CHAPTER 180: THE WEIGHT OF HER WORDS
James walked in two hours later, looking freshly showered but not quite rested. Diana lay on the bed, her body curled toward the door, as if she had been waiting.
Watching her now, James felt something twist in his chest.
He missed her.
Damn it, he still loved her.
But she had hurt him. Deeply. In a way he hadn't quite figured out how to come back from.
He dragged a chair closer to her bedside and sat down, taking a moment to really look at her. Her skin was pale, and her lips were slightly chapped. Her eyes were closed, but she looked peaceful, safe. And that was all that had mattered in those panicked moments.
He remembered the phone call that had broken through his day like a lightning strike, Nicodemus shouting into the phone that Madam had collapsed and was bleeding. His heart had fled from his chest before his body could catch up. He didn't stop to ask what had happened or how she had fallen. All he could think was—Diana.
He had abandoned everything.
Even the crucial meeting with the Queen's associates, walked out mid-sentence without a second thought. Because she, somehow, was more important than everything.
He'd burst into the hospital, panting like a madman, shoving past people until Jared had to physically hold him back from storming into the theatre where Harry was operating on her. He had begged, actually prayed...something he hadn't done since his mother's death. That some god, any god, would let her live.
And now, she was awake. Alive. Breathing.
That was more than he could ever ask for. He didn't dare ask for more.
He reached for her face, brushing a stray strand of hair from her forehead. His fingers lingered for a second… then retreated, just as she stirred and opened her eyes.
Her gaze locked with his. For a second, neither of them spoke.
He looked clean. But not at peace.
"Hey," she murmured, pushing herself up weakly.
"Hey," he replied. He started to rise, unsure whether to stay or leave, when she reached out.
"Treasure," she said, her voice cracking, "please… we need to talk."
James hesitated, jaw tensing.
"Talk," he said flatly, "I'm listening."
But she saw it. The wall he had built up, solid and thick around his heart. And it scared her.
Diana bit her lower lip hard, so hard she tasted blood.
"Please… just sit back down." She was going to start crying again if he didn't listen to her.
Something in her voice made him pause. He sat back down without a word, and waited.
She turned to him slowly, wiping the back of her hand across her cheek.
"First," she began, voice quivering, "I want to say thank you. For helping me. For handling everything so well that I didn't even have to worry about it." Her eyes lifted to meet his, sincere and glistening with emotion. "You made sure I didn't have to bother. You protected me... even when I didn't deserve it."
She paused, her voice thickening with guilt. "Baby... I messed up. I fucked up big time. And I can't possibly say sorry enough."
A shaky breath slipped out.
"I should have learned to trust you more, to talk to you instead of assuming or bottling things up. But growing up, I got so used to doing everything myself, solving my own problems. I never asked for help unless it came from my parents."
She let out a soft laugh, bitter and broken.
"I dragged that into our marriage... which, honestly, was a really dick move. I'm sorry I lied to you. It wasn't intentional. I was just scared. Scared of your reaction... scared of losing you."
Her hands clenched the bedsheet as the tears streamed down freely now.
"I know I've said this before, but babe, I've learned my lesson. I swear I have."
She bowed her head, her voice now a whisper. "Your ex hurt you really bad. But I'm sure... I'm sure she never begged you like this. Not the way I have. I know you always had to do the begging. But not this time. I stayed, baby. I stayed and I'm begging for your forgiveness."
"I don't care if it takes an eternity," she went on, "I'll beg until you forgive me."
She looked up at him again, eyes red but determined. "But you also need to remember, I'm the mother of your children. I don't need this kind of stress, and neither do our babies. If you don't reconcile with me... if we don't fix this... I'll die from overthinking. And Harry said if the mother's mental state is affected, it affects the babies too."
James clenched his jaw then, clearly remembering the incident. His fingers twitched on his lap but he remained still.
Diana continued, as though spiraling out.
"You hurt me too, James. You hurt us. We almost died in that car. And I know you turned at the last minute to protect us, but... it still happened."
His jaw tightened again, this time more subtly.
"I promise to do better," she whispered. "I'll share everything with you, even the deepest parts. Even the ugliest truths. I'll never hide anything from you again, even if it kills me."
She placed her hands on her chest as the tears rolled down. "Baby, please. I'm spiraling here…"
For the first time, James's rock-hard demeanor softened.
He watched her, her trembling voice, the desperation in her eyes, the courage it took to bare her soul after everything. He knew she was right about it all. She had made one mistake... but she hadn't run. She stayed. She begged. And she never stopped loving him.
She had taken all of him, every part, even the dark ones without hesitation. Who was he, really, to keep punishing her?
And yet... he couldn't deny it—he was enjoying the extra attention. Watching her fight for him the way he always had for others... it stirred something new in him. Maybe he needed it to last a little longer. Just long enough to see how far she'd go.
If he didn't break first.
He leaned back slightly, his voice gentler this time.
"I thought you said it didn't matter if I forgave you or not... that you'd spend a lifetime making it right."
Diana blinked up at him, catching the change in his tone. He wasn't biting his jaw anymore. He looked... calmer. Still guarded, but no longer unreachable.
She wrung her hands together, suddenly unsure. She thought to herself she had indeed said that and the extra emotional blackmail was no longer necessary, but she couldn't help it.
James cocked his head. "Then stop saying things you don't mean, Diana."
"I'm sorry," she said again, eyes wide.
"You know what," James said suddenly, standing, "never mind."
She held her breath.
"Rest up early," he added, adjusting the blanket on her shoulder gently. "We'll be discharged tomorrow."
It wasn't quite I forgive you...
But it wasn't I'm done with you either.
And for now, Diana clung to that small sliver of warmth like it was life itself.