Chapter 17: Large Fry Upgrade
"Seriously... that bastard Gallis... how does he have the nerve to come asking me for things..."
A voice drifted through the pitch-black void. I opened my eyes; even without sight, I recognized who it was.
"If he wants to start a war... why doesn't he just go himself? To expect me to provide the funds and the labor... to drag me down with him... it's so far away..."
**Rumble—!**
A heavy metal door was pushed open, and he stepped inside.
"Delia Sophia... can you understand me?"
"The time is coming... let us... go..."
He pulled me into his arms, and once again, I believed his lies. A long journey... a blue planet... a collapsing temple... and I, too, shall...
"!"
Tang Ping jolted awake from the dream, drenched in a cold sweat. His vision was dark, and he could barely breathe. *There's something on my face... something soft... something white... is this...?*
"Mmph-err-mmph (Translation: Boobs?!)"
Finally realizing the identity of the object on his face, Tang Ping let out a muffled cry of shock. But his mouth was completely blocked by something supple, reducing his screams to desperate groans. He struggled to break free, only to find the object pinned firmly against him.
Actually, his entire body was being held in a crushing embrace.
"Mm... what are you making such a fuss for... let me sleep a little longer..."
The silver-haired beauty grumbled in dissatisfaction, her face flushed with a faint glow. This wasn't about lust; it was the manifestation of total relaxation. Just like that night—no schemes, no guesses, only unconditional acceptance. Two naked bodies pressed together, the unique warmth of a human being transferring bit by bit into the girl's skin.
If she could, she would stay like this for a hundred years. She hugged her "space heater" tighter and adjusted her posture, shifting from her side to lying flat on top of him. She attempted to use her body weight to pin him down, ensuring her warm pillow couldn't escape her control.
"Mmph-err-gh-mmph (Translation: I'm dying)!!!"
Heaven and Hell. Before today, Tang Ping never thought these two polar opposites could exist in the same place at the same time. Of course, the prerequisite was that he had to survive first.
In a desperate bid for air, he bit down.
"AAAAAAAAHHH!"
The Goddess's scream echoed across the entire island, bringing with it an incalculable disaster. Birds fell from the sky like rain. Massive schools of fish turned belly-up, filling the surrounding waters. Even the Tundra Direwolves in the basement paused to look at each other in confusion.
Broad, who was in charge of the shipment, barked a sharp command: "That's between a husband and wife! It's none of our business! Keep working!"
The four Direwolves trotted to the unloading area in the corner and swiftly dropped the cargo from their backs. Although they were careful, the moment the goods hit the ground, the blood soaked through the surface of the cloth. Fortunately, no one present cared about such a small mishap.
Task complete, the wolves moved to a massive magic circle on the other side of the room. The circle erupted in a light so brilliant it rivaled the sun. In the blink of an eye, the giant beasts vanished.
"Phew." Broad finally exhaled, his nerves relaxing. Eavesdropping on a deity's bedroom affairs was a capital offense. Luckily, he wasn't anywhere near them. He'd have to tell the other clansmen to wait two or three hours before coming back.
"You must be Miss Monica, the one who took over Lord Qinglan's position," Broad said, addressing a silent figure in the room. "I am Broad of the Tundra Direwolves. We will return in about three hours."
The beautiful woman said nothing. She didn't even turn around, simply continuing her work. Sensing her intent, Broad bowed slightly, stepped into the center of the magic circle, and vanished in a flash of light.
After ten minutes of suffocating near-death, Tang Ping finally regained his freedom—at the cost of a vivid red handprint on his right cheek.
"Huff... huff... I thought... I was... going to die!" He leaned against the floor-to-ceiling window, gasping for air, his face filled with the relief of a survivor.
On the bed, the breathtaking beauty glared at him with resentful eyes, her hand massaging the bite mark on her chest. *That bastard... he bit me so hard!*
"Pervert!" Tanosi spat. Her fingers glowed with a faint green light, and moments later, the mark vanished, her skin returning to its flawless shape.
"W-Why are you in my bed?!" Tang Ping pointed at her, trembling at the thought of what might have happened while he was out.
"Why *can't* I be in your bed? My country, my house, my servant—everything here is mine! What's there to be surprised about?" Tanosi snapped back, hands on her hips. As the master, she wasn't about to spoil her servant. *What's yours is mine, and what's mine is still mine.* She had to teach him this absolute rule.
