[Mom, I need an allowance.]
I looked at Priyanka, who seemed to enter a dazed state for a brief moment before coming to her senses.
"Is there something you want to buy?"
Naturally, she asked what I would do with the money.
She seemed to have become more resistant to the word "mom" and cute acts. I should use it less in the future.
But well, her question was valid. If I were going to use someone else's money, I should at least state its purpose.
[I want a book.]
Priyanka's eyes seemed to waver for a moment before questioning me.
"Just a book?" she asked, as if expecting a different answer.
But honestly, I just needed a book.
[Yes.]
Priyanka looked at me, then at Connie, who was silently following behind.
"You two are similar even in this part."
She sighed with a helpless expression.
"If you want something else, just tell me."
[Something else?]
I asked, curious about what Priyanka was thinking. It was the first time I'd seen someone so willing to give money.
"Yes, like a dress or a toy."
Just as she said those words, I realized why her gaze seemed so familiar.
It was the same gaze my grandma gave me when I started working at an early age.
Regret, reluctance, and the hope that I might change my mind.
Perhaps Priyanka felt a little intimidated by my change in attitude since our last conversation. I'd become less attached to her and rarely needed help with anything.
For someone who had taken care of me for so long, it must have felt like her child was growing cold and distant.
I felt a little troubled noticing her expression.
I wasn't a real kid, but looking at her, I felt like I should do something.
The problem was that I truly only wanted a book. I didn't have any particularly feminine tastes—not for toys, and even less for dresses.
The only reason I wasn't reluctant to wear a dress was because, objectively, my body was cute like my ideal daughter.
It didn't feel like it was me wearing it, and my senses were dulled too, making this feeling of "someone else's problem" even stronger.
But maybe, to make Priyanka a little happy, I could offer a white lie.
[I'll think about it.]
I tried to say "I want a toy too," but my brain immediately resisted. In the end, I couldn't lie and just told her the truth.
Even when I was a child, I never understood toys. They don't talk, don't interact, and besides being a little pretty, they have no practical use.
What would I even do with them? They were completely useless.
But considering how sad my grandma looked when I once told her that, I decided not to say it to Priyanka.
She looked at me for a moment and then gently stroked my head with a helpless expression.
"Which book do you want? I'll buy it for you."
Priyanka willingly offered her help, but I stayed silent.
If possible, I wanted to buy it myself and calmly browse a few books before deciding.
[I want to buy them.]
I admitted my intention to get the book on my own.
She seemed to expect that, as her expression didn't change.
"So, should we go to the library?"
Again, she offered to take me.
There was a library near our house, about a 20-minute walk away. She had taken me there once on a walk.
But if possible, I wouldn't like to go with Priyanka this time.
[I want—]
"I won't allow a kid like you to go alone. You know that, don't you?"
Priyanka cut me off before I could even begin.
"What would I do if something happened and no one was there to help?"
Her reasoning was valid; I really could get into an accident.
I couldn't safely cross the street in a wheelchair.
But Priyanka had misunderstood one point; it was never my intention to go completely alone.
I pointed at Connie, who looked a bit surprised, then turned to Priyanka.
I didn't say anything, but she understood what I meant.
"While I'm happy that you want to go with Connie, I still can't let the two of you go outside without an adult."
That... made sense, but at the same time, it was a little unexpected hearing such a rational answer.
In the original, Connie often walked alone and even visited Beah City, far from home, just to read some books.
In the cartoon, she was probably no older than twelve, and the Connie I knew now was ten. She already had enough freedom to go out without saying where she was going.
But in my situation, Priyanka set a clear restriction. If that was true, didn't the same logic apply to Connie? What kind of discrimination was that?
Of course, I knew I was different from Connie in many ways, but this was the kind of world where a giant alien hand appeared in the sky and people lived peacefully the next day.
Did you want to use common sense now? What a joke.
I refused to believe that my misunderstandings were of similar weight to an alien invasion.
I looked at Priyanka, a little resentful, but she wouldn't budge. Instead, she gave me an option.
"But if you want to go without me, it's not impossible."
[Really?]
"Yes. Did you forget there's another 'responsible adult' lying on that couch?"
Priyanka pointed at Doug, who was napping on the couch.
Now that I thought about it, he had said he'd stay home today because of a problem at work.
If it were Doug, it would be possible—and wouldn't cause any other issues.
I thought for a moment, then agreed with Priyanka.
[Ok.]
In some ways, Doug was a better choice than Connie. I still had some problems touching him, but in terms of weight in the plot, he was a total extra.
If I needed to choose between discomfort and safety or comfort and danger, I'd choose the first without doubt.
Careless people were the first to die in a war.
I looked at Doug, who was still half asleep, and made up my mind—
"And bring Connie with you, too."
But as if reading my mind, she cut off any chance of escape.
'She's too much.'
I resented her again, just a little bit, for always being two steps ahead.
Priyanka picked up her bag and gave me some pocket money.
The problem was that the amount wasn't small enough to be considered "pocket money."
