I woke up again in another morning, much to my displeasure. Perhaps some would view this trail of thought appearing first thing in the morning as extremely depressing, and they wouldn't be wrong. However, strange as it may sound, I don't feel a thing about it. For me, the simple wish for non-existence is as normal as breathing or eating—it's not bad, sad, happy, or cruel; it is a mere reality. A reality that humans fail to see or simply choose to shroud their feeble existence with mindless consumerism. In any case, death is nowhere near me, so my only option is to once more go through my awfully banal day.
I slowly drag my sleepy self out of bed, yawning a few times as I rub my half-shut eyes. Could barely wake up before hearing my Mom's voice coming from downstairs.
"Sayu! Are you awake, sweetie?" A lovely voice, filled with warmth.
"Going, Mom!" I reply, raising my voice slightly
Making my way toward the bathroom, I wonder how many times I have lived this same moment. Ever since a young age, I considered myself to be different from others. Somehow, I couldn't see the world as those around me saw it. In front of the mirror after brushing my teeth, I stop a bit to take a good look at myself, almost hearing the comments which are engraved on my mind as I trail each section of my face.
'You are beautiful... Your eyes are amazing... Yourhair...'
And although it is the truth, what does it matter if I'm still human anyway? Sure, I have a prettier shell, doesn't mean I'm free. One can become stronger, of course, but can you stop a bullet? One can seek to enhance their knowledge, but anyway, the human mind is limited. And alas, one can become rich, just to die sooner or later, maybe in a comfortable hospital bed if you are lucky enough. Is there any meaning to human existence?
I grab both sides of the sink strongly as my whole expression melts into one of subtle anger. I'm weak, bound by mortality without any way whatsoever of seeking that which I value the most: Power—raw and almighty power. Not political power or any other kind, I'm speaking of the power to seize whole worlds with my own hands. Enough power to be free to do as I see fit, enough to render any law made by Man or God's useless before me, enough not to have to endure anything ever again. I sigh to relax my mind, casting the recurring thought to the back of my subconscious again.
After dressing up in my school uniform, I go downstairs to have breakfast alongside my Mother before leaving. I was born into a lovely family, and I'm very grateful for that.
Walking toward the door, I hear my Mother's voice reaching out to me. "Have a nice day at school, sweetie. Love you," And despite my gratefulness for all my family ever gave me, it never stops being difficult for me to reciprocate her feelings.
"Love you too, Mom," I said with my back turned as I faced the door handle.
My own parents, yet I'm incapable of loving them. Every time I have to lie to them, I feel a sting on my chest as if a small needle is penetrating my heart. They gave me so much, and despite their being in my life for so long, I can't truthfully say that I love them. And then I set out to pass by the same streets, the same river, the same bridge—but I do enjoy something about this route.
"Come here, little kitten," I call out to a white cat, relaxing under a tree's shade on the side of the street. I feel a sort of connection between us, it is just like me, the cat, always staring at the same view, under the same tree—I passed by here almost every day for the past five years, and the creature was never once absent. As odd as it may sound, I feel like we are friends going through the same struggle. After petting the cat, I continued on my way.
At school, I have no problem interacting with my colleagues, and they most certainly have no trouble interacting with me either—a little bit of faking and a pretty face is enough to grant you a sort of status here, works like a charm. After a while of what seemed to be an eternity in this hellhole, the time finally came to leave; however, while packing my material, a shy-looking boy approached my desk, and I instantly knew where this was going... Another one, just great. Of course, I contain myself behind a smile to not let my displeasure show in my facade.
"Sayu... could I speak with you for a moment? In private, I mean" His voice trembles and he hesitates for a moment.
Ergh... I could puke already just from looking at him. I really don't wanna go, but if I don't shoot this nuisance down quickly, he will continue to try and be an even bigger nuisance soon. I open my bag, casually looking inside. My stun gun is fully charged, it seems.
"Sure, show me the way," I replied with a casual tone, wearing a gentle smile
I walked a step behind him as he led the way toward a more secluded part of our school. The hallways were filled with teenagers who cast odd glances at us, as expected. Well, I'm somewhat popular and single, so of course, people would stare if I walked alone with another boy. Ugh... tomorrow people will ask about it the whole day. Despite my annoyed self, we arrive at the location, and he hesitates for a few seconds but seems to find the courage to proceed.
"Eh, Sayu, I- like yo-u. Would you go out with me?!" Said the anxious boy, fumbling over his own words, too afraid to meet my eyes.
LIKE? I don't even know who you are for fuck's sake. A damn vermin, know exactly the type—if I ask him what exactly he likes about me, he will fumble and give a feeble excuse just to not say it is for my looks. A dumb lackey, it's all he is. Whatever, I'm tired already.
"I'm sorry, but I don't even know your name, nor do I know you enough to have an opinion about you at all. But let me tell you this, I don't feel anything related in the slightest to like when it comes to you," I said, still faking a gentle smile and a casual tone, contrasting deeply with my harsh words.
The boy, looking absolutely destroyed, clenched his fists and ran away without a word. I've had worse reactions before, thats why I walk around with a stun gun after all. Now thats over with, I begin to head home. My way back is mostly tranquil and banal as usual, however, today something different happened. The cat wasn't in his usual spot today, but despite having a bad feeling about it, I shrugged. It is a cat after all, it might be sleeping elsewhere today. At least, that's what I hoped.
