A/N: Hey guys! Thank you guys for all your support! My laptop is finally fixed! The repair guys couldn't do anything because their vender didn't have the part so I did it myself! Everything is fine, crossing my fingers that it stays that way, and chapters should be dropping as normal! Thank you again and please enjoy!
"You know," The blonde chirped, her hand brushing off imaginary dust off his shoulders. Much it might've been the fifth so far but her heart was in the right place. Those bright blue eyes running over the pristine suit once more. "You clean up quite well! Who would've known that scrawny homeless kid would now become this dashing fellow before me now! Look at ya, got your own place, your own business and now you rubbing shoulders with an absolute knockout! Brings tears to my eyes, what about you Red? Are sad to seem them grow so fast?"
"The suit looks nice." Sitting in a nearby office chair, the red head peered over her black rimmed glasses at his attire in an assessing manner. It was the closest anyone would ever get to a full blown compliment from the poison mistress herself and for that reason alone, her bland tone wasn't really taken to heart. "It is very well tailored and the colors suits you well."
"Thanks." Even with Harley's teasing and Ivy's perpetually bored sounding voice, it still caused Albert's cheeks to feel slightly warm to the touch. He couldn't help it with both of them being absurdly attractive women, it was something a man would remember even thirty years in the future. And honestly, he at first wanted to brush them aside as them just being nice or wanting to inflate his ego. Maybe that was the purpose, maybe the blonde could sense how nervous he was or how close he was to just texting his date and telling her that he came down with a sudden case of food poisoning...with the half-plant women there, it wouldn't be an exact lie.
'I can't make them do that.'
It wouldn't be fair to use them as a way to get himself out this, they had helped him out here after all...even if he didn't ask for either of their help to begin with. In fact, the only reason why they were there was because they'd shook him down as he was coming back with the tailored suit.
And frankly, it was probably a blessing that they were there. Not just for the emotional support but also to figure out how to fold all the accessories properly and tie his tie.
So with that in mind, he didn't just do what was natural to him from his past life. Growth was always going to be a difficult path, going against the grain and all. He even let out a small, crooked smile at the two.
"But why I can't come?" Harley loomed over him teasingly, one eye squinting close as she put on a greatly exaggerated expression of suspicion. "I think I can deal with being fancy for an evening! Just think of it, me in a sleeveless blue and white suit, to show off my guns obviously..my muscles! Don't give me that look! I meant my biceps! Anyway, I can just see myself snatching wine glasses and eating sandwiches that smaller than my pinky and eating shrimp! Oh my god! Dipping it in some cocktail sauce and freshly melted butter! Ooooh! Maybe they'll have some of that fancy steak, the ones perfectly seared and pink in the middle...And lobster! You're killing me Al! Why can't we come?! Don't you wanna see Red in black dress? I've seen her in one and she looked fucking amazing! Tell him what he's missing out on, Red!"
For a moment, a mere micro fraction of an instance to allow that image to cross behind his eyes before with an effort will, he clamped down on that traitorous thought with the force of a bear trap. There was no way he would ever consider such a terrible idea..not for long anyway. Bringing either of these around some of the snobbiest and spoiled brats of Gotham would only result in one thing, a pile of broken and bruised bodies. Both of them had very obvious reasons why it was better to keep the two groups far away from each other. Being surrounded by so many self important people would be a dream for Harley, for her to have complete free reign to poke at their deepest secret and instigate so much drama that it would splinter the party-goer's families from each other for a good while to cause some serious trouble in Gotham. And Ivy...well she doesn't need an explanation. Just putting her in a room filled with people that actively benefited from the continued unchecked expansion into nature was a scenario that sent a shiver down Albert's spine.
So no, even if he could bring either of them, it would be way too much trouble than it was worth.
"If they have shrimp bring me back some...and steak too."
Instead of playing into the blonde's tantrum, Ivy only had a rather simple request. If she minded her friend using her form as a lure, it didn't pierce through that blank mask.
"That too." Harley nodded her head multiple times rapidly, a sage expression crossing her features as though the red head had gotten directly to the heart of the problem. "I will also request for a slice of chocolate cake...but if I will gladly accept a cupcake if they're available….but, if you can somehow sneak an entire cake out, I will be very impressed."
