Chapter 10: Unwanted memories
Bakugou was back in the watch room hearing ponytail and All Might discuss his battle, he was angry when he heard that glasses was the MVP of the match because he did made a plan even if he didn't get to execute it, even worse was hearing Deku was the second pick for an MVP because of how he used his abilities before losing control, leaving him as the final choice. By the time the review was finished, the hobo walked back into the room. "Bakugou, go to Nezu's office."
Bakugou frowned at that. "Uh? Why?" He hadn't done anything wrong, this battles were meant for give to go all out which he did, why the hell would he need to go to the principal's office?
"You disregarded a direct order from a teacher that put yourself and your classmates in danger." Aizawa said still waiting for him to get moving. "I also know you made comments about me that we also need to address." Ah, that's what this was, he wanted to cover up whatever it is Katsuki dug out. The blonde tsked before heading out of the room, he could hear the extras come to their teacher to ask about what happened with Deku. "What happened with Midoriya is between the school and him, if he wants to tell you he will but for now leave him alone. What I can tell you is that he is not expelled." With that Aizawa walked Bakugou to Nezu's office.
"Ah Bakugou please take a seat, would you like some tea?" Katsuki sat down with his arms crossed shaking his head, he shouldn't be here, he didn't do anything wrong. "Very well, first I want to address why you disregarded All Might's order. He is your teacher and his job is to guide you, he can't exactly do that if you ignore him."
"Because we were meant to fight without holding back and that's exactly what I did. Besides Deku can take it." That seemed logical in his head, the fight was for them to prove their power and strength plus Deku has always been able to handle what he does, it shouldn't be any different now.
"Here at UA we do push our students to do their best, but that's not what happened in this case. You were ordered to stop because your attack was too dangerous and it could've been lethal." Nezu explained staring blankly at the blonde, trying to understand how his brain works.
"It's fine, I know Deku would dodge. He always does." But he didn't dodge, a small voice in his head said, Katsuki just tried to push it down.
Nezu typed on his keyboard before showing the footage, projecting it on one of the walls. "It doesn't look to me like Midoriya dodged at all, he jumped through the explosion. Had that been any other student they would've been caught in the blast." They would've died went unsaid.
"Well yeah, but I wouldn't use it on any of those extras." They weren't actively competing against him like Deku was.
"Why is that?" The mouse asked, this seemed odd. So far Bakugou refused to acknowledge Midoriya by his given name, preferring to use an insult. His confidence about Midoriya being able to take the blast or dodge was concerning, how did he know that would happen?
"Because they aren't worth my time." Deku wasn't worth it either, but he was a thorn that kept sticking to his side and he was desperate to get rid of it.
"Right." Nezu said taking notes in his computer about the teenager's behavior. "Well, despite whatever your thoughts on your classmates are, this is not something you can do just because you feel entitled to or because you think you are above them."
Bakugou stood up at that, a small pop coming to life in his hand. "I am above all of them!" Aizawa quickly used his quirk on him to get rid of the explosions.
"Bakugou I would recommend that you sit back down and watch your tone. I don't know how your past schools handled you, but you won't get to do whatever you please here, there are rules to follow and if you think they don't apply to you then you can say goodbye to the hero course." Bakugou froze at that.
"What?" The principal wouldn't kick him from UA just because he proved how strong he is, that was the whole point of getting into UA! To prove he was the best! "You can't!"
Nezu raised a paw prompting Katsuki to be quiet. "I am the principal and this is my school, I can do whatever I see fit." This kid crossed a line, he shouldn't have ignored that order and his mindset was incredibly toxic. But, Nezu believed in change and second chances, for now Bakugou can remain in UA but that fact being questioned will hopefully make him think twice before acting. "I recognize your strength, I see your potential but you can't see everything as a competition."
That didn't make any sense, being a hero was a competition. "But it is, the hero rankings are there for reason, to prove who is the best and it will be me!"
Nezu hummed in response. "Being the best is a nice goal, but that's not what a hero is being about and even if it was you are far from being the best." That got the student to glare at him, but he didn't interrupt. "Your power and technique is good, impressive even, but that isn't enough to be the best hero. A hero needs to communicate, to work in teams, to help others but most importantly a hero must know when to draw the line and limit themselves. You have not proved to master or even be good at any of this skills, if you can't do that how can you call yourself the best?"
