Chapter 1: The Beginning
"Little Izuku! Always so nice to see you here."
A messy puff of green hair bobbed over towards the counter, the most blinding of grins just beneath. The young boy has a backpack too big for himself on his back and his arms are full with an assortment of books that he struggles to push up onto the counter but the older woman behind it helps pull them up.
"I didn't see you come in. How long have you been here?" the woman continues. On her breast pocket sits a nametag referring to her as the librarian and with just the name "Chichi" handwritten underneath.
"Hi Chichi-san!" Izuku singsongs up at her and grins a little bigger before pouting his lips in thought, swaying back and forth a little while Chichi waits patiently. "I've been here… since… school got out?" Chichi frowns.
"That's almost three hours, dear, does your mother know where you are?"
"Yes ma'am!" Izuku quickly brightens, "I came straight from home." It wasn't uncommon to see the young boy at the library. In fact, it was more uncommon if he wasn't there at all, and he'd quickly won over the hearts of the staff within the first few days of his regular visits.
Chichi chuckles and nods – she trusted Midoriya Inko and her son not to do anything reckless – and begins looking through the books Izuku wanted to check out. The top few were comic books, of course, centering around All Might, and Chichi's smile turns strained. "Still studying to be a hero, I see," she begins slowly, looking over at the little boy, who nods excitedly. She hated telling young children what they couldn't do with their future, but she also would hate to send them off with false hope. "Well, good luck and be careful, young man," she says, forcing some lightness into her voice.
It doesn't seem to fool Izuku, however, and now it's his turn to strain a smile. He's a smart boy, smarter than Chichi, and he can tell what she's thinking. Someone who is quirkless should avoid such dangerous lifestyles, no matter how brilliant. All he says, however, is a quiet, "Yes ma'am."
The next books in the stack are also expected but no matter send Chichi and the other librarians for a loop every time. "Little Izuku… You're sure you don't want to get something a little… closer to your age demographic?"
Midoriya Izuku was a young boy of five, soon to be six in a few days, and he was one of the smartest people Chichi had ever known. Innocent, certainly, but smart.
Izuku pouts immediately, no strained smiles with this. "Those are all boring, though," he mumbles, ducking his head and hiding his face behind his curls. Chichi sighs but finally smiles and nods.
"Okay, dear, you know I always want to check," she says and scans all the books into the computer before handing them over to the giddy boy. Izuku takes a second to adjust them in his small arms before grinning again up at Chichi.
"Thank you, Chichi-san!" he exclaims a bit too loudly for the library but Chichi lets it slide. He looks far too happy for her to try to silence him, and he walks out of the library with his comic books, two high school level books on math and science, and five books on robotic engineering.
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"Izu! Sweetie! Come wash your hands before dinner!"
Izuku's head pops up from where it had been buried in one of his books, the massive thing looking comical in his small grasp. He had run straight home after his stay at the library and hunkered down in his room with his new treasure. He had had every intention of tinkering with a few of his little gadgets on his work bench, which was really just a second desk covered in metal and tools, but he had been enamored with one of his books when it had begun talking about shock absorbing materials and how certain ones were crafted. If he could make his own, or get his hands on some, he could make much sturdier gadgets.
Izuku glances at his workbench. Of course, he didn't really need sturdy for a bot that helped tie shoes or a glove that clipped your nails, because those were the ones he was working on, but that didn't mean he couldn't start working on something that needed to absorb more impact force.
"Izuku!"
Oh, that was his mom's warning tone. The young boy frantically looks for a bookmark and when he doesn't find one he just rushes out of his room with book in hand. He sets the open book on the table and as he's hurrying to the sink to wash his hands his mom looks up and sighs.
"Izu, you know the rule about books on the table," Inko warns, though she's smiling just a little. Izuku is scrubbing his little hands, standing on a stool to reach the sink, and nods a little abashedly.
"Yes ma'am, but I couldn't find a bookmark and it was a really good part and do you think I should make a bookmark robot? That'd be cool! I could make you one too and it can be purple because you like purple and—" Inko steps over and sets her hands on Izuku's shoulders, smiling brightly and laughing.
"Izu, breath. I think a little bookmark robot would be adorable," she says and presses a kiss to her son's cheek that has him giggling. "But first, dinner." Izuku finishes up and begins helping set the table. He needs to move the stepping stool over to the right cabinet first and he pulls a lever on it to raise it up, one of his own inventions, and cranks it again to lower it and head towards the table. He has to move the book to the couch, finally finding one of his All Might bookmarks on the coffee table, then finally hunkers down for food.
A few minutes into dinner, after Inko asks about school and Izuku's trip to the nearby library, she decides to ask, "So what was so interesting in that book of yours?"
She loves how her son immediately brightens, almost as much as he would if he were asked about heroics, and Izuku loves that Inko asks at all. His mother is a lot more accepting of his love for electronics. Not to say she doesn't approve of his love for heroes, but he isn't a fool. He can see the sad look in her eyes when he talks about it. Can see she wants to protect him because he's quirkless. Can see it easily because nearly every adult treats him that way, while the kids his own age are just outright cruel. With science, however, Inko is more open and eager to encourage Izuku. It isn't perfect, but Izuku takes what he can.
"Do you know what a polyurethane is?" Izuku begins, his mouth stuffed with rice.
"Swallow, Izu, and no, I do not. Can I guess?" Inko smiles as Izuku nods. She makes a show of thinking, humming and tapping her chin, before offering, "Is it a chemical?" Izuku giggles and shakes his head.
"No! It's a material that, well, they use it for shock absorbing materials, mostly. But there was this one that was cool, it was a viscoelastic urethane that—"
"Oh? But you just called it polyurethane, now it's just urethane? What is the difference?"
"Urethane is just a simpler way of saying polyurethane… Though ethyl carbamate's also called urethane…"
"Oh dear, that must be confusing!"
"Not really!" Inko tries hard not to laugh at Izuku's bright and blunt response. It reminded her of how young he really was, but how humorous that it was being applied to such an advanced topic. "Anyway, viscoelastic means…"
They go on like this for a while. Izuku going into great depth about his research and how it works and his new plans for his robotics, with Inko listening as best she can, not understanding the majority of it, but still so happy to see her son excited and happy. Eventually the conversation changes to Izuku's other research on heroes. He has a notebook he's been keeping on heroes and their quirks. Well, actually now he has three. Five if you include the two filled with ideas on machines that could improve these heroes. He calls them support tools and always gets an adorably disgruntled look on his face when he says he's surprised no one else has tried to make some of these things before.
While they are cleaning up after dinner Inko hums to get her son's attention. He has raised his stool and is leaning over the sink scrubbing at the dishes, a long scrubber in hand with a spinning head, like a toothbrush. Yet another of Izuku's inventions. "Your birthday is coming up, Izu. What are you looking forward to getting?" Inko asks.
Izuku quickly looks up at her with big eyes before taking a breath and letting out a long string of words. "Oh oh! There's a new All Might action figure that came out that's limited edition – limited edition, mom! – that has a button you press and it goes 'I am here'!" Inko smacks a hand to her mouth to keep from laughing at her son's near perfect impression of the number one hero. "And there's this cool new All Might watch Kacchan got that I really, really want. It lights up blue and red and you can set different alarms with different chimes of All Might talking!"
He continues listing off all kinds of All Might related gifts, a few scientific kits sprinkled in here and there, while Inko nods and smiles, thinking that this really was a good life she had here with her son.
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Izuku loved his birthday. The kids at school mostly left him alone – at least having the common decency to not treated him too bad on his special day – he got awesome presents, usually All Might or hero related, a few science kits, a few gadgets, and even a call from his dad. At least, that last one was supposed to happen. Last year's unfortunately hadn't and the year before that had been a few days late, but Izuku held out hope.
So yes, Izuku loved his birthday, but this years was just a tad more strained than usual. He had found himself after school sitting on the floor of the Bakugou's living room while his mother sat and spoke with Bakugou Mitsuki on the couch nearby. Izuku was silent as he eyed his closest friend, who was just as silent, eying him back. Were they even still friends? Izuku thought so, at least a little. More of a friend than anyone else in the class, which even Izuku knew was a little sad. And while in the past this was not an uncommon occurrence, it now felt stilted and forced.
Despite that they found themselves on play dates every now and again, and while, yes, they were more difficult now and made Izuku anxious the better part of the time, it wasn't really that bad. Some days it was even a little nice.
When the other kids were around, singing Katsuki's praise, Katsuki was crueler, calling Izuku cruel things, claiming things about Izuku that made him want to cry and lash out at the same time. No matter where they were Izuku was Deku to Katsuki, but with the other kids that was something bad. He was shitty nerd Deku – and really where had he learned that language? – but when they were alone it was just Deku. Not friendly, but not cruel either.
