For obvious reasons––I think––it, uh…took me a couple of minutes to get down to dinner after that. I spent most of that time sitting on Crystal's bed like an idiot, my eyes staring blankly towards the doorway and two fingers pressed against my lips.
I wasn't exactly the best with girls, but even I could take a hint when someone slapped me in the face with it. Well, I think I could at least. In hindsight, it seemed like getting kissed out of the blue was par for the course for me figuring out that a girl was actually interested in me. Rachel, sorta kinda Calypso, Annabeth…and now Crystal.
My cheeks turned scarlet as I remembered the dancing spark in Crystal's shining blue eyes as she kissed me. I'd seen her walk before and that sway she'd put into her hips had been very deliberate. There had been a promise in her smile that set my heart racing and made it somewhat uncomfortable to stay seated.
And then I remembered my previous kiss before today and my blush died in an instant. Annabeth's lips had felt like ice cubes against mine, except without the revitalizing touch of ice slowly melting into water. For all that we'd gone into things knowing either one of us might die, I think we both expected that it would be me that wasn't going to be coming back to camp.
I tried to take a deep breath, but the air caught in my throat and I leaned forward to cradle my head in my hands. My skin felt almost feverishly hot and my fingernails pressed futilely into my scalp, invulnerable nails finding no purchase in equally invulnerable skin.
It should have been me. It should have been me. It should have been me.
The words chased themselves endlessly through my mind, a mantra I'd found myself repeating on far too many nights over the last half-year. I knew it was pointless. I knew it was self destructive. I knew Ann––Annabeth would have hated to see me like this. But I just couldn't get it out of my head.
…shouldhavebeenmeshouldhavebeenmeshouldhavebeenmebeenmebeenmememememe…
With the words came regrets. I, Percy Jackson, the savior of Olympus, who had ventured into the underworld more times than nearly any other demigod in history (not counting the ones that lived there of course, Nico clearly didn't count), had never mustered to the courage to visit her in the Elysium fields. Even with the offer of godhood on the table, the Council had refused my pleas to bring her back, and after that I'd never had the strength to face her.
And now, it felt so very much like it was too late. I had no idea how to get home. I had no idea what would happen if––when––I died here. Where would my soul go? Where did the countless souls of everyone who died here go, even? For months that had been one of the few things that kept me going; the dream that when I finally was reunited with Annabeth, I'd be able to face her with my head held high knowing that I had lived a life she could be proud of.
"She would have wanted you to be happy. You did it, Percy. We did it. We paid a steep cost for this victory, but don't forget the countless lives we saved by stopping Kronos. If she truly loved you, and I think she did, she would hate to see you throw your life away like this, Percy. I miss her too Percy, but this isn't healthy"
The words had felt strange coming from a Huntress of Artemis, but they echoed what everyone else had told me too. I just didn't want to hear them.
In the end, it really was our flaws that defined us. I would have died to save Annabeth a thousand times over. Loyal to a fault, even if it killed me. And yet, what was loyalty in the face of hubris. Annabeth hadn't wanted to die, and yet she'd thought nothing of taking a knife for me when the time came. Even in her final moments, I don't think she ever truly believed that someone like Ethan Nakamura could spell her end.
I couldn't just move on. I didn't think I would ever forget Annabeth. But if Annabeth had been willing to give something so precious for me, then how could I spit on her sacrifice by throwing it all away?
Someday, I would see her again. It was not a question of it, but merely when. I didn't know how, I didn't know where, I didn't know when. But the sun rises, the earth spins, and I would see Annabeth again.
Until then though, I would live. So when I see her again, I can face Annabeth squarely and meet her eyes with certainty and pride.
I took a deep, ragged breath, and, with an enormous effort, managed to stand up. No one saw me as I shambled to the bathroom, delicious smells and laughter rising up the stairs and tickling my senses.
I splashed my face with water, fresh and clear, but good enough for now. I was the ocean. Deep and calm now, but dark and terrible when my fury was roused. Crystal was alive. Vicky was alive. Dinner smelled amazing.