Bullshit, he didn't need any of that to be the best hero. "I don't need to communicate or a fucking team! I'm enough to fight and win!" Everyone told him he was the perfect future number one hero, why does this rat think he can question that?!
"Oh really?" The projection showed Katsuki pinned down by the dragon, clearly unable to move no matter how much he struggled. "Because I don't see you being enough to fight and win right there." The mouse said with a smile on his face.
Katsuki was shaking with anger, how could a fucking rat dare question his strength, his power to win just because Deku got lucky. "That doesn't count I was taken off guard." He had expected Deku to jump out of a window or something, he didn't know the nerd would tackle him.
"As a hero you will face many unknown enemies, how can you be the best if being taken off guard is all that it takes to beat you?" See Nezu would do this to any student stepping out of line, but this particular student messed with his shining star and unlike Aizawa Nezu does have favorites. "I don't see the best hero in front of me at all. The only thing I see is a student that will be easily taken down the second he sets foot onto the field, all because his weakness is being taken by surprise."
Katsuki stood up smacking his hand against the principal's desk. "SHUT UP!" The rat merely stared at him, that annoying smile still plastered on his face. Aizawa wrapped his capture scarf around the teen after his outburst.
"And yet you show me another weakness, making you lose your temper was far too easy. That's all a villain needs to do to distract you while someone else attacks you from behind. You are still failing to prove how your actions are justified because you are the best." Nezu said making air quotes at that last part, that just made Katsuki angrier.
"I am the best!" He has heard it long enough to believe it, if the principal hears it long enough he might believe it too.
"Saying something doesn't make it a reality. No one is born being the best, that is something you earn through hard work and so far you have done nothing to gain that title. You are as average as everyone else and that won't change no matter how loud you scream you are the best." If Nezu had to break this teen's mind and ego then so be it.
"How dare you?!" Katsuki snarled still struggling against his teacher's scarf, no one can ever question he is the best because that's who he is! "Give me another chance and I will prove I am the best, pair me against whoever you want and I will win!" Nezu could do that, let the boy be humbled by losing over and over again, but he will save that for later in case Katsuki doesn't improve.
"No." It was that simple. "You don't get whatever you want just because you demand it, your behavior has told me enough about you and you will no longer keep getting what you want no matter how loud you scream for it." Nezu took a sip from his cup. "From what I've seen today I am ordering you to have counseling sessions with Hound Dog on a weekly basis to deal with that temperament as well as your current mentality." Katsuki opened his mouth to argue but Nezu didn't let him. "If you don't accept that you are expelled!" Katsuki shut his mouth. "And about ignoring a direct order that could've had lethal consequences, you are suspended for a day. Take that time to reflect on what you did and why it was wrong."
Bullshit, this was a load of fucking bullshit. He didn't need some fucking counseling for his temperament he was perfectly fine like this! But not going would mean getting expelled and he can't afford that so he will have to suck it up. The suspension was fucking stupid. "So what? Is Deku fucking suspended too? Because he tried to blow my face off!"
"Midoriya has already been dealt with, whatever I decided for him is none of your business." Nezu said before changing the footage once more, this time when he was talking about Aizawa. "With that out of the way I would also like to address this."
The video started playing and Aizawa finally understood why Midoriya didn't want to repeat what Bakugou said, even the teacher felt sick at the implications. Not only of him in that scenario with a child but also the fact that Bakugou told Midoriya that was his only worth, the only reason anyone would be interested in him or willing to help him.
"What of it? I wanted to get under his skin and I did." Aizawa glared at the teenager.
"Do you have any idea of how serious the accusation you made is?" Aizawa said maintaining his monotone voice despite the anger he was feeling. Bakugou just shrugged his shoulders like this wasn't important, like he didn't just accuse Aizawa of a very serious crime.
Nezu has known Aizawa for many years, he was a student of his after all and he knew those accusations were false. He had cameras everywhere that supervised Izuku's training with his teacher, there was never anything inappropriate going on, however, he has a duty as the principal to investigate this claims. "Is there any particular reason you said this? Anything you heard or saw?"