I tried to refuse, but when Priyanka warned me, "If you refuse, I'll go with you," I had no choice but to accept.
'She's really too much!'
I resented her even more for spoiling me, even when I didn't want her to.
But in the end, I still did exactly what she told me to.
After finishing her conversation with me, she looked at Connie with a serious expression and patted her head.
"Connie, I'm counting on you."
After receiving her touch, she seemed a bit off, but it didn't take long for her to come to her senses.
"Yes, ma'am!"
Her voice and posture were as stiff as a soldier going to war, and Priyanka's face wasn't soft either.
It felt as if they were communicating telepathically through their expressions.
I felt a little uncomfortable looking at them like that. Did they think I was some kind of bomb that could explode anytime?
Well, maybe a week ago, that could be true, but now that would never happen.
But knowing or not about my internal struggle, Priyanka decided to put a margin of security around her words.
She approached Connie's ear and tried to whisper something at an angle I couldn't see. A totally meaningless action for someone who didn't even see through her eyes.
"If you can make her buy some toys, I'll increase your allowance."
Connie's eyes seemed to waver a little at those words, but she still didn't show a strong reaction.
Money was good, but she didn't seem like the type of kid who was greedy.
But her next words were something that an introvert like Connie had no option but to listen to carefully.
"And if you make her get along with your dad, I'll allow you to buy any book you want without question."
"Any book? Even the big hardcover ones...?" Connie asked with a bit of expectation.
And Priyanka, without fail, reassured her.
"Any book."
That short but strong sentence was enough to make the apparently reserved Connie show determined eyes she shouldn't have until the beginning of the series.
She looked at her mom directly and confidently said her words.
"I'll do it!"
Priyanka looked at her with a proud smile and messed up her hair.
"Well done."
I looked at the strange pair of mom and daughter plotting behind my back with mixed feelings.
Looks like this trip was going to be a little louder than planned.
*
It didn't take long for us to be ready to leave home.
Doug seemed a bit tired, even on his day off, but he didn't say anything when we asked about going out and readily accepted the request.
As promised, Priyanka left us alone throughout the process. In the garage, it was just Connie, Doug, and me.
The house we lived in was a very comfy one; the garage had a rustic touch because of the wood around, and there was green everywhere.
I never lived in the countryside, but sometimes I would help my grandma collect vegetables and fruits nearby.
I remember enjoying the smell of grass and the little involvement of the city. Sometimes I wondered about living in such isolated places. I didn't know if I would survive without internet for weeks, but it was fun to think about the simple daily life of such people.
It was a shame I couldn't enjoy those familiar smells again, but at least in my memories, they were vivid.
I knew this was a random topic to think about, but there wasn't much to do right now. I preferred to drift through random thoughts in my mind rather than deal with the situation before me.
"Dad, I can lift her..."
"Why worry when you have me? I'm stronger, so I should lift her."
"But wouldn't Asha feel intimidated if Dad touched her? You two never talked directly to each other."
"That... well, that's true. But that doesn't mean I should leave the hard work for you."
"Asha is at least two times lighter than me. She's even lighter than the cases of beer I used to carry for Dad secretly."
"Connie, what did I say about using other people's secrets as leverage in a discussion..."
"I don't think Mom didn't notice it that time. Dad stank of alcohol all day."
Before me, both Connie and Doug had entered a full discussion about who would put me in the car.
Doug insisted it should be him because he was older and stronger, but Connie insisted that it should be her because I'd feel more comfortable with her than with Doug.
In theory, both of them had a point, but what impressed me was how strong Connie stood her ground.
As I'd spent most of my time around Priyanka, I hadn't seen them interact that much before, but looking at them now, they seemed pretty close.
In terms of familiarity, Connie was probably closer to her dad than her mom.
But looking at Doug's face getting darker as his secrets were revealed, I felt a strange sense of empathy.
His drinking habits and past misdeeds were being openly exposed.
I looked at the two still arguing and approached Doug. I felt a strong sensation in my body, almost as if I was physically avoiding him.
To make things clear, I don't have androphobia or special feelings about men. In the hospital, my body had been touched by both men and women—it was inevitable during procedures.
The reason I was unconsciously avoiding Doug was a little different. Before, I couldn't notice it, but now the reason was clear as water.
I looked calmly at my thoughts as my body approached Doug.
'I shouldn't approach him. It's dangerous.'
'He's not my dad. He can't hurt me.'
'Run. I need to run. Don't beat me. I'll be a good kid.'
I sighed, looking at my own thoughts. It seemed the emotions of my past life were being enhanced beyond my control.
My brain had unconsciously attached Doug's image to that of my father from my previous life. They were completely opposite in both atmosphere and personality, but the mere fact of being recognized as an adoptive father was enough to trigger such emotions.
Recognizing my irrational fear, I cleared my mind and decided to reassure myself from within. I had learned a useful exercise to lessen fear earlier this week.