"What would I get for sneaking out a whole cake?" His first reaction was to ask for some sort of monetary reward but he knew better. From the many times he's been over to their place, it was clear the two really didn't hold much value to normal conventions of wealth….A much nicer way to call them broke, poor..the complete opposite of wealthy. It would be like asking a homeless person for spare chang- "Ow!"
In a flash, a thunk of pain skimmed across his forehead. Rubbing the spot between his brow, he sent an annoyed glare in the cause of his new found discomfort.
"What was that for?"
"You were thinking something very rude!" Not looking apologetic in the slightest, the blonde crossed her arms and even had the nerve to look down at him with a slightly tilted chin.
'Is this how other people feel?'
No wonder people had such a negative reaction to being read like a book, having every little micro expression be completely absorbed and put together to gleam his inner thoughts was a pretty invasive feeling. Like he was naked, and that nothing he could do could ever hide anything from her. Only slow her down.
"I WAS," The blonde emphasized that singular word, clearly intending to convey the fact that the unknown prize was no longer on the table. A blessing really. "Going to offer you a super, secret, ultra, hidden, ubber great prize but since you're thinking so rudely today, it's gone forever!"
"It's a handmade plushy." Ivy pipped in. "She finished it a bit ago and was looking for a reason to give it to you."
"RED!" Stamping her feet, she snapped her head in Ivy's direction, a faux hurt and annoyed look flashing to existence. The spoiler in question only shrugged, which only seemed to further fuel the performative tantrum. "Why you gotta ruin the surprise?! And how dare you tell people about my knitting! Do you know how much street cred I'll lose if that ever gets out?"
Behind all that bluster and acting, he could see it. An infinitesimal, not even truly a speck of vulnerability. Just a mere flash but it was enough. Something that not even she would ever admit to...if it wasn't on purpose anyway. It was always tough bringing in friends to personal hobbies, especially something that seemed completely out of character. Even the most self assured person couldn't help but be a bit insecure or anxious about such things.
"Fine, I will graciously accept the prize."
What kind of friend would he be to reject her show of effort, even if it didn't take her long it was still time out of her day she spent to produce something. Only a monster would refuse or wish to crush that.
"Who said it's gonna be that?! Maybe Red was lying and it's something else….like a coupon to get out of one of our training sessions? Or a home cooked meal by yours truly!" Spinning in place, the blonde began to march away down the hall. Those heavy boots clomping to cadence only she knew as her head rotated slightly to call over her shoulder. "Don't move, I think I saw smudge. I'll be back with a wet rag."
Leaving the pair of introverts alone, the open area became deathly quiet. Only the sound of someone noisily rummaging through his fridge. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, the two of them had spent some time together without Harley to act as the lightning rod and he'd come to a very simple understanding of the red head.
Ivy was a women of few verbal words, more the type to speak through motion or small gestures or minute expressions that anyone else would probably miss from that all encompassing blank mask permanently settled on her face...who was he kidding, trying to read her was like flipping a coin. Being an enhanced human certainly came with it's benefits.
It had gotten so bad that the blonde even had a name for her particular language. The Red Tongue and very smugly showed off her laminated certificate framed in twisted metal. How she got the red head to sign off on such a thing was beyond him.
But there were times, where he could just about gleam what was being communicated. Or maybe, she was exaggerating those signs just to make sure her meaning was completely understood.
Like now, her head was slightly tilted down. Brows relaxed and mouth formed into a straight line, green eyes glancing at him with that usual half lidded gaze like the world was just breezing past an ever aging oak. But if he looked close enough, he could notice the edges of her mouth quirking up. A blazing smile to her.
Thank you.
She seemed to silently say and he could only nod in return. It was clear that Harley really didn't have a lot of actual friends, by her own doing of course. But those she did have, she stayed fiercely loyal to to the very end. Maybe at first he'd wanted to cultivate that sort of relationship out of a desperate need for allies, yet he had grown to actually like and care for her. Taking the plunge in that shelter had been the wisest thing he'd done. Not just for his own survival but also sanity.