Izuku didn't know what that meant, he hoped it was something good, but really the best parts of these visits was that Katsuki would help him with some of his experiments. Katsuki didn't like anyone else knowing about that, and made Izuku swear to never say, but Izuku didn't really mind. Not when, in these fleeting moments, they were the best of friends again. Not when, when an experiment succeeded, they both were elated and happy. Even when something failed it was awesome. It was either something simple and when both of them brainstormed together it was easy to find a solution, or it was spectacular and they ended up laughing on the ground until they couldn't breath.
"I brought something," Izuku finally says, "I think you'd like it." His voice is low, not yet his mutter but close. Despite having so much fun during their experiments the lead up was still difficult. Nerve-racking really.
Katsuki crosses his little arms and glares, waiting, before snapping, "Well? What is it already?" Izuku blinks before looking over to their mothers. He knew that tone. It was Katsuki's 'I'm a tough guy and am trying to sound tough but actually I'm excited and impatient.'
"Auntie? Can we go in the backyard?" he asks instead of answering Katsuki directly and Mitsuki looks over, smiling brightly.
"Of course, Izu-chan! Be good!" she says sweetly then turns to her own son and says a little more hotly, "Don't you dare burn anything down, this time."
Katsuki looks immediately affronted and exclaims, "What the hell?? He could burn something down too, the psycho! Why only me??" Izuku tries not to laugh when Katsuki is ignored. The blonde growls and instead gets up and stomps towards his backyard, dragging along Izuku. When they make it outside Izuku plops onto the ground and starts shuffling through his backpack while Katsuki stands with his arms crossed, glaring at him as he waits. He doesn't have to wait long, however, as Izuku pulls out two pairs of child sized bracers. They appear to be encircled my multiple canisters, not very large, each a different color. He hands them to his friend.
"What the hell are these?" Katsuki snaps despite slipping on the bracers and examining them. The canisters appear to be able to move around the wrist, one clicking into place with a tiny valve on each wrist that points directly at the blonde's palms.
Izuku is grinning excitedly, a slightly manic look in his eyes that he gets when he's experimenting with his devices, when Katsuki looks up at him. "I call them firework flashers! Go ahead! Pick a canister!" Katsuki does so. He begins moving the canisters, the bracers clicking with each change, and decides to go with green on one hand and blue on the other. "Okay, now flex your hand like this," Izuku shows his own hand and flexes his fingers back towards himself, palm out. Katsuki does so with both. He's oddly accepting of being told what to do when it comes to these experiments, but that was only because no one else was around and sometimes, only sometimes, the nerd came up with something even he had to admit was cool. It also helped it was his birthday. "Okay, now, explosion!"
Katsuki makes both his palms explode and immediately the fiery blasts turn into a blue and purple display. Katsuki blinks in surprise while Izuku whoops excitedly and goes to grab his notes. As nervous as Katsuki made him, nowadays, nothing could keep him from getting excited over a good experiment. Izuku writes down his observations while Katsuki fiddles with the canisters. He sets off two bright red explosions and begins to grin. Next a pink and a yellow and he's beginning to cackle. Soon he's setting off a rainbow of explosions around him, laughing his own manic laugh while Izuku isn't far behind. They'll find out later that their mothers were filming them from the sliding back door.
These moments are rare and far between nowadays for Izuku, where he and his maybe-friend get to actually just be friends again, but they are always so wonderful and worth the wait.
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Izuku sat anxiously in front of the computer, staring hard at the video conference application and his father's name in the list of contacts. It was a short list. It was his own account so it had his mother, his father, auntie and uncle Bakugou, Katsuki himself, a local computer programmer the Midoriya's knew that was always happy to give Izuku programming tips, and one of their neighbors as an emergency contact.
Inko stood off to the side, arms crossed. Izuku could see her expression in the reflection of the darker parts of the screen. He was worried, and the thing that worried him most was that she hardly had an expression at all. It was just a void as she too stared at the screen.
They had been like this for the last two hours since returning home from the Bakugou household.
Izuku patted his hands against the edge of the desk a few times, still staring. He was smart. He could piece together a lot of things. That did not necessarily mean he wanted to accept them. He thinks maybe he had figured it out last year but had simply decided it had to be an anomaly. A single incident. But now…
"He isn't going to call, is he?" he suddenly says, his voice quiet as he slowly lowers his head. He doesn't see if his mother's expression changes but he hears her step a little closer, hesitant.
"I wouldn't say…" she begins but seems to think better of herself before sighing and trying again. She sounds sad too. "No, sweetie… I don't think he is."
That's all Izuku needs to hear for the floodgates to open. The affirmative from someone else, telling him his guess, and his fears, are true, has the fat, ugly tears rolling. He hiccups loudly and a soft whine escapes him, his tiny hands clutching at his shirt, not really sure what to do with them. In a heartbeat his mother is there, wrapping her arms around him, her own tears wetting his hair. The situation seems familiar, Izuku crying in the computer chair with his mother holding him tight, like she's trying to hold him together.
This time, however, her apologies don't feel like a nail in the coffin, like his world is beating him up with all the people he cares about. This time it feels like someone really does care about him and will stay with him through all of his pain and grief.
He reaches up and hugs his mother right back, wailing into her hair.
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A week later a package in the mail arrives from Midoriya Hisashi. Izuku, when he slips out of his room for dinner, finds his mother glaring at it after she had put it on the kitchen table. Izuku's mother only glares when something deserves it and suddenly he is wary. When she spots her son her expression softens some, but there is still an obvious edge to it.
"It's from your father," she says as he looks at the postage. There's a long pause and she adds, "You don't have to open it. We could send it right back." Izuku wonders if that's what his mom wants to do, but Izuku is curious. He doesn't feel angry or upset or sad or happy. There is an odd disjointed feeling towards the whole situation that he feels won't last long, but he may as well see what his father sent him.
They open the box and pull out what appears to be a camera. Izuku turns over the box and reads what features the camera has, his expression and feelings still not really present. After a while, Inko staring at Izuku carefully, waiting for a response, the six-year-old boy says, "Think he knows I could probably build this with a toaster?" It's obviously not true, he would need plenty more components than a toaster has to offer to build a camera, but it would still be easy.
And besides, the surprised, delighted sound that comes from his mother followed by her bright laughter finally has Izuku smiling and laughing as well.
They set the camera by the front door. Izuku decides he will sell it at a nearby pawn shop he's been going to to get a lot of his gadget parts. May as well put it to some kind of use.
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Izuku takes the camera to the pawnshop the next Saturday. It isn't far and he decides to browse a little bit. He has a little bit of birthday money with him and he purchases a broken radio, a pair of walkie-talkies, and a Walkman. He hasn't made too many machines that have anything to do with audio and he thinks he should give it a shot and challenge himself. If an issue arises he can't immediately logic himself out of or experiment a bit to find the solution, he can always run back by the library and grab a book on audio devices.
The man that works at the pawnshop recognizes Izuku immediately, smiling big around a lollipop he claims keeps him from craving a cigarette, and checks Izuku out, giving the kid a family discount. He's a man of few words, however, and soon Izuku is out and walking, purchases in his work backpack. It's made of leather and he specifically uses it when he is going out getting supplies for his builds or bringing experiments around.
Down the street is an art store he goes to for scrap metal. It isn't actually sold there, but the owner is a sculptor that works heavily with metals. It had been a stroke of luck that Inko had met her while out getting groceries and had begged to know where a good place to get scrap was, her son the only thing on her mind. The location was a little far out for their liking, however, but the store was not, and so every weekend Izuku or Inko would drop by to grab a bag full of scrap metal from the woman.
Inko tried to pay the sculptor but the woman had simply shook her head and said it was worth helping a kid out with their dreams.
As Izuku enters he is almost immediately spotted by a glowing pair of green eyes. He yelps, he can't help himself, as the tall, burly woman comes rushing over. She's grinning brightly and wearing a tank top that shows off her elegant sleeve tattoos, her pink hair cut short, and her eyes still glowing a faint green. Izuku always thought she was pretty cool, if not a little intimidating.
"Izuku-chan! So good to see you so bright and early!" she says with a laugh. It always seemed like the artist was laughing.
"H-hi Hatsume-san," Izuku raises a sheepish hand in greeting. He really should be used to the woman by now, but it was difficult. She was just so… much.