"Uh..." Tang Ping's brain stalled. He had never met a real-life "Tsundere" heroine who could spout such nonsense with such conviction. Was this what they called a "troublesome woman"?
"Did you forget everything we went through? We spent every day together like a couple. You did so many shameful things to me... you're not going to pretend you have amnesia to dodge your responsibility, are you?"
"What? I...!" Tang Ping froze as memories of the past few days flooded back.
He remembered when the inspection team was about to depart, Tanosi had thrown a tantrum and refused to go. Left with no choice, Tang Ping sent the team ahead while he stayed behind with her. One night, Tanosi knocked on his door, and things had become... intimate. While he couldn't recall if they had crossed the final line, they were definitely close enough to sleep naked in the same bed.
*Loyal servant...* But something felt off. Like a missing puzzle piece. Had he forgotten something important?
"Loyal servant!"
The girl's shout snapped him back to reality. Tanosi was already dressed and standing by his side, looking at him with concern. She wasn't wearing her usual black silk robes, but a simple yet elegant white-and-blue palace gown. It wasn't overly revealing, but the form-fitting cut emphasized every curve of her hourglass figure.
In short: it wasn't skimpy, but it was incredibly sexy. Tang Ping also felt that this "sophisticated woman" style looked strangely familiar...
"Huh?"
"Are you okay? I didn't mean to hit you... it's just, seeing you pretend to forget what happened between us... it made me feel so wronged!" Tears welled in her eyes, her body trembling with sobs. "I might be the 'Evil God' everyone hates, but I'm still a pure-hearted girl! I gave you my body, and now you don't want to take responsibility... just thinking about it, I... waaaaah!"
She buried her face in her hands, tears dripping through her fingers. Even a cold-blooded killer would have been moved by such a sight. Naturally, Tang Ping, who had zero experience with women, panicked instantly. He pulled her into his arms, gently stroking her back.
"I didn't say I wouldn't take responsibility! Really! Please, stop crying, okay?"
"Then... you won't pretend you don't know about what happened between us anymore?"
"I won't! I'm a man; I'll take responsibility. I would never lie to the woman I love!"
"You've been lying to me this whole time..." Tanosi muttered under her breath.
"What?" Tang Ping didn't catch it.
"Mm-hmm! Let's never be apart, okay? I want you to only look at me from now on!"
"Yes, yes! I only love you! I mean it!" Tang Ping leaned in and kissed her forehead.
Tanosi beamed. Behind her, tentacles began to extend like vines, coiling around Tang Ping's body. The sunlight fell across her face, making her look as holy as a true goddess. Meanwhile, Tang Ping, held fast in her embrace, sank deep into a gentle swamp of affection, completely cut off from the light of the sun.
It was ten o'clock in the morning. Inside a fast-food restaurant named "McDang-Dang" on the first floor of TOSTTO, Tang Ping opened his laptop and continued revising the blueprint for the new nation.
Meanwhile, Tanosi began "cooking" to prepare breakfast for the two of them.
Tang Ping had initially found it strange that Helios, Brenno, and their kin were nowhere to be seen. Tanosi had explained that the recent inspection tour had been exhausting, so she had granted them a vacation, and they wouldn't be back for a while.
After thinking it over, Tang Ping decided it made sense. They had been on a business trip for over a week, after all; demanding they return to work immediately seemed a bit harsh. Thus, he relaxed and focused on his own portion of the labor.
"Loyal Servant, do you want the Angus Beef Burger or the Pork Cheese Burger?"
"Whatever."
"Mm-hmm, let's go with the Beef Burger then. I like beef."
Tanosi walked over to the counter and began tapping away at a giant screen on the wall. From the fluidity of her movements, she was clearly a regular here.
"Apple Cola or Blueberry Cola, which one do you want?"
"Either is fine."
"Oh, let's go with Blueberry Cola. I am the Daughter of the Sea God; strictly speaking, I belong to the Blue Faction."
"Sure."
A few days ago, ever since Tanosi discovered an automated ordering machine at McDang-Dang, she had become obsessed with it. The Great Evil Goddess had volunteered to let her "Loyal Servant" taste her cooking, promising to show him the true meaning of a goddess's "feminine touch."
Tang Ping had scoffed inwardly, though he kept a straight face. As expected, Tanosi did not betray his expectations: she simply presented the mechanical labor of the ordering machine as her own culinary masterpiece. Perhaps in her mind, using an ordering machine was no different from a human using a microwave.