A slight buzzing filled the room and they both snapped their heads in the direction of a small plastic device vibrating away on the nearby desk. A number flashing across it's exterior. Reaching over, Albert flipped the phone open and answered the call.
"Hello?"
"Hey," That familiar voice of trouble answered, her tone bubbly and eager. "I think I'm almost there, I would say less than five minutes away..which building did you say you lived in?"
'Like you don't already know.'
There was no way that Batman hadn't swung by to drop off some secret gifts around his home the man probably couldn't go a day without placing bugs somewhere. And honestly, he'd already expected every bit of privacy to have been invaded. Everything had looked same but that didn't mean much when the Dark Knight was invovled.
"I'm on the far end, just turn and keep going straight and you will see it."
"Cool, I will see you soon!"
Hanging up, he could hear those boots stomping their way back to them and with a turn of his head, he couldn't see rag or paper towel in sight. Instead, Harley had a snagged an apple and was already a couple bites in. Lips smacking, she spoke with her mouth full.
"You know," She chomped loudly, opening chewing like a mule. "I never really asked, whose your date? Like did you come across some snobbish girl or something? I didn't really think you'd be the type to try and marry into money but hey, who am I to judge?"
"I thought I mentioned it?" He tried to think back on the past few days and came up completely on a blank. Things had been pretty hectic after the...incident. At least to him anyway...maybe he had locked himself away for a bit just to even begin not to feel so off. From that point of view, it made sense why the pair had decided to drop by unannounced. "I guess not? But nah, she's not some heiress...I mean, technically she is the daughter of someone pretty important now. It's-"
Suddenly, through the usually quiet neighborhood filled with nothing but abandoned buildings and wandering spirits, a single sound seemed completely alien there. The low rumbling of a car engine cruising down the street. The vehicle in question wasn't anywhere on the same level as Willow's baby, even calling them cars was a bit insulting. It made it seem like her car and this one was even of the same species.
The car was a dark green, like as verdant as spring leaves..or Ivy's skin. It was nice, not jaw dropping or anything that someone would buy just strictly for the bragging rights. It looked to be a middle of the road, safe looking, gas efficient vehicle that could take someone to and fro to their destination without any hiccups. The exact type of car a loving father would get for their daughter.
"Is that…?" Harley pushed her face right up against the wall spanning window, squinting hard to cut through the glare of the setting sun. "Gordon's brat? You're one brave man, he might put you in cuffs for trying something with his little girl! But...I do gotta ask."
"..Yeah?"
He knew Barbara had ulterior motives to pursuing him as she was and despite bruising his ego, knew it wasn't due to his 'dashing' good looks. But that didn't mean hearing people's shock or disbelief brush against his own insecurities just the tiniest bit.
"It's clear now," She said seriously, taking a few steps to block his few of the lounging Ivy. "You gotta a thing for gingers, don't ya? Like the fact they don't got a soul?"
If anything, he was very glad that a quick blaring horn was a sign from the heavens for his quick escape.
"Look at time," Looking down at his completely bare wrist, he tapped it a few times. "She's here, looks like you guys gotta clear out. You going through the back or…"
"Wow," She rolled her eyes at that obvious stolen tactic, "Can you believe this guy? Does he think he's blonde? Only I can get away with something like that! And stop stealing my bits!"
"We'll just exit through the back." Ivy, being the most mature member of their little group answered. Her gaze locked onto the outside. "But it looks like you're date is coming inside."
"Wowza!" Harley snapped her head back to the window, a low whistle escaping her lips as she got a look. "Yeah, Gordon is for sure going to kill you!"
And honestly, he couldn't help but agree. Through the window, he saw a tall women standing besides the car wearing heels that added a few inches of height. Her wild mane of red hair tied up in a high bun, with two black hair chopsticks holding it all together. Small 'diamond' earrings dangled from her ears, tying in nicely with the actual diamond necklace hanging low on her turtle neck. She wore a sleeveless, green dress ending just below her knees that hugged tightly on her athletic frame, showcasing countless hours and dedication. Combine that with her light layer of make up focusing primarily on filling out her cheeks and a deep massacre to draw all the attention to those alluring green eyes, Barbara Gordon really hadn't pulled any of her punches that night.