Bakugou just rolled his eyes. "The nerd is close to the hobo, I saw him ruffling Deku's hair the day of the entrance exam." That's it? Some sort of familiarity is all that it took? "Deku got all that especial training that I know for a fact Auntie can't afford, how else did he pay for it? Bet he did the same for that tin tin 'friend' he has." Aizawa would never murder a child, but he was close.
"Midoriya did not pay for any special training, it was offered to him for free because he needed it and it was offered here at UA due to the dangerous and destructive nature of his quirk." Bakugou scoffed at that.
"I have a dangerous and destructive quirk, how come I was never offered any especial training?" So this is what this whole thing was about, jealousy. Katsuki was been under the spotlight his whole life, when that was suddenly taken from him he felt attacked and like he needed to get it back, by any means necessary including such distasteful comments.
"For starters you've had your quirk your whole life, it grew with you, which means you had time and restricted power to train it as you grew. Midoriya didn't, he manifested with a proper power for his age but with the control of a toddler. He needed those classes, you do not." That didn't seem to be enough for Katsuki. "This isn't UA favoring Midoriya for his strong quirk, that's ridiculous anyone who makes it to the hero course has strong quirks. This was about offering the guidance needed, something done for every student and you don't need it." Katsuki still didn't seem convinced. "Whatever I say will not be enough for you, your perception can not be changed. But I will be clear about something, if this happens again I will expel you no second chances, the same goes for making this accusations without any proof just because you felt like it. Fake accusations like that are a crime by the way, so next time you might want to watch your tongue."
Bakugou growled but nodded regardless. "Anything else?"
"Yes." Aizawa said. "I don't know what history you and Midoriya have, but this is not the first time you've targeted him. UA has a very strict no bullying policy, I don't care what problem it is you two have it ends here. Personal problems can never affect your performance as a hero, understood?" Bakugou just nodded. "Good, you can leave now."
The blonde left slamming the door, he couldn't believe the school was picking that useless nerd's side when he was clearly the better option and on top of that he got suspended! He was going to show that fucking rat that he is the best and that he has no right to question his worth.
"We should really talk with Midoriya about the things Bakugou said, things like that are sensitive and serious." The principal said once they were alone.
"You can't possibly think I would ever-" Aizawa stopped talking when Nezu raised a paw.
"I've known you long enough to know that is not something you would do, besides I have cameras and microphones everywhere, if anything even remotely close to that were to happen in my school I would know and it would be dealt with immediately." He said reassuring the teacher. "I'm saying we should bring this up with Midoriya because that attack seemed very specific, not only that but his reaction was concerning." Nezu fidgeted with his paws for a moment. "I really don't want to think that Bakugou, rough around the edges as he may be, would use someone's trauma against them in such a way. But I would rather be sure, perhaps getting Hound Dog involved would be good.'"
Aizawa shook his head. "No, this needs to be handled by you or me. Midoriya has trouble connecting with people in general, Togata has helped a lot with that aspect but even then, like you said this is a sensitive topic if something did happen he won't tell a stranger he doesn't trust." Aizawa trusted the kid's friends as well, but that's not a conversation they should be having.
"I believe it should be you then, I've gotten very close to Midoriya but I believe he trusts you more than me, besides despite being the most intelligent creature in the world, emotional intelligence isn't my forte." The principal was good at a variety of things, emotions wasn't it. Aizawa wasn't much better than he is but the teacher has had more experience comforting his students, especially after something traumatic. Aizawa simply nodded, sending a message to see if he was still in school grounds.
After his talk with Nezu Izuku decided to walk around campus in an attempt to clear his mind, Bakugou's taunts brought back some unwanted memories. Did he know? Did anyone else? But Izuku had made sure no one found out about it because in the end nothing actually happened, he got away and he was fine, this shouldn't be affecting him the way it is.
Izuku stopped under a tree, a hand resting on the trunk of the tree while the other was gripping his shirt tightly, breathing hurts. Come on Izuku you can't let this affect you, others had a much worse experience and you barely faced anything. He closed his eyes trying to push the memories away, but it just seemed that the more he tried to keep the thoughts out of his mind, the more repetitive they became.
