The pattern has been:
Realise I'm complacent about my future, contemplate about how I should approach starting over with a sense of purpose, compare all the purposes I believed to be the one, realise that each of those efforts die out sooner or later as my priorities shift due to circumstances outside of my control, I attempt to treat those hurdles as part of the same journey only to end up having my heart waver in its purpose, become efficiently cruel towards making progress in meanness goals for dead dreams, feel the need to have a break from my numbness to try to fall in love with the thing I had a purpose for, that break becomes a distraction, I forget what I was trying to fall in love with, and then I waste time until the next time I realise I've been complacent about my future.
8 years it has been, since I had a sense of unwavering devotion and a genuine purpose.
The reason why it ended back then was because of the disappointment of realising that the life story I had so strongly identified with, not only shifted to a different environment by changing schools, but it actually completely ended.
I realised that I could have just seen it as a matter of starting something new, but I wasn't over yet with the adventure I was immersed in, and it was impossible for me to be able to continue it in a space where the faces I met could not matter to me.
I realised that there was a lot to appreciate, but I couldn't, there was a lot to have excitement and adventure for, but I couldn't.
And so, ever since I have been trying to chase the previous version of myself who was the main character of his own story, instead of being stuck in this perpetual limbo between two stories.
I know, logically, that there was once a time that I believed anything was possible, so I remain stubborn in assuming such.
But, I can't truly believe it. Not now.
…
I try to start again today, and I'm aware of the pattern that awaits me, but I need to break the cycle.
How? How do I finally become my ideal self?
Nothing will take me to the world I used to fantasise about, and nothing will make me suddenly appreciative if I even were, because I lack the imagination I used to have for such excitement.
I'd just ruin the gift, and wallow in my own disappointment with myself.
[And then suddenly, Aemos was transported to a fantasy world, with the most potential for adventure. Whether he wanted to or not.]
Huh?
I blinked, while I stared at the ceiling of my room, and now above me is sky and the sound of ocean waves as sand takes the place of my pillow beneath my head.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!", with suddenly nothing infront of me, for a moment I felt the instinct that I was going to fall upwards into the sky infinitely.
I got up screaming trying to grab onto something only to realise that I was on the ground.
"Holy SHIT. What the fuck happened? Where am I?!"
I am surrounded by a beach, it's empty, and only I'm here.
I take a few quick breathes to calm myself, and look around to see if any of my possessions were suddenly teleported here with me.
There is nothing but the clothes I was wearing before on my body, a regular T-shirt and boxer shorts for sleeping in.
I feel the warm sun on my skin, which I hadn't seen in months.
I feel sick, as my own malnourishment hits me.
And yet, I feel calm too, the sea is something I hadn't seen in years.
"H-hello!", I call out over the sound of the waves, hoping to find the one responsible for bringing me here.
I get no response.
My mind runs through possible scenarios, such as the case that my teleportation is the result of a natural phenomenon, or maybe there is a higher power who willed this even to happen, or maybe I'm dreaming, or maybe I died instantaneously in a nuclear blast and now I've woken up confused in the afterlife.
Whatever the reason is, there seems to be no signs or voice that's going to explain the cause of this situation to me, so I may as well figure out this situation actually is by looking for others instead of waiting around here.
I turn around, and see large clips to my sides that enclose the space of the beach, and deeper into this ravine is a vast forest that looks as vibrant as one would expect in a fairytale.
As I've said before, I lack an imagination, but maybe this is an isekai situation?
If so, that could be interesting. Let's just hope this is a good place I'm at.
Without shoes, I realise that each step needs to be mindful of the jellyfish, rocks, and thorns I could be stepping on.
My feet get quickly dirty from the mud.
This is already far more activity and literal touching grass than I've done in the past 2 or 3 years.
…