"Raise your head."
"Will you forgive me?"
"...it's not about forgiveness."
Tobe noticed a drop of wetness on the floor of the clubroom of the Service Club, which made him look up hurriedly as he looked at Yukinoshita, who was crying.
"I..."
Her voice was low, seemingly about to crumble, and it took time for her to talk, yet she tried to talk, expressing the words that came from her heart. "I am not worthy of being apologized to since... I am not such a good woman, either."
"Why?"
Tobe didn't urge her and listened to her carefully, yet he didn't try to get close to her, wiping her tears even though it was something that he should do. However, he didn't feel that it was right for him to wipe those tears from her face, especially with what he had done, and he was also confused by why she apologized to him, too.
"I am... I am... my heart isn't as pure as you thought it was. I don't fit with you."
"Why?" Tobe became even more confused as he looked at her, who seemed to be riddled with guilt. "Did you eat the sweets secretly?"
"...no."
"Smoking? Alcohol? Marijuana?"
"Of course not, I won't touch such things!"
"Then..." Tobe hesitated, then asked quietly, "Did you kill someone?"
"...what do you think I am?" Yukinoshita looked at Tobe speechlessly since all the crimes that he mentioned were just too much!
"Then, why did you think that you were unfit to be on my side? I think that I am the one who is unfit to be by your side?"
"No, I am happy that we can meet and... I really love you." Yukinoshita took a deep breath and confessed, "I love you so much that I don't want to lose you, so I asked my older sister to help me by erasing all of those girls who have a possibility to get close to you."
"..." Tobe.
"Ugly, right?" Yukinoshita was helpless. "Somehow, I tend to have extreme thoughts whenever it comes to you. I know that I shouldn't be like this, but... sometimes I can't help it. Like, how... I asked my older sister to order Hayama to date Yumiko."
"....." Tobe.
"And, when I thought what had happened to you with that BL lover girl... I should thank you for stopping me at that time, since if you didn't, then I might have caused something that might make me move from this school."
"..." Tobe.
Her eyes were serious, and it was clear that her words contained no lie.
Or rather, she hardly lied, as that was how she was, never lying, so she expected the others to do the same. Unfortunately, her boyfriend, the one to whom she had given her feelings, body, and heart, was full of lies.
Still, as she was truthful, he thought to be truthful, too, but—
"It's okay."
"..." Tobe.
"What do you mean by it's okay?"
"Whatever you have done, unless you don't want me by your side, then I will still love you."
"..."
Tobe wasn't sure what kind of expression he had at this moment, since, unlike in the past, where there were many twists on how, in the end, he could be accepted by the main heroine, like how Kaguya, who was being engaged to someone, or Kaho, who saw him having sex with another woman in the hotel room.
This time, it wasn't like that; it was just a normal conversation between the two as they faced each other.
If he were kind, he should let her go, letting her be with someone who could treat her like she was the most precious treasure, yet, while it might sound like narcissism, he felt like... she might do something drastic for him.
She needed him, and he knew that, but was it really okay to accept everything even though he wasn't even confident that he wouldn't make her sad again?
"...do you not want to break up with me?"
"No, of course not."
On that question, Tobe spoke fervently.
"Then, what's the problem?"
"Because I don't think that I am worthy of you. It's not just Hina, and there are more. Behind you, I have been playing around, using the words sincerely and love as an excuse, so I can be with others."
There was even Yukinoshita's mother and older sister, too.
The feeling of lust was nice and all, but somehow it became empty when he had released all of that. It was completely different from the fulfillment, completeness, and all the happiness that came from being with someone you truly love.
"But you still want to be with me?"
"Yes."
Tobe nodded. "Even so, I still want to be with you, but if you just forgive me like this, or not even have given me any punishments, or something, and just accept everything, I feel like... I am unworthy of you."
"Then, you think parting away is your way for atonement?"
Tobe blinked his eyes, then nodded. "You are right. That seems to be the case, but... I also feel that it is too selfish of me to make such a decision immediately."
"You are right. You are selfish."
"So... you are okay with it?"
"Yes." Yukinoshita nodded. "I am fine even if you have slept with my mother or older sister, too."
"..." Tobe.
"... you're so tolerant with me."
"You are underestimating yourselves, Kakeru. For me, you are the light, and if I lose you, then I might not be able to get up."
"You are underestimating yourselves, too, Yukino." Tobe hesitated to hug Yukinoshita, but as she moved closer, he held her softly as he wiped away her tears. "You are beautiful, and there are many guys who will approach you."
"But none of them are you."
Yukinoshita lay on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, as she thought about their interactions. Even if there might be someone who would treat her like she was a precious treasure, what she wanted was only Tobe, not anyone else.
"What about you? Do you think of me similarly to others?"
"No."
"Why?"
Why did he think she was special?
"Because you are my first. While I want to be with you forever, I am not sure what will happen in the future, especially since while you tolerate me now, you might not in the future, so thank you for accepting me."
Even if he somehow could be with others and had his happiness with others, the feeling wouldn't be the same. Probably, when he had nothing to do, he would reminisce about his past, thinking of how he had hurt someone who loved him so much, yet he had a pretty good life despite all of that.
He wasn't sure whether he could be grateful or was just trying to be grateful as much as possible since he was still given a chance that his existence meant happiness for others, despite having hurt others, too.
Still, if he could be with Yukinoshita, it would mean that he hadn't hurt her, and he could make her happy even if his ways to bring her happiness were different from how it was before.
"Anyway, it's good enough that you don't sleep with all the girls in the class, school, or even the country."
"..." Tobe.
"Do you think it is possible for me?"
"I do think so." Yukinoshita nodded. "You have that possibility."
"...don't get strangely positive for me on that."
Tobe let out a helpless sigh as he leaned his forehead against hers.
"You are like that beautiful woman, who is being catcalled or talked to because of how beautiful you are. Even if you say nothing, people will come to you like those ants who approach sugar."
What was the fate of the sugar, then?
The sugar would be crowded and eaten by those fierce, hungry ants.
Had his existence become like that?
As he looked at the reflection in the mirror, he could only sigh helplessly, but he couldn't really deny Yukinoshita, since everything started from appearance, and wasn't it because he liked her face that everything began. Still, even so, there had always been something that came from the heart, and whatever it was, and even if in the beginning it wasn't pure, it was all fine, too, since the problem of the heart was complex.
No one is right or wrong since everyone is different, yet, as long as one treasures the others, no matter what the shape is, that's what's important, right?
"By the way, did you really sleep with my mother and older sister?"
"....."
Before all of that, Tobe knew that he had to fix this problem first, or else, he was sure his lower body would be ripped by Yukinoshita.