Sonder still sat alone on her bed.
Just like her mood, the large window of the room was icy, veined with spidery frost.
And slowly, she began to cry.
She hadn't spoken to Vell since he was called away this morning to meet with the Lord Chancellor of the Kalandir.
She was glad that she was alone right now.
She was ashamed that she wanted this war.
She wanted this for vengeance. Not because the Kalandir had their own reasons, or if they were right to do this.
Beneath all of it was a single truth: She wanted to kill the Irath king.
It felt like her goal had started so long ago, and since then, her life had been muddled with distractions and adventures she'd pursued by her own will, and because of Vell, but right now, the opportunity to strike had presented itself.
She'd pushed the memory of her family aside, telling herself not to focus on them, to forget; that if she could just put distance between her and the memory of them, she could just forget and let it all go. But she couldn't.
She could never.
She owed them. Her family, and even the villagers of her home. They didn't deserve what had happened to them.
No one did.
Her thoughts returned to the Irath dungeons - to the warped flesh that had once been people.
How could they do that to someone?
Anyone who would do something so terrible did not deserve to be.
That was what Sonder thought. And she wondered if Vell thought something similar.
If he did, would he do something about it?
From everything she'd seen, he would be against war, no matter who was involved, nor did he wish to kill anyone, if he didn't have to.
But what was the point where he would?
To protect her? Would he always?
If she said she wanted to stay and help the Kalandir, what would he do?
Leave her? She didn't want that.
Force her to leave?
She wasn't weak, not anymore. She'd trained, physically and magically.
She was strong, powerful even. She could fight for what she wanted. For what she thought was right.
There was a reason for this.
"I am a weapon," she whispered to herself. "I made myself one for this reason. I chose this path."