I willed myself dry, brushed a hand through my messy black hair, and looked at myself in the mirror. Sea green eyes met their own reflection and for a moment I thought I could see just the barest glint of gold shining in the endless depths of the sea. I frowned. Right. That dream.
It was by far one of the saddest and least coherent demigod dreams I'd ever had and even a few days later I didn't know what to make of it. For what must have been the thousandth time, I wished that I could go back to camp and talk to Chiron. The ancient centaur had forgotten more about the world than I'd ever learned and was a veritable geyser of advice.
Vicky's voice echoed loudly up the stairs and down the hallway. "Percy, food's getting cold!"
My frown vanished. Dreams and grim thoughts of the future could wait. Dinner couldn't. Crystal's taste in food hadn't steered me wrong yet, and if she said the shells were good, I absolutely believed her.
Despite telling me that she wanted to talk later, Crystal ended up falling asleep basically right after dessert. The girl put away enough pasta, sauce, and leftover cheesecake to feed a (very pretty) grizzly bear––a side effect of Panacea's healing according to Vicky––and was out like a light barely fifteen minutes later.
Vicky stuck around for another hour and helped me work through the forms I needed to file as a PRT affiliated hero. It was terrible, but not nearly as terrible as the looming mountain I would have been dealing with if I was an actual Protectorate hero, and Vicky's help cut the daunting process down to barely fifteen minutes of work.
It turned out I could do everything right from my new phone. Vicky showed me how to navigate the preinstalled app and, while typing everything out on the tiny keyboard took forever, the amount of hassle it saved was pretty dang great. This cell phone thing was really growing on me. Just another amazing innovation denied to demigods by stupid monsters.
Thankfully, Vicky seemed to be over whatever had taken hold of her when I'd first arrived at the Pelhams. She'd made a heartfelt promise to be better and that was that. Ultimately nothing bad had really happened so I was just happy that she'd gotten a valuable learning experience out of the fight.
After extracting a promise to actually go to Buns 'n' Roses together tomorrow, Vicky flew off, leaving me alone with the Pelhams. That ended up being, uh…kinda awkward honestly. There was this whole thing with Crystal's mom and dad both tearfully thanking me for looking after their daughter while I just desperately wanted to be anywhere else. Thankfully they went to bed soon after, leaving just me and Eric awake.
Eric raised an eyebrow. "I hope you aren't expecting me to get all sobby too?" he asked jokingly.
I slumped back against the couch. "Oh gods please don't." That had been exhausting.
Eric laughed. "Don't worry, I won't." Then his expression turned deadly serious, his face in sharp contrast with the fluffy, cartoon animals on his sweater. "But like, thanks Percy. Seriously. Just don't go breaking Crystal's heart and we'll be all g, capisce?"
I was curious if Crystal had said something to him, or if it had just been obvious to everyone except for me. Still, there was only one way I could reasonably respond. "I wasn't planning to."
Eric grinned widely. "Good. Good night, Percy. Don't go sneaking into Crystal's room just yet, she needs her sleep. At least take her out on a second date first."
I was still trying to splutter out a denial when Eric calmly left the room.
Very annoyingly, I didn't get to talk to Crystal in the morning like I wanted to. I stayed up way too late, plagued by intrusive thoughts. Crystal's kiss, Eric's words, my fight with Hookwolf, and a thousand other things that had happened over the past week swirled in my head like fish caught in a hurricane.
I could barely believe that it had been less than a week since I'd first appeared here. Today was Monday, well, basically Tuesday, and I'd fallen through whatever weird portal or whatever had brought me here on Wednesday morning. Six days and yet a lot had happened. Then again, most of my quests hadn't really been much longer than that, and those could fill an entire book each with ease.
Anyway, apparently Crystal had classes all day on Tuesdays and Thursdays and she, along with everyone else, was long gone by the time I finally dragged myself out of bed around nine. Apparently our talk was going to have to wait until tonight, though maybe that was for the best. I wasn't really sure what I wanted to say to her, nor how I felt about what she'd done.
Crystal was smart, pretty, kind, and a whole bunch of other good stuff. I'd only known her for a handful of days but she seemed like a great person. She could totally do better than me. More than that, I wasn't really sure I was ready for…whatever it was she wanted. As much as I wanted to live a good life and be happy, I was still actively grieving and maybe it would be better to wait and take things slowly.
