~Sirius~
This situation reminds me of something someone once said to me. I'm not sure who said it or why, but I remember it being an older voice. Perhaps it was my grandfather? Who knows... Anyway, the quote went like this:
"Do not spend your life observing. Be the one that is observed."
I remember thinking at the time that I didn't want to be observed. I hate when attention is drawn onto me. But, I think what they were trying to get at is: Don't be an outsider to your own life. Don't just watch life pass you by... Be a part of it.
...Such wise words... Maybe I should put it on a poster. Poor comedic attempt aside, I think that, albeit a small one, I've taken the first step towards it... Towards that life that's been slipping through my hands all this time.
To want is an act of living. To make conscious choices is a sign of cognition. And with that cognition, I think I can safely reflect and say...
I've been pretty stupid. I've been so caught up in my delusions that I failed to grasp the reality in front of me.
I'm not on Earth anymore.
My parents aren't here, the people from school aren't here... No one in this world knows me. No one has expectations of me. None of my strains from Earth apply here.
I don't need to pretend anymore. I don't need to put on that mask anymore. Obviously, I never HAD to, but... I've never known how else to act. And now that I'm free to be whoever I want to be, I'm sort of at a loss. But, as Korlin made clear, I guess, for now, it's alright...
When I first arrived in this world, I was so taken aback that I forgot my own facade. Over time, it tried to take hold of me again, but I kept trying to suppress the need to put on that perfect face. I was doing so well, but at some point it just... I fell apart. Or rather, I regained my missing false self.
Honestly, I call it a facade, but really... I don't know who I am without it. My mind and emotions have been blurry for so long that I don't know how to properly act in front of others. I struggle to make proper connections. Even after Korlin "opened my eyes," I still can't see him as anything to me.
That sounds rude, and I feel bad for putting it that way, but alas, it is the truth. Hopefully, and I truly hope, over time we can develop a connection. I hope to call him a proper friend. A real friend.
I've always wanted one of those.
Man, that sounds pathetic...
Anyway, this is a fresh start for me. It's time to start my life over again. It's time to actually live. It's time to be observed.
And while I'm not fully sure of how... I'll try to become me. Maybe getting my memories back will help with that? Hopefully. I only pray we make it in time...
That being said, I'm not entirely sure if there IS a time limit. The stopwatch is counting down, and when it reaches zero, I'll forget my last memory. But, if I do lose all my memories, and if we find the witch afterwards, can she restore them? I hope I don't need to find out.
For now, I shouldn't worry about it. Right now, I have a more pressing matter... I need to apologize.
I asked Korlin to gather up the members of the house.
Looking back, I was completely out of sorts. Even on Earth, that's not how I acted. I wasn't THAT bad... Right? I don't think so... I hope not.
And so, I feel the need to apologize for acting so stupidly. My actions surely caused them to think poorly of me, but I hope they'll at least listen to my plea... Is this even the right move? Is asking for forgiveness what I should be doing?
Oh no, I'm having second thoughts... This is why I don't make decisions.
Well, I already asked him to gather everyone... They seem to enjoy Korlin's presence, so I'm sure they'll come since he asked. Pholy might not though, she seems to have mixed feelings about him. And me, for that matter. Not to mention it is late...
I compose myself and prep to enter the meeting room.
Technically, it's the dining room, but that's beside the point. No one eats together except for breakfast, anyway, and that's not even in this room. Oh gosh, breakfast tomorrow will be extremely awkward if I mess this up... Then again, it already was awkward before...
Breathe. Calm down. Stop overthinking. It's just talking. You can do that.
I step through the doorway without a forced expression, and unsurprisingly, everyone is here. Including Pholy, in fact. She is sitting right beside Korlin. Cute. Though her eyelashes are on fire...
To my surprise, however, is everyone's reaction to my entrance.
The lord, Rawlin, is almost as exuberant as Korlin. He seems eager for me to speak. I have a slight suspicion that Korlin told him what I plan to do. Aureole lights up like the moon; she is also quite eager. Cilas appeals with a great smile, and Hyacinth's reaction isn't noteworthy by any means; she is her usual deadpan self with a faint touch of curiosity.
Wilphrey's reaction is the most surprising.
Over the past couple of days, the old man has been rather stern. Technically, I think he's just been trying to push me to try my hardest in class, but he has come across as intolerable. Only when I did well did he soften and praise me. Which makes sense, I don't take praise very well anyway. It makes me feel awkward.
But right now, Wilphrey appears... apologetic. And, not that I have a way of knowing, but I think my face looks pretty similar.
Our eyes meet, and he inhales a deep breath. He approaches me.
"Sirius."
His formality is what puts me on edge. Am I about to be smacked or hugged?
"Y-yes?" I maintain eye contact, but it is immensely difficult. I haven't spoken since parting ways with Korlin earlier, so my throat is rather dry.
"I'm sorry."
Now this, I was not expecting. What is he apologizing for? Seeing him bow down before me fills me with a sense of guilt.
"Huh- I should be the one apologizing-"
"No. I saw you in turmoil and failed to act properly upon it. Instead, I exploited your fragility and pushed you regardless."