But the world hardly cares about anyone's hopes. And mine are shattered as soon as I hear some students chatting loudly by the river as I walk across the bridge.
"Dude, you are cruel! You drowned the cat in cold blood," One of them said excitedly in between laughs.
When I heard this, I froze in place and slowly closed my eyes. What did the cat do to deserve such a fate, I wonder. All he ever did was mind his own business, yet humans appeared and destroyed everything like usual. Sigh... I don't care anymore.
"It was just a stray, no one cares about it anyway. If you didnt want me to, you shouldn't challenge me next time," another boy adds apathetically.
I turn sideways, walking over to the edge to gaze upon the group lying relaxed on the grass by the river under the bridge. I quickly spot a white cat lying flat on the grass, lifeless beside the group of three teenagers. My face is completely blank, eyes open wide, casting a menacing stare over them.
Vermin's... Beings so weak, yet they fancy themselves so superior to that animal. They barely acknowledge the existence of a life within it, but in the end, what's the difference between them and the creature? A cat might be less intelligent, so? Should we drown every def now? The arrogance... Humans who fail to know their place, yet ignorance is not to be blamed, but trimmed. I reach out for my stun gun, securing it behind my back as I throw my bag on the ground.
Sigh... why am I doing this? ... Whatever, I don't care anymore. This life is not worth living anyway. I know exactly what the consequences of my acts will be as I walk toward them, going around the bridge and descending into the grass field onto the riverbank. Both of my hands are behind my back as I approach with an innocent smile, portraying myself as harmless as possible.
"Boys, would you guys happen to know where I can find some fun around here? I'm new around, you know? Looking to make some new friends," I said with an innocent tone, announcing my presence to them.
They ogle me for a second, then turn to each other with sly smiles. One of them, who seems to be the one who drowned the cat, gets up and extends his hand to me.
"Oh, fun, you say? As a matter of fact, we happen to know just the place," He said with a malicious tone, almost giggling to himself as he tried to grab my arm.
As soon as he is close enough, I put my stun gun in his throat and click
"Ah!" The shirt boy fell to the ground agonizing
disgusting creature
the other two boys are trying to understand what just happened, but I dash at one of them and click
"A WHAT THE FU-" screams the boy falling
"what the fuck do you think you are doing bitch?!" say the last boy
he put his guard up, and I just took down two of his friends, if he did understand what was happening after that I would say he is a straight-up monkey
I dont know how to fight much less a boy, think Sayu think
an idea comes to mind
"wow putting your guard up I see, but you know getting a shock from this little thing here, boy it hurts, why dont you try asking your friends here?" I say while giving him a grim smile
"dont play dumb, I can take you without a problem" the boy says, but he hesitates
"Are you going to risk it? what if you slip, what if you miss? look at these pieces of human garbage on the ground. they are worth protecting?" I say with a grim smile
he hesitates, but in the end, fear takes the best of him and he runs away
MEN WHAT WAS THAT THIS THRILL IS TOO GOOD, I NEVER FELT THIS IS MY LIFE
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" I laugh hard
I never felt this good before
oops they are trying to get up, I run towards them and click
"AAAAAAAAA!! STOP PLEASE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!" the blue shirt boy screams
I dash toward the other and click
"AAAAAAAAAA! SON OF A BITCH!!" the boy at the left scream
they scream, the fear in their eyes, why this is so good?
making sure they cant get up for a while I walk toward the blue shirt boy
I grab him by his arms and I put him closer to the river, I grab his head
he seems to understand what will happen to him
"No please, I beg you, I beg y-" the boy tries to beg but I put his head inside the water
he tries to get out but his body is weak from taking too much shock
soon, he stops moving, I dont bother getting his head out of the water
the other boy is trying to crawl toward the street, I rush at him and I jump falling with my feet on his neck
a cracking sound could be heard
"Oops, I didnt see you there cockroach, I guess it is just a cockroach no one is going to miss it," I say laughing
the boy tries to scream but his voice stops coming out after that
I put my stun gun on the top of his head and click
the boy was struggling on the ground but was unable to scream, just a grim laugh could be heard
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I laugh loud
aah, right now looking at the sky, he looks more beautiful than ever
Do happy people see this all the time? I wonder
my peace moment lasts a few seconds
I hear sirens, shit, well I was not trying to hide in the first place, there's a bridge just right there, someone called the police or that other boy called, whatever I have to run
I get on the street and I keep running without looking back...?
why im falling?
what is happening?... I feel... pain
huh? ah, I see now, I got hit by a car, dont matter at least I died happy today.
...
Darkness... darkness everywhere I look? look? why do I feel like I have a body
I hear a man's voice
"how the pregnancy is going Maria?" say the men
a woman's voice answers
"it is for now, but I must say Lord Karyon, is harder than the last time for some reason, dont know what it is" says the woman probably named Maria
"dont seem that there is anything wrong but take care, i bid you good luck and farewell" say the men
wait? Pregnancy?.... god please no
disgusting disgusting disgusting, im lucky I cant see nothing here
stop Sayu now is not the time to freak out, lets think
If I'm capable of feeling and thinking means that Maria is already close to giving birth
I feel strange somehow like the feeling I had before about humans vanished, but something is replacing it
arrogance, an instinct to dominate
I feel stronger too
I really want another name too, first of all, I did not have any attachment to that life anyway
I want a name, a name, a name hehehehe
looks like things are going to be fun from now on.