"Aw! Can't you call me Āto by now?" she pouts before immediately brushing it off and turning around, already over it. Izuku never was sure if she was serious or not. "I have your scrap for you over behind the counter," she sing songs as they walk through the aisles of the little art store. Apparently it was actually Hatsume's husband's store and this was how they had originally met, but no one would guess that with how she ran the place. "Oh! And my dear sweet daughter is here! Did you want to say hi?"
Izuku's eyes widen in sudden panic. Hatsume Mei was a terrifying little gremlin and no one could convince Izuku otherwise. And by the way her mother was smirking back at him made him know she knew that too. He shakes his head frantically for good measure, however, and she laughs brightly.
It turns out his opinion really doesn't matter, however, as sitting on a stool at one end of the corner is the pink-haired beast herself, scribbling frantically at a piece of paper in front of her. At their approach she looks up, zeroes in on Izuku, and her eyes narrow darkly.
Usually that look means something cruel. The kids at school shoot it at him all the time, seeing him as worthless and nothing and pathetic. It's cruel, but he is used to it. It makes him sad, but he knows how to keep pushing onward.
From Mei it is not cruel, but it is absolutely terrifying.
"My rival," she hisses viciously and Izuku gulps, stepping away from her as he begins to shake. Suddenly her eyes seem to shift and change as she zooms in on him and he gulps, shifting as if to cover himself up, like she has x-ray vision instead of built in binoculars.
"P-please stop," he mumbles, peaking up at her through his curls and her eyes narrow a bit more before she huffs and goes back to whatever she's scribbling.
"Fine. But only 'cause you said 'please' and mama says that a boy that says please is rare," Mei says and her mother chortles loudly at that, nodding, calling her daughter a good girl as she brings the scrap metal around to Izuku.
"Fresh metal!" she says brightly, "Well, not really, but who cares. What are you planning on building next, anyway?" At that question Izuku notices Mei peak up again, more discreet this time, but Izuku is too excited now to care.
"Oh! Well, I'm working on this little bot that is just this ring, but then can roll out into a bookmark since I keep losing mine. And now I have some audio equipment so I was going to see what I could do with that. I was thinking—"
Izuku is suddenly cut off as Āto's phone suddenly begins blasting an alarm. It is as loud and obnoxious as she is, really, and that seems fitting, but the sudden concerned look on her face as she looks at her screen isn't. She looks around, as if listening for something, and Izuku does the same. He isn't sure but he thinks he hears some kind of crash in the distance. Of what and how far, he doesn't know.
Āto claps her hands, getting his attention again, and begins speaking loud enough for store customers to hear her as well. "I'm sure you all also just got one, but it looks like we have a villain alert in the area." Izuku suddenly perks up, eyes widening and he steps closer.
"Wait, what? How many? What kind? Is a hero fighting them?" he rattles off quickly.
"Don't know, a giant class, and yes," Āto answers the questions in order then begins addressing everyone again, beginning to look a little worried which only makes her agitated. "You read the notice! We're in the path and we gotta get out of it. Everyone make your way out and East towards—" Suddenly a loud bang makes the building shake violently, lights flickering, trying desperately to stay on, but ultimately failing. The few customers present shriek in surprise, Mei letting out a whimper and crawling off her stool.
"Shit," Hatsume Āto curses under her breath and now her tone turns much more frantic. "Everybody move! Get out now! You kids, come on," she looks back at her daughter, who nods jerkingly, and Izuku. Izuku is suddenly very quiet and bug-eyed. He numbly drops his work backpack and his scrap metal when Hatsume tells him, too dangerous to carry around in an emergency, and begins following her.
Midoriya Izuku adores heroes and their fights with villains. Any time he sees a crowd watching a fight from a distance he feels he has to rush to catch a glimpse, pulling out his notebooks and muttering the whole while. But that had always been from a distance, from the outside. He had never actually been a part of a villain attack, or in one's path as this one seemed to be. He didn't even know which hero was fighting this apparent giant, and in this moment he suddenly couldn't bring himself to care.
His hands were shaking and tears were beginning to pool in his eyes. He was whimpering but no one could hear it over the frantic voices filling the air, and he had never heard such fearful voices. From anyone, but certainly never tough as nails Hatsume Āto. Mei was stumbling along as well, looking terrified, and when she looked back at him he realized that he was terrified too. He was scared.
Another bang and quake, so close and violent it made Izuku stumble and only begin to cry harder. He was so scared. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to be home. He wanted his mom. He wanted—
The next crash makes the world shake and suddenly pieces of the building are crumbling and tumbling and falling. A light swings down and explodes right in their path, separating Izuku from Hatsume. He can hear Āto screaming from the other side of the wall of dust, but a falling piece of aisle stops them from getting back to each other. Izuku freezes for a moment then wipes frantically at his face, dirt and tears smearing, and calls out for someone, anyone, to come get him, to get a hero or just to tell him where to go, but more trembling roars drown him out.
Maybe if he stands still they'll be able to find him, but that doesn't seem like a good idea. Smoke and clouds of debris are everywhere and he thinks he can smell a fire somewhere. He hiccups and chokes on his tears but forces himself to try to find a way out. Only when he turns, however, does he see Mei a few feet away, sitting on the ground, crying her eyes out, wheezing and sobbing, shaking just like Izuku. He hadn't realized she had been separated with him.
The sight does something to the young boy. Something he has felt before when he jumps between some kid and Katsuki without thinking, and while he's still crying thick tears, he manages with a bit more ease to walk forward and extend his hand.
"Hey!" Izuku has to raise his voice over the rumbling. Another crash and shake has both children squeezing their eyes closed and whimpering, but as it subsides they look at each other. Mei blinks at Izuku like it's the first time seeing him and he swallows. "W-w-we can m-make it out, but we have to b-be smart. You're smart, right?"
Mei's jaw clenches, as if even in the most terrifying of circumstances she must show off and defend her intellect.
She nods.
"A-and I'm smart. So if w-we're both smart t-together, we should be able to get out."
Mei stares at him hard for a few moments, both of them terrified and shaking and crying but both of them brilliant and stubborn as hell, and she reaches up to take his hand and stand. "Okay, but you're still my rival," the pink-haired girl says, her voice wobbly, and they set off. Both of them are shaking and have been scared weak, but holding each other's hands, forcing themselves forward for each other's sake makes it a little easier. Every time the building shakes they both stop and scream, holding just a bit tighter, but soon are pushing forward, tears running down both of their faces.
They hear what they assume is the villain screaming as they both crawl under a fallen vent and see the street just out front of the store. Āto is there, being held back by two civilians as she fights tooth and nail to get back into her store. "Let me go!" she's screaming, and she must be loud because they can hear her over the crashing and rumbling, "I have to get my kids!"
Mei is quick to yell out. Letting go of Izuku's hand to sprint forward, her terror being replaced by adrenaline fueled relief at the sight of her mother. Āto seems to freeze and quickly crouches down when she's released to scoop Mei up when she gets there.
Izuku isn't far behind, yelling out in relief as well, but Āto is not his mother. He is beyond relieved, but he does not have to same boost of energy Mei had, as well as just the natural speed as the girl, and when Āto looks up towards him, her eyes widen in horror, flicking upwards towards something Izuku can't see. She begins screaming again, now frantic, but not even she can yell over the rolling wave of noise that hits Izuku as the ground shakes and a great, titanic smash is heard above him. He's foolish and stops to look up, but he doubts he could have made it if he'd kept running anyway.
Like in slow motion the roof comes plummeting down towards Izuku. All at once he feels everything, and then nothing, the world gone black.
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The world isn't full. Isn't right.
It comes in and out in pieces.
Black then red then grey then black again.
There's a haze everywhere, in the world or in his head he isn't sure.
He moves but he can't. He thinks he should but something is holding him down.
He tries to blink some of the haze away but only one side works. The other is frozen or not there, he isn't sure.
His legs are tingly. Should they hurt? He tries to look down but everything swims.
Grey red black.
The world is swimming. It's grey again, shades of it, he can see a little but it hurts. Why does it hurt?
It's so dark.
There's something beside him. Something big and grey and heavy. How does he know it's heavy?
He tries to turn his head. Focus focus focus.
His face hurts. Why does it hurt? His legs don't.
There's a boulder beside him. He thinks it's a boulder. It came from the building. The bottom is red.
Why is it red? He tries to look.
He should have an arm there. He should have an arm where the boulder and the red start. The red. The blood.
The pain starts then, lances through him, through something mangled and not right underneath the boulder. Through his face. His legs don't hurt.
Izuku screams.
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He blacked out, he knows he did because nothing was moving a moment ago. Now the building above him shifts. Pieces of roof and metal and wall are moving like they're alive. The grey and shadows are speared by rays of light. The pain is still there but it hurts to scream. It feels kind of numb anyway.