"What are you talking about?"
"...I used your distress to advance your teachings. Instead of giving you the correct care, I foolishly set your academics as priority."
Exploiting me, huh... Well, I can't say I blame him for choosing that course of action. I was in desperate need of correction, and his methods did help me learn how to write and read better. I should almost thank him for doing that... but that probably isn't the best option here.
"...It's alright. You helped advance my learning. Don't beat yourself up over it."
I pat him on the shoulder and tell him to lift his head. It's clear that he feels really bad about this, but I don't want him to dwell on it. Is what he did a little messed up? Yes, but maybe that's just how he was taught. I'd have to ask him later; now is not the time.
He returns my gesture with one of the same. His ancient hands place themselves on my shoulders. For some reason, the feeling is familiar. I don't know where or when I've felt this before, but the presence of his hands resonates like an old dream. Strange.
Wiping the thought away, I meet his hazel eyes once more, and we share a smile.
"Do you... think ill of me?"
"Of course not. I'm not one to hold grudges."
A smile lining his lips, he lowers his head and returns to his seat. I feel like something really important just happened. Like a bond between us just strengthened. It feels... nice?
I realize that everyone in the room had been watching the entire exchange, and embarrassment creeps its way into my brain. Man, now I'm nervous again... Oh well, push through, me.
Clearing my dry throat, I begin with a formal greeting. "Hello," I say. And immediately upon the word leaving my mouth, a sense of stupidity surges through me. Come on, that is exactly what I should NOT be doing. Be casual. Say what feels natural. Leave the formalities behind.
"Sorry," I start over. "Um, I realize I've been acting really weird lately. I'm sure some of you have felt uncomfortable or concerned, and I apologize... I've been stressed lately, and regressed to how I lived before I came to this world. I didn't mean to cause you any trouble."
I instinctively bow and realize how immensely formal this entire exchange has been. I almost sound like Wilphrey; his vocabulary is insane.
"...S-Sorry, was that too formal?"
Despite my worries, everyone looks relieved. Even Hyacinth has a hidden grin.
"A little bit," Pholy leads the mood into a lighthearted one. I respond with a subtle laugh and stand up straight.
"I'm glad to see you're better," Cilas says. I haven't really seen much of him outside of classes, but he is glad nonetheless.
"Good to see you're back to normal," Rawlin rests his head on his hand. Normal, huh? I guess the lord saw my previous-previous actions as my normal. I guess I'm acting the same now? I hope that's okay.
"Welcome back, Sirius."
Aureole shines brighter than any moon I've ever seen. With the night in full effect, her eyes reflect the pale body.
"Thank you," I direct my gratitude to her, but I truly mean it to everyone. Something about her just absorbs my attention.
Korlin throws a thumbs-up my way, and I shoot one back. He's a great guy. At first, I thought he was a little... special. That's probably not the right wording, but whatever. But now I see he's a genuine guy who is overly excited about being in a new world. And I wouldn't have him any other way. Strange as it is, I feel blessed to have met him. To have met everyone here.
I never thought I'd think that. How things change...
After the initial apologizing and reconciling, Cilas presents everyone with a fantastic supper. Apparently, me snapping out of my mental state warrants a celebration? I'm not sure how to feel about that. I mean, I've only known these people for a week or so, and they're glad to see me like this... Aren't they being a little too supportive?
I have my suspicions that Korlin arranged everything. Regardless, I try to enjoy myself. I sit beside Aureole, and we chat the night away. Pholy and Korlin banter with Hyacinth mediating. The lord is surprisingly a youthful spirit, and from what I can tell, he does look young under that blindfold, but it is still unexpected.
It took me a while to realize the lord was drunk, or tipsy at the very least. Alcohol seems to exist in this world, but that isn't too surprising considering things like "love hotels" exist. Cilas drinks along with Rawlin, but Wilphrey doesn't participate. He seems more than content to converse sober with all of us. What a wholesome man. Who would have thought he'd emotionally manipulate me? Man, that sounds rough spelling it out like that... Still, I hold no grudge against him.
As the night flies by, for the first time since coming to this world...
For the first time in forever...
I feel like I belong somewhere. Like it was fate I be here.
If dying is what it took to obtain this, then so be it. Thank you, witch. I'll make sure to thank you when I find you. Even if I can't get back my memories... I'll still thank you. You've given me everything.
⧗⧖⧗⧖⧗
The next morning proceeds around midday. Everyone, apart from the two old workers, sleeps until what is this world's noon. I'm just glad my classes don't have a set schedule...
I enter the breakfast area and place my head in my arms. The island's counter is cool against my forehead.
Cilas is cooking something, and it smells heavenly.
With my head still down, slender fingers suddenly run through my bedhead. I know these hands.
"Good morning," Aureole yawns. She's petting my head. Why? Don't know, don't care. It feels nice, and I don't want her to stop.
"You got out the "morning" today."
She giggles and lays her head down next to mine. I turn my head in her direction and find her staring directly at me. Our faces are so close. If I lean in, we could melt together.
Her eyes are tired, but joy-filled. She's smiling at me, and I'm smiling at her. I don't know what this feeling is, but I think I could become obsessed with it.
