Chapter 9 Bonus DrunkDanny
-All Drunk Danny™ Bonus Scenes-
Wednesday, September 12th
2:56 pm
The room cheered as Danny swallowed and instantly broke into coughs. "It buuurns us!" The young man screeched, voice different than normal as he clutched at his throat.
Instant concern shot through Haru and she started to stand.
No one else seemed bothered, though; and a second later, Danny straightened and winked.
That whiskey must have been really high proof; Haru could practically see the clarity leave Danny's eyes.
"Wait for me, Dann-o!" his dad called, instantly chugging a portion of the tequila bottle rather than pour himself a shot. Oh, wait. He'd never gotten himself a glass. That had probably been his plan all along.
Danny drew the second package from Kamada's present out and had it open in a heartbeat, his earlier reservation completely gone.
"Another thermos! Thanks!" Her host squinted suspiciously at the container, turning it in his hands. "Where—Where's the 'F'?"
"You dropped it, Danny." Sam barely managed to keep a straight face, elbowing Tucker when the boy tried to give a different response. The technogeek nearly turned purple trying to hold himself together. "Maybe it fell on the floor."
Danny immediately started searching, eyes passing over the white tile with intense focus. A second later, he fixed Haru with a panicked look. "I can't find it!"
The Shiketsu student turned confused eyes toward Jazz and the slightly flushed redhead took pity. "The FentonWorks logo is an 'F'. He thinks you got him ghost fighting equipment."
Ohhhh. "No, Danny-san. This is a thermos—a real one." At the raven male's blank look, she explained, "It was supposed to be a joke, like a Phantom-themed drinking set. The shot glass is for night and the thermos is for the hangover in the morning. You can put tea or miso—" catching herself, she revised, "—coffee or chicken noodle soup in it. I got it from a gift shop."
She expected him to laugh, but the birthday boy broke into tears. "You—you—that's so shweet. Keepnnn' safe after the drunking." Danny sent accusatory stares at his sister and friends. "At least sum people ker'bout me."
Wow. Consumption to slurring in two minutes, fourteen seconds and twenty-three milliseconds. That Fire Snake stuff was insane. Unfortunately, that meant the Gabber app couldn't really translate some words, and neither could she.
Oh well. That's what context clues were for….right?
Jack sat himself on the floor next to Danny's chair, upper torso so large his shoulders nearly lined up with the younger Fenton's despite the height difference. Wrapping an arm around Danny, he proclaimed "I love you, Son! I care about you bunches!"
The hulking man then proceeded to land a big kiss on Danny's forehead. "Now open the rest of your presents!"
Pressing harder into the side hug—to which Jack just melted—Danny held out his hands. "Gimme-gimme!"
"Hold your horses, Bucko. I gotta go grab them," Sam called as she walked out of the kitchen. A moment later the goth returned, purple-spider backpack in hand.
Tucker snatched it from her, ignoring both a sharp "Hey! Don't you dare!" and a swift combat-boot kick to the butt.
Staggering toward the father-son pair, the African American pulled out a thin, flat box and shoved it into Danny's hands before Sam could grab it back.
"You gottme a smoothie?"
Okay, so maybe context clues wouldn't help Haru. She was so confused.
At least until Tucker responded, "Even better than a movie!" and tapped the present in Danny's hands. The man tore it open without needing to be asked again, doofy grin on his face that quickly dropped into puzzlement.
"Tuck. Buddy." Danny leaned forward, just barely reaching his friend's shoulder with outstretched fingers. "I love it. But—But I—I don't own a PSPpspspspsps," Danny ended with a cat-summoning sound that devolved into a giggle.
"Jeeze, Tuck," Sam growled. "It's a good thing Danny's totally zonked or you would have ruined the surprise."
Sam yanked the bag out of Tucker's hands and pulled another present from it.
"I don't like s'prises," Danny grumped, already distracted. "Skulker's a buttmunch."
Kamada was pretty sure that last sentence was just utter nonsense, unable to make heads or tails of it as her phone spat out, "There's a little too much skull hair," In Japanese.
Maddie laughed, apparently hearing and understanding the translation.
"Here Danny, this one's from everyone except Tucker."
"HEY!"
The goth stuck out her tongue.
Brow still furrowed, the black-haired boy opened the parcel. "YOU GUYZ GOT ME A PSP!" Danny stared at his lap reverently, then gaped up at Tucker in awe. "You knew. 'ForI even opened it."
A second later he glared. "You did'n tell me you were sickic! I told you I wazz—mphump!" Tucker clapped a hand over his friend's mouth.
