The day after a full moon was always the roughest for Remus Lupin. Every bone and muscle in his body ached from the transformation. Today was no exception. As he rolled over to his side, he grimaced at the pain that let him know that muscles were required to do that.
"I wish Sirius would bring me a new bottle of joint medicine," Remus grumbled as another pain shot through his shoulder. "At least with Wolfsbane I don't bite or scratch myself."
A soft tap at his bedroom door was quickly followed by the door opening. The familiar pink-haired Tonks walked in carrying a bed tray loaded with food. "Brought you some dinner," She said.
"Thanks," Remus said. "Is it loaded with love potions?" He'd tried to make it sound like a joke, but the fatigue in his mind and body made the words lack the joviality they were meant to have.
"I…I wouldn't do that," Tonks replied. "I know I…"
"It was a joke," Remus explained cutting her off. "I know you wouldn't do anything like that."
"Well if I thought it would work," Tonks muttered as she moved toward Moony's bed.
"Nymphadora, we discussed that," Remus said with a sigh as he sat up gingerly in his bed. "I thought you understood that it's impossible and had agreed."
"I don't remember agreeing to anything," Tonks said as she put the tray over Remus' lap. "Are you saying you don't like me?"
"You've been talking to Sirius haven't you?" Remus accused. "That's how he knows."
"I haven't told him anything, but he does know," Tonks agreed. "He wanted me to know that I have his full blessing if it's what I wanted, not like I needed it. I'd just hex his bits off if he tried anything."
Remus sighed again as he remember Sirius mentioning it the previous night. "It won't work. I told you that."
"Tell me those reasons again?" Tonks asked as she tucked a napkin under Lupin's chin.
"Must we? Do we really have to go through it again?"
"I've got nothing better to do," Tonks replied as she lifted a cover off of a bowl of peas.
Moony sighed. "Look, first of all, I am too old," Moony said. "I'm…"
"You're thirteen years, one month and some odd days older than I am…so? I've already told you that it doesn't matter."
"There are many men your age that would be much better for you. Men not…afflicted."
"I'm not interested in other men, I'M INTERESTED in you. Besides, Prince Charles is twelve years older that Princess Diana in the muggle world."
"And if I'm not mistaken they have been separated for four years and are in the middle of a divorce."
"Only because he was getting some on the side. I know you'd never do such a thing."
Remus could only mentally agree that if he was whole enough to have someone as beautiful as the woman in front of him, he would never want anyone else, but he knew he was not good enough, not whole enough to be who she needed. He admired Tonks, liked her and even loved her but he also knew she would be happier with someone else instead someone like him. "But..."
"You had other arguments didn't you?" Tonks asked as she stole a pea from the bowl and popped it in her mouth. She wanted him to forget about the age argument and get to those she was ready to counter.
"You know I do," Remus said and when she kept staring at him, he sighed again. "Tonks, we've been through this how many times?" Again Tonks kept staring so he continued. "Fine. We'll do it again. I'm dangerous. I'd be a danger to you every month…I can't do that to you."
"A danger to me? Like last night?"
"You know this room is sealed on full moons just in case," Remus said. "I insist on it."
"I know," Tonks said as she wrinkled her nose. "Sure stunk in here last night as well with that stuff Sirius spilled."
"It's my joint pain medicine, but why did Sirius tell you he spilled it?"
"He didn't tell me, at least not after the fact. I watched him do it and then had to smell it all night."
A dawning comprehension crossed Remus' face. "You were in the room? He spilled it so I couldn't smell you when I changed."
"Yep," The metamorph said as she stole a biscuit from his plate and took a bite. "In that corner under an invisibility cloak," Tonks pointed to a corner of the room after she swallowed and took a sip of his juice.
"But…but you could have been hurt," Remus exclaimed.
"I'm a trained Auror. Even if you didn't have Wolfsbane I can still take care of myself, I just needed to prove it to you. Sirius agreed to help."
"But…"
"So I have to stay up one night a month to have the man I want," Tonks argued. "I'd go weeks without sleep and still think it's worth it."
"Tonks…I…I can't keep a job. No one will hire me. What kind of life can I even think to offer you? You'd probably even lose your own job once the Ministry found out."
"A happy life is what you can offer me," Tonks said. "Do you think I need money to be happy?" She had hoped the argument would get to this point. She was ready to snag her wolf by the tail. "So it really all comes down to that doesn't it? Your concern about my life and your pride?"
Remus laid down his fork and sighed. "I wish…I wish it could be different, but what I am will never change."
"I don't want you to change. I want you just as you are," Tonks replied. Then after a few seconds of silence she continued. "But what if it was different?"
"Then I'd think you were crazy to want to have anything to do with me, but why even think about it. Why torture yourself."
"I got a new job today," Tonks said with what appeared to be a change of subjects.
"Really?"
"Madam Bones asked me to join her staff."
"That's great," Remus said with genuine pleasure. "She obviously recognizes that you're the best she's got."
"Before I took the job, I asked if she'd still want me if I were dating a werewolf."
'YOU WHAT?" Remus exclaimed. The force of the words and physical reaction caused pain to shoot through his weary body and he leaned back on his pillow while keeping his eyes on Tonks. "You shouldn't have... it's…it's…not possible."
"Don't you understand? I told her and I'm STILL getting the job. In fact she said her niece had good things to say about you from your time at Hogwarts."
"But your friends…" Remus tried to argue but was cut off fairly rapidly.
"Any friend who does not believe in my decisions is no friend I wish to keep," Tonks replied as she picked up the spoon and lifted some peas toward Remus' mouth. "Now what else you got to argue with?"
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