Breaking us from our absorption, Cilas taps our heads with food-piled plates.
"Eat up, you two," he says with a smirk.
We do as we're told and chat about random things. Eventually, Korlin drags Pholy into the room and places her in a seat. We all laugh and enjoy ourselves. The lord arrives and, taking note of our cheerfulness, says something along the lines of: "Aren't you all rowdy for it being this early?" But, to be honest, his words hold little weight when it's the afternoon and he's hungover. So I kind of ignored him. I don't have anything against him, but being around these three is much more engaging.
I wonder if Hyacinth would join us... I wonder what she's up to in the mornings.
"I'm glad you're back to being you," Aureole says, amidst Korlin and Pholy's bickering.
"Yeah... Thank you." While I wouldn't call this being "me," I still appreciate the sentiment. It's obvious by now that people prefer me this way rather than when I'm trying to forcefully be someone I'm not. It's... relieving, I suppose.
"Remember though..." She pokes me. "You can always talk to me, okay?"
"...I know. Sorry for not doing so earlier."
"As long as you know." She smiles gleefully. "And I'll do the same, alright?"
My mouth curves upwards on its own.
"Of course. Anytime you want."
It's reassuring. I don't need to bottle everything up. These people will listen to me if I have a problem. She will, at least, and that's more than enough. Of course, I can't share everything with them, but for the fixable things... I'll try and let her know.
Classes go smoothly, and I find myself paying attention at my own will and intrigue. Korlin was right, it isn't too hard to grasp if I pay attention. I'm learning much quicker than before... I guess Wilphrey's methods were truly wrong after all.
Cilas's classes go just as well. In fact, history is actually more interesting than I originally thought. Maybe it's just because it's a different world, but some of this stuff is fascinating. Correction: All of it is fascinating. For example:
687 years ago was the beginning of the Great Giant War.
In brief, the giants were a race of massive, stone-skinned people who stood the height of fully grown trees. The giants originated from the northernmost country of Stonemarsh, and while it is unclear how, they obtained the power to halt the flow of time entirely.
The giants were a race with short lifespans, so, with their newfound power, they could live for eternity... But, as a result, nothing could grow or die. The world stood stagnant, unable to continue turning. The stars halted their movements, and half of the world was shrouded in endless night.
To combat the giant's plot, countries from across the world united together. Lunalir, Mauvkin, Alsi, the entire Klephoral continent, the southern countries of Epira, etc. Few countries remained neutral and, of course, some countries such as Kaarangdi and Blasphem banded with the giants. The result was a war spanning thirteen years.
As the war raged on and stood at a never-ending halt, a savior from the time-freeing side stepped forward.
Arius, Scholar of Everlas. Everlas, by the way, is the supposed name of the Goddess of Time who watches over the flow of time itself. Arius is said to be a war orphan who single-handedly brought an end to the war. He was a genius.
He invented the Time Wheel, a device capable of altering the flow of time itself. When the wheel was put into action, the giants panicked, and in a desperate attempt to destroy the wheel, the giants ended up leaving themselves vulnerable.
In the end, the giants lost, and the end of the war marked a new age. Henceforth, the current year is 674 of the Aru era.
And now, Stonemarsh stands as a wasteland filled with the corpses of felled giants. They say the snow there is actually the ashes of their crumbling bodies.
...
Cilas went into more depth, but my attention span still has its limits.
After classes finish up, Korlin drags me along to see Pholy. His crush is so obvious, but I will admit... It's kind of cute. It makes me a bit envious.
"Why am I coming with?" I ask. It's his crush, I don't want to intrude if he wants alone time to get to know her better. But then again, he could be nervous...
"I need you to drag me out in case she lights me on fire."
Yeah, who am I kidding? He doesn't get nervous.
"Right..."
As protest,I don't walk, and instead, just have him drag me down the hall. I feel a bit silly, but hey, I'm supposed to do what I want, yeah?
Suddenly, he drops me, and I fall to my butt.
"H-Hyacinth, hi, how are you doing?" Korlin is overly polite.
This is just my speculation, but I think he's been trying to get Hyacinth to be friends with him so that Pholy will like him better. I guess I'll see how this tactic plays out for him.
"...Hi."
She doesn't even answer his question. Her deadpan voice expresses zero emotion, and yet it still sounds faintly sweet, relaxing. I think she's sort of fed up with him. Or annoyed, at the very least.
"Um, I've been meaning to ask... Can I call you Cinth?"
Oh no.
"Uh... Sure...? Why...?"
"Aha- It's so I can just be like..." Korlin repositions himself and puts on a majestic face. "Hiya, Cinth."
...
.........
................................
Silence.
Hyacinth is dumbfounded by his suggestion.
"Do you get it?" Korlin tries to justify it. "It's a pun on how your name sounds similar to-"
"Drop dead."
"I'm sorry."
Safe to say, he will not be calling her "Cinth."
Come to think of it, her name is the same as a flower back on Earth. My favorite type of flower, in fact. Does that flower still exist here? I suppose I'll find out in time.
Korlin meanders past her with his head down. It's nice to know he does feel some embarrassment. If that's even what he's feeling... Can never be too sure.