"Not here, Danny!" The technogeek yelped, then turned to Toru and Haru meekly. "He was about to say something really embarrassing."
Kamada saw Hagakure's gloves tap on the table next to her, a pose the Shiketsu girl was coming to recognize as the invisible teen's "thinking" tell.
"C'mon, Danny, you's got more presidents!" This time it was Jack who was slurring, the tequila finally catching up with him as he ruffled his son's hair and took another swig of the bottle.
Danny, without any indication that he'd noticed his dad's politician mix up, just held out his hands again.
And was perfectly happy when a cup—plastic, not glass—of water landed itself in his grasp instead of another gift. "Thanksh, Mom."
His father was not so happy about the development, his own booze having been substituted with water as well. Seeing his sour face, Maddie ultimatumed, "Either you drink that now and get your bottle back in a half hour or you're cut off for the night."
Hagakure laughed and Haru indulged a shy smile when Jack tipped it back, guzzling it in an instant.
As Danny sipped at his drink, Sam grabbed into the backpack one final time and set another present in front of him.
"This one's from me," she informed, watching as he set his cup on the table and attempted to pull ribbons off the bat-print gift bag.
The seconds ticked on, Danny continuing to struggle.
"Would you like some help?" the goth inquired.
"No! I jus' need sckizzers!"
Sam took one look at Danny's fumbling fingers and pulled the bag away. Sliding the ribbons up to the top of the handles, she handed it back.
"Witchcraft!" the birthday boy exclaimed before working a small, black object around the twine.
"Well, you're not wrong," Sam commented wryly.
The book nearly fell apart when it came free, spine trying its hardest to hold yellowed parchment together. At its center was a stamped pentagram, no other marks adorning the leather except the brown, time-worn edges.
Danny stared at Sam, tearing up. "Why do you hate me?"
Heavily-shadowed eyelids blinked in response. "I'll probably regret asking this, but…why do you think I hate you exactly?"
"You gotme geometry! I hate math!"
Sam snorted. Kamada could tell she hadn't been expecting that answer. "You know Mr. F., when you invited us over to watch Danny get drunk tonight, you failed to mention how plastered he'd be. I wasn't expecting to have to explain every gift."
"So iss not a geometree book?"
"No Danny, It's not a geometry book," Sam affirmed with amused patience. "It's a herbology grimoire. It took me months to track down and even longer to make sure it was legit. But I finally found what I was looking for."
"You were lookin' for shomethin'?"
"Here, give it to me; I'll show you. I'd hate for you to wreck it just because your fine motor skills are screwed right now." Sam gingerly accepted the tome and flipped to a sticky-note entry.
"This, right here."
A sketch dominated most of the page, a vine that could have been an evergreen honeysuckle showing falsehood by way of a twisting, calla lily-esque head. Beneath the faded red petals was the inscription "Often sought, seldom found," in flowing, embellished script.
"The Selas flower. It's incredibly rare, even by Ghost Zone standards. It only blooms in stray sunbeams deep in old growth forests. Nearly impossible to cultivate. So naturally, I managed to get three clippings rooted in my greenhouse with a little help from Undergrowth."
"...You got me flauers for my birfthday? I—I've never gotten flour-sh before!" Danny grabbed his father's arm where it draped over the back of his chair and squeezed in excitement. Then he shriveled. "Well, unless you count Blud Bloss'ms…"
"Funny you should mention that. Because the Selas flower is the only known Blood Blossom—" Sam cast a covert glance Toru and Haru's way, "—allergy cure. Witches used to inoculate their spirit-based familiars with a cream derived from the petals."
"You founda cyur for Blood Blossom sickness!? Tha's waay better than Tuck'rs gift. SAM! You're so shmart! You should….you should be'a doct'r!"
With a giant smirk in the technogeek's forlorn direction, Sam responded, "I'll get right on that, Danny."
"Okay, Sweetie, me next," Maddie jumped in, handing over a tiny, lime-green-and-silver box.
"A rubiks cube…" Danny's guess made his mom glance at her husband, violet eyes narrow and heated.
"We really should have opened your present last, Jack."
"But we're all havin' fun, Mads! Doeshn't that count f'r somethin'?!" Jack begged through glistening, crocodile tears. The woman sighed and clicked a button on the side of the mechanical box rather than reply.
At the tch-ick-it, Danny flinched, causing Maddie's brow to furrow and lips to turn down.
What a weird reaction.
Kamada didn't have time to give it more thought as a fancy wrist watch lifted out of the center of the device, demanding her attention.
The sleek, bronze casing gleamed with fresh polish, highlighted further by its charcoal grey band and the white velvet lining of the jewelry box.
