Today marks the start of April, and the start of my new school life at the Tokyo Metropolitan Advanced Nurturing High School.
I am currently riding the bus to school, lost in my own thoughts. Over the course of my education, I've always only had my own thoughts to keep me company, but hopefully, that all changes today.
The chances of that happening are quite slim though. After all, my identity had been leaked to the entire population of Japan.
The Demon of the Fourth Generation.
A monster among humans.
An empty shell.
An artificial genius with no emotions.
Needless to say, I've become quite the celebrity, although for rather unfortunate reasons. People on the internet started calling me names. Some people were scared of me, while others, on the other hand, wanted to meet me in person to see what I'm really like. Luckily for me, they know my name but not my face. For now, I'm not the center of attention... yet.
I remember reading some comments on the internet about me.
"Isn't society in danger if he's outside now?"
"Kukuku... I want to meet him so I can beat him up with my own two fists and make him suffer even more"
"What an interesting story, an artificial genius they say fufufu..."
The internet sure is a weird place filled with weird people, to say the least.
Not only that, it seems like the news haven't died down. In the bus, everyone seems to be talking about it.
"Have you seen the news about the White Room?"
"I can't believe something like that existed for 20 years..."
"Have you seen the files about that Ayanokouji guy? He seems scary... I can't help but think of him as a demon."
"I mean... he is called the Demon of the Fourth Generation."
"If I were to guess, he's probably really ugly in person."
Looks like school is going to be a lot tougher than I would've imagined. But I've already made up my mind, there's no going back now.
I've always been curious. I've always wanted to further my knowledge and to know what life outside the White Room was like.
Curiosity is like the engine of the human body. Science would say it's the heart. Psychology would say it's the brain. But curiosity is what pushes us to experience new things, feel new feelings and new emotions, see new sights, absorb new information, and invent new technology. Remove curiosity from humanity, and we'd still be living in the Stone Age. As some people would say, curiosity is the engine of achievement.
One of the reasons why I initially wanted to attend here at Tokyo's elite high school is to see for myself what it's like to be a normal high school student, and to see how society works with my own eyes. I've only ever read about these things in books, so I've never really had first hand experiences when it comes to these things.
Up until two and a half weeks ago, my initial plan was to enter this school as an average student with no particular talents except piano, calligraphy and tea ceremony, but fate decided to give me a friendly reminder that I can't control my own life, I guess.
The truth is that I'm not particularly happy nor sad about these news, I'm indifferent like I always have been. If I were to pick one positive outcome though, it would be that that man is currently serving life sentence in prison, and I'll probably never see him ever again.
"Excuse me, but shouldn't you give up your seat?"
Huh? Is someone already talking to me? It seems like I have been lost in my own thoughts. I looked in front of me to see a young, well-built blonde man that had sat down in one of the priority seats being scolded by a young lady, probably an office worker, with an elderly woman standing next to her. Luckily, I was not the one being scolded, I don't want to get involved in their mess.
"Hey! Can't you see that this elderly woman is having trouble just standing? You should offer your seat to her."
"What a crazy question, lady," the boy answered. "Why should I give up my seat for her? There's no reason for me to do so."
I curiously observed the scene happening in front of my eyes. I wonder how this will turn out.
If it causes too much commotion though, I might just have to take matters into my own hands and give up my seat myself.
"It's only natural for you to offer your seat to the elderly woman, plus you're sitting in a priority seat. Where are your manners?"
"Manners? Stop talking nonsense, lady. Manners are illusions in today's society. If manners truly existed, why do we need priority seats? Going by your logic, shouldn't everyone sitting on this bus offer their seat to the elderly woman? Why should I give mine up only because I happen to sit on a priority seat? Why should I inconvenience myself for the sake of this woman over her just because she happens to be older than I am? A perfect existence such as myself shouldn't have to bow down to others' orders."
I can't say that the boy is in the wrong here. Certainly if you look purely on the legal side of things, the boy has no reason whatsoever to give up his seat. However, I can't deny that it's quite disrespectful to the elderly woman, to say the least. The elderly are extremely respected here in Japan and hold tremendous value. The same could be said about the young population though, they are the future of Japan after all.
Lost for words, the office lady decided to give up, and sincerely apologized to the elderly woman.
This might be the opportunity for me to make a good first impression.
"Um... excuse me? You can have my seat," I said to the elderly woman as I stood up.
"Thank you very much!" the elderly woman responded as the office lady looks at me with a bright smile on her face.
The other passengers on the bus looked as though they were thankful that I dealt with the matter. I assume nobody wanted this commotion to go on even longer than it already had.
If only they knew who I really was.
I was now standing up in the bus, bobbling and shaking.
Finally, some peace...
"Hey, thank you so much for giving up your seat. If you hadn't done so, I think I would've stepped in myself."
I looked to my right to see a girl wearing my high school's uniform smiling, thanking me for giving up my seat. However, something feels a bit off about her smile, almost as if she's hiding another side of herself. Anyways, I guess I'll play along for now.
"It's nothing, it felt like the right thing."
"You seem like a good person! Nobody from my middle school made it to this school, so it's nice meeting you! I hope we can be good friends."
So far, so good. She hasn't asked for my name yet.
"Yeah, nobody from my middle school survived either."
"Hahaha... survived... that's a funny way of saying it I guess."
If only she knew the truth behind my words.
"Anyways, my name is Kushida Kikyou. I'm from Class D. What's your name?"
Crap... I really hoped that she wouldn't ask for my name. I didn't want this to happen this early.
If I tell her my name, chances are she'll know who I am, and that might cause an even bigger commotion on the bus. I don't really wish for that to happen, if I were to be honest. If I were really desperate, I would ask her to keep my identity hidden for the time being, but that's a rather unlikely possibility.
If I make up a fake name, it'll just cause more problems in the future. I know I can't hide my identity forever here, so I might as well just get it over with right now. She'll probably never trust me if she learns that I told her a fake name, and I don't want that to happen either. After all, she might be a useful tool for me in the future. I don't really want to deal with all of this right now though, it's a bit too early in the morning for me to be the center of everyone's attention.
I'm currently stuck in what you would call a dilemma. A dilemma can be seen as two opposite desires of the same strength fighting against each other. Two forces of the same magnitude in the opposite direction. Who will win? Who will get the better of the other? Theoretically speaking, there's no winner, since by definition, both have the same strength. This is where free will comes in. One with free will is able to, arbitrarily, chose an option from two option that are equally attractive. Generally speaking, having free will can be seen as having the capacity to chose not only between different courses of action, but also between different mindsets. For an individual with free will, the phrase "I have no other choice" doesn't exist. In philosophy, free will is often defined as the capacity to "want whatever we want", and is often seen as an ability exclusive to humans, although some philosophers would argue that no species has free will and that free will is an illusion created by society.
Many people confuse freedom and free will. While they do illustrate somewhat the same idea, freedom is rather physical and free will is rather psychological. I once read that freedom can be defined generally as "doing what one wants", although many philosophers have different definitions. Free will, on the other hand, can be defined as "thinking how one wants". That, I'd say, is the main difference between the two.
Free will and freedom, huh?
For as long as I've been alive, I've never once felt like I was in control of my actions. Almost as if everything about my life was already determined and my path was already laid out in front of my own eyes.
"Kiyotaka, you will be the one to rule over Japan. I have high expectations for you, don't disappoint me."
I've heard that phrase so many times I've lost count, but is that the path I want to follow? What is it that I truly want? I've never given it much thought until lately.
********
"So... Ayanokouji-kun, I know you have decided to attend the Advanced Nurturing High School, but how are you going to deal with the news? Everyone knows about you and your past now."
"I think I have already decided on how I want to tackle things, Matsuo. However, I would like to hear your thoughts on the matter."
"Well, to be honest, I think people will know who you are on the very first day, whether you want to or not. Whether you decide to hide your talents or not, your extraordinary abilities will be known to everyone, so what you do about that is up to you. Whatever your intentions are, you will be known as Ayanokouji Kiyotaka from the White Room. However, I will tell you this. I have my sources, and apparently, the 100% employment and college entry rate mentioned by the school is a huge bluff. I know you got put into Class D, but the truth is, only those that graduate from Class A have all the benefits. I don't know the details, but I do know that there is a hierarchy of classes based on a point system and one class can surpass another. It's up to you if you want to try and graduate from Class A. If it were me, I would probably decide to aim for Class A, and you certainly have to capacities for that."
"I see. As always, Matsuo, thanks for your advice. I will take into consideration what you just said in my decision making. Well, I'll be going now, thank you for taking care of me this year. I hope we meet again in three years."
"Take care, Ayanokouji-kun. I hope you enjoy your new school life to the fullest," Matsuo bid me farewell with a smile as I left the mansion and walked to the bus station.
What Matsuo just said could prove to be crucial information for my future choices. If I were to graduate from Class A, I would be able to easily go to college, for example. Though, the truth is, my knowledge already surpassed that of an average human when I turned 4. Right now, I might have more knowledge than every single living human combined, so going to college seems rather useless to me at the moment. However, the reality is that Class A may be a path to freedom. Graduating from Class A will open an endless amount of doors for my future. With that man not around anymore, I feel like I finally have my future in the palm of my own hands.
Do I want to go against my biological father and graduate as Class D? That would show the world that a such thing as a perfect human doesn't exist, although I would have to intentionally hold back. When I think about it, revenge at this point in time is pointless. That man is already in prison after all. What I do shouldn't be based on him, but based on what I want to do. That man doesn't and shouldn't matter to me.
That leaves me with the other option, do I want to graduate as Class A in hopes of a future full of freedom? Do I want to do what I always have done, that is to stand at the top no matter what?
In other terms...
Do I want to win?
********
I should probably give Kushida my answer. While for many, saying your name is something rather trivial, this very moment will prove to be a crucial turning point in my life.
"Kiyotaka... no matter what, you must always remember this. To have great power and refuse to use it to your advantage, is something only a fool would do."
I won't enter this school as an average student.
Why should I be average? That's not who I am.
Why should I adapt to others? They don't matter to me. They're not me, I'm not them.
The only thing that matters is my victory. It doesn't matter what needs to be done.
I will enter this school as Ayanokouji Kiyotaka, Masterpiece of the Demonic Fourth Generation of the White Room.
"I'm Ayanokouji Kiyotaka. Pleasure meeting you."