Now alone with Hyacinth, I don't know what to say. The last time we spoke alone was when she broke into my room and stole pages from my journal. I do wonder what she plans to do with them, and what she meant by "You and I are more alike than I thought."Is this the right time to ask?
"I should apologize," she says abruptly. Her tone is soft once again, much more relaxed than with Korlin. Am I getting special treatment or something?
"For what?"
I can't think of anything she could apologize for, except barging into my room, I suppose. Even if she was snooping around, I have nothing to hide in there. Besides, her snooping was fully justified; I was being unsettling.
"I misjudged you."
"...How so?"
"..." I don't think she wants to answer. That, or she is having a hard time saying it. "I... thought you might be a spy here to threaten Aureole's campaign... But it's clear to me now that you're not."
"O-Oh..." I see... That's a reasonable fear to have. Here I am, a random guy, entering into a candidate's home in the midst of a royal election... Suspicion is only natural.
"You were overwhelmed and, instead of trying to understand how you felt, I cast my suspicions onto you. I apologize."
"It's alright, really. I admit... I came off as a little suspicious." I scratch the nape of my neck and present to her a smile and a quick laugh.
I was overwhelmed. So overwhelmed, I relapsed back into my past self. But now, I feel like I'm settling into life here. Though once I tell the lord my decision, I'm sure that's to change.
"...Did you do something with your hair?"
"Hm? Oh-" I almost forgot I did that. My bangs are a little messed up, but it isn't that noticeable unless you look closely. "I accidentally cut some of it off."
Still, she noticed that subtle of a change? How closely has she been observing me? Is she actually stalking me? No, surely not. She doesn't seem like that kind of person. Then again, I'm not the best at reading people... That's obvious now.
"...Okay. See you later." She starts walking away.
"Hm? Oh, yeah..." Just like that, our conversation was over. Or so I thought...
"Oh- One more thing."
"Hm?"
"How did time work in your world?"
...
"Uh, why-"
"Don't question it."
"O-Okay..."
"More specifically, how many seconds were in each of your days?"
"How many..." What's going on here?? "...Uh... Twenty-four times sixty is... Times sixty... Eighty-six thousand four hundred seconds. I think." 86,400 seconds is how long a day on Earth lasts. I should count to see how many are in a day in this world... Or maybe ask Alzir.
Hyacinth pulls out a small notepad and jots down the number I produce. And, at some point, Korlin had returned. His jaw is hanging open, stunned speechless. When did he get here??
"...Sirius, are you like... Actually really smart?"
"I'd say I'm decent with numbers..." I try not to sound like I'm bragging. "Oh, by the way," I turn my attention back to Hyacinth. "Days on Earth started at midnight, or... nightpeak, I think it's called here. Not at sunrise."
"Hm, thank you. This will be helpful."
"May I ask what for-"
"Bye."
She's already halfway down the hall.
What is she trying to do...? She also took my calendar, is she trying to compare our two worlds' time passage? But why?
I guess I shouldn't pry... She's a strange one, but something about me is drawn to her. Maybe we are alike, and I just don't realize it? Hm... I don't know.
Moving on, Korlin and I walk toward Pholy's room. We've more or less memorized the layout of the mansion and where all the rooms are.
"What was that about?" Korlin asks.
"No idea... You ready?"
"Yes! I pray I don't need your assistance."
"Just don't be stupid and say something you shouldn't."
"Easier said than done. I lose all coherent thought around her."
"That's adorable."
"Quiet."
Clearing his throat, Korlin knocks on the door and opens it at the same time. He is privacy's greatest enemy.
In the back of the room, by the windowsill, Pholy kneels potting plants. Despite being a gardener, she has a lack of plants in her room, only a couple here and there.
"You know, typically when you knock, you're supposed to wait for the person inside to answer." Pholy keeps her eyes trained on her pots. And you do realize I could hear everything you were saying out there, right?"
"Ah..." I think, just maybe, there's a bit of embarrassment there. "What are you doing?" Korlin enters the room and approaches her. I stay back near the door, just in case. Though I don't think Pholy is unreasonable or particularly hotheaded, as Aureole mentioned back in the carriage. As far as I'm concerned, she is just a normal, ignitable girl who is a victim of Korlin's teasing.
"I'm adding you both."
"What do you mean?" Korlin kneels beside her. I step closer to get a better view.
Along the windowsill are five potted plants on the right, and one all the way to the left.
Pholy sighs.
"...All of these pots represent a person in my life. I figured, since you two are going to be living here from now on, I should add you both."
That's... really sweet.
The pots are short and compact, and a small plant sprouts from each one, maybe as tall as a finger.
I can't tell from back here, but I think Korlin is smiling.
"Why are these ones colored differently?" He points to two pots that have a slightly lighter hue.
"Those are only for my close friends. Aure and Cinth." She flicks Korlin's hand away.
"Aw, are we not close enough?" He jokingly pouts. She shoots him a glare, and he immediately retreats. "I kid, I kid..."
She sighs and smiles loosely. "Geez..."
"What about that one on the end?" He asks, referring to the lone pot in the corner.