There's a new shadow and the edge of the raised building pieces. Then another. And another. They look like people. Are they people? Izuku hopes they're people.
Someone slides in, someone in a lot of white. They clank when they move. That's weird. Izuku just stares, numb in body and mind.
The clanking person hisses as if in pain but then speaks. It sounds kind, the tone, but Izuku can't hear the words.
There's flashing lights outside the building. He can pick up on them as more of the pieces are moved. A hand on his shoulder makes him look back to the clanking man.
He tries to talk, but it's hard. Nothing comes out, like when he cries so hard his throat closes up. Was he crying? He thinks he is, but there are only tears on one side of his face. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.
"It hurts," he somehow miraculously manages. His brain won't do what he tells it to and some weird part of him finds that to be the most frustrating part of the whole thing, but at least his beginning to see. To hear. To speak. To feel the pain, pain, pain.
"I know, I know, buddy," says the clanking man and Izuku was right, he has a very nice voice. Strong and confident, yet soft and kind and reassuring. "You're being so brave, you know that? So brave. And we're going to get you out of here."
Izuku just stares at him. He's beginning to make out the lines of what looks like a helmet, but something is wrong. It's almost like he can't quite tell how close he is. How far away. Something's wrong. Something's wrong and why can't he figure out what it is?
More of the building is moving.
"I need you to be brave for me a little bit longer, okay?" the clanking man continues. "Can you do that? What's your name?"
"No… stranger…" Izuku croaks and some part of him later will find it funny he was still worried about strangers like his mom told him to be. The clanking man chuckles and moves to take off his helmet, kind red eyes looking back at Izuku now.
"Good kid. But I'm not a stranger. My name is Ingenium and I'm a hero. Me and my team are going to help you."
Ingenium… Izuku knows that name anywhere, even in his blurry, creaking mind. "Izuku…" he finally offers, weak and tired and scared but hopeful.
"Nice to meet you Izuku, now just stay—wait, no no no, don't fall asleep. Stay awake, okay? Stay with me. Come on, Izuku, it's okay, please don't fall—"
Izuku falls away from the world once more, wishing he could apologize for causing the frantic sound in the hero's voice.
Chapter 2: The Hospital
Izuku didn't wake all at once. The first time was in a cacophony of noise and too bright lights. The next was in a haze of white noise and blurred figures. The third and final time was when things slowly began to make sense.
Pieces of his environment were slowly making themselves known. He was lying down and the world was white. He focused on the whiteness and slowly began to pick out shadows. Grey, sharp blurs of corners and objects. He could hear a repetitive, high pitched noise that grated painfully at his ear drums. The sheets weren't soft, but they weren't uncomfortable. A heavy blanket lay over him. Something was stuck in his inner elbow of his left arm and… Something was missing. Things were missing, plural. What were they though?
He felt groggy in a way he'd never felt before, like something was keeping his brain from making the correct connections and observations. It felt terrible, like his mind was being held hostage by an unknown force.
A shadow came into view suddenly followed by garbled noise that sounded like it could be a voice, but he isn't sure. After a while of staring and struggling to fire the right neurons the shadow does begin to look humanoid. The garble is beginning to sound more like a voice, a man, he thinks, and he can pick up a few words. "Can," and "hear," are being said over and over. Izuku stares, unblinking.
"Can you hear me, Midoriya?" Finally it makes sense, but still it takes Izuku a long while to actually understand what those words mean. He swallows. His throat hurts terribly. He isn't sure he can speak, either from soreness or just from how he isn't sure he could form words right, but he tries anyway.
A ragged, terribly sounding, wavering "yes" comes out. It hardly sounds like a word but the person seems pleased.
"Can you nod and shake your head?" the person, he's wearing scrubs and a white jacket, Izuku finally notices and he's almost happy he can tell that means this is a doctor, his brain finally beginning to work the way he wants, if still slowly.
He very gingerly nods. With his new awareness he feels a great, heavy weight of pain and weakness over his body. Well, almost his whole body. Some parts aren't really hurting.
"Is your name Midoriya Izuku?" the doctor asks and Izuku nods. He was half listening. What wasn't hurting and why? What was so wrong? Why couldn't he figure it out? It felt like it shouldn't be this difficult.
"Do you remember what happened?" Izuku pauses, brow furrowing, and oh that sent a bad lance of pain down the left side of his face. He shakes his head. No, he didn't remember. Last he remembers he was at the Hatsume art store getting scrap metal. The doctor sighs and leans back. "Okay, give yourself a moment. You've been through a lot of trauma. Don't try and force anything but see if you can remember." Izuku takes a while to nod. He keeps staring up, confused and lost and he can feel the panic building. What was going on? Why was he here? What had happened? Why did he hurt everywhere except…
Izuku seizes as the realization hits him like a wave. With thunder in his ears he turns to look to the right. His right arm doesn't hurt, not one bit, but it doesn't feel fine either. Not hot or cold or anything because… because…
Izuku wheezes on sudden tears when he doesn't see his right arm at all. He feels bile in his throat and coughs and gasps for air. Tears are running down his face. Tears are running down one side of his face. His eyes – no his EYE – widens. He doesn't just not feel his right arm. His left eye, there's nothing there. Nothing at all. He can feel himself moving his right eye, moving his gaze frantically around the room, but the depth is gone and his left eye isn't moving because there's nothing to move.
And his legs, oh god his legs. They don't feel right, like they're asleep but in the most excruciating way, and somehow that's almost worse. He knows what the issue is with his eye and arm. They're GONE. But his legs… he doesn't know what's wrong with his legs. Something is wrong and he doesn't know what and he needs to know what's wrong.
Two hands find their way onto his shoulders, squeezing them tightly, and the doctor is back in his space, saying something, something kind and reassuring but assertive, Izuku doesn't know. There are waves in his ears and the world is tilting and he's so scared. He's so scared and he doesn't know what to do and he feels alone and he doesn't want to be.
"I want my mom!" he finally wails, squeezing his eye shut as tears roll down his cheek, struggling to breath with every inhale and exhale. Everything was wrong and he didn't like it and he wanted his mom to come and fix it because even though she didn't build things like Izuku she could fix everything.
The doctor is saying something else, voice soft, trying to calm Izuku down some, but it isn't working. Izuku shrieks and wails, unable to form any more words. He can't be sure if a few moments pass or an hour but suddenly the doctor is retreating and Izuku didn't realize how much just having another person present actually was helping because now he really does feel alone and scared and—
Thin but strong arms encircle his shoulders and someone climbs into the bed with him, holding him as tight as possible. He hears her voice first, soothing and loving and so so sad but brave for him, only for him.
Izuku's wails become louder as he clings to his mother, his one, tiny hand clutching desperately at her dress. He can smell her hair as she curls over him, squeezing him, trying to put him back together again, whispering into his hair how he was so brave and so beautiful and she would never let anything ever happen to him ever again.
Izuku cried himself back to sleep like that, curled in his mother's arms, scared but never alone.
----------
The next time he woke Izuku was much quicker at grasping at his surroundings and holding on. He drowsily looked around, taking in the hospital room and all the devices he was currently strapped up to. The high pitched beeping he had only half noticed before is a heart monitor to his right and he's covered in a blue hospital gown and a thick All Might blanket from home.
He stares numbly at it, surprised to see it. He thinks he should be happy to see a familiar thing but, while his awareness seems to be returning, his emotions don't seem to be fully present. He seems aware of what he should be feeling, but nothing is coming out. Then he sees the telling absence beside the right side of his body and he knows he should be upset, but it doesn't come. He just stares.
He sees now his whole torso is swathed with bandages, covering up other wounds, but mostly covering up the barely there stump at his shoulder. Really, all he seems to have left is the shoulder. He isn't sure what his face must look like, but now he feels the bandages, itchy and tight against his face. His legs are still tingling and he feels a lingering pain in his back.
Still, nothing comes. No reaction this time around, and Izuku isn't sure what that means. Shock, his brain supplies, but it feels somehow worse than that. Deeper and more lasting.
Izuku looks away from his right side and only then does he see the chairs by his bed. His mother sits in the closest one, leaning her head against the edge of the bed. She looks exhausted, her hair a mess, dark bags under her red rimmed eyes, her clothes wrinkled. She smells different, like soap but not like hers. In the chair beside her, just a little back, sits Bakugou Matsuki, her arms crossed and head fallen back as she too slumbers. She doesn't look as haggard as Inko, but there are still bags under her eyes and her hair is a mess. Just behind them is a window and Izuku realizes it's nighttime.