Realizing that I was getting nowhere, I spent a few hours training out in the backyard, then ate lunch and messed around with my new phone for a bit. It was really great to be able to access the internet without having to go use one of the grimy computers at the library, though I quickly discovered that sunlight made trying to see anything on the screen completely impossible.
Around two o'clock, I left the Pelhams home and headed down towards the boardwalk. It was a bit of a run and I didn't actually know the way, but that just meant I jogged all the way down to the coast––a son of Poseidon would never get lost trying to reach the ocean––then followed the water until I found the boardwalk. It was a bit of a detour, but I was never going to say no to spending more time next to the ocean and it wasn't like I was running late or anything.
I got there with plenty of time to spare. It was a gorgeous day, a bit cloudy, but not windy at all and warmer than it had been the last few days. Instead of waiting up on the boardwalk itself, I stayed down on the beach and lay down a little on the damp sand where the tides had soaked the ground but waves couldn't quite reach.
There was something profoundly relaxing about just lying next to the ocean. It wasn't as nice as lying in the ocean, but that would probably have looked suspicious to anyone on the boardwalk and some variety was nice too. Also, this way none of the nearby fish could come ask me to deal with their 'problems'. Like, come on. Most of the stuff they asked for was pretty damn stupid and I just didn't want to be bothered with it right now, but I was way too nice to say no if they asked and I wasn't doing something else.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, nearly making me jump out of my skin, but I quickly realized what it was. I didn't bother checking my messages, already knowing exactly who was texting me. After all, I could feel Vicky flying towards me, a big, person-shaped mass of water bigger than any bird zooming through the sky high above me.
I was up on my feet and jogging towards the cafe when Vicky landed. She spotted me immediately––my bright orange camp t-shirt stood out in a crowd––and waved happily as I hurried up the stairs that led from the boardwalk down to the sand.
"Hey Percy!" she greeted me, her aura brushing gently against my mind as she expressed her happiness.
I washed it away and smiled back. "Hey Vicky, how was school?"
Vicky deflated dramatically, "Oh it was awful." She grabbed my arm and started dragging me towards the bakery. "Dean has been so insufferable lately, you know? I'm not talking to him, but he's being such a dick about everything! We're partnered up in a chem and it's just been the worst. Then a bunch of people were pestering me with questions about the new hero Riptide," she winked, "but mom said I can't talk about him yet so it was like a whole thing."
The bell on the door rang as we entered the bakery and Vicky paused for a moment to look around the cafe and just breath in the smell of all the bread and other baked goods. A song I vaguely recognized was playing softly in the background and I found myself humming along with half-remembered lyrics.
'Cause nothin' lasts forever, even cold November rain,' the man in the recording sang passionately, 'Don't ya think that you need somebody? Don't ya think that you need someone?'
The red-headed woman I remembered seeing the first time I'd come here was standing behind the counter, also humming along with the song as she loaded cookies off a tray into a basket behind the glass. She looked up and smiled at us as we came in, then went back to work.
"Oh damn," Vicky whispered, "I can't believe I haven't been here before. This place smells so good!" She took a deep breath and swooned, leaning heavily against my side with her hair draping down my arm.
"Bakeries do that."
Vicky snorted in amusement then straightened, her feet floating several inches above the ground so she could stand level with me. "So what's good here?"
I shrugged. "Everything I've tried so far has been pretty great, but I've only been here a few times. I'm sure she can recommend something."
She could, in fact, recommend some things. Lots of things. Brownies and blondies, rich pies and wonderfully flakey croissants. We both ate more baked goods than was strictly a good idea. Then, with Vicky lamenting the terrible damage all these carbs would do to her figure, we went and spent an hour sparring at the isolated stretch of beach New Wave used for training. It was pretty great.
Well, up until right at the end when I helped Vicky to her feet and she decided to plant a searing kiss on my lips. To be perfectly honest, that part was also pretty great. After that though, I was just confused.