"..." She hesitates to respond. As if filled with nostalgia, almost solemnly, she replies: "...That's my mother."
...
"Oh..." Korlin restrains himself fully, entering the version of him that helped me. "Is she...?"
"No, she's not dead. I just... haven't seen her for a long time."
"Ah..."
I wonder how my mom is doing right now... I resisted death so long just so she wouldn't be sad... And I still went and died. Some son I turned out to be.
...
...I shouldn't dwell on things like that, right? I mean, Canopus is the one who killed me, not myself. Canopus... Why did you really kill me? I know I wasn't the best brother, but murdering me...? We used to be buddies, just you and me against the world... I messed that up, I know. I'm sorry.
Was I just that blind? I'm sorry I can't connect with others. I don't know how you felt...
Bonds are terrifying...
Pholy sighs once more. "Anyways..." She turns around to face me. "Glad to see you're doing better."
"Thanks." It still feels weird hearing that. I feel pathetic for even being told that. "Now I can help keep him tame for you."
"I appreciate it." She rolls with it. "Though, if he ever gets out of hand..." She ignites her palm in a pink blaze.
"It's not my fault you're so easy to tease-" Korlin is interrupted by Pholy blowing part of her flames into his face. "...Ow."
Pholy giggles and then returns to potting our plants. She marks both mine and Korlin's pots with different symbols, likely to know who is who. She finishes up by placing our pots on the right of Aureole and Hyacinth's special pots. I'm not certain, but I feel the closer you are to the middle of the window, the more she values you.
If so, the hierarchy goes: Aureole and Hyacinth > Korlin and I > Cilas, Wilphrey, and Rawlin
Personally, I don't feel I've talked with Pholy that much, so it's strange to me that I count as someone in her life. It's even more strange that I'm ranked higher than the lord and butlers. Maybe we are closer than I think?
It's unfortunate. I wish I could bring myself to care about someone. Maybe then I could consider someone a "friend." Until then, this feeling will remain foreign.
Regardless, I can't stop myself from smiling. I've been doing it so much recently... Real, genuine smiles... So many oddities.
...
"OH-! I almost forgot-!" Korlin shouts. "I told Cilas I would teach him some of Earth's history!"
"Oh?" I say. "You're gonna teach our history teacher history? What for?"
"Something about streamlining our classes by using our world as examples... Aghhhh, I don't know! I gotta go! See you later!"
You're the one who dragged me here... But good for him. He's finally getting an education, and he seems to be enjoying himself.
Korlin runs out of the room, leaving Pholy and I by ourselves.
"Does he ever stop moving?" Pholy asks.
"Don't know..." To avoid making things awkward, I attempt to make my leave... "Well, I guess I'll leave you to-" But a question pops into my head. "Actually, I have a question, or rather, a statement."
"What's that?"
"You don't seem to care that I'm -that we're- Witch Spawns. Why?"
"How shallow do you think I am?"
"That's not what I meant."
Pholy sighs; she wasn't prepared for such a conversation. "To be honest, I don't know a thing about Witch Spawns, nor do I care to... And prejudice is a weak judge of character. I prefer to hate people because of who they are, not what they are."
She's speaking from experience.
"...You know, that almost sounded cool."
"Grr..." The ends of her hair light on fire.
"But thank you. You're a very kind person..."
"...Don't get all mushy on me. You might not be as bad as the other, but you're still a far way from perfect."
A far way from perfect, huh...
She says it jokingly, but I feel her words resonate in my heart. If I had heard these words a day or two ago, I probably would have lashed out at myself. But now, I can say with certainty...
"That's true."
⧗⧖⧗⧖⧗
Rawlin calls me to his study. I have a pretty good idea of what he wants to talk about. I want to talk about it too.
His hungover in the past, he greets me in the same fashion as before. Rolling across bookshelves and sliding down ladders. I have to say, it looks like it could be fun. This "study" is basically a jungle gym disguised as a library. There's not even a book in his mouth this time, so I wonder if he's just playing on the ladder. I wouldn't blame him.
Korlin enters shortly after me, and with all of us present, the lord takes his seat behind the desk. There is an empty look on the lord. Not one filled with grief or pain, but a deep longing for something. His mouth protrudes a smile, but without eyes, I can't tell what emotion is there. He's impossible to read. Yet, within that abyss, I feel like he already knows how this conversation will end.
"Shall we get straight to the point? Or do you have anything to add beforehand?" He looks directly at Korlin. I still can't tell if he can see or if he has some crazy echolocation.
"What is that supposed to mean?!?"
"Mm..." Ignoring Korlin's question, the lord begins. "I take it you've made your choice?"
"I have," I respond firmly. That feels so weird to say. I'll have to get used to it.
"And? Will you join me in finding the witch?" He grins as if he doesn't already know the answer.
I steel myself. This is a statement I cannot retract. But it's like he said before... There is no going back to my old world. This is where my life lies now. I can't return, so if I want to know anything about that place, I'll need to keep my memories. Stagnation has consequence in this matter, as it does in all.
"I'll do it. I'll try and keep my memories."