He thinks maybe he should let his mom sleep, that she looks so exhausted and tired and she probably needs it, but Izuku, with the first spike of emotion he's felt since waking up, feels a suffocating pang of loneliness and fear at being awake alone and he reaches out with his left hand to pat at her cheek. He notices the IV tube as he moves and does his best to ignore it.
As soon as Izuku touches Inko she's rocketing up with a start, sitting up straight, hair everywhere, eyes droopy but awake. She yelps at her sudden motion and Mitsuki, startled by the motion, also suddenly awakens and nearly falls out of her chair.
Izuku can't find it in him to find it humorous. Really he just feels more anxious now, eyes widening at the quick, startling movements, and he pulls his hand close to his chest. He thinks he's shaking.
"Izu…?" Inko begins, blinking a few times at her son, before her eyes widen and she's standing and leaning towards her son. "Oh, Izuku! Thank goodness you're awake!" she cries, tears brimming her eyes. Izuku flinches at the volume, and he isn't sure why, but it has his mother hiccupping and trying to calm down. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, baby," she says more quietly, voice wobbling as she tries to keep it together.
Mitsuki has stood up by now as well and looking around Inko at Izuku, trying to really get a good look at him, before nodding and saying, "I'll grab somebody," and quickly excusing herself from the room, leaving Izuku and Inko alone for a bit.
"Mom…" Izuku whispers. His throat hurts so much. His mother leans in immediately, listening to whatever it is her son has to say. "W-what happened…?"
Inko covers her mouth to keep a sob contained and has to take a moment to compose herself before she says anything. "W-well… sweetie… there was an accident. A hero was fighting a giant villain and… and Hatsume's art shop?" Inko waits for Izuku to at least nod to show he at least remembered that. "Well… it was in the path of the fight and… and…" Inko scrubs at her face, tears streaming down her cheeks yet she keeps her voice as together as she can. "Baby, you were in the building when it came down and… and they found you…"
"You were pinned down, kid." Inko whimpers and covers her face as Mitsuki returns. His Auntie looks haunted but not angry and something about that look terrifies Izuku. She makes her way over to Inko and pushes her down to sit before turning back to Izuku and taking hold of his hand, squeezing it tight enough to sting. "You were stuck under a lot of debris and had been hit in the face with something. They… they were able to save you, but not your arm or your eye or… Well, you got hit in the spine too, kid. They say you won't be paralyzed, okay?" Matsuki leans in to catch Izuku's eye when he begins breathing a little heavier. "You got some damage, but you'll be able to walk with some help."
"You were so brave, Izuku," Inko says, her crying under enough control. She reaches out and takes her son's hand from Mitsuki, who steps back. "You were so brave and strong. They said you just refused to give up."
It's a lot to take in. Too much to take in. It feels like a dream, like it can't be real. This was something you heard about on the news when a terrible event takes place, of the mangled survivors. This wasn't something that actually happened to him. It wasn't.
----------
It is.
It is real and it is happening to Izuku.
The tiny six-year-old stares down at his lap, hand curling and uncurling in the fabric of his blanket. The doctor, a tall, sturdy man in black scrubs, a doctor's coat, short brown hair, and four eyes, is blunt and straight to the point, but not in an unkind way.
His name was Dr. Kenta and he had come in shortly after Izuku had woken up, standing at the foot of the bed and giving them all a run down on the situation.
Izuku had, of course, lost his left eye and right arm. They could fashion him with a prosthetic, but not much could be done about the eye. He would be getting an eye patch it would seem. As for his back, that had been the damage the surgeons had immediately focused on when he came in. There was no saving the arm or the eye, but the back could be fixed up if they were quick and careful. If they'd waited any longer, Dr. Kenta says, Izuku may have ended up paralyzed from the waist down. Now, his spine was damaged, but they said, with extensive physical therapy, he could walk again. It wouldn't be the same as it once was, and he would likely always have some kind of limp and unable to properly run, but it was better than losing three of his limbs instead of just one.
He had apparently also been in a medically induced coma for the last two weeks. The first time he had awoken properly had been when he had broken down. They had asked Inko to wait outside during the event, but she had been quickly ushered back in to calm her frantic son.
Now, however, he was doing better. He was on heavy painkillers and antibiotics, a slew of vitamins and probiotics, and they planned to keep him here at the hospital for an unknown extended period of time. Inko had looked pained at that last one. She had no intention of leaving her son here alone, but sometimes she had to go make some trips, even with the Bakugou's help in the matter, and she just… She hated seeing her little boy surrounded by all this sterile white and machines.
Izuku didn't like it either.
"You're healing very quickly, Midoriya, which is a good sign. One of the perks of being young, I suppose. So for now you'll continue to rest, but we should be able to begin moving you around and getting you settled with some of your new gear," the doctor says and a bad taste fills Izuku's mouth. New gear? He had his own gear. He could make whatever he needed, he told himself, he just wanted to go home and pretend this had never happened. Go to sleep and wake up tomorrow whole and normal.
"I actually need to talk to your mother about some of what you'll need in the future real quick. While I do, someone came by to see how you were doing," Dr Kenta says and jerks his head towards the door when he catches Inko's eye. Inko hesitates, looking almost panicked to being pulled away from Izuku, but Mitsuki lays a hand on her shoulder and helps her stand.
"Okay… Okay, Izuku, I'll be right back, I promise," she says and Izuku doesn't reply, just keeps staring at his lap. Mitsuki leads Inko out of the room before she can get too weepy again.
For a while the room is silent save for the machines hooked up to Izuku like he's a robot and the nurse currently looking around at their readings. It feels cold and empty and Izuku wonders if that's because that's how he feels or if that's just the way it is.
The wait isn't really that long, but everything feels like slow motion. Disjointed and taking its time, but still the door opens and in comes a tall man with dark, short hair, red eyes, arrow shaped eyebrows, a kind smile, and a face Izuku thinks he recognizes. The man steps over to the bed, making sure to come around to Izuku's left side and leaning just enough over so Izuku doesn't have to strain to see.
"Hey there, buddy," he says, his voice gentle and quiet like he doesn't want to spook Izuku. Izuku stares up at him blankly for a long, long moment, not a word passing between them.
"I know you…" the child finally rasps, eye narrowing in confusion. The man smiles a little wider, patiently waiting for Izuku to piece his memory together. He could figure it had something to do with the incident, but his memory was blotchy with that, like his brain refused to supply the right resources to remember. This man, however, seems familiar and important. "You're… Ingenium… right? You saved me?"
The man, Ingenium, chuckles and nods. "Yeah, I'm Ingenium. It's nice to meet you under better circumstances, Midoriya Izuku." Normally Izuku would be scrambling for an autograph, asking question after question about Ingenium's quirk and suit mechanics, his tactics and experiences as a hero, but right now Izuku is just so bone tired he can't manage to dig up the energy.
"Thank you…" Izuku tries for. The right emotions still aren't forming and so he settles on just staring, blank and tired. Ingenium doesn't seem to mind.
"Are you kidding? Of course! If anything, we couldn't have done it if you hadn't been so tough and brave," the elder man replies brightly, reaching down to very gently squeeze Izuku's bicep then let go.
Izuku stares for just a few more minutes before a sudden wash of shame makes him duck down. "I wasn't brave…" he chokes back a new wave of tears. Everyone kept calling him brave. Why were they doing that? Even if it were true, what did it matter? He was still… incomplete now. "I was scared…"
Ingenium hums, oddly calm in the face of Izuku's mounting distress. "I don't know. Don't you think that you can only be brave if you were scared first?" he asks, his voice quiet, just over the sound of the heart monitor. Izuku squeezes his eye shut and reaches up to wipe furiously at his tears.
"But I didn't DO anything," he tries to argue, his voice hiccupping and desperate.
"You held on," Ingenium counters, still gentle, and he crouches down a little beside the bed. A big hand reaches out and begins very carefully combing over Izuku's curls, trying to help him calm. Oddly, it seems to work a little, and the air begins filling Izuku's lungs more easily. "And I heard you and another little girl helped each other get to the entrance. That's pretty brave, too."
Izuku's head suddenly snaps up towards Ingenium. It sends a sharp wave of pain through his head, neck, and shoulders, and he whimpers. "Whoa, slow down there, buddy," Ingenium tries to get him to relax but now Izuku's is fully aware and worried.
"Hatsume Mei! Is she and her mom okay?" he asks frantically. He can't remember exactly what had happened to them but he remembers they had been there.
Ingenium keeps combing through Izuku's hair, avoiding any bandages, until the young boy begins calming down again. He seems almost like an expert with kids. "They're fine," he whispers, "Spoke to them myself once you were in the ambulance. They were real worried about you, buddy, I'm sure they'll be coming by for a visit soon."