The only thing Izuku could hear was his own heartbeat getting louder by the second, he wasn't going to cry about this again. He shouldn't be crying, that man was in jail and Izuku no longer was that defenseless quirkless boy, so why? Why did remembering hurt so much? He pretended nothing happened for years, why can't he do the same now? Izuku got startled when he felt a had on his shoulder, immediately opening his eyes and backing up, noticing a student with purple hair trying to talk to him, but Izuku couldn't hear him. "What?" In that moment Izuku went his mind going blank, his body relaxing, his wings flopping behind him.
"I said that you need to calm down, take deep breaths, slowly. Whatever you are thinking of, stop." Shinsou knew better than to get involved with strangers, but he knows what a panic attack is like, they aren't pretty. "Sit down while you are at it." As expected the winged boy obeyed him, sitting down below the tree, Shinsou kept his control on the boy until his breathing was even.
Midoriya came back to himself slowly, blinking a few times before becoming aware of his own body and surroundings again. "What happened?" One moment he couldn't breathe the next he was calmly sitting under a tree.
"You were having a panic attack, I used my quirk to help you calm down." The tired teen in front of him said. "Feeling better?"
Izuku nodded. "Yeah, thanks." He tried to remember what happened before his mind went blank. "Do you have some sort of touch based emotional or empathic quirk?" That's the first thing Izuku could think of, besides quirk analysis was the best thing to keep his brain from unwanted thoughts.
Shinsou was confused by the question, it was a very weird change of topic, but he understood wanting to keep your mind away from the things that caused the attack in the first place. "No? How did you even reach that conclusion?"
"You touched my shoulder before I calmed down, but you were also talking to me, is it response based?" Izuku watched the purple haired boy's eyes open slightly in surprise. "So it is response based, odd emotional or empathic quirks don't tend to work like that, then again all sorts of mutation are happening nowadays so it isn't impossible."
Shinsou didn't know what he was expecting when he decided to step in and help this boy, he was definitely not expecting him to guess his quirk. "It's not emotional or anything like that." He doesn't like talking about his quirk, but it does seem to be helping him stay grounded or maybe distracted, either way it's working.
"No? Maybe manipulation? Persuasion? Brainwashing?" That last one got a reaction out of the other boy, it was very small a twitch of his eyebrows but a reaction nonetheless. "Oh, so it's brainwashing, that's pretty cool. Thank you for using it on me."
Shinsou has heard many things about his quirk, but not a single person has called it cool, let alone thanked him for using it on them. "Are you serious? Aren't you mad or even bothered I just controlled you like that?"
Midoriya just shrugged. "Not really, you helped me with it. I don't think I could've calmed down by myself, so yeah thanks for that." Before their little conversation could continue, Izuku got a message. "Ah, sorry I have to go. It was nice meeting you, hopefully I'll see you around. Thanks again for helping me, your quirk is awesome!" The teen who just had a panic attack now had a smile plastered on his face whether it was real or not, Shinsou couldn't tell.
"Uh." Was the only thing Shinsou could say, his quirk was called many things before, a curse, something evil, something villainous but never something cool or awesome. He didn't get into UA to make friends, but he hoped the boy was right about seeing each other around.
Izuku hurried to the teacher's lounge when he read Aizawa's message, taking deep breaths and hoping his eyes weren't puffy or red for almost having a breakdown. "Sensei, I'm here."
Aizawa looked at him standing from his desk. "Follow me." Izuku did as he was told, following after his not father figure to a different classroom in UA or so he thought. When Aizawa opened the door he was met with a room that had different couches, some bean bags and a few tables with fidget toys on them. "This is Hound Dog's office, he is the school counselor and therapist, if you ever feel like you need any of his services you can come here."
"Oh, uh, thanks sensei, I'll keep it in mind." Midoriya really hoped that was all but it really wasn't, Aizawa closed the door once the two of them were in.
"Kid I need to talk to you about what Bakugou said." He didn't miss the way his problem child tensed at that, gripping the strap of his backpack. "But before I do I want you to know that if you don't want to answer that's okay, I won't push you to. If you don't want to be here or if at any point it feels too much, you just have to say it and you can leave through that door I won't stop you. But most importantly, whatever you say here, if you say anything at all, will stay here."