The strange thing about it, though, was that there was no glass. No analogue clock, or digital display. Nothing to allude to the gadget's true purpose. Only the signature "F" of a FentonWorks device.
"You made m' something?" Danny perked up, the split second of fear dissipating like smoke in a breeze.
With what looked like effort, Maddie schooled herself into a cheerful response, "Yep! It's—"
"MADDIE!? You made somethin' without tell-n me?" Jack looked absolutely crushed, grabbing his son and pulling him in close. "I thought we had somethin—What happin' to a united mrrage."
"Jack, Sweetie. You know you're a blabbermouth about our inventions. I wanted it to be a surprise," Maddie admonished gently.
Jack just pouted harder.
Danny pulled the invention in front of his face, ignoring his parents. Moving it around like it wouldn't stay still in his vision, the ravenet wondered aloud, "What do you do?"
"It's a wireless resource assistant and integrated time handler—or WRAITH for short." Maddie beamed. "It runs entirely on ecto-energy and connects directly to the Fenton Database both here and in the Ghost Zone. It can also pair with your phone through Bluetooth!"
"Wow, Mrs. F. That's pretty sweet!" Tucker came flying around the table, handing the video camera off to Sam as he passed. Settling on his knees in front of Danny, he reached toward the device, hands twitching.
Rather than give up the new tech as per normal, Danny frowned, holding the watch out of reach.
The best friend lunged, trying to tug the tiny computer out of Danny's grasp.
"C'mon Danny—" huff, "—just for a second. I'll give it back!"
Kamada could have sworn her host's eyes got more…blue? vibrant? somehow, and the technogeek stalled, giving up suspiciously fast at Danny's childlike, "No!"
Louder than strictly necessary, Maddie exclaimed, "Danny, look. You haven't even seen the best part!" With lightning fast reflexes, the woman dipped her hand around her son's defensive arms and tapped the device. A second later, a beam of light shot out and lit the air with a three-dimensional display. "As long as you don't block the sensor, the interface is entirely holographic! And—" Another tap, this time on some kind of menu that hung above the WRAITH. "—Tada!"
A host of islands and doors popped out, disregarding logic and any kind of perspective relative to each other. Above them floated the words "Sector 3". Kamada wasn't really sure what she was looking at, but Danny seemed to know if his gasp was anything to go by.
"A port—porta—a 3D map of the Zone!? MOM! This—This's—" Danny cut off, seeming unable to articulate his joy.
"Yep. I worked my butt off. But it was worth it. I want my baby boy to have the best."
Danny didn't seem to know what to do, still floundering for words. Finally some light went on in the boy's eyes and he grabbed his half-finished cup of water off the table, offering it to his mother. "Backwashhh?"
"Aww, Danny." Maddie lifted a hand to her chest.
Kamada knew she'd missed something that time, but couldn't even begin to guess what it was.
"Oh, me next! I think you're gonna really like mine," Hagakure called, picking up a small squishy-looking present from the table in front of her and tossing it toward Danny.
Who promptly swatted it out of the air like a mosquito. Jack threw back his head and guffawed next to the boy before picking the gift off the ground and handing it off.
Danny blinked and took the package, ripping it open and holding up a t-shirt for the room to see. Across its front was the solar system, the words "Back in my day, we had nine planets," written beneath it.
Haru had seen it yesterday when Hagakure had shown it to her, but she had thought it kind of an odd gift at the time. It seemed the UA student knew more about Danny, though, because a downright goofy grin burst to life on their host's visage.
"Okay, Danny, last one," Jazz called, pulling a suitcase-like package out from behind the wall to the living room. The wrapping didn't go all the way to the floor, exposed wheels allowing her to drag it in front of him with little effort. The redhead stepped back, gesturing grandly.
Kamada noticed movement at the corner of her eye and caught Maddie ready to take a picture, only to hear Danny squeal, and zipped her eyes back.
"A KaraoKing! Jazz, yer the besht!" Danny shoved his father's arm off (who deflated at the abandonment), pushed the machine to the side and lunged at his sister. The male flew —there was really no other way to describe the movement—at the redhead, the lighter female barely bracing in time to catch him. As it was, the taller boy shifted to her back and folded around her like some weird, meaty poncho, chin propping on her head.
"Thanx. This act-ack—This's turning out t'be really good birffday."
"Don't thank her yet, Dude," Tucker chipped in. "You're gonna feel different when you're sober."
