up the mess they'd made. With her culinary crash course all but over, a mountain of food served and an entire crew of very satisfied pirates, Tivy was feeling rather odd. It had been an incredible couple of hours for Tivy, leaving her feeling far, far richer for the experience. There was a deep level of satisfaction warming her tummy, but she couldn't help thinking about the meat she'd prepared.
"Uhm, Diego…?"
"Yes, Tiv?"
"Thank you for teaching me today but I did have a question…" Tivy murmured, her eyes glued to the floor as she sheepishly approached him.
"Hm? Sure thing, Tiv. What's up?"
"I… You showed me how to cut meat properly. I-I had raw meat in my hands. And I didn't even flinch. You just… You asked me to do it, showed me the technique a-and I just did it…! How did you do that? It usually makes me feel so sick and icky! I don't understand."
The lizard turned to face her, dropping gently to his knees as to speak to the critter face to face.
"Don't sell yourself short hun, I didn't help you do anything you couldn't do already. I showed you what to do of course, and maybe gave you a bit of confidence, but all the rest? That was all you. You got over your phobia, not me."
Tivy swallowed quietly and nodded her head. It seemed to make sense.
"You doing okay though?" Diego asked quietly. "Did we go too far?"
Tivy didn't reply, but instead threw her arms around him again, hugging him tightly around the neck as she held back tears to the best of her ability. Her body buzzed from head to toe, vibrating like a phone as Diego returned her hug in kind.
She couldn't find the words to say.
For the first time in her life, Tivy could see a self-made future. She'd come away with the skills needed to make her own business a reality. Maybe, just maybe, she could make one of her silly little ideas into something beautiful. Maybe this time, it wasn't a silly idea. It was just…
An idea.
She eventually pulled herself away, blinking away the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes and clutched Diego's hand tightly.
"I'm doing the words badly right now, Diego… I am very glad I met you and the others. B-But how did I do?!" She buzzed excitedly, her eyes twinkling with possibility and dreams. "Do you think I could run my own kitchen?"
"Me too, Tiv. Me too." Diego smiled kindly, mulling over Tivy's question. Prior to the training, what he'd seen would have relegated her to black market cooking or face a hefty fine for health code violations. But she'd listened to every single word that had left his mouth over the last few hours and by the end, he could well see her running her own place, in her own crazy way. "You know, Tiv, I think you damn well could!"
The hope in her eyes exploded into unbridled joy as Diego continued, with a grin so wide and toothy it barely fit on her face.
"You've got the perfect type of energy to keep a busy kitchen running smoothly and you were already learning about flavours by yourself, nevermind with tutoring from me! If you like, I can help you put together your first menu? We'll do some more cooking lessons together and you'll be top chef Tiv!
"Yes! YES! That sounds amazing! Thank you thank you thank you!"
"Did you enjoy cooking with me, then?" Diego asked joyfully, infected by her buzzing enthusiasm.
"I LOVED IT!!! I didn't know there was so much to learn about flavours and spices! A-And how much difference temperature makes in the oven! A-And that pre-heating changes things compared to letting it heat up! And…"