She was dressed to kill...or in his time, slay.
For a split instance, a mere micro second, he allowed himself to dream. Of a reality where he knew for certain she was actually interested in him, that he actually had a chance with someone this beautiful. Of where he could settle down with the absolute smoke show before him, before the cold hard truth came slamming into him with the force of sledgehammer.
She was never going to be interested in him beyond his secrets. He didn't think for a moment she wouldn't just ghost him the moment she plucked out every bit of mystery from his existence. And just like that, a possible burgeoning crush was shattered before it could ever have the chance to bloom.
Albert waved through the window, a grin prevalent on his face.
"Well, you guys might as well meet her." It seemed his 'date' wasn't content with just picking him up. Maybe she was here to also check up on two Rogue Gallery members as well.
"You didn't have a chose in the matter anyway, momma gotta know where she got that dress!"
The blonde without even waiting, essentially scrambled to the door. Popping it open for their guest to edge their way in. Waving them in, she excitedly introduced herself. "Hiya gorgeous! Come on in! We got...two chairs and a table! You want some water, crackers...or this apple core? I don't judge, whatever floats your boat!"
'This is going well.'
If he knew it wouldn't do anything, there would've been a pleading look being sent Ivy's way right about then. Who in the world would offer someone an apple core?...Harley Quinn, that's who.
"Hello to you too…?" Barbara slowed to a mere crawl, a confused and thoughtful expression on her face. A few moments passed before an uncomfortable smile stretched across her visage. "My name is Barbara Gordon...I'm guessing you're Harleeen Quinzel?"
"Ew." For the first time, a flinch crossed over the usually bombastic woman's face. "Don't call me that, just call me Harley."
"Oh I'm sorry." A lie, Albert could tell. That was a purely calculated move, meant to disrupt and throw her off balance. Something only someone who faced her on a regularly basis would not just try but also accomplish. And unlike what the young woman liked to believe, her acting skills were sorely lacking. Especially, in the presence of two people both well into the Professional Tier in Psychology. "It is nice to meet you, Harley."
"Yeah," Her dark brows furrowed just a tad, that perceptual smirk falling into something just as stiff. "Nice to meet you."
"And I'm guessing you wish to be called Pamela Isley?" Instead of rising to the bait, Ivy only looked her over once before visibly disregarding her all together. Only nodding. Seeing that, Barbara turned to him with a faux sheepish grin. "Nice place you got, and I like the suit. It seems Olivia did an excellent job."
Despite immediately isolating herself from everyone in the room, she still looked just as comfortable as she always did. Just standing there in his home like she'd owned the place, or been there plenty of time before. As though she'd personally studied every tile in search of something of note and coming up lacking. It really niggled at his more pettier side.
'Go on do it,' He practically beamed the thoughts to Harley, wishing for all things for her pick up on his desires and act upon them. 'Your finger are covered in chip dust, I know you snuck some..now use them!'
But sadly, no amount of pettiness could ever develop into such a supernatural phenomenon.
"Yeah," Looking down at his dark green suit, it was clear that her statement was true. Olivia was a miracle worker, turning a second hand suit into something this amazing could only be described as divine intervention. If she had the time to make something from complete scratch… "I would say she did too, I'll have to thank her again...Are you ready to go?"
"Yep!" Barbara turned from him to the silent blonde, a small smile stretched into place. "But could I ask a favor from you guys? I would love to get some pictures with him for my dad and friends..would either one of you be willing?"
"Sure!" Harley chirped, hand already leaning over to snatch up Albert's phone. "I can snap a few pics..just keep em PG, we clear?"
"Oh! I have a disposable camera here," Reaching into her a small bag, the red head pulled out those old fashion cameras that one could just walk into a store and get them developed. It's familiar yellow exterior brought a flash of nostalgia through him. "There's only about ten left, I think? My dad wanted to get some pictures in too...he got a little too enthusiastic."
Another truth if the bridge of her nose turning slightly red was anything to go by. There was no way to hide the embarrassment one felt when their parents did something over the top. From dressing up in a dinosaur costume for a child's birthday party to blasting some ancient music when they picked up their child from school.
"Sure thang!" In a blur, the blonde snatched the camera away. Bringing it up to her eyes, she squinted and began peering into the small preview window. Slowly, a large grin bloomed. Something that only spelled trouble. "Some of these are pretty decent but...most of them has a big ol' thumb in frame!"
"Please, ignore those. Let's just take some photos and we'll be out of your hair."
"Sure thang girlie, where do you want em?"
***
Harley waved as she saw the car drive away, ignoring how striking the noise sounded in this slice of paradise. A place where one could get away from the hectic aspects of city life and just get a bit of peace. Her grin felted forced, stretching uncomfortably as she tried to keep up that happy go lucky expression.
Even Red besides her, waved lazily at the boy's hand held outside the car window. That usual blank expression easily read for anyone who knew her long enough. She might like to pretend that her poker face was to die for but in some cases, it was easier to read than anyone else's on Earth.
As the car turned and disappeared around a corner, that grin slid off the blonde's face like water running over slick rocks.
"You know," She started, crossing her arms with a sever frown. "At first, I thought I was just being overprotective...and maybe I still am but I just don't like that girl. You feel the same, right Red?"
"…." Instead of replying immediately, the red head tilted her chin up in agreement. "She..she feels off."
"Right?!" Nodding rapidly, vindicating filling her chest as she continued. "I thought it was just me! But, if you felt it too then yeah… When I was snapping they're photos, it was clear she didn't like him. Not in romantic way..or really platonically either. I kinda expected her to be atleast somewhat interested in him if she was inviting him out to such a fancy party but nope. Nada. Ziltch. And I expect she didn't put off anything to prove me wrong?"
"No."
"Like c'mon!" Now, she began to pace. Working herself up to fever's pace. "What's her deal?! Like is she just leading him on? I know Al's smarter than that!...but he is at that age though.."
"I don't know."
"Sure, I get it! He's a bit awkward looking now, and is absolutely terrible at any levels of basic level conversations but that doesn't mean he deserves to get played around like that! I'm sure he's going to make some weird girl very, very happy in the future!"
"…"
Despite there not being a verbal response, it didn't bother her in the slightest. Like a boulder rolling down a hill, she'd long since started gaining momentum.
"I don't want to see him hurt, he's already been acting a bit off and I don't want this to be the tipping point, you know? Kid's at that age tend to go to the extreme when they get their heart broken." It came unbidden, unraveling from the deepest recesses of her consciousness. Almost causing that momma bear side to roaring back up to the surface. "Do you think it's too late to run over that car down? You could probably catch up to it, right?"
"I could. But I won't."
"What? Why?"
"Peanut." In rare display, green arms encircled around her shoulders to form into a half embrace. Calm jade eyes locking onto her blue. "He's going to be fine...Al is a smart guy and I don't see him falling for such a ploy. You know he's already aware. Take a breath."
In times like these, it made perfect sense why the two of them got along so well. Red was like an anchor in turbulent waters, a lighthouse in a heavy storm. A steady presence that could keep her grounded when Harley's concerns grew to such an intense degree.
Taking in a steady breathe, she filled her lungs to capacity before letting it all out in a continuous flow. She could feel all her concerns, rational and irrational come flooding in before being pushed out. Not gone but somewhere else to force her mind back on track.
She knew she was over reacting, all the classic signs were there but in the moment, it didn't matter. Emotions often trumped rationale. That was just being human.
Red was right. Al-
"Wait a minute…!" Her mind nearly stuttered to a step as she snapped her gaze back up to the dryad, who suddenly looked more exhausted then ever. A flash of realization and regret so deep it was nearly bone deep. "You called him Al! You're start calling him Cashew next?"
"...Albert will be fine."
"You can't go changing stuff now!"
"I'm not dealing with you right now."
***
For the first couple of minutes, the car was rather quiet. Only the sound of a rumbling engine and the ambiance of Gotham's night life filled the gulf between them. It was an awkward thing, near suffocating like Albert was in an interrogation room.
