The atmosphere felt peaceful, calm, and gentle. A sensation for anyone who thought they had reached the peak of nirvana. It could almost feel like Heaven for those who never felt this sensation.
Eyes slowly opened, as the body sat itself upwards. The eyes noticed the hands in front of them. The scrawny malnourished hands and arms. The hands felt the rest of the body and face. They recognized the feeling of what the body was, the outline of it they thought was gone forever now. The body belonging to the hikikomori, Kousuke's original body before he was reincarnated.
Kousuke was back to his old self. His old look when he was so skinny that nearly every bone was visible, his skin looking terrible from the malnutrition he inflicted on himself.
The old ratty and unkempt hair was followed by the glasses that were held together with tape. He shivered as he was in disbelief that he was back to his old body he never wanted to see again. As he stopped to see his old body, he looked around to see he was in a sea of clouds, everything was white and blue, the clouds taking shapes in the forms of trees and boulders like it was a landscape in a forest kingdom. He knew what had happened, he died again, Megumi had killed him in his frenzy.
Kousuke clenched his teeth, sobbing in his despair, and his fists pounded on the surface below him furiously. He was in pain in his heart, he died once more, and he wanted to live this time, he didn't want to lose his new life with everyone he cherished.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, no, not again. Not again. Why? I didn't want to die this time. I wanted to live. I didn't want to throw this life away. I didn't want to leave them all behind. Damn it, damn it!"
He couldn't stop hating himself. He was broken inside, more than he was before. He wanted to live, he loved this new life of his despite the tragedies in it. Being dead again not only broke him but made him regret more that he failed to protect. He failed to keep his promise to Itsuki.
Kousuke in his hate for his situation stopped hitting the surface when he heard footsteps approaching, he thought it was God handing him the final judgment. He didn't even care anymore, that empty feeling he had when he first died, came back. He was done now.
"Ho ho ho, dear boy why are you crying? You look like skin and bones. Are you hungry?"
Kousuke raised his head. His dead eyes saw the old woman from the antique store standing there.
"Oh, hi ma'am. Are you God?" He spoke in a deadpan tone, his body no longer interested in the concept of emotions.
"Hmm me, God, oh ho, no my child I am not, he's much better looking than me. Besides this isn't Heaven quite yet" the old woman responded keeping her cherry personality all the same.
"Whatever I don't care anymore, if you're sending me to Hell get on with it. I'm done."
The old woman looked concerned at Kousuke. He was broken badly in his soul filled with no interest in trying to fight to live, he just wanted to get on with his eternity.
"Oh, but boy, don't you have friends back home? A lovely lady waiting for you? Don't you want to go back for them?"
The old woman tried to convince him but he wasn't hearing it.
"No, I'm done. I broke my promise. I died again, and I lost control. I threw it all away again. I tried to kill my Sensei, I failed to avenge my mom, and I failed at being this version of me. I'm just a failure. That's why I look like the pathetic version of myself again. This is me. I don't deserve a third chance." His emotionless voice continued, as the defeat in his words reverberated to the old woman.
"Boy, you shouldn't give up. You have your life ahead of you still. It wasn't so bad was it? You were enjoying yourself no? Not bad like before right?"
"Bad, bad?" Kousuke's eyes even dead still had self-loathing in them. He clenched his fists tighter and he let out all the frustration and pain in his heart. The deadpan tone he had was gone, it was now filled with hate and self-loathing.
"Bad, it wasn't bad at all! I kept saying that back then but I'm a liar, it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be. I ruined it myself, I made my life bad with my own choices. Life didn't treat me unfairly, I was a stupid and selfish person. Life was ok to me, my parents weren't that bad to me, and they tried to help as much as they could. I just pushed them away when I kept failing instead of trying to understand them. I threw them out like trash because of my delusional self-blaming others for my failures. When I failed university and all my old parents wanted was for me to talk to them I cut them off like a disloyal child. I had chances to make friends or find a lover and gave it the middle finger to focus on studies that meant nothing. I treated everyone like crap because I was a pompous ass who thought I was superior to everyone because of how good I was at being top of the class. I was bullied because I wouldn't stand up for myself just take it in thinking I was going to be above them all after graduation, I didn't have anyone help me because I burned every bridge I could have crossed."
