"You're a gold digger." I heard Blake choke back a laugh. "That's what Yang says when someone likes money, right? She said I'm one because Tianyu and I made our baby together."
"You made a what now?"
"She means her weapon. Wait, is that why it cut through Dove's sword the other day?" Blake asked.
"Yup! Our baby is made out of some super-metal. I tried to make Crescent Rose myself but I couldn't even get the forge hot enough to dent the nugget. Tianyu had to do some weird magic thingie."
"That's so unfair. How come you get a super-weapon?"
"Wait, step back a bit. I'm not a gold digger!" Weiss yelled indignantly. Ah, there it was. Yang acted like I was so innocent. It got annoying sometimes, but it was pretty fun when everyone else tried to decide if I was messing with them on purpose or not.
"I mean, definitionally speaking…" Blake trailed off, highly amused with this conversation.
"Oh, don't you start."
"I was going to say, 'You're not a gold digger because you're not sleeping with him.'"
"Right? Exactly, Ruby. Don't let Yang fill your head with nonsense."
"But," I could practically hear Blake's smug grin. "If your own conscience condemns you, let it be the one to cast the first stone."
"I hate you both."
"Seriously though, how long would that much dust last if it's used by a kingdom like Vale?"
"I have no idea," Weiss said. "It depends on how deep it goes, I suppose. Even so, considering that it's all one solid chunk rather than small veins, I would say quite a while."
"That's really impressive. Is… Is there any truth to the whole Jade Rabbit nonsense he keeps spouting?"
"I mean… Maybe…? He has his bunny mafia too, but I don't think he's literally some moon god who's come down from another world."
"Y-Yeah, no way. Hahahaha. Gods aren't real," I laughed nervously. "And they definitely didn't abandon the world. And Tianyu didn't regrow like half of someone's soul with a cake pop…"
"Ruby, those are some very specific denials."
"L-Look at the time! We should all go to sleep. Busy day tomorrow!"
"Ruby? Ruby? You know that makes you seem even more suspicious, right?" Weiss said. She kicked the bunk below me but I let out a loud snore. She couldn't be suspicious of sleeping people. That was against the rules.
X
Willow Schnee
"Klein, what is this?" I asked.
It was morning. Like most mornings, I was hung over and my head throbbed from the lack of hydration. It was a sad state of affairs, one best remedied with more wine.
Yet, instead of more wine, the head butler held a scroll in his hand, one already turned to a video.
"Well, madam, I believe I have something you should see," he said.
I sighed. I knew that tone. It was the same tone father used to express disappointment in me. Oh, he never said it, but it was heavily implied. Klein had been with the family for so long that he had father's trademark tone down pat.
I sat up in bed. Groggily, I stood and used the nightstand to prop myself up. "Fine, shower first. And more wine. I'm not dealing with whatever that is sober."
To my surprise Klein did not protest. "That… would not be an unreasonable response in this case, Madam Schnee."
I looked at him more closely. Few things ever showed on his face; he was a professional of the highest caliber. He was a young boy when he was hired by my father as a hedge trimmer and had seen everything there was to see.
Yet, I could spy the crinkling of his crow's feet, the nervous tension that poked holes in his normally unflappable facade.
"That bad, huh?" I waved him off before he could speak. "Never mind. I'll see for myself. Just have another bottle brought up."
"Yes, madam."
X
I stared blankly at the scroll in front of me. I had a shower. I had breakfast, a light, two-egg omelet with a gooey center dusted with chives and freshly cut oats. I had a glass in hand of the finest pinot noir money could buy and a pleasant buzz going. This was the most alert I'd been in days.
I failed to compute what was in front of me.
"Klein?"
"Yes, madam?" My butler replied dutifully.
"I-Is this… real?" I asked. It was unlike me to stutter, not without another four glasses anyway, but I wasn't sure how else I should phrase my question.
"Preposterous, madam. You have not vacated Schnee manor for a long enough duration to-"
"Not that! I think I'd remember having a second son," I snapped. I was a lush, a pale shadow of who I used to be, but I wasn't that far gone. "This… claim… Is it being made in earnest? It's not some joke?"
"As far as we can tell, Miss Weiss had not seen fit to reject the claim."
That… That changed nothing. It gave the faunus some credit, but Jacques would bury him alive, maybe literally.
"Dear Mother: An open letter to Willow Schnee," read the video title. It had been published onto the Hunters Union message boards by one "Rabbit Stew."
The thumbnail was a picture of my presumed bastard son, according to the comments. He was an absolutely adorable bunny faunus with red eyes and my family's trademark white hair. He was certainly pretty enough to be a Schnee, no, even prettier. Putting aside everything else, there was an ethereal, sublime beauty about him, as if the gods opted to make a perfect statue to show all humans how much we fell short.
I read the title one more time. I understood the words individually, but their collective whole slid off my vision. They formed meanings I was not drunk enough to entertain. Surely no one was this suicidal.
I threw back the glass. When that emptied, I tossed it aside and reached for the bottle before downing it as fast as I could.
"Fine," I hiccuped. "Let's hear it."
I pressed play.
Author's Note
Brought to you several weeks early by some hick from Texas.
Imagine demanding a Campione retract a statement. He is king. His word is law. Ergo, to demand such is to demand that he repeal a law, the adoption of a younger sister no less. There was only one way this could possibly end.
In other news, Tianyu is a lying liar who lies. He doesn't lie about his power, but everything else is fair game so long as he finds it funny. He's a bit of a chaos gremlin.
Animal fact? Sure. Baby elephants suck on their own trunks for comfort the way children suck on their thumbs. I don't know if I've used this one before, but it makes me smile every time I think of it anyway.
Thank you to all of my patrons. As many of you know, I update at least once a week. That said, I update much more frequently on Pat-re-on. If you would like to drop a tip, read my stories early, or vote in monthly polls, come and visit.
As of now, this is how far along each story is: