The few days saw the reemergence of the 'Support Cedric Diggory – the REAL Hogwarts Champion' badges. Unlike last time, however, they were created by Harry to try and prevent confusion about whether or not there were one or three Hogwarts Champions. Of course, Harry had to use Colin as a proxy to sell the badges to the Hufflepuffs as it was far too soon to expect them to be able to speak to him for any length of time without attempting to hex him. And Draco was taking a great deal of delight in 'proving' that Harry was a witch all along through his Harry-in-drag wall scrolls, whose sales really started to pick up. It really made Harry wonder how being Draco's friend was all that different from being his enemy, but then he supposed to be fair he had set the tone for their relationship three years ago with that widely believed rumor.
"Harry, have you contacted your Headmaster yet?" Luna asked him seriously.
"My Headmaster? No, was I supposed to see Dumbledore about something?" Harry asked, trying to remember.
"No, no. The Headmaster – or Headmistress, more likely – or Salem Witches' Academy," Luna clarified. "You're entitled to representation too, you know."
"Is Salem even a real school?" Harry asked, surprised.
"Of course it is," Luna replied. "So that means you haven't then?"
"I have no idea who the Head-person is," Harry confirmed.
"Do you mind if I write to them then?" Luna asked. "They really should be informed."
"Even though I'm not really a student?" Harry asked.
"Even though you're not a student," Luna agreed. "Because for the sake of the Tournament, you're an honorary student anyway."
"Feel free," Harry told her.
"Thanks," Luna beamed. "Now, did you see that the Tournament made the Quibbler? Second page, too!"
"No, I didn't," Harry admitted. "Did you write it?"
"Of course," Luna said, handing him the most recent edition of her father's newspaper. "I was an eyewitness."
Harry Potter Ruins Triwizard Tournament
By Luna Lovegood
The Former Triwizard Tournament (Now the Pentawizard Playoffs), in which Viktor Krum is confused, Fleur Delacour is uptight, Cedric Diggory is complacent, Frederick "Forge" Weasley is awesome, and Harry Potter has the sex change they had planned for Ronald Weasley [younger brother to Frederick Weasley] last year.
In related news, Sirius Black is being temporarily placed into the London prison system because he "cruelly abandoned [his godson Harry Potter] for most of [his] life while [Sirius Black] went off living it up in Majorca." He is expected to be released before his godchild returns from boarding school and is legally required to attend biweekly meetings discussing "The Dangers of Child Abuse."
More on page 6 as well as 27 Uses for Jell-OO That You Never Would Have Thought Of (29 for Orange).
"Interesting title," Harry remarked. "It's not very flattering, though."
"Well, you did ruin any chance of this being a Triwizard Tournament when you entered Fred, even though you did not enter yourself," Luna pointed out.
"True," Harry acknowledged. "Pentawizard Playoffs…I like it."
"That's good," Luna told him, "seeing as how I petitioned to get the Tournament renamed."
"Did it work?" Harry asked.
"Pending approval from Fudge," Luna answered. "I have a meeting with him after lunch today."
"What's this about Sirius being placed in prison?" Harry asked. "I don't recall that happening…"
"I've heard it said many a time that a school is a prison and he will be here until you go home for the holidays," Luna explained. "Besides, we can't very well let him get away with cruelly abandoning you, now can we?"
"…You do realize he was actually in Azkaban, right?" Harry asked.
"Not legally he wasn't; I checked," Luna said simply. "And as there is no paper or magical trail to follow, we must simply accept him at his word. Besides, why would he lie about such a horrible, horrible thing?"
"Why indeed?" Harry mused.
----
Of course, his friends were all varying degrees of supportive.