Kousuke was venting everything out, the old woman could see it. She let him continue, he needed to let the pain out to finally be free of his burdens.
"I could have asked for help, I could have reached out, I could have handled my depression better back then. But I gave up, I gave up on trying, and I blamed everyone but myself for my decisions. I killed myself because I was a coward who threw away his life when others who had it worse with their living conditions than I did fought hard every day to live. Why should I go back, why should I live if I couldn't protect this life with people in it I love and love me? I'm pathetic, I'm scum, I didn't deserve this new life at all."
Kousuke kept hitting the ground over and over again. All the pain, the guilt, it was pouring out, he was letting the restraints of his negative feelings be set free.
The old woman stood now closer to him. She gave a small smile as she pointed behind Kousuke
"Boy, you shouldn't hate yourself so much. You did do great things before, you just never noticed them let me show you."
The old woman touched his face, she showed him visions of the old world. From there Kousuke saw the people he interacted with in his old life. The ones he mistreated, were still living their lives normally. Kousuke believed she was punishing him by showing the living going on with him dead.
"Why are you showing me this. Haven't I suffered enough with being dead now?"
The old woman shook her head, and she showed him the people who were affected the most by his actions. One was the first girl he rejected. She was kind of a bit mousy, and he brushed her coldly when she entered his time to go to cram school.
"Why her? You want me to feel more guilty than I do now?"
"Just look boy see how she got better cause of you." The old woman let him see it more. The girl had changed indeed, she wasn't letting people walk on her like before. She was standing up for herself, taking her studies more seriously now.
Kousuke wondered about why he saw her, then he remembered. The girl approached him many times for a date. He refused each time, but he only told her once that he would consider it if she got in the top three during exams.
Kousuke remembered more, she worked hard to get into the spot, took extra tutoring classes, and asked him to correct her practice sheets for input. When she did make it, he reneged on the deal. She was heartbroken, wondering why he would do that to her. He told her why, to her surprise, he gave an answer that was what inspired her to do better.
"You have potential. But I shouldn't be your goal. If you always want to do better to impress someone then you don't deserve the best outcome. You should want to do better for yourself not because of me or anyone else. Next time, beat me and we'll see if you make me regret it."
The girl took those words to heart. She tried harder than she did previously, being in university now she was too of her class without fail. Doing things for herself and not because she wanted some to give her attention.
"You did that boy. Even if it was a small good thing you did something to help someone. How can you say you're scum?"
Kouske didn't respond, he wasn't convinced it was enough. The old woman tried again, she rushed more visions to him. The visions moved to his old parents, older now looking well off. They were at the dinner table eating with a young boy.
"What's this? Did they get their dream child now that I'm gone? They deserve that after all the crap I did to them."
The old woman shook her head again. She showed him what came next. The parents looked at the boy with affection. The boy smiled as he finished his dinner. He then made his way to a small photo frame placed on the dresser in the living room. The photo made Kousuke look shocked, it was his photo. His old school photo when he was healthy and filled with youth. The little boy prayed to it thanking it for a better life, Kousuke's parents said this and looked happy with tears of joy. They let the boy go play games while they finished eating looking at his old photo.
"I don't understand. How did this happen? Who's that kid?" Kousuke asked the old woman. She responded in turn.
"You don't remember. When you were playing online games for money you met a kid in your old apartment complex who was being abused. You didn't help at first but eventually you let him stay over and play games. You gave him hope when he needed it. After you died he was devastated, his parent didn't want him but yours took him in when he spoke up for you at your funeral. They're well off now because you made a will to give all your assets and stocks in those games to your parents if you died. Don't you remember?" Kousuke did remember, he forgot that because of how depressed he was at the time. He left everything to them because he didn't care if they got his money or not, it was meaningless to him because of how small it was at the time. The boy was a nuisance to him at first but he didn't want to see him more miserable than what Kousuke was feeling. He couldn't believe he helped them out even when he was at his worst.
"Boy, if you truly still think after seeing all that you don't deserve to go back. Talk to her first and see if it changes your mind."
"Her?"
Kousuke looked behind him, his eyes widened in surprise. There standing in the clouds, looking like the moment she was before death, there standing in warm presence, with all the love that never went away even after death, was Akane. She looked at Kousuke with a kind face, the one Kousuke would never forget even if he tried, he couldn't help but cry honestly seeing her again.
He reached out to her, and the images again returned to his mind. He couldn't reach out completely because they rushed his head relentlessly. He tried and tried, but he wouldn't move, the imaginary chains he felt the day she died when he was frozen in fear were holding him down again. Akane looked at him, and then she spoke, her voice just as soft as he remembered.
"Hisashi burida ne(Long time no see), Kousuke."
Kousuke couldn't believe it, her voice was the same, and it was her standing in front of him. His mind stopped seeing the images, instead, they were the images of Akane holding his hand when he was a baby, her gentle smile from how proud she was that he was born. The time they played at the arcade and when she carried him to his bed when they got home. Her brave face when she fought Shiina, they were overriding the bad memories, his body fighting hard through the chains holding him down.
He was determined to break them, he refused to let those memories and pain keep him away, soon Kousuke wasn't just reaching out from a distance anymore. His willpower broke him free from his restraints, his legs moved freely, and he was running to Akane. He ran, and ran, till both his hands reached out, and he hugged her again.
His body wasn't his old one now, it was his child's body from the day she died.
Kousuke still crying, hugged her tight, he wailed hard seeing her again after so long. He didn't want to let go, he wanted to stay with her forever. Akane rubbed his head like she used to, he couldn't hold it in, he was happy and sorrowful that she was there.
"Yoshi yoshi, don't cry, Okaa-San's here."
"I'm sorry."
"Hmmm"
"I'm sorry. It's my fault. All of it. I took you for granted. I didn't thank you honestly for everything you did. I was a terrible son to you. You died because of me. I'm sorry I'm so sorry." He rubbed his face on her waist as he continued crying. Akane smiled and embraced him back, her love warmed him. He finally stopped, with only a few lingering tears left in his eyes
"Kousuke. It's not your fault. A parent must protect their child. Even if you felt the way you did, and acted as you did, I would never change a thing. You'll always be my son. I love you. I always will."
Kousuke looked up at Akane. She radiated warmth he had never felt, the real love of a Mother to her child.
"I can't beat her. I'm too weak to win. I'm too scared I'll lose control again. That I'll kill her or die again. I'm a coward. I'm so scared of death I can't go back. I want to stay here with you. I don't want to fight anymore, I couldn't even beat you at a simple game."
Akane kneeled to look Kousuke in the eyes, she had a truth to tell him that may help his confidence.
"Kousuke you remember when we played the laser tag game? How you refused to stop unless you won. Truthfully, you did win before we left. I hit the off button many times before you caught me. I asked the clerk how to do it without ruining the game. I wanted to spend more time with you so I lied to play with you more. Kousuke you're stronger than you know you just need to believe that yourself."
Kousuke couldn't believe what he heard. He beat her, she only lied to spend more time with him, something he didn't give her properly before, which he wished he had when she was alive.
"Kousuke, I know the truth about you now. It's ok, you don't have to hide it anymore. Regardless of whether you were from some other world before or born here, you're still my son, so you can go home now. I'll see you again when it truly is your time. Live, my child, live. Be happy for yourself, people are waiting for you. I'll see you soon in paradise, my miracle child." Akane closed her eyes and she gave her last smile, her body glowed, only now she was moving on, her spirit was finally at peace.
Kousuke held on till she disappeared. His tiny hands held her light as where stood in front of him.
"She waited a long time to tell you that. She wouldn't move on till she helped you. You said you wished you had asked for help and that you reached out when you should have. Well she did, she reached back to you just like you wished. So boy how do you feel now? Still, think you don't deserve another chance."
Kousuke was quiet, he held Akane's light to his chest. The warmth was there, it wasn't fading. Kousuke turned to talk to the old woman, his body was back to its new look now that he was free from his guilt. Kousuke took a deep breath, his face looked ready.
"Ma'am, send me back, I have a fight I need to win."
The old woman looked at Kousuke, all the appearances he had flashed before her, he was finally at peace, he was now complete. Free from his pain and regrets, his soul was finally free.
"Ho ho ho, well said my boy. It's time for you to go back. Be warned if you die again your Momma won't be here to help you out a second time. Are you sure you're ready?"
Kousuke closed his eyes, he remembered all the times with Akane and Mana, Megumi, Natsume, Rina, and then Itsuki. He opened his eyes again giving off a cocky smile.
"Do you even have to ask?"
The old woman broke out in laughter, she was ecstatic about his confidence. She waved a finger and Kousuke dispersed. She was proud, she walked away changing back to her younger self.
"Kousuke, I think you're ready now for the next step. What do you think, Hunter Monarch?"
The woman looked over her shoulder, a silhouette of a beast was hidden in the clouds growling, its eyes glistening blue were the only visible trait.
Back at the arena, Megumi stood over the lifeless body of Kousuke, her hair covering her eyes from being seen. Everyone couldn't believe what she did, Itsuki broke down in Rina's arms in utter despair silent and emotionless, Rina sobbing as she held her tight. Natsume buried her face in her hands breaking down in her emotional pain feeling like she failed her friend. Ren and the others had no words to say, they weren't close to Kousuke really but they respected him all the same, they felt anger at Megumi for what she did. Ren was ready to strike her with his sword, only for Hiro to stop him not wanting any more death in one day.
"You stupid girl! What have you done? How could you do that!" Anna shrieked in utter fury. No one was supposed to die, it was an exhibition match to show off the new instructors' talents. Not a live execution.
"Piss off you old crone! I had no choice, he could have killed you all. He could never control those flames when he was emotionally unstable. How would you have stopped him? How did you think he was burned like that? That wasn't me, he did that to himself because he couldn't control his flames or his emotions when he was triggered. He was my student. It had to be me, it had to be me to end his pain."
"You didn't have to kill him though, he was just a kid! Get the hell out of my school. I don't want you here you murderer!"
Megumi clenched her teeth. She didn't want to do it. She had no choice. It was her obligation as the 'big sister' to help her 'little brother'.
"Fine, I quit anyways. I'll send my resignation when I feel like it. Later you old bat."
Megumi stormed off, no one wanted to be near her. Her disgust for herself hit her as much as the others had for her. A killer hating that she killed. It was a painful feeling she had never experienced.
"Where do you think you're going? Get your ass back here Shishou!"
Megumi stopped, her ears couldn't believe what they heard. She slowly turned around to see Kousuke standing up alive, everyone gasped in shock, he was alive. It was impossible to believe.
"Itsuki, Itsuki look!" Rina shook Itsuki to snap her out of her shock.
Itsuki struggled to lift her head, her eyes saw a still living Kousuke, the life returned to them, she couldn't believe what she saw. Her voice broke till it started speaking right again.
"Kou, Kou, KOUSUKE!!"
Kousuke looked at Itsuki who called out to him. He smiled waving at her like nothing was wrong.
"Yo, Shirayuki-Hime, wait right there, I have a wild beast that needs to be tamed."
He looked in Megumi's direction cracking his knuckles. Megumi herself was frozen. He was alive again, and she couldn't believe it. She killed him, she was sure of it.
Kousuke took in a concentrated breath focusing on the flames engulfing his body. Megumi almost ran to him thinking he was going to go berserk again, but stopped when she saw it. The flames weren't burning him. They were healing him. The burns he had were gone, and even the damage from the match was recovered. Kousuke had unlocked it, the real potential of his flames.
Kousuke got back in his stance, baring his fangs at Megumi.
"Round two, Shishou!!!"