As I say those fateful words, my body tingles. It's a strange feeling, but I welcome it.
Rawlin smirks, fully satisfied with my response and himself. "I'm glad to hear it."
Korlin playfully punches my shoulder. We share a look that even a blind person could see as the start of a blossoming bromance. Or at least I think so, I've never had one before.
"I'm sure Aureole will also be pleased with your decision," the lord adds on.
"By the way," I decide to question the man. "Your aim is to make her the ruler, right?"
"...Certainly."
He's hesitant. There is some other goal he has in mind, I'm sure. But, as far as I'm concerned, that's alright. He's given me a place to stay and eat. What are a few lies next to that?
"Well, then, I'll do whatever I can to help her. I owe her a lot; this will be part of my recompense."
The lord's grin widens. Something I said makes him very excited.
"Driven, are we? I'm sure you understand your place though, correct? You are a Witch Spawn. Your meddling in her political affairs could damage her reputation."
"Err..." I hadn't thought of that.
"Don't lose face. As long as you remain out of the spotlight, there are many ways you can be of assistance to her. Besides, she has emotionally opened up to you, has she not? I'm sure when she eventually loses heart again, you can be there to pick up the pieces."
How does he know about our heart-to-hearts? Has she lost heart before? She did tell me this lifestyle was draining... The way he said it though, he sounds like he doesn't have faith in her at all. Like he knows she'll crumble under the pressure.
"I'll do what I can. I'll help her take the throne and keep my memories while I'm at it."
"Good." He drums on the desk and rises to his feet. "Well then, when I find any information, I'll let you know. In the meantime, get comfortable. There is much you still don't know, I'm sure. Continue your classes with Wilphrey and Cilas. Take your time to learn proper slang and etiquette, and maybe study up on Lunalir's government... I'm sure in the future it will do you good, considering this path you're headed down."
"I will," I eagerly agree. "Do you want help reading through these books? There's a lot of them..."
"No. That's quite alright. Besides, you can hardly read as it is."
"Fair enough..." We share a short-lived chuckle.
"I take it you will join us?" Rawlin speaks to Korlin. I almost forgot he was there. He always gets quiet around this topic.
"Absolutely! I want to help out however I can!" He immediately enters the conversation with no friction.
"Good-"
"On one condition!" His shoe pounds the wooden floor. His dramatic display silences the room.
"...That being what, exactly?"
I have a guess...
"Teach me magic." He snaps his fingers, pulling another majestic look onto his face. It feels like he's practiced that exact line and pose a lot. Knowing him, he probably did.
Rawlin humors him with a laugh. "Very well, I'll ask Wilphrey to make room in his schedule for lessons on blessings."
"REALLY?!" Korlin is overjoyed. I brace myself for the inevitable shaking I'm about to receive, and as if on cue, he starts to shake me. "Did you hear that, Sirius?! I'm going to learn magic!"
"Ya-yay..." I hardly manage to squeeze it out. I never get motion sickness or anything, but this guy's rattling could stir up anyone's stomach.
"Oh, I almost forgot-" The lord takes two tied sacks out from the inside of his shirt. He walks up and dangles them in front of us. "I don't want you two thinking I'm a bad employer."
Dropping a tiny bag in each of our palms, we both open them at the same time. Inside is a mix of brightly colored gems. Nem.
"Money!" Korlin jumps up and down, and I step back to not be shaken again.
Counting the gems, it appears my first paycheck is 225 nem. Two purples, two reds, and a blue. Damn. That's roughly half of my medical bill when my arm was mangled. Come to think of it, medical treatment likely isn't a major issue in this world.
I take it the magic the man used on me in the clinic was a blessing. In that case, as long as you know a healing blessing, you have your own free healthcare. Of course, I don't know the extent of healing blessings, I mean, maybe that was the only one. I'm not sure if they can cure diseases or not.
Either way, the medical business in this world probably isn't very profitable. Unless not everyone can use blessings, in which case I hope Korlin is able to. Otherwise, he might do something rash, and I won't know how to deal with it.
Moving on from the medical industry, counting this with my previously attained nem... I now have 427 nem to my name. Is that a lot? No idea. But what I do know is that this is more money than I ever had on Earth.
Being employed is nice, huh? I really should have done more with my life...
I express my gratitude with a "Thank you."
"Don't mention it, you work under me now."
Feels weird to hear...
"Yeah... Well, I'll see you later." I start to make my leave with Korlin skipping close behind.
"Just remember-" A step before the doorframe, the lord stops me in my tracks. "While your end goal may be to regain your memories and make Aureole queen... Don't think your desires override my own."
"..."
His words send a chill up my spine.
"I will stop at nothing to fulfill my wish. My life has led me down this path, and I plan to see it through, regardless of others' pleas." His resolve is clear. He pauses, gathering his thoughts into a final statement. "We will track her down, and with my own two hands...
I will kill the witch."
⧗⧖⧗⧖⧗
I decide to clean up my room. Cilas was kind enough to lay out more new clothes for me, so now I have a whole closet full. My amputated hoodie is settled in the back. I don't want to wear it anymore... I've worn it long enough.