Ron was a little annoyed that he didn't win, but fortunately this time since Fred won he could direct his jealousy there. George was also a bit miffed that he wasn't chosen but realized that only one of them could be picked and so the two were spending quite a bit of time plotting how to get around that little technicality. Hermione was completely unsympathetic to Harry's plight of suddenly finding out he was an American girl as he apparently 'deserved it' or some other such nonsense for creating his own school and entering it into the competition without telling anyone. Neville just seemed resigned to the whole thing and Harry wasn't entirely sure that he believed him about being framed. Cedric knew Harry was bound to enter and bound to win and so was just glad that he got a chance to compete as well but was a little overwhelmed by how much his already considerable popularity had risen and had taken to joining Krum for Lockhart's impromptu fame lessons. As for Draco, well…
"So how long do you think you're going to last, Potter? Ten minutes into the first tasks' my bet," Draco said confidently while they were waiting for Care of Magical Creatures to start.
"Ten minutes, huh?" Harry repeated. "That's actually not bad. I was hoping I'd finish a little sooner, but unexpected delays happen all the time and I'll probably get more support from the crowd if I take longer."
"That's not what I meant, Harry, and you know it!" Draco insisted.
"I know nothing of the sort," Harry denied.
Harry was spared any further attempts of Draco's to convince him when Hagrid started the lesson with the words 'walk the skrewts.' Naturally, Harry claimed allergies and decided to talk with Hagrid instead.
"So – yer competin', Harry. In the playoffs. School champion," Hagrid said seriously.
Hm, looked like Luna got Fudge's approval after all. "Yeah, I don't mind that so much as the SCHOOL," Harry said, sighing heavily. "I am never going to live this down, I swear."
"No idea who put yeh in fer it, Harry?" Hagrid asked anxiously.
"Honestly, no," Harry confessed. "My leading suspect is Barty Crouch Jr. but I just don't see how he could have done it…"
"Isn't he dead?" Hagrid blinked.
"Oh, who even knows?" Harry asked rhetorically.
----
The night before the Weighing of the Wands Harry simply handed Dobby his wand and told him to go crazy. While he wasn't entirely sure it was legal for Dobby to be handling it, he did a far better job polishing it than Harry would have bothered to do and he didn't want to embarrass himself again.
"You're late," Cedric said when he arrived.
"Sorry, Snape was trying to poison me," Harry said, not sounding apologetic at all.
"Really?" Fred said, sounding impressed.
"He didn't try to poison us until fifth year," George elaborated.
"Yeah, well we were supposed to be working with antidotes and I turned in a bezoar again," Harry said, shrugging. "It's kind of expensive, but the look on his face and the fact that he can't technically fail me because the assignment was to find a way to save someone from the various poisons makes it all worth it."
"Vat are you doing here?" Krum asked Fred, eyeing him suspiciously.
"I'm a champion," Fred explained. "You may have missed it with all the excitement going on Halloween, but that excitement was actually caused by Harry and my name coming out of the Goblet."
"Zen what are you doing here?" Fleur addressed herself to George.
"Moral support," George deadpanned. "I hear there's going to be a reporter here."
"Not to mention that he's not leaving my side until our mother's Howler comes," Fred added. "Are you sure you can't just TELL us how you managed to defeat it, Harry?"
"Sorry," Harry apologized. "Long-held family secret. I would if I could, believe me."
"You're the only member of your family!" Fred pointed out.
"Yes, but I have a seat in the Wizengamot I may eventually get around to claiming and as the last in a long line of Purebloods, I have family privileges like that," Harry explained. "Coincidentally, that's also how I got out of explaining how I managed to enter my school into the Tournament."
Harry didn't complain when Rita Skeeter pulled him into the broom cupboard and valiantly resisted making any sort of comments about how he was a bit young for this. It wouldn't do to anger Rita before her article came out, now would it?
"You won't mind, Harry, if I use a Quick-Quotes Quill? It leave me free to talk to you normally," Rita informed him.
"No, that's fine," Harry assured her, taking out one of his own. "I suppose you won't mind if I use one as well? Just a precaution, you see, in case the article is libel and I have to sue."
Rita paled slightly and Harry could only imagine the direction of her article was rapidly changing. "So, Harry…what made you decide to enter the Pentawizard Playoffs?"
"I was actually framed," Harry explained. "Surely you don't think I would enter as a female contestant willingly, do you? I'm a teenage boy and I've heard that that means I have a very sensitive self-esteem right now and this probably won't help."