Dinner that evening was somehow even more awkward than it had been the night before. Vicky ended up leaving me alone on the beach soon after our surprise kiss so she could go pick up her sister from the hospital where she was volunteering. As much as I wanted to talk to Vicky about what in Hades name she thought she was doing, I welcomed the opportunity to clear things up with Crystal before I had to open a whole new pandora's box, so I headed back to the Pelhams, hoping that she would be done with her classes by the time I got there.
Instead, by the time I finally made it back Vicky and her sister were already there, having invited themselves over for dinner since Carol had gotten stuck in the office and wasn't going to be home until late in the evening. I tried to pull Crystal aside, but things just kept knocking me off track.
First Neil asked for my help bringing in groceries, than I got talking with Sarah about my food preferences, next Eric insisted on a retelling of my patrol with Triumph and Velocity, and so on until suddenly I found myself sitting at the dinner table flanked by two very pretty girls with no more answers and a lot more questions than I'd had that morning.
For what was probably the very first time in my life, I wished that someone from cabin ten was here. Most of the time dealing with them was something of a nightmare––they caused nearly as many problems as the Hermes kids and often shirked their less glamorous duties––but this seemed like exactly the sort of situation where their expertise would have been helpful.
Tartarus, I'd honestly settle for their mom too! I hadn't had the best relationship with her over the years, but maybe Aphrodite could tell me what was going on and what I was supposed to do about it. Preferably before I messed up, hurt someone, or had everything blow up in my face.
Like I'd told Eric yesterday, I didn't want to hurt Crystal, nor Vicky, but I didn't know how I was supposed to avoid doing so. Give me a titan or a horde of monsters any day and I'd kick their asses six ways to Sunday. I could even totally go for an ominous, cryptic prophecy that may or may not directly mention my death right about now.
This however was not in my wheelhouse. Right at this moment I didn't know what scared me more, the horrifying piles of paperwork I'd seen at the PRT or the way Vicky and Crystal were crowding me from either side like sharks herding a lone seal away from its pod.
Unfortunately, no divine messenger or helpful demigod of love arrived to answer my prayers for salvation. I momentarily wondered what my dad would tell me if I tried to ask him for help, then remembered that male Greek gods did not exactly have a stellar reputation when it came to relationships. Sure he wasn't as much of a horndog as Zeus, but who was? He'd probably make a crass joke, then encourage me to go for both cousins…at the same time. Maybe in Zeus's cabin for good measure.
Doing my best to ignore Crystal's hand on my right thigh, I smiled at Amy, who was sitting across the table from me, and tried to engage her in conversation. "So Amy, how was working at the hospital today? Have you been doing that sort of thing for long?"
Before Amy could respond, Vicky reached past me to grab the tray of tater tots sitting between me and Crystal, very deliberately using the action to press her chest against my side and give me a clear view down her low-cut top. Vicky, it turns out, was wearing a very frilly blue bra that matched her eyes. That was absolutely not the sports bra she'd been wearing during our outing earlier and it did a lot less to hide her…prodigious assets.
Amy's resting frown shifted into a momentary glare and she violently jabbed a meatball with her fork. "It was fine. I've been volunteering almost every week since I've gotten my powers."
I tried to not let her hostility get to me. Her attitude made perfect sense after what had happened with Crystal and she honestly looked exhausted to boot. "That's amazing, I can't imagine how many lives you've saved over the years. We had some…capes with healing powers back home, but none of them were anywhere close to as good as you are. Will could have probably healed Crystal's leg, but she would have been stuck in bed for a few days, maybe even weeks, and it would have taken much longer to boot."
Amy didn't respond, choosing to instead aggressively bite into her meatball while continuing to fix me with an angry stare. Instead, Vicky beamed at her sister, a wave of her aura washing over the table. "Yeah, my sister's pretty amazing, isn't she! I'm taking Parahumans 101 at Brockton U this semester and she actually came up in class a bit ago. There's not very many capes out there that can heal at all, only a tiny handful in the entire US, and among them Amy's one of the very best!"
Amy's frown faded slightly and she ducked her head in embarrassment. "Vicky––" she began, but her sister cut her off before she could continue.