Izuku nods slowly and settles back down some. It was good to hear they were okay. He wasn't sure how he felt about a visit because, hospital or not, the Hatsume family was positively terrifying, but he was glad they were okay.
Ingenium lets out a relieved breath when Izuku calms and he takes his hand back, standing up straight again. "It really is good to see you awake and aware, Midoriya. You… scared a lot of people. Including me and my team. We were real worried about you…"
"I'm sorry," Izuku whispers and now Ingenium reaches out to ruffle his hair, smiling sadly.
"For what? You didn't do anything wrong!" Izuku peaks up at Ingenium through his bangs, gaze wavering and uncertain. The hero sighs, resigned, and pulls back his hand so he can kneel down by the bed again. "You did not do anything wrong," he repeats, more firmly, eyes locked on Izuku. Slowly, after Izuku realizes Ingenium is waiting for some kind of response, he nods. Ingenium immediately is back to smiling and stands up straight. He has a kind, sweet face that, despite the terrible knot that's been in Izuku's chest since he woke up, puts him at some kind of ease.
"You know…" Ingenium begins and Izuku looks up at him, tilting his head to show he's listening. "I actually have a little brother about your age. How old were you exactly?"
Izuku hesitates before replying quietly, "I… I just turned six."
Apparently that answer is perfect and has Ingenium's eyes lighting up. "Really? My brother is going to be six in a few weeks! I think you two would like each other. He's a good kid, like you. Really smart, and I hear you're a little genius!"
Izuku's cheeks heat up suddenly at that, his eye widening, and he ducks his head. "I-I'm not a g-g-genius!" he tries to protest but he hears Ingenium laugh brightly before he begins talking about his own little brother and how, apparently, he and Izuku would surely get along. Oddly enough, Izuku can't help the tiny smile on his face. It feels so nice to just have someone talk to him so kindly and so openly.
He makes a mental note to add a few extra pages for Ingenium in both his hero and support tool notebooks.
----------
It isn't what Inko wants to hear. She stands with her arms hugging herself and Mitsuki's arm steady around her shoulders. It's good to have the other woman here, offering her support, because lord knows she would have broken down if it weren't for her.
The doctor waits patiently for Inko to calm down, his expression sympathetic. The bad news didn't even have anything to do with Izuku directly. No, instead it came down to Inko's husband and how expensive a lot of this was going to be. Hisashi sent back plenty of money for Inko to not need to get a job. Sure, they didn't live lavishly, but it was still comfortable.
This, however, was a new monster they had never had to deal with. Izuku's stay in the hospital itself was expensive already, but it could be managed. They could probably even manage purchasing the prosthetic and a motorized wheelchair. It was the extended stay in the hospital from here on out and the necessary doctor's visits and sessions in the future that was going to be a problem.
Evidently Hisashi's medical insurance was not as good as he had claimed it was, and didn't that make Inko's blood boil viciously. Not only because he had not been entirely truthful with Inko, but because now it was causing her issues with making sure her baby boy got the best treatment possible.
"We'll help out," Mitsuki whispers, her strong hands tightening on Inko's shoulders. Inko startles. For moment, wrapped up in her own anguish and anger she had forgotten her dear friend was still there. She turns wide, wet eyes to Mitsuki. Apparently she hadn't noticed she'd been crying either, but the tall blond doesn't make comment of it. "We can help with some of the necessary purchases," she says and Inko understands the silent message from "necessary purchases." Mitsuki had a kid and family of her own, and while they could help with some of the finances, it would hardly be perfect.
"I'm going to have to get a job," Inko whispers, almost in horror, her head dropping. She had realized it as soon as the numbers started being read to her, but saying it out loud suddenly made her exhausted. She felt a bit ashamed, too. She had prided herself on being a stay at home mom and being there for Izuku whenever he may need her, but now that wasn't an option, and if she did get a job than that would mean she would have to be away from her baby when he needed her most.
"We'll help with that, too. Izuku can stay at our house whenever you need someone to look after him," Mitsuki doesn't miss a beat. Inko smiles a little to herself, a small and sad expression that quickly fades, but she truly is grateful.
Dr. Kenta smiles at the two women as they seem to be calming down. He has his clipboard under his arm as he says, "I'm sorry about all this. If I could change it, and trust me I've tried, I would, but I don't get to pick the final fees." Inko nods. She doesn't want to seem rude but she just doesn't have the energy to smile at him.
"You…" she takes a breath when her voice wavers, "You said you wanted to tell us about your plan for my Izuku?"
"Yes," Dr. Kenta pulls his clipboard back into his hands, his tone back to business and Inko finds she appreciates that. "We want to go ahead and get him into a wheelchair and moving around. He really is healing quickly, I'm very pleased with that. Now, until we've had more time to see how he's doing emotionally he'll mostly be staying in his own room, but we'd like to move him into the children's ward soon so he can be in a more social environment." The doctor looks up at Inko with a meaningful look. "We do not want him to feel isolated when he's like this, but in the end we want your okay on the matter."
Inko hesitates. She's moved her hands in front of her and is wringing them anxiously. Mitsuki seems to catch on to what her friend is concerned with and goes ahead and asks the question while Inko frets. "Are the kids nice?"
The doctor smiles kindly, an understanding glint in his eyes. "Very," he says in such a way it would be impossible not to believe him. "A lot of them are in similar situations to Midoriya and would never make fun of him or be unnecessarily cruel. If anything they'll welcome him with open arms."
"What about because he's quirkless," Inko nearly snaps and regrets her tone soon after. She hadn't meant it to come out that way, but Izuku needed to be safe. Her little boy was not going to be teased and humiliated while he was supposed to be healing
"They won't," Dr. Kenta says surprisingly firmly, making both Inko and Mitsuki raise their brows. He takes a breath and suddenly looks sad as he explains, "Majority of the kids in there for injuries outside of how they were born are actually quirkless." Before either mother can question why that would be he continues. It seems he's had this conversation before. "It isn't because they're targeted, not… usually, but because they simply can't defend themselves. They're great kids and they'd simply see your boy as one of their own."
Inko nods slowly, head bowed as she thinks.
"We were thinking he could go and visit the ward throughout the day for now. Get to meet the kids and nurses, see some of the volunteers as well. Perhaps you'd like us to do that first and then see how you feel?"
Inko looks back up at Dr. Kenta and finally manages a grateful smile. She didn't know what she did right for them to get such a kind, understanding doctor, but she was grateful for him nonetheless.
----------
The first time Izuku went to the children's ward was a few days later. He had been in and out of consciousness, completely exhausted from just about everything that had happened to him, but also had been prepping and trying to get out of the bed to get into wheelchairs. His nurse, who everyone called Sunny because she was evidently the grouchiest person alive, was always there, hand supporting Izuku as he sat up and tried to swing his legs off the bed, his mom nearby, advised to avoid touching for the time being. The first few attempts he'd been able to do nothing, quickly falling into tears, legs useless, but recently he'd been able to shimmy his legs and hips just a little bit closer. His back ached afterwards and Inko had happily congratulated Izuku on his progress as Sunny easily lifted him up and set him in the wheelchair himself.
He didn't feel accomplished. If anything he felt somehow like a failure, but Sunny, straight to business as usual, had been soon pushing him around the hospital, Inko by his side, just wanting to get him out of the room a bit the first few times. They told him he'd be getting a motorized wheelchair when he got out so he could control it himself, but that didn't make him feel very good either. Part of him was upset about needing a wheelchair at all, while the other, progressively smaller part of him whispered he could build one himself.
Those thoughts, the thoughts to build things and create and problem solve, were getting quieter and quieter and farther away, and part of Izuku was afraid of what that meant. He loved building and thinking and science. He loved how metal and circuits just made sense to him like a sixth sense. Like he was part of the build. But with this heaviness that followed him now his excitement had waned and he was scared he would never get it back.
Sunny is wheeling him down the hall as he thinks. His mother isn't here this go round, had said she had to take care of a few important things, but that she would be back in a few hours. Izuku would admit tears were shed. He felt fragile without her and he was scared and she didn't want to leave him, but after a time they had been able to calm down.
Izuku finds himself absently running his fingers over the spine of the college level robotic engineering book in his hand, slightly vacant. It, along with a whole stack of scientific books and his notebooks, had been a gift from the Hatsumes when they had made their visit. Mei had been relentless in demanding Izuku stay her rival and that he better not fall behind, her mother and father laughing brightly, but even then Izuku could see the hesitation. He could see how Mei wouldn't touch him. Logic said out of fear, his anxious heart said it was out of disgust.
He had been, for the most part, silent.