Besides, if Gary, the man, not the manfi, ever needs more wool, I should know where to find it. I wonder how he's doing... Next time I'm in the capital, I'll make sure to drop by.
After my clothes, I wander into the bathroom and am immediately bombarded by a wave of embarrassment. What do I do about the mirror?! Why did I draw a smiley face?! I did have one on the mirror back at my mom's house, but that was tiny and off to the side. This one is smack-dab in the middle of the mirror and can fit my whole head in it.
Why do I always do things I regret?
Well, I have a free smile-practice station... I guess. Man, I hope no one ever goes in there. I'll look insane.
Rummaging through my desk, I find my watch. I stuffed it in there after Hyacinth left my room. I didn't want to see it anymore.
Taking a closer look at the watch, it's beautifully designed. If Timekeeper made this, he needs to make crafting watches his new hobby. The chiseled second and hour hands tick hauntingly by. Well, I call it an hour hand, but it's more of a "rough judgment" of what part of the day it is. Right now, it sits comfortably between the blooming and wilting time of day. Afternoon, basically.
It's not that complicated... but it's taking a while for me to get used to it.
So much to learn...
I turn the watch around and stare at the timer.
22222883 seconds remain.
Every time I look at the countdown, dread takes hold of my heart. If I don't find the witch in time, I'll lose my memories for good. What will I be like if that happens? I don't want to think about it. It just means I can't mess anything up. I need to do my part in whatever is to come.
No pressure, me.
In a fleeting moment, I decide to keep the watch on me. If I keep it stuffed away, I might lose sight of what I'm trying to do. I need a reminder of what my purpose is. What I've decided to do with my life.
So, from here on out, it shall stay with me. In my pocket.
...Maybe I need to keep it more secure.
Well, now I have something to do. I run around until I find a very long string in a drawer downstairs. It's brown and ragged, but I think it will do. I knot the string around both of the side buttons, since they do nothing. Unless I'm missing something, I'm fairly sure those buttons are useless. If I ever see Timekeeper again, I'll ask him what they're for.
Snugly fit, I swing the watch around in a circle with the string. Apart from feeling stupid, it works, and it doesn't come undone. So, I put the watch back in my pocket and wrap the other side of the string around my wrist.
Now, if it slips out of my pocket, it will stay attached to my wrist. Perfectly secure. Thankfully, the string is very long, so I can use the full extent of my wingspan without the watch popping out of my pants. Now if only zippers existed in this world...
I start heading back up to my room, but I'm stopped in my tracks.
Distant coughing.
Where have I heard this before?
I follow the sound of someone hacking. It sounds painful.
I'm led to a cracked-open door, which, from my accumulated mansion knowledge, is Aureole's room. That's right... Back in the wagon, she was coughing. It sounded just like this. She brushed it off as a simple cough, but it has to be more than that.
I don't know if this is the right move, but I knock on the door.
She goes quiet.
"...Are you alright?" I lean my head against the doorframe, and despite my curiosity, I don't peek in.
She coughs a couple of more times and then responds meekly.
"You can... come in."
I obey and sneak into the room. She sits on the floor, leaning against her bedframe. The desk in her room is piled with papers, and stray ones are scattered across the room. My footsteps are quiet, so I'm not sure if she's noticed my entrance. A weak cough escapes her throat, right into her sleeve.
A bloodstain.
It's only a tiny amount, but drops of blood stain her sleeve. She really is sick...
Noticing my presence, she swiftly hides the red-colored arm behind her. I should probably lighten her sullied mood.
"Just happens sometimes, my ass."
She grumbles and laughs at the same time. "I may have lied a teensy bit."
"...So, what is it?" I sit down beside her, and she gives up trying to hide her arm. We told each other we'd talk if something is troubling us. This is one of those moments, right? "I don't know much about diseases in this world."
"...I don't know what it is." Melancholy mires her voice. "Ever since I was a child... I've gotten these coughing fits. And sometimes, it gets really bad and I..." Her face sours.
"..."
"I have these... episodes."
"Episodes? Like... depressive ones?"
"No, more... Angry. I get these outbursts of anger and start to lash out. I say things I shouldn't, I do things I'm not supposed to..." Her hands tremble like she's about to cry. Her head hangs low, eyes shut to suppress emotions.
"..."
I can't think of words to say. All I can do is place my hands onto hers.
She seems to relax a little bit.
"Even if I do become queen... I don't know if I can stop those outbursts from happening. It's... frightening."
"Are there any triggers that cause them? Any signs beforehand?"
"No... One moment I'm me and then the next..." She lifts her head and takes in a deep breath. "Sorry, I'm not easy to work with..."
"That's okay. I'm not either."
We share a giggle.
"Is it alright if we stop for now? I don't like talking about it."
I feel kind of bad. She tried so hard to help me, and did, but I can't do much for her. Just another reason I need to make her queen. I need to give her something.
"Mm."
"Thank you." She smiles warmly. "Seriously, though, don't worry about it. I'm alright. They only last for a couple of seconds anyway." She attempts to be smug.
"Aren't you tough?" I return her smugness with my own.
We glare at each other and then break into a laugh. Am I just imagining it, or do we get along fantastically?