If Barbara thought he was going to crack first, then she had another thing coming. He'd always thought keeping quiet was a skill of his that should've reached well into the Grandmaster Tier and beyond. Besides, there were other things to occupy his mind.
For one, going down his long list of items he had decided to take with him.
'Salt packet, spare gloves, phone, keys, wallet and...my bottle of mace.' It had been a difficult decision, but it was probably for the best not walk around carrying an unregistered gun. Especially around the freshly minted commissioner's daughter. But unlike last time, he'd refused to walk around anywhere without even the barest hint of personal protection. 'Come at me thugs, and face the might of my ultimate attack!'
Goofy thoughts aside, he honestly didn't expect there to be anything but spoiled brats tonight but it was better to be safe than sorry.
"So…" It seemed his 'date' was the first to break the silence. Her hands gently taping against the steering wheel to an anxious beat, gaze locked fully on the chaotic traffic ahead of them. "I don't think you mentioned who your friends were…"
In this enclosed space, the scent of her perfume assaulted his senses. He didn't know what kind it was, all he did know was that it smelt really enticing. In fact, everything about her tonight was simply that. Even while knowing she had no genuine feelings for him, he couldn't help but sneak a few glances.
"Yes? What about them?"
He knew he was being obtuse but it was better for her to just say it and get it out in the open.
"You know...they're criminals, right?" And the dam came falling down. Whether from her years of fighting the two, to cleaning up after their rampages, to being forced to witness as lives were torn apart by them, it all crashed through carefully constructed walls at the prescence of a convenient scapegoat. "Take Pamela Isley, for instance! She's a certified eco-terrorist whose responsible for the deaths and injuries of hundreds! Threatening both individual people and global conglomerates! And Harley Quinn….she's goddamned Harley Quinn! The sidekick of the JOKER! THE Joker! The same madman that has more blood on his hands than skin! The amount of lives those two ruined..it's staggering! They only got on probation because of 'good' behavior! How, just how can you be okay with all that? Do you not feel even a bit of empathy for all those people?"
'No, I don't.' What was he wanted to say immediately, but that was the him who still saw this world as a comic. Not a world loosely based on a mixture of media. Before, he'd just scoffed at the stats given to him. They were just numbers to show how bad news a villain was. The amount of stuff they stole, injuries they've inflicted and people they've killed. But now, he'd actually seen those 'faceless' stats. From the endless tied of mangled and half-chewed corpses to the cruel bullet wound that ended a man's life in a blink.
Albert had always known that he would eventually have to take a side in this world, known that his decision to befriend the two villainesses would receive some push back. He wasn't a cruel person, nor was he an uncaring one either...but he wasn't a bleeding heart. He'd already shown his willingness to stride a bit deeper into the darker side to get what he wanted. He was too weak to be a paragon of justice like Superman, too unconnected to take matters into his own hands like Batman.
But what he hadn't expected was to be pressed so soon for his decision, forcing him to really think of how he wanted to be portrayed as in this world. A callous bastard? Or a goody-two-shows with no strength to back anything up.
"...Let's just not talk about it." It seemed she'd taken his contemplation as stunned or shameful silence before sighing and turning her head just enough to flash him a small grin. "Tonight's suppose to be fun, I don't want to bring down mood by bringing up something so heavy...just think of it as payback, we're even now. Fair?"
"Fair."
He nodded but his mind was a world's away, a decision weighing heavy in his chest. He would never regret becoming friends with either Ivy or Harley, and nothing in this world could ever change his mind otherwise. But that didn't mean he was willing to just toss all that under the rug, it was true the pair had done some heinous crimes against humanity and they would pay for it eventually. In some way, but that didn't mean he had any right to condemn them for it. Nor did he have a right to just forgive their actions. He wasn't a victim of theirs' and claiming to absolve them was the highest level of idiocy.
For now, he would just have to take things one day at a time. And if people came after him, seeing him as point to inflict some harm onto them then he would deal with it then. But no matter what, he wouldn't abandoned them like that. They were, at the end of the day, his friends. And he really didn't have many to be tossing them aside like garbage.