"If you say so much as one more word, Tucker, I can and will sic Cujo on you." Jazz frowned at the boy, cheeks redder than basic tipsiness would account for, and he quailed. "Danny loves karaoke. He's always loved it. He just doesn't let anyone know because you make fun of it. Why do you think I gave it to him this birthday? So he wouldn't be afraid to get excited."
"WAIT!" Danny stiffened.
Tucker flinched at Jazz's resulting glare.
The room went silent, waiting to hear why the birthday boy was in such a state of shock.
After a moment, the gears stuck in Danny's mind began to turn again, and he blurted, "ISSTILL EARLY!" Forcing his sister to move in time with his excited rocking, he exclaimed, "Jazz! Do you know wha'this means?!"
Danny's face positively glowed. "Th'rrs time today!"
"Time for what, Danny?" Jazz asked, amused.
"TO SING!"
4:29 pm
"Less'playa game!" Danny announced to the room. "This's a birthday p'rty. Therr should b gamez."
"Sure, Danny, what did you want to play?" Jazz asked, humoring her little brother. She half expected him to say Doomed, or maybe Monopoly, though she doubted his brain was capable of doing either of those things.
His face screwed up, like he was thinking extra hard. Twenty seconds passed before he finally came to what seemed to be a weighty decision. "Quit-itch."
Unsure she'd decoded right, Jazz questioned, "You want to play…Quidditch?"
"Yeah!"
"That's not a real game, Sweetie." Maddie spoke up beside Jazz, ever the voice of reason. "It's from a fantasy book."
"But—but…How do'ya know iznot real? 'M friends with'a dragon and godz and 'm practically a wizard!"
"Mom's right, Danny; Quidditch isn't real. But even if it was, it's not really a game we could all play," Jazz stated, making sure her voice came across amused rather than panicked as she risked a glance at Kamada.
When she looked back toward her supernatural brother, the ravenet's eyes were narrowed.
"You Weasleys are all the same."
6:12 pm
I see a Technicolor shadow
Underneath your window
Just in case you don't know
I can see it
You cast an unfamiliar day glow
Different than what I know
Shining like a halo
I can feel it
The lyrics had an echo and volume the living room couldn't account for, the lively melody dipping about the space with haunting acoustics.
Even drunk, Danny had hit every. Single. Note.
Perfectly.
"Wow, I had no idea Danny had pipes," Tucker admitted, rubbing his scalp through a multicolored beret.
"You have nobody to blame but yourself for that," Jazz remarked, voice clipped and just barely audible amidst the singing.
Tucker's eyes flicked toward the redhead but quickly averted, shoulders tensing slightly as he picked at a cracked portion of the vinyl beneath his leg. Shortly after, the younger adult pinkened, clearly uncomfortable that Jack, Maddie and Kamada's presence on the other side of the couch forced Jazz to sit so close.
"Encore!" Sam called from the carpet as the song faded out, the living room's floor recess acting as a sort of quasi-bench for both her and the sheep-patterned pajamas next to her.
"Sing 'Kryptonite' next!" the invisible accomplice chimed in, egging the half ghost on.
"I love that song!" Danny lit up like a mega-watt light bulb, not once questioning how a Japanese exchange student from a different dimension knew the name of an American rock song from the early 2000's. Instead he just tapped a finger against his pants and started bobbing his head in time with the iconic opening riff.
Hagakure enthusiastically cheered for the birthday boy, proving to be an over-the-top fan.
Sam sent a sly, almost-vicious smile Tucker's way, pinning the naysayer in place as if she'd heard Jazz's reproach.
Those amethyst eyes conveyed a clear message: I knew to request this song, so why didn't you, oh Best Friend?
The technogeek flinched, ducking further into a blue, sleeveless hoodie.
7:58 pm
"I'm jus-jussayin. Danny hassn' slurred in leik…ever. He ne'ds nother shot. I'm leavin him dust," Jack garbled from his jellified position on the couch.
"It's true, Mom; Danny hasn't slurred in like,—" Jazz checked her watch, "—two hours. It probably wouldn't hurt to give him another one at this point."
"I guess he did finish that second glass of water I gave him…" Maddie trailed off with a sigh. "Fine. He can have another."
"Sweet!" Tucker nearly pranced over to high-fived Jack, only to yelp and draw back when the collision smacked loudly. "Holy crap, Mr. Fenton. Are you trying to take my hand off?!"
The big man looked down at the hand he had just used and apologized, "Srry, Tuckr. My 'rms not movin' right."
Haru covertly leaned toward Toru at the exchange, "I wonder if he's normally that strong and just holds himself in check."
"Wouldn't surprise me," the UA girl whispered back.