Izuku nodded, he considered bolting through the door immediately but he stayed. He already knows what he is going to ask about, he will have this conversation sooner or later, maybe the best thing he can do is rip it off like a band aid. He turned to face his teacher, he couldn't find it in himself to look him in the eye.
Aizawa didn't want to have this conversation with his kid or any kid for that matter. "Midoriya, what Bakugou said to you was something very sensitive and Nezu believes it was also targeted to hurt you. So I have to ask, did you ever experience anything like what Bakugou implied?" For a good minute the kid stayed silent completely still and then Aizawa saw it, Izuku gave a slow and hesitant nod. Oh kid. "Do you want to talk about that?"
Izuku didn't answer for a while, fidgeting with the strap of his backpack. "I don't know." He kept it a secret for so long and he was fine like that, but then Bakugou brought something up and then he wasn't fine anymore. Izuku wasn't sure if talking about it would fix it or just make things worse.
"It's okay not to know, if you figure it out I will listen to you and if you don't want to talk to me you can come to Hound Dog, he will help you." He was giving the kid space and options for when he felt ready to open up about what happened.
Izuku nodded again heading for the door wanting nothing more than to leave, get in to his bed and pretend the world didn't actually exist for a while, but when his hand reached for the doorknob he hesitated. His mind was fighting itself on whether it was a good idea or not to speak up, so far Aizawa kept his word, he wasn't pushing for answers, he was letting him leave because he wanted to leave, if all that is true then anything he says staying in the room must also be true. Izuku's hand fell back to his side. "I was twelve."
Izuku didn't feel ready, then again he was never going to feel ready was he? "I was still quirkless, at the time I used to get bad grades all the time because the teachers thought it was fun to pick on me. Some of them wanted money to give me a passing grade, others wanted me to run errands for them things like that. So when one of them asked me to stay after school I didn't think much of it, that was the usual for me." Deep breaths in and out. "So I stayed, Mr. Kimoi waited until the school was empty before trying to do anything, he told me to come closer to his desk and I did." Despite his best efforts to pretend that never happened, to forget that day existed, he remembered it all too well.
"All teachers had been mean to me, even him, but suddenly it was as if he cared about me, saying he knew just how smart I was, that it was a shame my grades were so low, but that he wanted to help me, all I had to do was do him a favor." Izuku doesn't know why he let out a bitter laugh. "I was twelve, I thought he meant getting him groceries, cleaning the classroom, maybe fetching a package for him. I didn't understand what he was actually implying so I agreed." Aizawa noticed the kid shaking, he knew Midoriya found comfort in hugs or holding onto someone, but he wasn't sure if that would work right now.
"He got up from his desk and came closer to me, before I knew it I was cornered against his desk and … and he was on me." Izuku tried not to think about the ghost feeling of hands over his body. "I didn't like it, I wanted to push him away but I just froze, I was so scared and I just couldn't move, he was happy about that." He didn't care about the tears falling from his eyes. "That's the day I discovered that apparently, despite how much society hates us, there's a fetish for quirkless people, because we were just so weak, fragile and easy to manhandle. He said that I was perfect for his fantasies and that he wanted to have me for the longest time, that as long as I obeyed him I would never fail his class." Repeating what that man had told him left a bitter taste in his mouth, he also felt nauseous.
"He whispered in my ear that since I was being so good that he would be gentle, that all I had to do was get on my knees, open my pretty mouth and he would do the rest. That if I did a good enough job, we could do something different next time." He was sobbing now, rubbing his eyes to wipe the tears away. "When he tried to push me down it was like I was finally in control of myself again, I panicked. I managed to head-butt him right on the nose, I kneed him and I ran. He screamed something but I didn't listen, I just had to get away and I did."
"After that day I was the last to arrive to his class and the first one to leave, the days he would ask me to stay I would make Kacchan angry on purpose because I knew he would wait for me if only to get back at me. Whatever he could do to me was better than being alone with Mr. Kimoi again." Izuku was trying to calm himself down, but he just couldn't. "Two months later a girl a couple years older than me spoke up about a similar experience with him, many more followed and just like that the school finally did something. He was gone." Finally, he turned back to Aizawa, who still kept his distance, knowing it was better to give him space, Izuku still couldn't look him in the eye.