We chat for a while longer, and she asks about the string on my wrist. I show her what I concocted, and she tells me she's impressed, but it doesn't sound reassuring. We come to the conclusion that I should hide the string. So, I redo it so that the string runs under my clothes and then connects to my wrist. Now it's hidden and even more secure. Teamwork, baby.
"So, have you talked with Rawlin?"
"Yeah, I decided to join him in finding the witch."
"Finding the witch?!"
Oh, right... She didn't know what he was doing.
"Ah... Yeah, apparently the lord needed Witch Spawn so he could have help hunting down the witch."
"Oh... Why?"
"From what I understood, ff he kills the witch and has you take credit for it... You'll be guaranteed to win the election."
"Oh..." She looks somewhat disappointed. "I see... And your memories?"
She promptly changes the subject away from her again. She must really not like this "royal" lifestyle. That, or she doesn't like to talk about herself. I can understand that.
"He says if we find the witch, I can keep my memories."
"That's great!" She seems genuinely happy for me. Huh...
"I guess so..."
"Hm..." Suspicion is cast onto me. "Do you want to keep your memories?"
How many times have I been asked that...? I do want to. I will.
"...I do."
"Didn't you say you hated your past life? Why do you want to?"
"That... I don't know."
"Hmm."
We chat a little longer about more random topics, mostly involving Korlin and Pholy. Yes, we gossip about them.
"Well," she sighs. "I should probably go back to studying."
"Boo," I comment. "I need to do the same."
"Good luck to you, sir."
"Good luck to you as well, madam."
She giggles cutely, and I make my leave.
⧗⧖⧗⧖⧗
Life is strange. Wild.
A little over a week ago, I was wasting away in a hospital bed. Now, I'm living in a mansion with a bunch of weirdos. I am included in that list, obviously.
It's hard to grasp when I really think about it. In such a short timeframe, my life took a complete turn. I mean, I literally died. Nightmares of that moment still plague me when I sleep, but other than those, the obvious trauma seems to have subsided.
I've met so many people. So many good people who are kind to me. I can't thank them enough for giving me a chance and for helping me start to change myself.
Of course, not everyone I've met has been kind. The people of the city shouted at me for simply being human... But, to be fair, the people of Mirgaia are rightfully fearful of us. I've noticed that most inhabitants of this world rarely use the term "human." It's likely not a word they are taught. Mostly, it is only fellow humans who call other humans "human."
The members of the house have been slowly straying away from using "Witch Spawn." It never really bothered me, but it's still appreciated. Though they still slip up now and again. Namely, Pholy, but I think she's just messing with Korlin and me.
But through all the kindness, one act of unkindness stands above all.
That man...
That man with the crimson eyes...
I still don't know what that was about. At that moment, all I felt was unrelenting fear. But I don't feel terrified looking back on the encounter, strangely enough. It's like his presence in person is what scares me.
I remember he told me... That I don't belong here.
And maybe he's right. It's like he said: I died for a reason. But, even if that's true...
The witch gave me a second chance. A chance to actually live a life.
I can't waste this one. If not for mine, then for the witch's sake.
Is the witch really as evil as people say? She seemed so sweet to me... Is it really okay to kill her? I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
I do have a question for her, however. There are billions of people who die with regrets, so why me?
Perhaps there isn't a reason. Perhaps I should just accept it... Accept that I'm here in this world now.
...A new world, huh?
So many new concepts and cultures. So many things I have to learn.
I'm not on Earth anymore. My parents aren't here. People from school aren't here. This is a fresh start. I don't have to hide behind that facade anymore. Here, I can try and be my own person.
While I'm not fully sure of how yet... I'll try to become me. Maybe getting my memories back will help with that.
In the past, I couldn't make a single decision for myself. I mindlessly did whatever people wanted of me, without a single thought of what I wanted for myself. Because I didn't know what I wanted. But now...
I decided something for the first time in my life. I made a choice, and one that I can be proud of. I know what I want now. No matter what it takes, I'll save my memories.
I'm used to disappointing others... but the hard part is that I always disappoint myself. I never make decisions, I don't try to talk with people, I don't trust people, I don't do anything, and I... never change. I waste away... watching my life flicker by, never lighting its flame.
But no more.
I'm a hostage to my own indecisiveness, so I can't promise I'll make the right calls. I don't know if my goal is even reachable, but even so...
I've given up on so many things... I don't want to run away anymore.
I will keep my memories. I will find the witch. And with enough luck and effort, I might just be able to pull through.
Choices matter. Without them, we wither and break. We stay stagnant and resist change. Change can be hard, terrifyingly so, but staying the same for too long is even scarier.
I waited and waited for my life to change, without ever trying to make it myself. I was scared. I still am. But they showed me... that's alright. Because I did change. Because I broke free from my bonds, I have people I can talk to. I have people who want to listen. Who want to help me. Who I can cry in front of. For the first time in my life, I can say I made a change. And I'll continue to make them. They might not all turn out as good as this change did, but at least I can say I tried.
I have a destination. That's more than my past self can say.
I made my decision.
May time be on my side...
22222498 seconds remain.
-End-