He still held onto the books, though. He hadn't cracked one open, which Inko asked about once before only to have Izuku begin silently tearing up and she didn't bring it up again. Now, with his first visit to the children's ward, Dr. Kenta had suggested Izuku bring one. It could interest the other kids, and if Izuku wanted to be left alone, he would have something to read. Sunny had silently watched behind him, Izuku had noted, a blank look on her usually grouchy face.
"So robotics, huh?" Speak of the devil. Izuku nearly jumps out of his skin at the deep voice of his nurse and looks back up at her. She's a large woman with an incredibly long, brown braid in her hair and tan skin, her eyes a sharp green. She's not looking down at him and instead ahead as she navigates. Izuku hesitates then looks forward as well, small fingers curling a little tighter on the edge of his book.
"Yes ma'am," he replies quietly, suddenly nervous.
"Pretty cool. Why don't I hear you talk about it much?" the nurse asks as they turn a corner. They've slowed down a little, Izuku notices, since she's begun talking. "Unless it's not your favorite topic, I guess."
"N-no! No, it is!" Izuku is quick to counter, as if on autopilot, but then falls silent, biting the inside of his mouth to keep from saying anything else. He hadn't talked about it, Sunny was right. He didn't want to talk about it, he tries to convince himself, and if he opened his mouth again he was going to start talking and a nervous, almost frightened feeling bubbles up at the idea and he just doesn't know why.
Sunny seems to pick up on his distress and is mercifully silent for a while, but not entirely. After a wait where Izuku calms himself down, she offers, "You're allowed to be scared." Izuku doesn't reply for a moment, not fully processing what she's said, and when it does he also realizes that now they're stopped and Sunny is stepping around to kneel in front of him.
"W-what are you… talking about?" he tries, voice wobbling.
"I'm saying you've heard so many people tell you how brave you've been, how brave you are, and you don't believe them, but you don't want to disappoint them either." Sunny blinks slow, watching Izuku meaningfully, arms resting on her knees where she crouches. Izuku stares back at her, confused and emotional and wanting to say she's wrong but unable to. "You know why so many perfectionists turn out to be procrastinators?"
It's such a seemingly random change of subject it turns Izuku on his head, but he still manages to answer. "Because they feel if they can't make it perfect they don't want to start it, avoiding it." Sunny arches a brow and Izuku's cheeks pink a little. "I-I read it in a m-m-magazine while my mom was shopping…"
"Of course you did," Sunny smirks at him a little playfully before going on. "I think, stop me if I'm wrong, that's what's happening with you," she points at the college level book, "here. You feel you need to be perfect, need to be BRAVE, and it's coming up in unexpected places and you're avoiding something that you at least recognize and see. What do you think?"
For a while they just stare at each other, Sunny steadfast and Izuku shocked silent, until he bites his lip and ducks his head. No one, especially an adult, had ever spoken to him like he wasn't a child, like he was someone who could handle it. It didn't feel good, but it didn't feel bad either. It felt like it belonged and Izuku is surprised that he wishes more people would talk to him like that.
"I'm scared," Izuku's squeaks, voice cracking and tears beginning to form in his eyes and Sunny shuffles closer. The honesty of his nurse, her need to be blunt and not skirt around the issue like everyone else, makes it easier for him to admit it, but it still hurts for it to come out. "I'm s-scared… b-but I don't know w-why…"
"That's fine," Sunny says simply, tone normal and not at all pitying Izuku. She does, however, reach out and place her big hand over Izuku's little one on the book. "Because, Midoriya Izuku, you are allowed to be scared, you are allowed not to be perfect, and you don't need a reason why beyond being human."
Izuku wheezes a little on his tears and cries. Sunny doesn't move, just keeps holding Izuku's hand, watching as he finally begins coming to terms with what she's said. It isn't the wailing sobs he's had before, and he thinks that there will be plenty more to come in the future, but for now what comes out are silent wheezes and huffs, tears dripping down.
When he's finally begun to calm down, Sunny asks, "Do you need a hug?" Izuku hesitates before shaking his head. No, he was okay. He was sad and SCARED and upset. He was broken and hurt and wasn't even whole anymore. He was just a little kid, but he was okay. Or, at least, he was going to be.
Sunny lets out an almost relieved huff and begins standing up. "Oh thank god, I hate hugs. Terrible at them, too. Never figured out why I'm usually stuck with you brats," she says, her grouchy tone of voice fully back in swing, but as she circles around the wheelchair she reaches out and tussles Izuku's hair too affectionately to allow any bite to remain in her words. Izuku looks back at her, eye wide, and sees her usual pouty scowl, and the whole scene, her words, and everything they just talked about has him cracking a smile and letting out a giggle that turns into happy, high pitched laughter.
When he isn't looking Sunny smiles too.
----------
The children's ward was… colorful. Izuku really wasn't sure of a better word to fully encompass the feel of the place. He was brought into a long room lined with hospital beds with brightly painted walls covered in children's art and posters with positive phrases and photos printed on them. The place isn't chaotic, but it is certainly louder than what Izuku had been expecting, kids talking and laughing and enjoying themselves. It reminds Izuku a little bit of school, but there the teachers are trying to quiet everyone down, here the nurses and volunteers are almost encouraging the behavior.
It makes sense, Izuku decides as he's wheeled over to the side. These kids have been hurt, that's why they're here, of course the adults would want them to act as children as much as possible.
Sunny settles Izuku down on the outskirts of the kids, letting the young boy look over them and get accustomed to the noise, and another nurse comes trotting over, all smiles and coloring changing hair. He approaches Sunny first and begins talking to her in a more hushed tone, and as they talk Izuku tries to take in the individual children present.
He sees a child also in a wheelchair who is talking excitedly to a little girl with bandages over her eyes and a boy with a prosthetic leg and arm. Over on one of the beds a group of kids are sitting with what looks like action figures and dolls, playing. A table is set up where two children, one who looks like a near skeleton and the other who's swaying as if dancing without music, are sitting and coloring. There's—
Before Izuku can look around anymore, from the bed nearest him, appears a little girl with wide, dark eyes, long, long dark hair, pale skin, and a big grin. Izuku nearly jumps out of his skin when her head popped into his line of sight. She doesn't seem fazed that she scared him, if anything she almost looks pleased.
When she doesn't say anything, just keeps grinning and staring, Izuku swallows and raises his hand hesitantly, waving a little. "H-hello…" He mumbles and she smiles a little bigger, but doesn't say anything. More silence, and really, what was Izuku supposed to do with that? "My n-name is M-Midoriya…" He tries again.
The girl just keeps grinning and staring. Out of ideas on what to say or try Izuku begins tapping his book anxiously, watching the girl like she is a wild animal. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, however, he does slowly begin to calm down, the beating in his chest from the earlier fright subsiding. That may be why, when suddenly her skin begins to melt, he's all the more unprepared.
Izuku shrieks, he can't help it, as the little girl's skin seemingly begins to melt right before him, like goopy wax plopping off of her face and onto the floor.
"Rei!" The little girl straightens up, skin going in reverse, pulling back together, and solidifying, looks up at Sunny's voice. Sunny steps around Izuku's wheelchair towards the girl, Rei, waving her finger, and Rei springs up and takes off running, grinning wickedly, moving more like a wild girl than anything. Sunny groans and the other nurse also circles around to stand by Izuku.
"Ah geez, sorry there Midoriya," he offers, crouching down and looking sheepish. Izuku is still wide-eyed, breathing a little heavy, leaning as far back in his chair as he can. "That was Rei, she's here at the children's ward, too. She likes using her quirk to spook people." Spook was an understatement, Izuku thinks. What kind of quirk was face melting, anyway?? He supposed there was a possibility for any kind of quirk, but still.
"How about we get you in with some of the other kids?" Sunny suggests, turning around, head tilting and arms crossed as she regards Izuku. "If you're up to it, that is. If you'd prefer to head back to your room after that we'd understand."
Izuku looks up at Sunny now, his wide eye turning thoughtful. No, he didn't think he needed to go back to his room. He'd been frightened, certainly, but oddly enough, now that it was over, it wasn't all that bad. After everything he had been through recently, all the shock and nightmares and memories slowly piecing themselves back together in his mind, Rei's melting act was oddly tame and almost like breaking the ice, in a weird kind of way.
"I'm okay. Promise," Izuku says, tacking on the last bit at Sunny's suspicious gaze. His nurse stares at him a few more moments, double checking he was fine, before shrugging and stepping aside to allow the children's ward nurses to take over.
Which is how Izuku ends up wheeled right into the middle of the hoard of kids, some his age, some older, some younger. Eyes turn to stare at him, big and curious, which only makes Izuku antsy.