"I heard the story of every single girl he went after, did you know all of them had minor quirks? One of them could change the color of her eyes at will, another had slightly better hearing than average, one could locate any object if she had seen it before in a room. Every single one of the girls he went after was the closest thing to a quirkless person he could find, until he found me." Midoriya said sniffling, feeling guilty about being so shaken by his experience.
"Kid, have you told this to anyone before?" In response the kid let out a loud yet bitter and watery laugh.
"Who would've listened?! I was just the quirkless kid desperate for attention! Being the only boy he went after didn't help! No one would believe me! The only one that would was mom and she was already so overwhelmed with having to take care of me that I just couldn't put more stress on her!" Aizawa wasn't sure the kid was aware of how much he was raising his voice. "The worst part is that I was the lucky one! I'm the one that got away! I'm the one who wasn't hurt! And I still feel so! So!" His tail wrapped around his legs, his wings trying to cover him, shield him when he felt so vulnerable. "Everyone else had it so much worse and I don't … I don't have the right to feel bad, to be so affected when nothing happened to me."
"Midoriya can you look at me?" The teen didn't move. "Izuku, please." Midoriya still hesitated but finally managed to look him in the eye. "Just because someone experienced something worse, it doesn't mean that your experience didn't happen or that it isn't valid. Something did happen to you, if nothing happened then you wouldn't be dealing with all of those conflicted emotions." Izuku kept looking at him unsure of how to deal with all that he was suddenly feeling. "Someone tried to hurt you, the fact that they didn't succeed doesn't cancel out the fact that he tried to hurt you. It's okay to feel scared or overwhelmed or insecure or any other emotion you are going through right now, because you went through something no one should ever go through." With that the kid finally rushed into him, hugging him and seeking comfort not only because Aizawa meant safety, but because Aizawa had believed him and he didn't judge how he felt.
Aizawa simply rubbed the kid's back letting him cry it all out, Midoriya had kept his experience quiet for two years, he guilt tripped himself because he didn't think he deserved to feel bad about what happened. This was the first time he had actually gotten a chance to process what happened to him and Aizawa wished it had been out of his own volition rather than triggered by one of his classmate's words.
Midoriya eventually pulled away, rubbing his eyes. "Thank you … you know, for listening." Izuku was ready to leave after all that, but there was one last thing. "Please don't tell mom about this. I know this is serious and that she should know but, so much has changed, things have gotten better and she just looks so happy. I don't want to ruin that for her."
Aizawa did agree Inko should know, but it is not his place to tell her. "Problem child when I said anything you said in here stays here I meant it. Unless you are in immediate danger I have no obligation to speak to your mother. Besides that's not my story to tell." Izuku felt relieved at that. "If you ever feel too overwhelmed again or if you want to speak of this again, Hound Dog will be more than happy to help. I know you trust me but I don't have the skills needed to help you deal with this on the long run, he does."
Izuku didn't know how he felt about opening up again about it, to a stranger no less but if Aizawa said he could help he can at least consider it. "I'll think about it sensei."
"That's good enough for me. You had a rough day kid, go home and take it easy would you?" Izuku nodded, a smile appearing back on his face, it wasn't as bright as usual but it was better than nothing.
"I'll see you tomorrow." He gave a small bow before leaving. Aizawa watched the greenette leave before heading out of the office himself, he still had to rip All Might apart for doing something so idiotic and for doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING when things had clearly crossed a line. Besides he still had something to settle with the number one hero for crushing his brat's dream.
Izuku pulled his phone to tell Uraraka he wouldn't be able to accompany her to the support department today only to find himself in a new group chat called 'GIRL POWER plus Midori' in the group chat there were plenty of messages asking how his talk with Aizawa went or if he was okay, even if they could do something for him.
Izuku's smile got a little wider at that, today had been awful because he was forced to remember something he would rather forget, for a moment he remembered how it felt to be that lonely quirkless boy. Then again, he isn't that boy anymore, he has friends that care for him, people in his life that support him and now he has the power to defend himself from anything that tried to hurt him.
He still has a long way to go but there is one thing he is certain about, he will use this power to make sure no one has to feel like that lonely little boy ever again.