"It's true! Brockton Bay is super lucky to have someone so amazing living here, but way too many people take her for granted."
"Your sister is right," Neil boomed from his place at the head of the table. "New Wave is very lucky to have you, Amy! You are a credit to our family. Really, all of you kids are! Carol, Mark, Sarah, and I, we're all getting old, letting things slip in our old age. It's all of you that are keeping the heroic spirit of New Wave going strong."
"You're not that old yet, dad," Eric drawled.
"Perhaps not, but I'm certainly not as young as I once was. Times where I'd go on a late evening patrol, stay up all night with your mother, and be ready for work the next day spry as a spring chicken, but that's in the past now I'm afraid. Best I can manage most nights is two out of three."
"Dad!" Crystal exclaimed loudly, her cheeks blazing red with embarrassment."
Sarah tilted her head to the side and fixed her husband with a playful glare. "Two out of three, huh? Well, I think you can do better than that darling. I see a lot of late night…patrols in our future. Perhaps together, down by the bay. Like we––"
Crystal made a strangled, choking sound and Vicky looked like she was about to burst out laughing. "Mom!" Eric cut in, sounding rather scandalized. "Get a room!"
Eric had barely stopped talking when Neil immediately pounced. He wiggled his eyebrows and smiled at his son, his pearly white teeth flashing. "Maybe we should, Sarah darling. I'm sure Eric can take care of cleaning up and––"
Eric quickly backpedaled, the threat of extra chores instantly making him reconsider his words. "After dinner, I mean. And dessert. And maybe just wait until after I've gone to bed like normal parents."
While the Pelhams were distracted, Vicky, who had been watching the proceedings with a big smile on her face, leaned in towards me and whispered, "You know, I could go for a late night patrol too, you know. Just the two of us. I know a lot of great, out-of-the-way spots where two heroes can patrol…vigorously."
I knew I could be oblivious sometimes, but even I couldn't miss the obvious connotations, nor the way her voice dropped at the end of her sentence. My heart skipped a beat and my breathing hitched momentarily as I remembered the touch of Vicky's lips against mine and the promise of more blazing in her eyes.
I didn't know how to respond. Everything was moving so fast. I still hadn't talked to Crystal, whose hand had at some point creeped dangerously far up my leg without me noticing, and right now I didn't even know what I wanted to say when I did. I felt a bit like I had towards the end of the Titan War, pulled in too many directions by fires I needed to put out before it was too late, but this time I had no idea who I could turn to for help.
At least the stakes were lower. If I fucked up, I'd just ruin two of the few positive relationships I'd managed to form since I'd arrived in the bizarre land of superheroes and not doom the entire world to Kronos's tyranny. Somehow that didn't actually make me feel any better, Olympus damn it.
"I'd be happy to go patrolling with you sometime," I said quickly, then shoved another bite of pasta into my mouth before I could put my foot in my mouth more than I already had.
Vicky's smile turned sultry and she slowly licked the bright red sauce off her fork. Despite my best efforts, my eyes were briefly drawn to the way her tongue trailed along the shiny metal, then down to her chest and the deep square neckline of her blouse. I quickly tore my eyes away, but not before Vicky noticed where I had been looking.
I bit my lip and hurriedly refocused on the conversation going on. At some point while I'd been distracted, the topic had moved away from Sarah and Neil's flirting and onto the merits of different desserts. Also Amy was glaring at me again, and honestly I couldn't blame her this time either. She'd obviously caught me checking out her sister and I sheepishly looked away when our eyes met.
Crystal's voice shook me out of my reverie. "What do you think, Percy?"
"Huh? Oh, uh. Honestly, as long as the dessert is blue, I probably like it. My mom used to make me all sorts of blue foods and desserts and they bring back a lot of good memories. Blueberry pie and those sorts of things are great, but I also like blue candy. If I really had to pick…chocolate chip cookies. My mom makes these amazing blue chocolate chip cookies and I just can't get enough of them. I––" my voice caught in my throat.