Incidentally, in the year 2040, McDang-Dang's ordering machines had achieved total automation. This meant the restaurant required no human staff to prepare food; instead, raw materials were stored in internal cartridges, and meals were created via 3D printing and rapid heating. Human employees had been relegated to the status of optional mascots.
"Evil God Priest or Death Knight—which one do you want to be?"
"Let's go with Death Knight, sounds cooler... wait, what?"
Tang Ping responded absentmindedly before freezing. Had he just heard something incredibly strange?
"Great! I've got it! I'll go grab the food now. Bye!"
Seeing Tanosi about to make a run for it, Tang Ping quickly lunged forward and caught her.
"Hold on! Did something weird just get mixed into your questions?"
"Something weird? No! Are you still groggy from sleep?"
"No, no, no! You definitely said something like that! Something about 'Evil God-something' and 'Knight-something'?"
"Don't make it sound so dirty! It was 'Evil God Priest' and 'Death Knight'!"
"So you *do* remember perfectly! I was just ordering food! Why are you making these random life decisions for me?!"
Realizing her scheme had been exposed by her subordinate, Tanosi rubbed the back of her head, looking bashful.
"Well... I just felt a thousand-year probation period was too long. If we keep dragging this out, you'll definitely start flirting with others..."
Tanosi's last sentence was a mere whisper; Tang Ping didn't catch it.
"What?"
"Ahem! I mean, I can't have you doing odd jobs forever. You need to try more things so you can grow!"
"So... you're saying you want me to transition from an entry-level worker to a formal management position?"
Tanosi looked at him expectantly, nodding her head like a chick pecking at grain.
Tang Ping smiled back. Then, he said firmly: "I refuse!"
"But why?!"
Having eaten his fill, Tang Ping walked down the hallway toward the office while a relentless Tanosi circled around him.
"Think about it! You're the fiancé of the Great Evil God! Of course, you have to be different from those ordinary people who just eat and wait to die! How can you go around without a cool and prestigious title?"
"Is that your excuse for trying to smuggle this past customs?" Tang Ping rolled his eyes, not slowing his pace as he rounded the next corner.
"Smuggle? I'm clearly breaking through the front gate!"
Tanosi dashed ahead, blocking the path between Tang Ping and the office door. She puffed out her chest with an air of righteous indignation.
"Do you have any idea how much people hate door-to-door salespeople..." Tang Ping was speechless at her renewed stubbornness.
But Tanosi didn't care about logic.
"What? You're saying that except for the position of High Archibishop, no other rank is worth your consideration?" Tanosi clasped her hands together, her eyes sparkling with stars.
At this moment, the Goddess finally unleashed a woman's ultimate weapon: acting cute. And she followed it up with an unblockable combo: the "Forced Sale." *Hehe, since you don't want to buy it, I'll just stuff it into your backpack!*
"No, no, no! I never said that!" Tang Ping waved his hands in clarification.
"What? You're saying you are the man who will become the Dark Pope? That forcing you to choose one of those weakling positions is not just a declaration of war against you, but the ultimate insult to your very character?"
"I said I never said that! Listen, don't just make things up to steer the conversation in your favor!"
Tang Ping felt he was rapidly becoming a stereotypical "Straight Man" character from a comedy manga.
"What? You're saying you wish to sign a contract that never ends, and that you will spend your entire life protecting your one and only true love?"
"LISTEN TO ME!!!"
Although Tang Ping had protested vehemently, Tanosi didn't seem to take it to heart. She simply gave a casual "Oh" and skipped off somewhere else.
When she finally returned... the performance began.
"Ever since I upgraded to the Large Fries, not only do I feel completely full, but the back pain and hair loss that plagued me for years have significantly improved! Is this the power of the Value Meal Upgrade?"
Tanosi had somehow scavenged a fast-food poster and slapped it onto the office's only whiteboard. The poster read: **HUGE VALUE! Upgrade your meal for just one coin.**
Then, she began to pace around Tang Ping, "talking to herself."
"As they say, you get what you pay for. Life is exactly the same!"
"At certain crossroads of fate, we often encounter unexpected difficulties. In moments like these, how wonderful would it be if a beautiful goddess appeared to offer guidance and lead one toward the correct path~"
The dignity and aura of a divine being were being smashed into a thousand pieces by Tanosi's antics. Aside from a twitching lip, Tang Ping had no idea how to react.