I looked at Doug without avoiding him and analyzed each aspect of his appearance. He was a man who looked to be in his late thirties, with a goatee and a casual atmosphere.
In the original story, there was an episode focused on Doug. I tried to recall how he acted back then.
I remembered he was trying to surprise his daughter and her friend by telling them how cool his job was. He was an unfamiliar "father" figure to me—kind, but slightly naive—unlike the methodical and serious Priyanka.
Doug's image overlapped with the disheveled image of my previous father. His irritated expression merged with Doug's embarrassed one as he argued with Connie. Little by little, my brain dissociated the two images through deliberate effort.
My thoughts shifted in real time with my actions.
'He seems a bit stupid. I'm smarter than him.'
'An adult losing to a kid in a discussion? He's pitiful, too pitiful.'
'No, it's dangerous. But is he truly dangerous? I don't know...'
My mind was conflicted about Doug's existence, but I continued my effort.
I consciously suppressed my instincts and tugged on the sleeve of his coat.
Two pairs of eyes turned to me at once, ending the pointless argument and replacing it with silence.
Doug looked a bit troubled, then knelt down to meet my eyes and asked softly.
"Is there something you want?"
His eyes scanned my face, analyzing my expression and body language. His gaze was less intrusive than a psychologist's, but it still gave me shivers.
Talking to Doug felt like someone with a phobia confronting the object of their fear.
You know it's irrational, but you still can't help feeling scared.
I turned off the detailed view in my Appraisal, simplifying Doug's image into basic shapes and lip area, just enough to focus without overwhelming my senses.
I scribbled in my notebook with trembling fingers.
[You can carry me.]
The words were shaky but still legible.
Doug didn't move. I couldn't see his full expression, but his lips remained still.
His hand slowly approached my head, possibly to pat me, but my body flinched before it even touched me.
Until now, only my hands had been affected by my instincts, but now my entire body reacted—and my gem even emitted a faint glow.
A simple act of affection triggered more panic than any experience I'd ever had.
Fortunately, Doug stopped his hand just above my head.
His hand moved as if patting me, but without making contact.
This strange behavior replaced fear with confusion.
[What are you doing?]
The sensation of almost being touched was uncomfortable, like hearing a fly buzz near your ear without actually touching you.
But Doug just smiled and said:
"Isn't it a bit easier that way?"
I looked at his smile, frozen for a second. His attitude was very different from Priyanka's. He was sloppier than her, yet some similarities still showed.
The Maheswarans were so kind and thoughtful.
Thinking back, Doug had even endured sleeping on the couch for months because of me. Even though we hadn't spoken directly, he'd shown me only kindness.
I felt a bit ashamed of myself.
[You can touch me—]
At my words, Doug quickly lowered his hand, which made me tremble again.
I tried to hold on with sheer willpower, but honestly, I was so afraid that even my heartbeat and breathing stopped, leaving only my human disguise active as a final layer of resistance.
'If that hand touches me, I won't be able to endure it,' I thought, shutting off Appraisal entirely and focusing inward.
But then something strange happened—there was no sign of touch at all.
I expanded my sensory field again and saw a hand gently pass beside my ear and return to the front of my eyes.
In his palm was a coin.
An old magic trick even my grandmother could do without much effort.
At that point, I realized Doug was playing with me. Knowing his touch hadn't reached me, I felt immense relief.
A deep wave of shame washed over me, and I noticed a thought surface.
"Did you like it? I might consider teaching you that trick if you act cute," he said with a mischievous smile.
That provocative, teasing look made my insides twist.
My online friends used to mock me like that every time I died stupidly in a game or needed their help.
Doug's image overlapped with those shameless bastards, and my previous fear turned into irritation and embarrassment.
[I'm not a kid.]
I wrote, ashamed but unable to find better words.
"Huh? Aren't you a kid?"
Doug asked, feigning confusion while flipping the coin in front of my face.
Well, if you consider my previous life, I certainly wasn't a kid, yet technically, my real body hadn't even been alive for a couple of years.
Gems didn't have the concept of children or parents; the moment you woke up, you were ready to work forever.
So even in Gem terms, I was already an adult—or so I tried to justify to myself. But the registry office had officially declared me a 9-year-old child.
[I am...]
I admitted the truth reluctantly.
"I thought so."
He said, moving his hand above my head again without touching, making me flinch slightly once more.
"Since you acted so cute, I'll teach you that trick when we get back."
[...]
For the first time in a while, Asha felt a tremendous urge to punch someone in the face.
In the end, Connie was the one who lifted me into the passenger seat and fastened my seatbelt.
Throughout the whole process, a smile never left her face.
And Doug? He never stopped playing with that stupid coin.
The trip hadn't even started, but I already felt exhausted.
'I should have just asked Priyanka to buy it online.'
But maybe it was already too late to regret it.
*
Author's note
Thank you so much for all the support you've given me. I hope you enjoy the chapter, and please try to check out our community, it's amazing, but it would be even better with you there <3. Click in the comment section to see the pretty banner I made, I'm very proud, UmU.