Passing the exam didn't surprise me. But it felt like holding a golden ticket to a brand-new world, far away from the mess I left behind. For the first time in a long while, I felt like I could finally breathe.
I chose a university in Fukuoka. A place where no one knew my name, my past, or the weight I carried. It was the clean slate I desperately needed.
At one of the city's top universities, I started to feel like myself again, or at least a new version of me. I became "that guy" in social circles. Outgoing. Friendly. Easy to talk to. I was suddenly surrounded by people, parties, conversations. Confessions, even.
"Eh? You turned her down?"
"You're one of those popular guys with high standards, huh?"
"Ha-ha. I just don't feel like dating anyone."
"Tell us, Morikita-kun! Did you have someone in high school?"
"I'm dying to know that too!"
I laughed it off. Always.
Because being this version of me wasn't free. It took effort. I had to lie, to protect myself. I made up stories about a girlfriend who didn't exist, told people I came from a normal middle-class family, and never once admitted I was from Tokyo.
Each lie was a brick in the wall I built. A wall between who I was… and who I pretended to be.
But even in the brightest circles, silence eventually found me. And when it did, those old memories came crawling back.
I'd wonder where did Nanase and Inoue end up? Did Asakura keep the club alive?
And Hasegawa… did he ever really stop liking me?
Every time I thought of them, I'd let out a soft laugh—bitter, maybe, but honest. I couldn't lie to myself: I missed them. A part of me hoped they remembered me too.
Sometimes, I'd catch myself staring at my phone, fingers hovering just above the screen. I'd think about calling Mama. Just to say thanks. Just to let her know I was okay.
But I never pressed the button.
Instead, I'd see her on TV.
"And joining us today is Akizuki-san, one of the lead actresses in 'A Minute with You.'"
"Thank you for having me."
Whenever her face showed up on screen, my heart would ache. Not in a bad way—just a soft pull. Familiar. Distant.
It was different when I saw Maki pop up online, being the influencer she always was. That was when my heart would race, not from fear of her, but from what her presence reminded me of.
Papa. That man. That monster hiding behind a gentle smile.
Even now, the thought of him makes my skin crawl. But I'd tell myself I'm safe. Far away. He can't reach me anymore.
I don't know what became of him. Maybe he's still out there, pretending to be kind. Maybe he still holds a grudge against Mama. Maybe he's forgotten all about me.
I only hope no child ends up in his reach. Not again.
I can't say I've let go of my resentment. I haven't. There's still a part of me that can't look back without feeling sick.
But I also know… that past, those memories—they're part of me now. Like scars. Like ink that's soaked into the page.
And no matter how far I run, those chapters will always be there.