*My lady! You are a dignified Evil God! To brainwash your subordinate, you're actually willing to moonight as a fast-food spokesperson?*
"People often regret why they didn't do a certain thing back then, only to realize they missed their chance," Tanosi continued dramatically. "If I had just a shred of courage—only a little bit—to give myself a chance at success, I would have seized it and become a better version of myself!"
"Sigh... Unfortunately, I am already old. But some people are still young. I believe they definitely won't follow the crooked path of their predecessors. They will surely find a new direction in life!"
"My old boss used to PUA me with these exact same lines..." Tang Ping muttered under his breath.
"Even though I did pay a tiny bit more money, the benefits of the Large Fries upgrade are so obvious! How could I not recommend it to the person closest to me? Loyal Servant, don't you agree?"
"..."
*Please don't cue me! Can't you see I have no interest in joining your improv theater?*
Still, Tang Ping felt these lines didn't sound like something she could come up with on her own. Who was giving her these ideas?
Tang Ping pulled out his phone and opened the **Voogle** app. He switched accounts to Tanosi's profile (which he had registered for her when he helped her pick out the phone). Then, he tapped the search history. A list of recent queries popped up:
1. *How to help a herbivorous loser find his original drive: A management guide every manager must read.*
2. *Sovereignty for Dummies: Managing your business empire with carrots and sticks.*
3. *Three moves to make your subordinates worship you! The CEO Bible recommended by Musk! (Small note: Not the Musk who makes electric cars.)*
"..."
Tang Ping's face contorted. *Those clickbait journalists and trash writers! If you lot ever dare to step foot on this island, I'll make you regret being born!*
By the afternoon, Tanosi seemed to have grown tired of acting. She moved straight to intimidation.
"SHAAAAAA—!"
The Evil God unhinged her jaw, revealing rows of dagger-like teeth, while the eight tentacles behind her bloomed outward like a spider's web.
Tang Ping didn't even flinch. He tore open a bag of sesame-filled mochi and poured the entire contents into Tanosi's gaping mouth.
Seeing her expression shift to one of pure bliss, he asked calmly, "If I may ask... what exactly are you doing?"
"*Munch munch*... Isn't it obvious? *Munch munch*... I am intimidating you... *munch munch*..."
Rather than an angry Evil God, she looked more like a tiny kitten puffing out its fur.
Tang Ping could only sigh helplessly. "There's sand over there. Go play."
He reached into his storage space, pulled out a small stainless steel shovel and a bucket of sea sand brought back by the inspection team, and shoved them into Tanosi's hands.
The simple-minded Evil God was genuinely delighted by the "tribute" from her subordinate.
"Oh! Sand!"
Tanosi took the shovel and excitedly dug into the dirt twice before realizing something was wrong. Wait... she wasn't supposed to be playing so happily, was she?
"You're tricking me! SHAAAAAA—!"
"Yes, yes, I know. But aren't you having fun?"
"I am NOT having fun! SHAAAAAA—!"
Finally, Tanosi ran out of tricks. She resorted to looking at Tang Ping with teary eyes, attempting to melt the heart of this cold, ruthless man.
Tang Ping felt his resolve softening, but his past experiences in the corporate world had allowed him to see through the true nature of work. If possible, he really just wanted to remain an entry-level employee.
"I'm sorry, Lady Tano! I'm very satisfied with my life right now. Chasing fame and fortune, consuming my soul for some 'grand narrative'... I've lost interest in those boring things."
"Of course, I will still do my best for you. Not because of how much you pay me, but because I like you. So... can we just keep things the way they are for now?"
The sincerity in Tang Ping's expression reflected in Tanosi's eyes.
A thousand years ago, someone had said the exact same thing to her. Now, hearing those identical words from the person she loved, Tanosi froze.
*As expected, similar people are drawn to one another. Even without my interference, they would have probably ended up together anyway...*
"Oh... I see..."
Tanosi lowered her head and turned to leave. Seeing this, Tang Ping felt a sudden pang of guilt in his chest. Just as he was about to pull her into a hug to comfort her, she whipped her head back around.
"Upgrading just the Large Coke is also an option!"
"No! Thank you!"
Their playful banter filled the empty room once more. However, hidden within the laughter, there was a tiny sliver of loneliness that no one noticed.