I missed my mom. I really, really missed her. I wished I could talk to her right now. She wasn't a god or Chiron, but there was no one else whose opinion mattered more to me than hers. I hoped she was okay. I wondered if she knew I was missing yet. Had anyone bothered to tell her? Did they even know I was missing? It was more than possible that people just thought I was out in the depths of the sea somewhere. I'd disappeared for longer than a week at a time before, and there were plenty of places out in the world where even the gods' power couldn't reach.
Crystal's hand squeezed down on my leg comfortingly and I cleared my throat. "Or maybe brownies. I do love brownies. Anything with a lot of chocolate in it, really."
It was obvious that everyone had noticed my pause, but I was thankful when no one commented on it. Still, the mood at the table dropped noticeably. Great going, Percy! First you let everyone down, then you get everyone down! That's the Percy Jackson way!
After a few awkward moments, Neil loudly cleared his throat and clapped his hands together. "Well, it looks like everyone's finishing up. They won't be blue, but I'm pretty sure we've got some cookie dough left in the freezer. How do people feel about having those for dessert?"
"That would be great, dad," Eric said softly when it looked like no one else was going to respond.
"Great!" Neil stood up quickly, his chair scraping loudly against the floor as he pushed it away from the table. "I'll go pop those in the oven, then."
I sighed heavily and looked down at the remaining food on my plate. The pasta and meatballs were both great––Sarah Pelham was a fantastic cook––but suddenly I didn't feel nearly as hungry as I had just a few minutes before. I was still going to eat it all, the Curse of Achilles meant that I always cleaned my plate even when stress took away my appetite, but my next bite tasted like nothing, as did the one after that.
I picked up a meatball with my fork and stared blankly down at it. "Everything alright, Percy?" Crystal asked softly.
"Yeah Percy, you don't look so good," Vicky chimed in. "We can take a rain check on that patrol later if you're not feeling up for it."
"That…" I sighed again, "might be for the best. Sorry Vicky. It's been a long couple of days."
"I get you, don't worry about it. The offer is always open." Vicky looked me straight in the eyes and slowly licked her upper lip. "Any time, but maybe don't wait too long, 'kay?"
"I won't," I told her, doing my best to project more confidence than I felt.
"Great! You know, I've never tried to make them blue, but I know a great chocolate chip cookie recipe. Maybe when the PRT finally gets you your own place I can come over and we can make some together. Christen the new kitchen, you know?"
Vicky grabbed her glass and stood up. "More water?"
"Yes please."
She grabbed my glass and then Crystal's when her cousin shoved the empty cup towards her, then headed towards the kitchen.
"Maybe we could both use an early night today," Crystal told me after Vicky was out of sight. "You're right, it's been a long couple of days. I could use some time to destress."
"Yeah." I took a deep breath. "We need to talk sometime. About what happened yesterday, I mean. Sooner than later. You don't have classes tomorrow morning, right?"
"I don't." Crystal bit her lip and looked away. "Yeah," she echoed, "we do."
I thought that would be the end of it for today, but apparently Crystal and I had very different ideas of what our 'talk' was going to look like. Two hours later I was sitting on my borrowed bed, Annabeth's magical Yankees cap held loosely in my hands. The house was silent, Vicky and Amy long gone and the other inhabitants all dispersed to their own rooms.
The door to my room creaked open and I looked up to see Crystal peeking in through the door. "Can I come in?" she asked softly.
I set the hat down on my bedside table. "Sure. I thought you were going to bed?"
"I am." She padded into the room, her bare feet nearly soundlessly on the carpeted floor, then closed the door and locked it behind her. She was wearing a bathrobe, the heavy fleece fabric drawn tightly around her.
"You know, our house has some great soundproofing. The family that lived here before us were musicians you see. With the doors closed, you can't hear a thing even from the neighboring rooms."
"Okay?" I began, and then my voice abruptly cut out.
Suddenly, Crystal was no longer wearing a fleece bathrobe. Nor anything else, for that matter. She hung her bathrobe up on one of the hooks on the door, then turned back towards me and planted her hands on her bare hips. "You're a bit overdressed for our…talk," she cocked her hip and leaned forward slightly, "would you like some help with that?"
I opened my mouth, but no sound came out.
"I'll take that as a yes."