"So you're denying your involvement?" Rita asked skeptically.
"I didn't say that," Harry countered. "I DID enter under my own school, the Harry Potter School of Awesomeness, but I was beaten out by Fred Weasley."
"I've never heard of the Harry Potter School of Awesomeness," Rita told him.
"Well, it's a new school," Harry admitted. "If you want to know more, I suggest you ask Headmaster Lockhart."
"Oh, believe me, I will," Rita said, sounding gleeful. Lockhart was always game for an interview, but she had to be careful because his lawyers were some of the best in the business.
"By the way," Harry said, glancing down at Rita's notes. "I would prefer you use 'striking' instead of 'ugly' to describe my scar."
"That's fine," Rita said agreeably, and the Quill crossed out and replaced the word accordingly. "Now – Why did you decide to enter?"
"I wanted to challenge myself," Harry answered. "It's a dangerous world out there and trouble seems to just seek me out. I half-thought that I would have to compete anyway, so I entered myself to try and prevent that. Obviously, it didn't work."
"It's the same end result, though," Rita pointed out. "How do you feel about the tasks ahead?"
"I'm okay with them; I have full faith in the Hogwarts educational system," Harry said with a straight face. "Actually, a bigger concern of mine is why in the world – if the tasks are spread throughout the year – we couldn't have had a Quidditch Cup this year. It's a travesty, really."
"What's this? Do I smell a scandal?" Rita asked, looking excited.
"It very well might be," Harry said neutrally. "You really should look into that."
"Champions have died in the past, haven't they?" Rita moved on to her next question. "Have you thought about that at all?"
"A little," Harry lied. Hell, he warned Cedric practically every time he encountered the other boy. "But people have also had killing curses shot at them in the past and I got away with a lightning bolt. Not a bad tradeoff, really. I think I may actually be immune to death."
"Immune to death?" Rita repeated incredulously.
"Well, I haven't managed to die yet, have I?" Harry asked rhetorically. "Despite the best efforts of half the people I know."
"How would you see looking death in the face before has affected you?" Rita inquired.
"Well, if most people had faced half the things I have they would probably have a nervous breakdown," Harry theorized. "I'd say I'm rather blasé about the whole thing myself. When almost dying becomes a habit, you really don't worry about it much."
"Do you think that the trauma in your past might have made you keen to prove yourself? To live up to your name? Do you think that perhaps you were tempted to enter the Pentawizard Playoffs because-"
"No, not really," Harry interrupted. "In fact, I'm rather indifferent as to what wizarding society as a whole thinks so I really just did this for my own sake."
"Can you remember your parents at all?" Rita pressed.
"…You DO realize I was only fifteen months old when they died, right?" Harry asked.
"Is that a 'no' then?" Rita wanted to know.
"Of course it's a no," Harry said. "And before you ask I think my dad would be proud of me and my mom would have killed me for doing something so stupid. This interview is over." With that, Harry threw open the door to the broom cupboard just as Dumbledore was about to open it.
"Hey, Mr. Ollivander?" Harry asked once Fleur, Fred, and Krum had had their wands checked. "How is it that you can cast spells with all of these wands and yet I merely touched half of the wands in your store, they started destroying things?"
"I would suspect it is because you are a menace to society," Ollivander replied absently. "Your wand, please, Mr. Diggory?"
Harry opened his mouth to protest then closed it again when he realized it was true.
"It's in fine condition," Ollivander was saying as he turned Cedric's wand over in his hands. "You treat it regularly?"
"Polished it last night," Cedric said, grinning.
The twins and Harry exchanged a look before they burst out laughing.
Cedric looked puzzled for a second before he got it and rolled his eyes. "Is a little maturity too much to ask for from Pentawizard Playoff Champions?"
"Hey, I'm only fourteen," Harry defended. Well, physically.
"True," Cedric acknowledged. "What's their excuse?"
"They're Fred and George," Harry said as if it were obvious. "They don't need one."