"Down the hatch!" Danny called, tipping back another dose of poison.
The ghost boy's pupils dilated right as a grey figure floated in through the house's front wall.
Hagakure immediately lunged off the chair she'd been sitting on and into a ready stance, nearly tipping the 60's vinyl monstrosity onto its back. The only thing that kept it from toppling was that it hit the wall before it could.
On the floor, Haru froze, petrified.
"Hey, Guys, how's it swinging?" the new male greeted, leather jacket crinkling as he held a hand in front of Danny's face and waved it back and forth. He didn't seem to either notice the girl's reactions, or care.
"You're just in time, Johnny! Danny just had his second shot," Sam enthused, gesturing toward her friend with the video camera.
Toru slowly sunk out of her pose, apparently sensing the geniality of the atmosphere.
"What do you mean, second shot?" Johnny's eyes went wide and he leaned closer to the drunken boy. Before anyone could stop him, he reached a hand up and tilted the twenty-one year old's head back and forth.
It was like the halfa lost his skeleton, falling limp to the floor.
"Whoa," Danny breathed. "How…m've fast."
"Shit," the biker cursed, then turned to Jack's prone form. "I told you to take quarter-shots, Old Man! Having two Fire Snake shots is like having eight human ones and a strong edible at the same time." Johnny gestured to Danny, who started to roll on the floor with a massive, dopey grin.
"The gr'nd fur so soooooft."
"That shit ignores tolerance entirely!"
Jack frantically shhhed, hands waving in front of his face so fast it unbalanced the intoxicated man and he tumbled off the couch.
"JACK FENTON! YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS!?" Maddie screeched, uncharacteristically livid. "THAT'S IT! YOU'RE BOTH CUT OFF!"
"But Madzzz," Jack whined, "I c'ldn't tell. Wood've sp'il all the fun."
Maddie turned to the Fenton's ghostly visitor. "Is he going to be okay?"
"I—uh, when did he have the first one?"
"Five hours, seven minutes and thirty-four seconds ago," Kamada's trembling voice spoke up, posture showing how much effort it had cost her to utter the words.
"Wow—" Johnny glanced at Sam and Tucker "—That was oddly specific."
"Johnny," Jazz's tone was firm, brokering no nonsense.
"Right. Sorry. It sounds like he'll be fine, but he's in for one hell of a trip," the strawberry blonde assured.
"YOU—YOU!" Maddie twirled away from her son to face her husband. "WHAT IF DANNY HAD BEEN HURT, JACK?! THERE'S SUCH A THING AS ALCOHOL POISONING!"
The woman looked like she wanted to say more, but balled her fists and bit her tongue so hard it bled rather than continue. Stalking past Johnny, who faded out of sight on instinct, the black belt approached the orange man. Sinking low over Jack's shivering body with all the promised violence of a funnel cloud, Maddie's voice went cold, "You're going to bed right now—which currently resides in the shed—and doing Danny's chores for a year. Do you understand me?"
"Maddie, I—" Jack's voice was clearer than it had been in hours, adrenaline flushing the man's brain.
"Do. You. Understand. Me?"
"Yes, Sweetheart."
8:16 pm
"Danny?" Johnny 13 prodded; "You've been starin' at that quiet girl's gift for like three minutes straight. You good?"
"It's so lifelike."
The greasy ginger glanced down at the adhesive-vinyl "wires" running the length of the souvenir thermos. His lips twitched.
"What if—" the younger male paused, face pinched in worry. "What if I mix'm up?"
"I—" Johnny bit back a teasing remark. "I—ah—don't think that's gonna be a problem, Dude."
10:38 pm
Danny sat on the edge of his sleeper pod, the capsule's lid thrown fully open. Next to him, the brown dresser that had once held a clock played host to an entire family of little white feline figurines.
The halfa stared the creatures down, reaching forward to snatch one off the top. He succeeded, but nearly dropped two to the floor in the process.
The dazed man froze in fear, panic wracking him. When none of the pets fell, he exhaled heavily.
Drawing the cat close and stroking its cold, smooth head, he whispered, "I know Clocky sent you ferr'a reason. Tellme your shreckets."
Thursday, September 13th
11:02 am
"Still think it was a good birthday?" Jazz asked, watching her brother's swaddled form where it lay groaning on the couch.
The raccoon-eyed male lurched up, blankets popping like an overstuffed burrito. Only sparing a second for a weak glare, Danny grabbed a large bowl off the coffee table and promptly vomited.
"Can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea? Another brain cell perhaps?"
A wadded up rag flew across the room, missing Jazz's smirking form by a solid two feet.