"Stupid leg"
If there's something you'd expect to happen when buying the materials for your NSTP activity with your classmates, almost breaking your ankle ain't it. Turns out that the greatest enemy that destiny has prepared for me in this life is a misplaced rock in the middle of the sidewalk. At least my classmates had a good laugh for a minute or two.
Now here I am, the day after that incident, limping on my way to school. It doesn't help my current state that my 1-hour commute has a 10-minute walk to the public bus. Oh well, that's life, I guess.
The gazes of strangers passing by me send a nervous signal to my brain. Social anxiety is the enemy. I try to not notice their judging stares, or are they judging? I dunno. Best to forget about it. Doing my best to not make eye contact with passers-by. I mentally check the materials for today's activity. Throw Pillow? Check. Parent's Consent? Check. Triangular Bandage? Check. Hoodie? Check.
Good, I got them all. Although the thickness of my triangular bandage leaves much to be desired. My professor in NSTP specifically told us to not buy them at Mercury Drugstore. It's too thin she said. Heh, the little rebel in me bought them in the store with 4 of my classmates. Now that I'm on my way to school, a good 150 meters of distance. I can't help but think she's right. The thing's got holes that may as well be the epitome of trypophobic fear. Oh well, it's not like she's going to individually check our bandages. That will be nuts.
Before I realized it, I was near the front gate. Glasses of the building around it act like a mirror, reflecting myself. Damn, I'm beautiful. A moment later, a look of disgust forms on my face.
Fact: I am narcisstic
Another fact: I have social anxiety
Also another fact: I am pretty judgmental, especially to myself.
Put them all together and you have a pretty powerful combination in hitting one's self-esteem to rock bottom. One's self-esteem AKA my self-esteem. My natural features do not help one bit. A chubby face from the result of almost no cardio. Bangs that reach to my eyebrows. A haircut that does not match said face. And a fat body that's a consequence of devouring food during the time of the pandemic.
As I step onto the campus, I am greeted with a familiar scene. Looking to the right, an old building with signs of restoration fills my eyes. It's not really dilapidated when you think that it's almost 100 years old. A shade of green is in the front of that building. The grass seems freshly cut. A gust of wind blows my hair and I am met with the scent of pleasantly sweet, sharp scent of freshly cut grass. Yep, freshly cut indeed. Adjusting my head to my front, the guard maintains eye contact with me for a second then looks at my leg. Damn it.
"Mornin'.", he states. The guy seems so pleased with himself with that word.
"Yep," I said as I nodded back at the guard, not really in the mood for morning pleasantries. My leg throbs with each step, a constant reminder of yesterday's embarrassing incident.
Before I opened the door to my classroom, I heaved a deep sigh. It's a routine I do to shake off the feeling of nervousness I get when entering a room.
Turning the doorknob, I find that it's locked. Shit. I forgot the activity is going to be held in the gymnasium. Embarrassment fills my mind and flushes my face as I look around. Whew. Good thing nobody saw that.