"Everyone, this is Midoriya Izuku. He'll be joining us today so please be friendly," says the nurse with the color changing hair. Nurse Heairo, was what he had finally introduced himself as.
Izuku knows he should probably offer a greeting, it is the polite thing to do, but he's so nervous and some of the kids are already looking away and before he can say a thing the boy with the prosthetic arm and leg is up and marching towards him, eyes a sparkling blue. "Hello!" he yells loudly in English before speaking once more in Japanese. "I'm Kyou!"
Izuku blinks his one eye at him, startled by the volume and forwardness of the boy, but still manages a nod in greeting. Behind the boy his two friends, the other boy in the wheelchair and the girl with bandaged eyes, scoot a little closer, curious but not quite and frank as Kyou. The sight eases Izuku's nerves, however, seeing other kids just as nervous as he is.
"Saw Rei get you good, huh?" Kyou continues and Izuku flinches. Oh, had everyone seen that? He certainly hoped not.
"It… It wasn't that scary," Izuku mumbles, ducking his head, and Kyou immediately makes a noise of confusion.
"Well, yeah, it ain't supposed to be!" the boy says and Izuku flicks his head up in surprise, brow furrowed in confusion. It wasn't? Kyou snorts and gives a lopsided smile. "Well, yeah! She just likes getting us to loosen up sometimes! Right, Shun?" Kyou looks back at the boy in the wheelchair. Now that he and the girl have gotten even closer Izuku can see that the boy, Shun, doesn't need a wheelchair because his legs don't work like Izuku's, but rather because he doesn't have legs there to begin with.
Izuku cringes, his left hand curling a little tighter around the edge of his book nervously, but Shun doesn't seem to notice. "Yeah," he says and his voice comes out more like a wheeze than anything.
"Shun is the only one 'round here who knows sign other than Rei. She doesn't talk any," Kyou explains and Izuku is only half listening now, his eye flicking around at the kids again, really taking them in and processing what it all means.
These are kids his age with parts missing, just like Izuku, or lasting damage he can't see or issues from birth that leave them in need of extra help. These kids are suffering, he thinks, just like him, but are handling it like it's nothing. Kyou is just standing there like it's normal for half of him to be balanced on a fake leg, his fake arm moving around just as much as his real one. Izuku isn't sure how they can be so chipper and okay.
"So what's that?" Kyou had probably been talking while Izuku had been thinking, but now he's leaning over into his space, too close for comfort, pointing at the book in his lap. Izuku's cheeks suddenly warm up in embarrassment.
His talk with Sunny had been relieving. He hadn't even realized he had needed it, but he supposed his nurse had probably dealt with people going through similar issues before. She probably knew what to look out for, and it had been exactly what he needed then.
That didn't mean he was entirely better. He was more aware of the issue, sure, but he couldn't just brush it off. He couldn't just be better just like that, and he knew there was more to it than just being afraid.
So he shrinks away, frightened and nervous. "It's a book…" he whispers which has Kyou pouting and putting his real hand on his hip.
"I know that…" the boy whines and the little girl giggles, raising a hand to her mouth as a half toothless grin takes over her face. Kyou pouts bigger and looks back at her. "It's not funny, Yasu!" The girl only giggles harder.
"What is it about?" Shun wheezes, eyes tired but curious, hands folding now in his lap. Izuku chews on his lip, staring down at the cover of his book, fingers tapping a nonsense tune.
"Robotics…" he whispers. It's a tiny bit easier to reply to Shun, the boy a bit more of a calming presence, but still it takes time to build up the right courage. He hates he has to build up courage for this at all, he should be excited like he always was, but it won't come. Now, sure, he recognizes that he's frightened and he tells himself to accept it, but still that does not rid him of the anxiety.
"Like gundams?" the girl, Yasu, asks. Her voice is quiet and sweet with energy closer to Kyou's, but a calmness about her he lacks.
"N-n-no…" Izuku sighs. He wasn't getting out of this, was he? "Like… building them."
The three children are quick to explode with a simultaneous, excited, "WHAT??" Izuku flinches away and the children instinctively calm down when they at least see that, but still they are now entirely invested in the green-haired boy. Some of the other kids as well are looking over, curious about the explosion of noise. A few of the nurses at least hush them.
"You build robots?" Shun asks, still quiet, but now a lot more interested. He's leaning forward in his wheelchair, hands gripping his armrests.
"Y-yes and no," Izuku slowly begins. He still was anxious to talk about science like this, but he didn't want the others to have any kind of false pretense on what he did. "A robot is a machine that… well it can do things on its own after you've programmed it. I build mostly tools and machines… w-which are broader subjects, but more appropriate for what I do."
The other kids are staring at him like he's speaking another language, yet still somehow incredibly intrigued. He notes the other children that had begun looking over are listening in now, scooting closer to get better seats.
"B-b-but y-you COULD build a robot??" Kyou seems to have a moment of difficulty getting out what he wants to say, like he's too excited to form everything in time, but he doesn't seem to care and is back in Izuku's space, bouncing up and down in excitement.
Izuku stares at him wide-eyed for a moment, an unintelligent "uh" being the only noise to escape him, before he snaps his mouth shut and looks away. "Theoretically… I guess…"
"What does 'theoretically' mean?" calls a kid from Izuku's right and he looks over and shrinks. He can't pinpoint who had asked the question because now all eyes really are on him.
"I-it means… it means something that is more about the theory, or idea, I guess, of something instead of the… the practice…" Izuku's voice is slowly lowering and lowering, head falling and fingers curling into a tiny fist. For a moment there is silence and Izuku wonders if everyone has gotten bored already. He knew he was weird about his loves, he knew other kids had a tough time with it sometimes, so he wouldn't be surprised, but then Shun speaks up again.
"Rei asks if you don't like this stuff."
Izuku looks up in surprise, first at Shun, then over to where Shun is looking. Sitting atop a hospital bed by her lonesome but in perfect view of Izuku is Rei, her face thoughtful and curious. Izuku stares at her for a long while and she stares back and he doesn't stop watching as he answers, "N-no, I… I do love it… I always have, but…"
"Too normal?" Kyou asks in the calmest voice he's used since speaking with Izuku. They look to each other and Kyou shrugs at Izuku's startled expression. "Y'know, like… after everything, it doesn't feel right to do something so… normal."
"Like you should somehow be in a new life!" adds on a girl with long ears that are currently perked upwards, her expression understanding. Actually, most of the kids have an understanding expression now, and Izuku doesn't know how to handle it or what they're saying. "Like… a bunch feels so different and it's weird and jarring and throws you on your head!"
"Yeah! So either you go really hard into the stuff you're familiar with to avoid that, or you avoid the stuff you're familiar with because it doesn't feel like it belongs," Kyou continues. Izuku eyes him now, confused and amazed. They were making sense in a way he hadn't expected, putting things into words he hadn't been able to and in a way Sunny wouldn't have been able to get to him.
"You guys… have felt that?" he whispers, eye wide and for some reason beginning to water. This feeling was dreadful, soul crushing and heart wrenching, and the idea that others had to go through this ever made him want to weep.
"Of course we have," Yasu says, head tilting as she faces Izuku's general direction. "We're all here for a reason." That part her voice does turn solemn in a way no little girl should be able to and it scares Izuku. Scares him more than he ever wants to admit and he quickly looks away.
"What… what made you guys feel better…?" he whispers, eye low and beginning to blur from tears. A voice in his head reminds him of how odd it is to be surrounded by kids his age that aren't teasing him about being a crybaby.
Suddenly the room around him erupts with answers. "Just doing it worked for me!" "I waited until I felt ready!" "I did some other stuff!" "I got other people to do it with me!" "I talked about it!" "I'm still waiting!" Suddenly Izuku doesn't feel so alone. Certainly he could see that these children had been through a lot as well, but it was all so different and their own that to have this one, constant thing really hammered it home that there were others suffering and healing just as he was, and that was okay.
Rei is popping into his view again, not smiling, just looking at him, and she begins to sign. When Izuku is silent and just keeps staring at her, confused, she huffs and shoots a dirty look back at Shun, who eeps and gives a sorry before translating for her.
"This is not what decides your life," Rei motions to Izuku's injuries, "You are. You haven't entered into a new life, you just have a few new aspects of the one you already had."
Izuku stares up at her, his tears pausing as he considers her and her words. She stares back. It was… a lot to take in. These kids were so much wiser than what Izuku was used to from his peers, but it was fitting and refreshing and good. He felt something in his chest, the thing Sunny had made him aware of, suddenly begin to feel lighter. Not gone, but lighter.
He smiles sheepishly up at Rei. She grins back.
Then she begins to melt again and Izuku shrieks.